t.j. booker

Ollie Briggs used to make me wear lipstick and do the “tuck dance” in the locker room in middle school. Silence of the Lambs was very popular.

mine was after a date with Gloria. We went to Applebees and split and appetizer sampler and a burger. Then we saw a romantic comedy because she likes romantic comedies. Afterward I drove her back to her apartment. The whole way I was nervous and trying to think of how to put the movies on, maybe handle a boob. Out front of her place I went in for a kiss but I missed cause her mouth was already on my zipper. She barely got it in her mouth before I erupted like my St. Helens. I thought Wow I need to marry this woman and keep the good Times rolleyes nf! That was July of 2009. I wonder if she was blowing her boyfriend.

Sometimes at the Chuck-a-Rama buffet I’ll go take a whiz and it’s just me and some other guy at the urinals. Seems weird to just stand there without speaking, so last time I made a little small talk. “Hey, how’s your night going? How about those crab legs?” That sort of thing. He looked at me like I had 2 heads and left. Is that weird?

I’ve been on Tinder ever since the divorce and final got a match … SHE SWIPED RIGHT! We’re going out for dinner on Friday! I want to be prepared in case things go really good if you catch my drift hehehe. Anybody here taking any pharmaceutical enhancements?

The wife gets the house, both cars, and all the cash. Then she sleeps with the husband’s best friends and brags about it on Facebook.

My fellow Geeks. When I saw Mike’s warning this week I got to thinking about what we could all do lower the temperature around here. While there are many areas for improvement, like no more personal attacks and threats of violence, I thought a simple quick win would be kinder emoji usage. Over the last few years I’ve noticed some mean spirited and irresponsible use of emojis, like sobby sad face emoji, confusedy face emoji, and sarcastic use of laughy faced emoji, like the way Gloria laughed when I caught her in bed the first time with Lamar. It is unkind. It is hurtful. And it has to stop. My modest proposal is for kinder, gentler, and more respectful emoji usage. So the next time you’re going to put a confusedy face or sobby sadface on a fellow Geek’s post, as yourself: How would this make TJ Booker feel? Then “turn that frown upside down” and click the smiley happedy face or the hearty likeface emoji instead. Like and subscribe if you’re with me!

Sometimes while taking a bubble bath. Who’s with me?

After Gloria left I told my boss that I needed a few weeks off with pay to process my feelings and work through my anxiety. He said “It’s a sporting goods store TJ, the shelves aren’t going to stock themselves! Get back to work you fat fock!” Ironically that made me cry during my shift and he sent me home. So I got an afternoon out of it at least.

I’ve do it with melted butter and Reeces Pieces … it was the bomb!

DOUBLE Big Macs!!! Limited time only. Do you think these will hold up in a freezer? Four all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun!

Gloria liked a pounder too!

I was pretty when I was young.

Hell yeah it’s a real thing! I have full pizza insurance coverage, an app that tells me when my blood sugar levels are low and I need pizza, and another app to tell me where the nearest pizzeria is! This is one health emergency TJ won’t ever have to deal with!

Her name is Veronica and she’s four bills, at least. I see her at the Chuck-a-Rama a few times a week especially on Wednesdays (king crab night). She has a rep for picking up guys from the Greater Boise buffet circuit. I saw her in line tonight and she said “Tee-jay! Ha com you nevah axe me out?” I got sort of flummoxed and told her I’m still technically married. ”Dontchu be holdin out on me Tee-jay! Ima gonna get me sum that!” It’s been 5 years since I last got some. I’m thinking about going for it.

If they repeal it in Idaho will Gloria come home?

Gloria gave me an STI and 7 years of alimony payments!