Zap 0 Posted September 4, 2003 The Prozac Weekly has been in and out of circulation at various times for the past decade. The Weekly's multiple purposes include previewing the current week, reviewing the past week, and hopefully generating league discussion and activity. It has always been a publication dedicated to indepth reporting, quality analysis, and accurate information. Though published from the PR Department of the Prozac Attack, it enjoys a reputation for impartiality. During its last run, the Weekly was bankrupted by a series of frivolous libel litigations, and the publication is now back and determined to avoid such travesty with the abbreviated format below. Without further adieu, it's GOIDPANKAL Week One in review: ***** Five Star Matchup ***** Prozac Attack @ Tenacious D Point Spread: Tenacious D -3.5 Over - Under: 212.5 FFToday's inaugural IDP league begins with an epic battle between the current and past FFToday IDP rankings experts. In a brilliant display of his defensive knowlege, current site prognosticator, Tusekan Raiders, chose for his quarterback a man who posted a Mireresque passer rating of 67.4 a year ago. Kurt Warner earned no victories last season as he guided the once formidable Rams to six losses while throwing nearly four interceptions per touchdown. IDP Tony obviously drafted Warner as the 4th overall qb to send a message to his defense to perform. Legendary Prozac Attack owner, Zap, returns to fantasy football after a two year hiatus during which he failed to rehabilitate his psychotic heroin junky wife. With the now ex-wife safely incarcerated by the great state of Nevada, the personal problems behind him, Zap returns to the game he's dominated for years amid speculation that he's completely lost his mind. Drafting a host of unproven receivers, defenders destined for the waiver wire, and the most injury prone running back he could find, all we can say is, he may be the one in need of anti-psychotic medication. Give the 3.5 points and place a hefty percentage of the budget on Tenacious D. **** Four Star Matchup **** Stuart Scott @ Shark Jumpers Point Spread: Even Over - Under: 212 The trash talk started early in this contest between owners who bored us during the draft by following consensus cheetsheets as if they had no minds of their own. However, in t.j's defense, he did sacrifice two early picks in order to draft twice in the first round and then surprisingly chose a second round running back with a first round selection. Diesel was still wetting the bed the last time Emmitt Smith posted a srong fantasy season, but he has expressed confidence that ooooold Emmitt can still carry the load. t.j has said, "I truly do believe I am going to kick Stuart's ass." Deisel responded by prematurely ejaculating a claim to the league championship. The unfortunate injury to James Stewart puts too much pressure on this team to overcome the cheetsheet generated soundness of the Shark Jumpers. Don't hesitate to take the over and the Shark Jumpers straight up. *** Three Star Matchup *** Rhody T-Run @ Providence Friars Point Spread: Providence Friars -5 Over - Under: 211 Drafting a quarterback with a broken leg, a tight end with a broken rib, and a linebacker with a broken hand, PIK 95's Rhody T-Run enters this season starting a mediocre running back who replaces a good one with a broken foot. This novel draft strategy leads us to believe the best days for this team are in the future, far in the future. Taking advantage of t.j's fear of a weak running game, friar negotiated a picks trade that garnered him a potent trio of receivers, and a weak running game of his own. His seemingly stout defense took a cap in the ass this week. Perhaps this is a sign of a bad element within the team or even an ominous early omen, but nevertheless; take the under and give the five points. ** Two Star Matchup ** The Seeker of Truth @ Crankshaft Grinders Point Spread: Crankshaft Grinders -6 Over - Under: 205 A battle between two of FFToday's know-it-all lurkers headlines the opener's two star matchup. A strong start in the early rounds of the draft brought compliments to l13r's Truth Seekers. He responded to the early praise by suggesting he prefers it when people insult his draft. In fact, he claims that is when he usually wins. If it's any consolation now that the draft is complete, we think his finished product sucks. That should make him feel better and increase his chances. Finishing second overall in the category of drunken draft choices, Sisters of No Mercy battled strange Asian licquors, rain soaked beaches, a melodramatic time-zone challenge, and numerous hangovers to make the Crankshaft Grinders a potential championship team. Well rounded with quality at every position with the exception of receiver, the only thing holding this team back will be the coach's sobriety. Take the six points, place the rent on The Seeker of Truth. * One Star Matchup * Scurvy Mongrel Dogs @ SweetLeaf Vaporizors Point Spread: Scurvy Mongrel Dogs -2 Over - Under: 201.5 FourTwoOh was obviously vaporizing a mellow, deep-thought provoking sweetleaf during the beginning of the draft when he selected stalwarts like McNabb and Holmes. Unfortunately his supply went up in smoke, and he scored a more potent, halucinatory bud. The results of which prompted him to draft a running back likely out for the season, a list of third string receivers and more waiver bound defenders than Prozac. With twenty two rounds of consistent mediocrity out of his way, teddyt goes into this week with arguably the most mundane and boring lineup in league history. The late round grab of a once high scoring quarterback now on child birth medication is the most interesting thing about this roster. Keep the yawns to a minimum, give the two points, and channel surf to E for reruns of Wild On. No Star Matchup Peerless Prices @ Scorgasms Point Spread: Scorgasms -5 Over - Under: 199 In a last minute surprise, Ayatollah actually submitted starters for week one making Scorgasms task a little more difficult. Leading the league in drunken drafting and off to a fast start in inaccurate smack talk, RLLD still gets the nod in this one. Ayatollah dropped several dozen spaces in the draft and still managed to reach wildly for players he could have had later. All this is a recipe for the week's yawner. Don't touch this one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sisters of No Mercy 0 Posted September 4, 2003 bsabaduba...frappin' furt...snearf snarf...BRACK!!! Whose you callin' drunken.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Diesel07 0 Posted September 4, 2003 What about my drafting/cheetsheets :confused: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
teddyt 0 Posted September 4, 2003 Mundane and mediocre my A$$. We may be scurvy and we may be mongrel, but we will STILL show some teeth and I look forward to a 'Five Star' matchup with Prozac in week 3. I dispense of Prozac for a livin' PS: Great Job! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
friar 0 Posted September 4, 2003 Not good!!! Not good at all!!! Kevin Faulk gets the nod. Lamont Jordan gets the TD. Ladell Betts gets the carry. I need to find a way to get that running game going! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
t.j 35 Posted September 5, 2003 friar: Not good!!! Not good at all!!! Kevin Faulk gets the nod. Lamont Jordan gets the TD. Ladell Betts gets the carry. I need to find a way to get that running game going! You've still got those stud receivers to look forward to!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zap 0 Posted September 5, 2003 t.j: friar: Not good!!! Not good at all!!! Kevin Faulk gets the nod. Lamont Jordan gets the TD. Ladell Betts gets the carry. I need to find a way to get that running game going! You've still got those stud receivers to look forward to!! t.j, you're going to regret the venal Bulger draft move, when you should have handcuffed Davis to Foster. I went to nab Foster and RLLD has him. friar, you should have had Foster long before you reached for Hollins. I've hyped very few players on the mange bored, but DeShaun Foster is going to be a nightmare for Davis owners and and and... I'm pissed at RLLD. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
t.j 35 Posted September 5, 2003 Zap:t.j, you're going to regret the venal Bulger draft move, when you should have handcuffed Davis to Foster. I went to nab Foster and RLLD has him. friar, you should have had Foster long before you reached for Hollins. I've hyped very few players on the mange bored, but DeShaun Foster is going to be a nightmare for Davis owners and and and... I'm pissed at RLLD. Eh. If Davis gets hurt I don't see Foster doing much. If Davis doesn't get hurt I am never going to start Foster. I could have picked Foster over Crockett if I wanted him, or nabbed him in free agency as soon as the draft was over, but I didn't want him. I'm not a big fan of handcuffing. Perhaps a mistake on my part, we will see, but not an oversight. Oh and I frafted Bulger not as potential trade bait, but as a potential starter. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zap 0 Posted September 5, 2003 t.j: Eh. If Davis gets hurt I don't see Foster doing much. Well, I'm on record believing Foster is the far superior talent. Imho, If Davis is worthy of first round numbers, then his injury makes Foster equally if not more worthy. I can't say the same for Toefield, but I'm in a more precarious spot with Taylor than you with Davis. That's why I went to waivers for Foster, but got aced out by RLLD. The Bulger comment should have had a wink or It was a great pick. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
t.j 35 Posted September 5, 2003 Zap:Well, I'm on record believing Foster is the far superior talent. You're also on record as being a UCLA homer! I have never been that impressed with Foster. And he has yet to get healthy. We will see. Looks like you were right about Coles and I was wrong, so I'm open to the possibility that I missed on Foster as well! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tusekan Raiders 0 Posted September 5, 2003 t.j: Oh and I frafted Bulger not as potential trade bait, but as a potential starter. Maybe you missed the part where this isn't a dynasty league. Bulger isn't starting anywhere until he leaves the Gateway city. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zap 0 Posted September 5, 2003 Tusekan Raiders: t.j: Oh and I frafted Bulger not as potential trade bait, but as a potential starter. Maybe you missed the part where this isn't a dynasty league. Bulger isn't starting anywhere until he leaves the Gateway city. What he meant to say was, "How did I not cover my ass on that one?? " Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
t.j 35 Posted September 5, 2003 Tusekan Raiders:Maybe you missed the part where this isn't a dynasty league. Bulger isn't starting anywhere until he leaves the Gateway city. Just like last year, right? If I thought it was a dynasty league, I wouldn't have frafted Davis in the first. I'm not that crazy!! :cool: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lord13rahl 0 Posted September 6, 2003 ZAP...Loved your weekly post. It was creative, humorous, and down right entertaining!!! 4 Stars! And thanks for bashing my team. Now, i can win the whole thing. Go Eagles!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RLLD 4,143 Posted September 6, 2003 Zap: That's why I went to waivers for Foster, but got aced out by RLLD. Get used to it chief.... wink Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
