WTROUT 0 Posted June 1, 2006 This is pretty good from the Sporting News. It's the end of May, and football season is still far away. That's why we're going to try something different today. Before we get into the serious business of analyzing minicamp news, let's have some fun. If you haven't heard Bud Light's "Real Men of Genius" radio ads by now, you must be going all Henry David Thoreau on us. My personal favorite is "Mr. Over-the-Top Carb Counter" just because of the lines, "Was that artichoke you ate 13.5 carbs or 13.6? Better look it up while you help yourself to another package of bacon." The ads have been a joy to listen to, so I've written some of my own that apply to fantasy strategies that grate on my nerves, kind of like "Mr. Loud Cell Phone Talker Guy" does. Today, we salute you Mr. Three Running Back Drafter. (High-pitched singer): Mister Three Running Back Dra-af-ter! (Deep voice): You believe in drafting your third back, before getting your first wide receiver. (HPS) Gotta be ready for the bye weeks. (HPS) Mister Three Running Back Dra-af-ter! (DV) You make it miserable for the rest of us, because you just keep drafting backs. (HPS) Gonna use them all as trade bait. (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Three Running Back Drafter. You'll never get burned by taking Terrell Owens, because you're too busy drafting Tatum Bell. (Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.) Today, we salute you Mr. Two Defense Hoarder. (HPS) Mister Two Defense Hoar-der! (DV) After all, why waste one pick on a defense, when you can waste two? (HPS) Don't wanna burn my waiver claim. (HPS) Mister Two Defense Hoar-der! (DV) You believe defense wins fantasy championships, even though the Cardinals just returned another one against the 49ers. (HPS) Could have waited till the last round. (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Two Defense Hoarder. While the rest of us are still drafting offensive players, you're set up perfectly for when Cleveland scores in Week 8. (Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.) Today, we salute you Mr. Uncontrollable Homer. (HPS) Mister Uncontrollable Ho-o-mer! (DV) Why make draft rankings, when you can just pick players from your favorite team? (HPS) It worked in '99 with Az Ha-kee-eem. (HPS) Mister Uncontrollable Ho-o-mer! (DV) When the clock ticks down on your pick, the home team's No. 2 tight end suddenly doesn't look so bad, does he? (HPS) Must be the team-colored glass-es. (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Uncontrollable Homer. Let's hope you live in Indianapolis, or your fantasy team is going to really suck. (Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.) Today, we salute you Mr. Flashy First Rookie Picker. (HPS) Mister Flashy First Rookie Pi-icker! (DV) What's the quickest way to show you mean business? By yelling out the name of the top rookie in the second round. (HPS) Love to hear the crowd oooh and ahh-ha. (HPS) Mister Flashy First Rookie Pi-icker! (DV) Look at me, I'm smarter than you. There's no way that old horse you took is going to keep my young stud down. (HPS) I've uncovered the next best thi-ing. (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Flashy First Rookie Picker. Your rookie might not make an impact until 2008, but for those 15 seconds in the draft room, you were a star. (Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dcOne 2 Posted June 1, 2006 At first I was thinking "GAYYYYY!" Then, I actually read them, trying to incorporate the actual music to the words. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
famousb 11 Posted June 1, 2006 At first I was thinking "GAYYYYY!" Then, I actually read them, trying to incorporate the actual music to your words. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dcOne 2 Posted June 1, 2006 This stuff came from a writer from Sporting News, correct??? Anyone???? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WTROUT 0 Posted June 1, 2006 This stuff came from a writer from Sporting News, correct??? Anyone???? Yep came from George Winkler. Who knew they had it in 'em Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike MacGregor 20 Posted June 1, 2006 That's good stuff My favorite: (HPS) Mister Two Defense Hoar-der!(DV) You believe defense wins fantasy championships, even though the Cardinals just returned another one against the 49ers. (HPS) Could have waited till the last round. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D'ohmer Simpson 0 Posted June 1, 2006 (HPS) Mister Uncontrollable Ho-o-mer!(DV) When the clock ticks down on your pick, the home team's No. 2 tight end suddenly doesn't look so bad, does he? Good stuff all around though Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gatorbait7391 0 Posted June 1, 2006 At first I was thinking "GAYYYYY!" Then, I actually read them, trying to incorporate the actual music to the words. hahahahha same nice job! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ellisonb11 0 Posted June 3, 2006 yea pretty funny, good stuff from winkler. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
