***OFFICIAL*** HAPPY FATHER'S DAY THREAD!

[Mephisto 15]

Ah, yes, Father's Day approaches and in an effort to encourage memories of dear old dad, I open up the 2007 Happy Father's Day thread.

 

Whether you love your dad or he is a big giant dickweed that you hope to never hear from again, share some "old school evil dickweed" that all dads had. Even if you love him, share that over-the-top discipline story or share an experience where he didn't treat someone in the family appropriately. Of course, be certain to end your post with...

 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

 

As always, I'll go first:

 

When I was a kid, one of the cool things to do was to collect beer cans. Our friends did it. Our closest cousins did it. Everyone was collecting beer cans... except us. Dear old dad hated beer can collections and to this day, I have no idea why. We were forbidden to collect beer cans. Dad once even said, "Don't let me find you collecting beer cans because if I do, I'll make you eat every last one of them!"

 

Now, me and one of my bros are very close in age and we shared a bedroom. In our infinite wisdom to be cool, like everyone else, we decided to collect beer cans anyway. We hid them in a closet in our bedroom under "stuff" and we were good to go. Ballantine, Narragansett, Black Label... ahhhh, I remember our humble collection of about 36 cans fondly.

 

 

Then came the day dad found them. Me and bro were called into our room and pelted with a few of those cans from the closet area. Dad also never forgot a threat and rarely failed to follow through on them.

 

He made us sit on the edge of the bed and "eat" the beer can collection. Every can.

 

Now, we really didn't fully eat the cans, but he stood in the doorway and made us crush the cans as much as we could with our teeth (to avoid an assbeating, yes, dad gave us "options"). I think we were 8 (me) and 7 (bro) at the time. He didn't even cut us a break, either, we ate all 30+ beer cans before throwing them in the trash.

 

I love you dad.

 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

 

------------------

 

One important note: Don't come here expected to beat stories previously provided by Call Me.......... Abused. You won't win.

[Toro 3]

My dad is a recovering alcoholic (not by choice, but by pancreatitis which means if he gets drunk, it causes the absolute worst pain). Anywho, we were driving like we always did to go pick up my stepbrother from the north side of Houston. I was 8 or so, my sister was 14 and my brother 11. This was before there was any Beltway or freeway on the west side of town to get from the Southwest to the Northwest, so it was an hour to 1.5 hours one way, up highway 6 which was this 6 lane road with lights everywhere.

 

So me, my brother and my sister got thrown in the back of this buick, all the way my parents chain smoking Marlboro reds and Salems with the windows completely shut. We would ask to crack the window and they would crack it about a quarter inch - IF we were lucky.

 

Now, remember my dad liked to drink and back then, so did my mom. They were notorious about bringing a gallon jug of rhine wine on the trip and get absolutely smashed. Highway 6 was also busy as sh*t with everyone on the west side of Houston using it to either go to dinner on a Friday night or whatever. It had a reputation of being a deathtrap. We were almost there one way (about an hour, so the gallon of wine was 3/4 gone) and we started having car trouble then all of the sudden, smoke started billowing out of the hood. We pull over and anyone who ever has had their car on fire knows the first thing to do is - that's right - get OUT OF THE FOCKING CAR!!!!!

 

So my parents jump out on this deathtrap of a highway with their wine glasses and my dad opens the hood and the focker is on FOCKING FIRE. One to two foot flames shooting out of that biatch. We are scared as sh*t in the back and all of the sudden, my parents start running back and forth to the ditch on the side of the highway with their wine glasses, scooping up water and running back to throw it on the flames!!!!!

 

Well, we decided to go ahead and follow them out of the car, when my dad looks up and says...

 

"Don't you focking dare get out of the car. This highway is a death trap. You are safer in the car."

 

Us kids were very lucky my parents used the very large wine glasses.

 

Happy Father's Day.

[Mephisto 15]

Sweet. Thank you, Toro.

 

Everyone keep in mind, you're not limited to one wonderful memory. Share all you like.

[Mephisto 15]

Jumped-the-shark bump?

 

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

Bump for some more good 'Father's Day' stories!

 

[PimpDaddy 0]

A friend of mine committed suicide recently, his kids arent going to have a great day

[Ravens 03 0]

Jumped-the-shark bump?

 

 

[kutulu 1,727]

My Dad gave me 2,500 bucks out of the blue a few weeks ago. Thanks, Pop.

[Bonita 0]

When I was 11 years old, my 2 brothers and I were playing hide n seek. I had found a really good hiding spot in the bed of my dad's truck. At least I thought it was until my brother peeked over the edge and saw me. So I stood up really fast and jumped over the side of the truck preparing to haul ass to base. My foot got caught on the side of the edge and I fell out of the truck flat on my stomach.

 

It hurt like hell, probably the worst pain I have ever felt in my life - including childbirth. It was about suppertime so I went in my bedroom to lie down figuring the pain would go away. I fell asleep.

 

Next thing I knew, I woke up hurling over the side of my bed. My dad heard me and came in the room to see what was wrong. He got a little upset because I was throwing up on the brand new carpet that had just been installed the month before. He started screaming at me to clean up the mess. Never mind that I was still throwing up.

 

I didn't move quite fast enough, so he yanked out of bed by the arm and backhanded me across the face. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor and my stepmom was patting me on the face trying to wake me up. I was looking at my screaming dad and just blacked out.

 

Turns out that I had ruptured my spleen and if I had waited one more hour before getting to the hospital, I would have died.

 

That was the LAST time he ever laid a hand on me.

 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

[cgod 0]

OK, so growing up my dad had a very short fuse and when it blew you didn't want to be near him. On several occassions I bore the brunt of his wrath, usually deservedly so. None of those really stand out over any of the others, but there were a few instances I was witness to that others pissed pops off that we still laugh about today.

 

One weekday afternoon Dad got out of work a little early and picked my sis and I up from school. His plan was to take us to see Hercules at the local movie theater. Only thing we had to do before the movie was stop at the bank for some money. Dad goes through the drive-thru and gets his money. Sweet, movie theater is one building over from the bank so we'll be there any moment.

 

Well, the exit of the bank was near an intersection with a traffic signal. Traffic had backed up almost to the exit and as we get to the end of the driveway a car pulls up blocking exit from the bank. My Dad, being the diplomat he is, looks at the guy and yells out the window, "Hey, buddy, can you back it up?" Well the guy just stares at him stupidly and doesn't move. So Dad, again employing his skills in diplomacy shouts, "Hey, move the focking car azzhole!!!" So, the guy proceeds to back up so we can get out. As we drive by the guy he flips my Dad the double bird. Dad, already agitated, won't allow such a transgression (we won't mention the F bomb he already dropped) in front of his children to go unpunished. So, he stops the car right in the middle of the road blocking traffic, drops it into park and quickly exits his Nissan 210 hatchback. The guy, who had turned to the passengers in the car to beat his chest at his perceived triumph in the battle of wits, suddenly realizes what is going on, and as far as I can recall treated me to my first experience of the "Oh Sh!t" face. Well, without power windows he has to get cranking so next thing I see is his arm pumping like a teen watching skinamax as he tries to roll up his window. His efforts were to no avail as Dad reached in the opening with one hand and punched out said window with the other. Dad now has a handful of hair or shirt (not quite sure) and Oh Sh!t guy has a lapful of shattered glass. Dad got a pop or two in before the guy was able to drive off. Dad hops back into the car, we go on to the movie theater, he gets a band-aid for his slightly cut knuckle and we see the movie.

 

Well, not that I hadn't already known but the lesson to never fock with Dad was further reinforced that day. Here's to you pops. Happy Father's Day!

[Mephisto 15]

A friend of mine committed suicide recently, his kids arent going to have a great day

 

 

#1 - This isn't about your dad.

 

#2 - You didn't end your post with the required "HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!"

 

Wise the fock up.

 

That was the LAST time he ever laid a hand on me.

 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

 

Bonita stepping up and breathing some serious life back into my annual thread. Outstanding contribution!

[VikesNation 0]

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When we were insolent, we were placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

 

Happy Father's Day.

[Mephisto 15]

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When we were insolent, we were placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

 

Happy Father's Day.

 

[rallo 139]

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When we were insolent, we were placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

 

Happy Father's Day.

 

 

how many times have i seen this quote on this site

[RLLD 4,283]

how many times have i seen this quote on this site

 

C'mon, its a focking crassic along the lines of "sweep the leg", "he hid it in his ass", as it rides the white pony right toward "jumping the shark".....

[Mephisto 15]

I guess I should retire this thread. It's been a great run.

[dolfan06 1]

I guess I should retire this thread. It's been a great run.

 

Sure has, Meph!

 

My father raised my sister and I as a single dad from the age of 4 on. He wasn't the warmest guy in the world. I don't remember having many talks or his taking much interest in my life or my hobbies, but looking back and knowing him now I can tell he was interested even if he couldn't communicate it very well. He also had a fairly active sex life that we weren't permitted to interfere with. But he's always been there when we really needed him, as long as we didn't need him overly much, and he bought me a car when I passed my driver's test on the fourth try and he showed up at graduation. Now that I have small children myself I know that I'm a much better father than I would be without having the memory of what growing up with him was like. I can't imagine how great a father I'd be if I hadn't blacked most of it out. And now he's like my best friend in the world, like a 65-year-old buddy that you just call up whenever you need money. I left two messages on his answering machine today to wish him happy fathers day which haven't yet been returned, but I'm sure he knows I'm thinking about him and love him.

 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

[Sparkling Wiggles 0]

I don't have any greta long stories, but this comes to mind.

 

When we were little kids, sometimes we'd take showers with our parents. I guess they could supervise us and clean us up at the same time. My little brother was about three when he was taking a shower with my dad. I don't know what inspired him but while in the shower, he rammed a toothbrush up my dad's ass. He got it up there so good that my mom was recruited to help get it out. I have no clue how, but my brother claims he never got a beating for that one. I'm pretty sure that was the end of taking showers with dad.

 

Happy Father's Day!