Soul wearing thin

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

My wife has spent the better part of the last two months in the hospital fighting for her life against a rare blood disorder.

 

While I am obviously holding up better than she (duh), it is starting to take its toll on me physically and emotionally. The daily toil of doing just enough to keep my job, spend as much time as possible in the hospital with her, maintain the house, care for the children (9 & 4), etc is leaving me feeling like an empty shell.

 

On top of this I'm trying, perhaps mistakenly, not to devote too much thought to her low, low odds of ever returning to her old self and not having anywhere near the life expectancy of an average white female. In truth, there is no guarantee that I will ever get her back but if I do it's not going to be the woman I knew just a few months ago.

 

Not sure what I expect anyone here to say (perhaps "can size?) but I wanted to say these things and simply could never say them to her or my in-laws.

 

I need the longest nap in the history of mankind.

[wiffleball 4,645]

As a caregiver, the one thing that has been told to me repeatedly is to take time for yourself. It's hard to do without feeling guilty, but it's the best thing you can do for your wife and kids in the long-run. Whether it's taking a few hours to watch a FB game at a local sports bar, going for a run, a daily workout, - A movie, you really need to, and owe it to yourself to take care of yourself as well.

 

Wishing you and yours nothing but the very best.

 

And I do hope you heed my advice. Burn-out serves no one.

[NewbieJr 540]

Gee man, sorry to hear about what you're going through. Hang in there and don't give up hope. And stay strong for the kids. Thoughts and prayers.

[IGotWorms 3,315]

Damn dude, I'm sorry to hear that. Things will get better though eventually. They have to. Stay strong

[wiffleball 4,645]

I'd also strongly encourage you to do two things:

 

1) Look into the FMLA. See if you'd qualify. Sure seems like you would.

 

 

2) If you think your employer would be amenable, after doing that, talk to your HR rep or someone to make sure they understand the challenges you're facing. Better to be ahead of the curve - giving reasons - than behind it - giving excuses.

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

Appreciate the kind thoughts, gentlemen.

 

I've known for some time now that she is my best friend. But what I have come to realize much more clearly the last 2 months is how she is, in many ways, my only true friend. I have a couple of buddies and I'm good with my family, but the deeper ramifications of this illness and hospitalization are basically impossible to really explain to anyone else. You cannot help anyone understand the utterly sickening despair that roils in your gut when contemplating sharing your life with someone who is likely to remain rather sick, and probably prone to development of further illnesses, with no end to it aside from her death.

 

That's a key that won't go into anyone's lock except mine and hers. And other people who've either watched their spouse slowly die or languish with a chronic illness.