One of those chain emails

[IAMWood 6]

You could have heard a pin drop

When in England, at a fairly large

conference, Condi Rice was asked by

the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans

for Iraq were just an example

of empire building' by George Bush.

She answered by saying, 'Over the years, the

United States has sent many

of its fine young men and women into great

peril to fight for freedom beyond

our borders. The only amount of land we

have ever asked for in return

is enough to bury those that did not

return.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾

There was a conference in France where a

number of international engineers

were taking part, including French and

American. During a break, one of the

French engineers came back into the room

saying 'Have you heard the latest

dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an

aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help

the tsunami victims. What does he intended

to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied

quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals

on board that can treat several hundred

people; they are nuclear powered and

can supply emergency electrical power to

shore facilities; they have three cafeterias

with the capacity to feed 3,000 people

three meals a day, they can produce several

thousand gallons of fresh water from sea

water each day, and they carry half a

dozen helicopters for use in transporting

victims and injured to and from their flight

deck. We have eleven such ships; how many

does France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop.

‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval

conference that included Admirals

from the U.S. , English, Canadian,

Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail

reception, he found himself standing with

a large group of Officers that included

personnel from most of those countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English

as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that,

whereas Europeans learn many languages,

Americans learn only English.' He then

asked, 'Why is it that we always have to

speak English in these conferences rather

than speaking French?' Without

hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe

it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies

and Americans arranged it so you

wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

‾‾‾ ‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾

AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE

ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83,

arrived in Paris by plane. At French

Customs, he took a few minutes to locate

his passport in his carry on. 'You have

been to France before, monsieur?' the

customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting ad mitted that he had been to

France previously. Then you should

know enough to have your passport ready.'

The American said, ''The last time I was

here, I didn't have to show it. 'Impossible..

Americans always have to show your

passports on arrival in France !' The American

senior gave the Frenchman a long hard

look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well,

when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day

in 1944 to help liberate this country,

I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show

a passport to.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

If you are proud, pass this on!

If not delete it

 

It would take a dumb englishman for condi rice to throw a snap down on. they are nice stories, but doubt their truthfulness. Anyone get tired of getting chain emails? They were like cool in the nineties though.

 

[IAMWood 6]

Here is another email I got in the few minutes since I posted this.

 

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

 

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

 

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

 

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

 

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

 

 

 

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

 

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

 

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

 

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

 

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

 

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

 

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

 

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

 

 

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

 

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

 

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

 

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

 

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

 

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

 

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

 

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

 

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

 

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

 

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . .

 

 

 

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.