wiffleball 4,690 Posted January 5, 2007 I know, poor planning on my part. But I really had to poo. I looked in both bafrooms, the pantry, - everywhere I could think of. No TP. Worse yet - no paper towels either. It's amazing how creating you can get when you're desperate; Envelopes? No - papercut risk. Dust rags? Nah, too messy. And on and on it went, silently inventorying everything in my house with which I might wipe my bung. Finally, under one of the sinks, I find - Swiffer Dusting Cloths! I swear to Gawd, I chould hear a chorus singing "halleluja!" On the plus side: Nice size, definite 'heft'. These things aren't gonna tear. On the down side: You pretty much have to wipe and flush. The pipes have a hard time with more than one of these suckers. Ahh, the life of a bachelor... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bostonlager 2,514 Posted January 5, 2007 Did these search go on before you actually sat down to take a crap or did you go on this quest while sporting mud-butt? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,690 Posted January 5, 2007 Did these search go on before you actually sat down to take a crap or did you go on this quest while sporting mud-butt? Excellent question. No, it was pre-poop. That only added to the drama. Sweat pouring down my face, butt-cheeks akimbo, fighting the clock, straining against the inevitable. It was a harrowing experience. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KSB2424 3,087 Posted January 5, 2007 I have a Rosie O'Donnell T-shirt neatly folded in my closet just for this situation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,690 Posted January 5, 2007 I have a Rosie O'Donnell T-shirt neatly folded in my closet just for this situation. If you actually had one of Rosie's own T-shirts, you could wipe the collective axxes of the entire NFL after a chili-eating contest and have room left to cover the infield at Shea Stadium. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lionsjunkie 1 Posted January 5, 2007 Excellent question. No, it was pre-poop. That only added to the drama. Sweat pouring down my face, butt-cheeks akimbo, fighting the clock, straining against the inevitable. It was a harrowing experience. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Recidivist 1 Posted January 5, 2007 Ahh, the life of a bachelor... Why does a bachelor have Swiffer Dusting Cloths on hand? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
paulinstl 295 Posted January 5, 2007 Keep a flag handy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KSB2424 3,087 Posted January 5, 2007 Gutterboy has been known to wipe with 20 dollar bills. You could have tried this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,690 Posted January 5, 2007 Why does a bachelor have Swiffer Dusting Cloths on hand? I think the key here is that the box was still unopened. Let's just say I'm a bachelor with good intentions to do the civlized thing, but prolly ended up using yesterday's T-Shirt to wipe the dust off the tables? (or, more likely - (and true) haven't dusted in waaaaaay tooo long.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akaoni 0 Posted January 5, 2007 Although this need hasn't arisin in a while (the wife keeps up on the TP situation pretty well) I have used coffee filters in a pinch....or after one as the case may be... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
paulinstl 295 Posted January 5, 2007 Although this need hasn't arisin in a while (the wife keeps up on the TP situation pretty well) I have used coffee filters in a pinch....or after one as the case may be... "Holy Sh!t, this coffee taste like crap." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,690 Posted January 5, 2007 Although this need hasn't arisin in a while (the wife keeps up on the TP situation pretty well) I have used coffee filters in a pinch....or after one as the case may be... Damn. I drink Tea. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Davaco Posted January 5, 2007 i just use a sock. i put it on my hand like a sock puppet. its so much fun, i even do it when i have TP Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Artist Formerly Known as Big O 0 Posted January 5, 2007 a side benefit of kiddos: baby wipes! I raid the box in his nursery whenever I have that "not so fresh poohole feeling". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Recidivist 1 Posted January 5, 2007 I think the key here is that the box was still unopened. Let's just say I'm a bachelor with good intentions to do the civlized thing, but prolly ended up using yesterday's T-Shirt to wipe the dust off the tables? (or, more likely - (and true) haven't dusted in waaaaaay tooo long.) Gotcha. Last time I dusted I was 9 years old when my dear Mother tried to instill a sense of responsibility in me by giving me chores. I showed her by preferring my punishment for not doing chores (standing in the corner) to actually performing them. Fortunately, my wife has a mild case of OCD and our house is focking spotless. a side benefit of kiddos: baby wipes! Palabra. My favorite flavor is aloe vera Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birdseed 1 Posted January 6, 2007 Use a sock, turn it inside out when full of poo, then throw it out the car window on your way to work. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Big C 0 Posted January 6, 2007 Damn. I drink Tea. Ummmm swiffer, tea...what next happy eye pillow???? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
parshall2marshall 0 Posted January 6, 2007 http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/7960/tpng4.jpg Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chronic Husker 85 Posted January 6, 2007 Dryer sheets. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,690 Posted January 8, 2007 Dryer sheets. That's an excellent idea! I'm gonna try that. Now my axx will smell downy fresh!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
