Anyone Here Been To Marriage Counseling?

[TheNewGirl 1,031]

I don't really buy it either...hence the counseling as opposed to just getting a divorce the minute things get iffy.

 

Although, I do think that if things don't work out w/me and Mrs. DaveBG that I'd be better prepared the second time around, but I think that could be attributed to the counseling and/or the fact that I'm older and more mature (supposedly) than the first time around. As in most situations, there are some people who learn from their past and others who are doomed to repeat it.

 

ITA that people will occassionally repeat the same mistakes.

 

However, I do agree with Slruc that you have to be willing to look within at your own issues, etc in order to truly learn from this situation.

 

I don't think that you've TOTALLY made up your mind, but I do think that you're closer to leaving than staying. I think that you might realize that you have a lot to work on yourself, and then maybe just think that it's too much work and that giving up might be easier...just my opinion, and while I realize that I don't *KNOW* you, I have found that most people end up just kind of giving up when they realize that certain things take a specific TRUE effort to work out/on.

 

One thing I have found is that anything that's been TRULY worth ANYTHING in my life, hasn't come easy or without some kind of intro-spection.

[davebg 0]

I don't think that you've TOTALLY made up your mind, but I do think that you're closer to leaving than staying.

You may be right. Unfortunately, things had to get to such a point that we finally realized that we needed counseling. Hopefully it was not too late.

[Alwayslinny 0]

Dave - I've been married a looooooonnnnnnngggg time - we have BTDT - Counseling, etc. One thing I know -- it doesn't get better in one session. And you BOTH have to be involved and willing to work it out or you're wasting your time.

 

Your wife, while she may have her problems, actually WAS trying to reach out to you. When she asked to be invited to the gym, that was her attempt, and you totally pushed her away. Now I know, you're thinking you deserve your time alone, but this was a big opening you missed.

 

As far as household responsibilities, you need to sit your asses down and define what you expect from one another. You certainly have enough money to hire people to do your cleaning and laundry. Maybe your wife is totally career-oriented and doesn't want the house stuff. She is definitely passive-aggressive in the way that she doesn't do stuff well. It's her way of saying she doesn't want to do it. You might not like this about her, but if that's the way she is, you have to learn to be you and still let her be that way.

 

What are her expectations of you? It sounds like she wants more of what is inside of you -- your feelings. Going away and spending some quality time together might help. It just sounds like she needs to be sure that you love her, so you're definitely not letting her know.

 

That said, I applaud you for going to counseling. It sux, for sure. I hope you continue to go and to open things up between the two of you. Or else, yeah, it's over. But it's not going to work with a new wife, either.

[midacamp 0]

Or else, yeah, it's over. But it's not going to work with a new wife, either.

 

This reminds me of another, more practical, point.

 

Compare the amount of work to repair the marriage you have, versus going through a divorice and then meeting someone else and starting a new relationship, which may or may not lead to another future wife, which may or may not be better than what you have now (all people have issues).

 

It may be hard to see from where you are right now, but going through those two things might be more work than just fixing what you have.

[cmh6476 752]

On 3/14/2006 at 1:49 PM, davebg said:

Things have been quite rocky the past few months between me and Mrs. DaveBG.

 

We started going to counseling a couple of weeks ago, but so far we've only gone separately. This week we go together for the first time.

 

I'm just rying to get an idea as to how brutal it's going to be.

Update?

[edjr 5,564]

On 3/14/2006 at 3:00 PM, parrot said:

Nah, but the wife suggested it once.

 

Once.

You shouldn't grab me, Johnny. My mother grabbed me once... ONCE!