Fantasy Football Girls

[joeH 6]

Mike Shanahan

 

The girl your buddies, your daddy, and even your mama warned you about. You don't listen and ask her out. She has a reputation of being crazy and deceiving, but you know in your heart that you can score with her this time! She'll tease you one day and smack you with a 2x4 the other. You don't care as your like the pain. You go to pick her up for a date one night and find her sleeping with another guy. You swear next time you won't call ever again.

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

Tom Brady

 

You know this girl; she only sleeps with members of the opposite sex because she's afraid someone will find out she's actually ghey. And you like her because of that giant crater in her chin is a nice resting spot for your sack while you tickle her tonsils.

[nicewolf64 0]

DeAngelo Williams

Gorgeous little sister of the class nerdette. But their dad won't let her date until the nerdette gets married. And you just found out the nerdette is a lesbian and never plans to marry.

 

Marion Barber

Has older step sister that has an inferiority complex. Parents are new age idiots that agree and therefore limits both sisters to the same limited number of dates per week.

[4th and Goal 0]

Ricky Williams

 

You are a virgin and have been saving yourself for just the right girl (you never used your WW all year and are up to #1). Out of no where, this new girl from another school district shows up. She has somewhat of a reputation, but by all accounts she has changed and got her head on straight. You know she is into you, so you ask her out, "A sure thing." You drop a wad and blow a wad on her only to have her tell you 15 seconds later it was all a part of an elaborate scheme to steal your virginity.

 

I'm no KSB2424, but I had to post something about him....uh, her...

[northernsong 0]

VINCE YOUNG

Didn’t make junior prom queen but caught fire at an after-party and single-handedly finished off three of your classes top studs. Goes into senior year with a lot of buzz but a few questions about her maturity (three guys in one night?), intelligence and some unorthodox tongue action.

 

You head into senior year with the same girl you ended junior year with and it’s okay but nothing spectacular and as the year winds down you need to shake things up so you drop old steady for the prom party freak. Lucky for you, the move pays off and she rocks it through the end of the year. But by then you’re ready to cut it off because this girl sort of scares you for all the reasons outlined above. Still, it’s hard to end it because where else do you find girls that age that are double threats the way she is.

 

So you keep her around through the summer into the first year of college. Only problem is she comes home from college, bangs you one night then bangs three of your friends the next night and gives all four of you the herpes she picked up first week of school. Now you’re walking around campus with a huge sore on your lip, looking for a new girlfriend and wondering why no one wants to talk to you.

[philssteelers200 0]

Greatest thread ever. Thank you for the many posts of entertainment joining football with something we can all relate with... women, short, fat, good looking, ugly, easy, hard...

 

Perfect

[DEEZNUTS 18]

http://www.thephatphree.com/printfeature.a...amp;SectionID=2

[NAn 39]

ROY WILLIAMS

She caught your eye your first year of college, was mutual so you started dating her.
Lasted a few months and sex was good...but not as good as you thought it would be.
And to cap it off...she didn't go down on you, not once.
No actual break-up...just gradually see each other less and less, call each other less and less, then not at all.

The next year you bump into her again, still had some spark, so you start dating again.
Nothing's really changed about her, but you've convinced yourself 'she's matured, she's more experienced, it'll be better this time.'
Again, sex good, but not like you thought it would be...still doesn't go down on you, not once.
Again, gradually stopped seeing each other.

The next year you bump into her again, still had some spark, so you start dating again.
Nothing's really changed about her, but you've convinced yourself 'she's matured, she's more experienced, it'll be better this time.'
Again, sex good, but not like you thought it would be...still doesn't go down on you, not once.
Again, gradually stopped seeing each other.

I hope I don't see her next year (translation: falls to me in draft) b/c I'll probably date her again, sure that things will change this time.

[NAn 39]

Michael Shanahan...Your Good Friend 'Shanny'

 

She's cool looking and good personality but one of those situations where you're just friends, always have been.

It's cool though, b/c she knows you so sets you up with girls that you're into.

 

First one was TD...that was a great hook up: personality, looks, etc.

 

Problem is b/c of that great hook up...you think every girl Shanny hooks you up with will be just as great.

 

And some are...for a little while, but it doesn't last.

 

Olandis, Mike...there was Clinton who you thought was the next TD, but that came to an end too.

 

Then Rebuen, Quentin, Tatum, Travis, Selvin...Cecille...Andre...just doesn't last.

 

Thing is, by now, you should know better, but you keep thinking back to TD and Clinton and thinking...this one, will be it again, I know it.

[FrankRizzo 0]

LEE EVANS

 

Very attractive ... that is until you get to know her. Then her annoying laugh gets to you ..... week after week you hear that freaking laugh. But by now you are in way to deep and can't get rid of her .... there was only one way out.

 

That's right .... a non-keeper league full redraft .. the ###### was gone!!

 

Sure, she teased me at this years draft ... it was like running into your lost loved one in a bar after drinking three shots.

In round 4 she came right over and sat next to me, wanting me, longing for me, talking about the good games we had.

But I didn't do it, nope, I got up and walked over to Plaxico Burress ... didn't take much of a pickup line on this one.

 

But Lee did try to make me jealous, especially since my best friend Jimmy took her home. Damn you Jimmy, thought we were friends!!

 

But I knew inside that in a few weeks she would burn Jimmy ... over and over again. And Jimmy couldn't leave her and he would be stuck with her.

No doubt about, let them FOCKS live together in misery .......

 

Who's laughing now??

[p00h 85]

Jerious Norwood

 

The biggest cocktease in town. You tried to get into those pants early in the year, but quickly learned to not bother. Many of your friends, however, keep trying and trying. After damn near the whole year, she hasn't even let anyone get to first base. Yet they keep trying. If I try just a little harder, they say, she'll put out. Good luck with that one(Flahawker)

[my_9th_season 0]

Philip Rivers

 

This one showed all the promise of being a decent fill in until a better model could be found.

The rumors were she hailed from San Diego, with a little bit of country twang in her voice. Her step dad was thought to be some kind of genius with no stats to back it up, but you didn't care. You'd already spent half of prom night mingling with the other girls when you realized you had to see if this one had any tan lines. You got the nerve to ask her out, despite all your buddies warning against such a risky hit to your street cred. Turns out she has flashes of brilliance, but has a bad case of multiple personality disorder, which makes her unable to commit to one identity longer than 60 minutes at a time. You wanted to dump her a long time ago after she stood you up a few times, but a buddy in your league promised to take her off your hands before graduation. Graduation came and went, and your buddy bailed on you after realizing how bad her situation was. She's still able and willing to rock your world, but now it's a matter of figuring out which chick shows up for the movie.

 

[swirvenirvin 25]

Joseph Addai

 

This girl always asks for you to pull out just when you start getting excited, and then hands you off to her ugly sister (Kenton Keith)

[Slim Pickins 0]

KSB...this is one of the funniest threads I've read in here for a long time...

 

until that last one. Now it's just plain disturbing. Excuse me while I go bleach my brain.

[Milwalkeysbeast 0]

Fred Taylor

 

She's the girl you dated and dumped but remained friends with. She still likes you and you know it so you still keep her number lying around. You are now dating her more attractive friend, who has shown flashes of being a great girl but still has alot to learn about dating. You kinda still like the Fredelina, but are IN LOVE with MJD. You were so horny once or twice during the year that you tried to set up a 3some with the 2. They were half into the idea and you only ended up with some 3 way kissing and groping, but never got them both naked. While what you got was serviceable, its not the threesome you had hoped for.

[KSB2424 3,083]

Rams DST

This fatass lost 50lbs and you actually asked her out this week!

[Slim Pickins 0]

Rams DST

This fatass lost 50lbs and you actually asked her out this week!

Now THAT'S entertainment

[killersquids 3]

Chad Johnson

 

She is one of the hottest girls out there. She's too chatty, but the satisfaction you get from her more than makes up for it. She is one of the best lays you've ever had, but you really have to put work the work in to get her in the mood. The problem is you only have enough dough to take her out to an expensive dinner about 3 or 4 times a season. But when those magical nights happen, you tell yourself you are never letting this one go.

[NAn 39]

Any Kicker

 

They're the freshman girls when you're a senior.

 

Some dogs, some okay, some hot...but why hook with any at the beginning of the year?

 

You know how it is with the incoming class...some of the hot ones, turn out to be bitches or annoying, some of the ones you wouldn't take a second look at start to pretty themselves up during the school year and turn out hot.

 

So, best is just wait around a few weeks/months and see who really steps up and then hook up with one.

[BirdBradyBobbyOrr 0]

Tom Brady

 

You know this girl; she only sleeps with members of the opposite sex because she's afraid someone will find out she's actually ghey. And you like her because of that giant crater in her chin is a nice resting spot for your sack while you tickle her tonsils.

 

First stupid one. See every other one made sense because it gave kudos to the people that play well and ripped on those that didn't. Furthermore someone else already did a Tom Brady. Jag off.

[Late((MF))Hitters 1]

until that last one. Now it's just plain disturbing. Excuse me while I go bleach my brain.

 

You're right, it is disturbing..highly disturbing. I apologize to Michael Vick, Alge Crumpler, Slim Pickins, and The Acme K9 Rape Stand Company for defiling their good name.

[Fumbleweed 426]

Guys.....I don't want to be the one to break up your fun, but if this gets too crude, it'll be locked or deleted. I have deleted a few posts that were pretty far over the top in terms of content.

 

Try to keep it 'R' rated at worst. Thanks.

[killersquids 3]

Jon Kitna

 

She was okay last year. Just your average looking girl, not the best face, 30 lbs too heavy. She was a girl you never really noticed. Another year of school is just about to start when you see her at a local hangout. You have to do a double-take....she has been getting in shape. You find yourself attracted to her now and really intrigued what could happen if she kept up the turnaround. In a few months she might just be one the best looking girls at school!! So you ask her out and things are going pretty well. She's still going to the gym and she's actually fun to hang out with. But then she starts nagging you about little things here and there. The relationship becomes stagnant and she starts going to the gym less and less. A snickers bar starts appears in her hands on a daily basis. You really aren't sure what your next move should be with her. Your friends say you can do better and they're probably right. In the end, you hold onto her until you can find something better. After all, she's a decent lay.