jerryskids 5,241 Posted October 16, 2006 An oldie but a goodie. >>Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters and >>gatherers. >>They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go >>to the >>coast and live on fish and lobster in winter. >> >>The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of >>beer and >>the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to >>the beer. >>These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were >>the >>catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: >>Liberals >>and Conservatives. >> >>Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the >>beginning of >>agriculture. >>Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so >>while our >>early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be >>invented, >>they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were >>formed. >> >>Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at >>night >>while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is >>known as >>"the Conservative movement." >> >>Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to >>live off >>the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing >>the >>sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the >>Liberal >>movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. >> The >>rest became known as 'girliemen.' Some noteworthy liberal >>achievements >>include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy >>and group >>hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide >>the meat >>and beer that conservatives provided. >> >>Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, >>most >>powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are >>symbolized by the >>jackass. >> >>Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most >>prefer white >>wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their >>beef well >>done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. >> >>Another interesting evolutionary side note about liberals: most of >>their >>women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social >>workers, >>personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and >>group >>therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter >>rule >>because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. >> >>Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still >>provide for >>their women. >>Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, >>construction >>workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate >>executives, >>Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. >>Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want >>to work >>for a living. >> >>Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the >>producers and >>decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans >>are more >>enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals >>remained in >>Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in >>after the >>Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for >>nothing. >> >> >>Here ends today's lesson in world history: >> >>It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to >>respond to >>the above and a guilt feeling before simply laughing, denying and >>forwarding >>it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of >>this >>history that it will be forwarded immediately. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cdub100 3,407 Posted October 16, 2006 A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of >>this >>history that it will be forwarded immediately. Yep that's pretty much how Cons work Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GettnHuge 1 Posted October 16, 2006 An oldie but a goodie. >>Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters and >>gatherers. >>They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go >>to the >>coast and live on fish and lobster in winter. >> >>The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of >>beer and >>the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to >>the beer. >>These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were >>the >>catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: >>Liberals >>and Conservatives. >> >>Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the >>beginning of >>agriculture. >>Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so >>while our >>early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be >>invented, >>they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were >>formed. >> >>Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at >>night >>while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is >>known as >>"the Conservative movement." >> >>Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to >>live off >>the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing >>the >>sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the >>Liberal >>movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. >> The >>rest became known as 'girliemen.' Some noteworthy liberal >>achievements >>include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy >>and group >>hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide >>the meat >>and beer that conservatives provided. >> >>Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, >>most >>powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are >>symbolized by the >>jackass. >> >>Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most >>prefer white >>wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their >>beef well >>done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. >> >>Another interesting evolutionary side note about liberals: most of >>their >>women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social >>workers, >>personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and >>group >>therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter >>rule >>because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. >> >>Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still >>provide for >>their women. >>Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, >>construction >>workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate >>executives, >>Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. >>Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want >>to work >>for a living. >> >>Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the >>producers and >>decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans >>are more >>enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals >>remained in >>Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in >>after the >>Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for >>nothing. >> >> >>Here ends today's lesson in world history: >> >>It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to >>respond to >>the above and a guilt feeling before simply laughing, denying and >>forwarding >>it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of >>this >>history that it will be bumped immediately. done and done Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
surferskin 30 Posted October 17, 2006 it's funny because it's true. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
porkbutt 864 Posted October 17, 2006 it's funny because it's true. Yep that's pretty much how Cons work says the girlieman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D_House 0 Posted October 17, 2006 obviously black, right? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
porkbutt 864 Posted October 17, 2006 obviously black, right? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
