The Design of the Voss water bottle - The truth

[Giants Fan 85]

If you look it up, wikipedia or whatever ... you will see that it says that Neil Kraft former Creative Director for Calvin Klein designed the Voss water bottle. That's the really fancy water they serve in clubs that comes in a tube with a silver top. The fact of the matter is Neil and a team of people at the advertising agency Frierson, Mee and Kraft deserve credit for that. I was the tech guy, even though I had an art degree ... I COULD do the technical things so I was left to that crap .... but we had like 9 different bottle shapes. And he asked me, which one I liked. The tube design bottle, of the samples was like a jar. The lid on the bottle screwed on like a jar and it was not good for pouring or drinking from so I chose a different one. I pointed out the flaws in how the bottle pours. I remember saying to Neil,"I agree that the tube design is cleaner ... it's more contemporary, but it's not practical." And a couple women designed the logo.

 

It's really pretty ballsy for Neil to take all the credit, it took a long time to find someone that could make the bottle and you could actually pour from it. It did turn out to be a pretty revolutionary bottle design and Voss was able to capitalize on that ... but for Neil to take all the credit, well ... that's Neil. Look up his shop Kraftworks on glassdoor. There's a reason people don't like working for him.

 

I made sure he could get his emails on his Palm Pilot while he was in Europe. I was the first one to say you couldn't drink from the bottle, the way it was designed. My job was to make sure things worked ... and he fired me, and took credit for my ideas.

[Giants Fan 85]

[Giants Fan 85]

I even asked, "Can we change the shapes of the bottles?" and Neil said no, just pick one, Then he got all pissy about how I was wrong and it was the tube one. And I said ..."You can't drink from that bottle, or properly pour from it."

 

So ... I wouldn't go so far as to say the design was my idea ... I worked on it with a team of people, including Neil Kraft. who is also an a-hole and we modified a pre-existing bottle shape. The modification was my idea.

[Giants Fan 85]

Truth be told, Neil didn't even have the balls to fire me, he made John Frierson fire me. I remember saying to him, "I'm shocked." and he said, "I knew you would be." I worked my ass off for that place. I loved John and Heather, and woulda done anything for them. Neil had different plans that eventually drove the whole company under.

[Giants Fan 85]

I freelanced, back in the day for Saatchi, Young and Rubicam, Deutsch ... I was a master production artist. I had so many big offers at huge agencies ... I said, "I wanna work for Frierson Mee." I turned down a lot of jobs because I wanted to be a part of the good work they were doing. But when I came back, there was this new partner ... then I went into publishing. Whole different ball of wax, working for a publisher as an Art Director ... you decide to miss a deadline ... oops ... no magazine on Monday .... they treat you right .... you are the talent.

 

In an ad agency ,,,, really ... everyone is ready to cut your throat ... they lose a client ... you could be fired, even if you were doing a good job.

[Herbivore 905]

What a doosh.

 

Bill Hicks on advertising

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEnA29wK7uM

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

I thought it was the best shape to go in gfiafps bunghole. Who knew?

[IGotWorms 3,315]

What a doosh.

 

Bill Hicks on advertising

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEnA29wK7uM

 

I had a friend in college who was into advertising. Whenever a bunch of us would get all wasted we'd end up basically telling her this. She'd get so pissed off because, you know, it was her goal to be in the profession. Her fault for hanging out with a bunch of lefty intellectual dooshes I guess.

[Giants Fan 85]

I couldn't handle it. As an Art Director, to a publisher .... you are talent. You are valuable, particularly after you learn their system. To an ad agency, even if you can do techy stuff like me, you are expendable. You might be surprised but when I freelanced in NYC, I worked for like ... Saatchi, and Y+R ... I understand what a boatload of BS that industry is ... and yet, it's almost integral to the US economy. It's unsustainable too, if humans evolve and get smarter.

 

I was looking on CL for a job the other day ... contract job "1-4 months" and they are looking for people with the following skills:

 

Wordpress

Video Editing (Final Cut)

All Adobe programs (Photoshop, Illustrator, etc.)

And social Media skills, Facebook, Youtube, etc.

 

I was like, this is amazing ... finally a job that actually can utilize almost all of my skills ... I am the rare applicant that deserves .... $12 AN HOUR!? WTF?

 

I want to email them my resume, just see how they respond. 3 college degrees, NYC agency experience ... $12 an hour. What a joke.

[IGotWorms 3,315]

$12 an hour and some dignity perhaps. You should look into it.

[Giants Fan 85]

$12 an hour and some dignity perhaps. You should look into it.

 

Fock that. How would you feel if the going rate for a pretend lawyer was $12 an hour. I billed out hourly for over $100 an hour in the 90's. Granted that was New York and this is Tucson .... but c'mon! Bus drivers make more money.

[Giants Fan 85]

I don't need any stroking of my dignity. I'm talking about honor. If I sell out .... then I contibute to the market driven price .... you can get someone with my skills for $12 an hour. No, I'm sorry. I would rather work part time for my Mom's business, which is pretty much unsaveable and depressing because it is losing money ... but I'd rather do what I can to help her, for $2 less an hour.

 

My career as an Art Director is done. I made some good money when I was young, got to live in NYC for 10 years ... good times. The plan is to close the business, and then I wont have a job. I don;t want to play poker full time. Only thing I want to do all the time, is buy and sell cool cars. That's likely what I will end up doing ... flipping cars on craigslist, once Mom's company closes. Lotta jobs I can't do because of my back. I can't stand in one place, or sit in one place for long periods of time.

[Giants Fan 85]

Neil Kraft, Randi Schatz, Todd Gast, Laurie Berger ... I worked with some pretty horrible people. Neil is top 5 for sure. I think he's a closet phag too.

 

Pick a name though, and I will tell you a story about a horrible boss.

[Giants Fan 85]

Here's my best story though. One day my agent calls me up and says. "Do you have any issues with nudity?" and she knew I had worked for Playboy, so I jokingly said, "Do I have to be just topless or fully nude?" and she said, "No, no ... it's a publisher .... they publish photos of nude women. $35 an hour!" and so I was like sure, NP.

 

It was Crescent Publishing. Harmless sounding name, I know ... let me tell you some of their fine publications: High Society, Oui, Playgirl. There was literally a point where I was color correcting a photo and someone said to me, "No, that guys d!ck is still too red." So, whatev ... paid well. At the end of the week, they pull me into a back room. They want to hire me full time. I said, "Well, you really gotta talk to my agent about that." and they said they pretty much wanted to cut her out of the loop. "What kind of money are we talking about?" I asked, and they said, "Low 30's" and I think I laughed out loud. Said something like "Don't even bother." got up and walked out of the room.

 

Guess what the fockers did? Called my agent and filed a complaint ... said I was a shiatty worker. Spitefull mfers. My agent wouldn't get me anymore work after that.

[Giants Fan 85]

Imagine ... a gay Billy Joel, but with a lot less talent.

 

Neil Kraft.

 

Laurie Berger, my boss at Playboy, when she found out I came from a Jewish family she actually said, "I'll tell the Publisher, maybe he will like you more going forward." I never told Randi or Neil ... Jews ... can be racist too, and it pisses me off. I'm a tall blonde, Irish looking guy ... that doesn't make me a Nazi. It shouldn't matter. I'm not gonna play the favoritism game.

 

I'm not going to talk about politics or religion at work, unless I find another liberal Jew that wants to talk about how much Bush ruined this country .... but even then, we would keep it to like lunch time. Not productive conversation during work hours and around other people.

[Giants Fan 85]

Everyone I have listed either took credit for my ideas, or blamed their mistakes on me ... both of which are just unforgivable offenses in my eyes.

 

Some did both.

 

Last I knew ... "scapegoat" was not listed as one of my skills on my resume.

[IGotWorms 3,315]

Beggars can't be choosers