I think I've hit the Great Wall

[Frozenbeernuts 2,427]

As it turns out, I'm sick too it appears. My roomate was complaining that it was hot in the apartment as he wore shorts. I was shivering my ass off in thermal underwear and a sweat shirt. Appears I have a good fever and I feel half drunk.

 

Hooray. I will likely go play in the People's hospital tomorrow. That will be fun.

Sars

[vuduchile 1,947]

It's understandable man. You've made some major changes in your life and you're still trying to adjust. Pull back a bit and take stock of what's going well.

 

Maybe take a break from chicks and alcohol for awhile. They're won't be any shortage of either within the next 90 days or so. That will allow you some time to focus on what you really want to do. Write the book, start that side biz, travel a bit. Whatever.

[TD Ryan2 316]

for focks sake TBBOM - you're always trying to find happiness somewhere or with someone BESIDES yourself.

The Book ain't a bad idea... you need some direction, something to focus on for yourself. You need to be involved in something that gives YOU self-worth without some focked up girl, foreign flag, etc. being your barometer of self-worth.

 

Autonomy - we want to be self directed

Mastery - we want to get good at stuff

Purpose - we want our work/projects to be meaningful, relevant, respected.

 

From what I've seen, all you have is Autonomy and you've chosen to use that freedom and self-direction to be outlandish.

You are mastering nothing. You have no clear purpose. You are wallowing in confusion, self-doubt, and irrelevance.

 

EDIT - I just re-read my post. It was not intended as an attack on you or to make you feel worse. Anybody doing what you're doing would probably feel the exact same way - so you're not a freak or focked up any more than any "normal" person. You've just gotta' find something for yourself - you need to find your "Art" - lemme' splain:

 

I define art as having nothing at all to do with painting.

Art is a human act, a generous contribution, something that might not work, and it is intended to change the recipient for the better, often causing a connection to happen.

Five elements that are difficult to find and worth seeking out. Human, generous, risky, change and connection.

You can be perfect or you can make art.

You can keep track of what you get in return, or you can make art.

You can enjoy the status quo, or you can make art.

The most difficult part might be in choosing whether you want to make art at all, and committing to what it requires of you.

~Seth Godin