This was a fun sort of thread in the old days....

[vuduchile 1,941]

You don't ever have to actually admit which one is true. The idea is that you leave everyone to wonder just how twisted a fock you really are.

 

I'll go first

 

1. I once drowned a burlap sack full of newborn kittens. Actually, I did it more than once, and I don't feel one bit bad about it. Afterwards, I would always go celebrate by clubbing squirrels over the head with a stick.

 

2. Once when I was in my late 20's, I dressed up as a woman in Barstow, CA and drove all the way to Santa Barbara flashing truckers my garters and panties along the way. It was the most erotic experience of my life.

 

3. I got caught playing doctor with my female cousin during a family get-together when I was 10. As punishment, my dad decided that since I liked to show off my junk, that I should stand in the corner facing the rest of the family with my pants off. I had a hard on throughout the ordeal. It was the second most erotic experience of my life.

[NewbieJr 541]

1. One time, I went to a Pointer Sisters concert and got so caught up in teh moment that, when they started performing "I'm So Excited" I was jumping up and down and waving my lighter like a lunatic.

 

2. One time, I was DJing at a firehall that only had one rest room. I was pooping when I heard someone attempt to get in. I heard them talking and knew it was chicks. I quickly flushed and lit a match and washed my hands, hoping they didn't know I was sh!tting. To my chagrin, I turned and one of teh turds survived the flush and was floating on top. I tried a reflush, but the tank was still filling and it wouldn't flush. In a panic, I took paper towels and scooped the turd ourt with my hands and threw it in the garbage.

 

3. One time, when my daughter was only about two months old, I took the seat-part off her little swing and was out on teh porch swinging her back and forth in my hand. She was smiling so I kept going higher and higher. Finally, the handle broke off and she flew at least ten feet and down three concrete steps. My heart dropped and I thought I may have killed her. She ended up only having bad brush burmns on her forearm and cheek. She cried for about an hour.

[NewbieJr 541]

You don't ever have to actually admit which one is true. The idea is that you leave everyone to wonder just how twisted a fock you really are.

 

I'll go first

 

1. I once drowned a burlap sack full of newborn kittens. Actually, I did it more than once, and I don't feel one bit bad about it. Afterwards, I would always go celebrate by clubbing squirrels over the head with a stick.

 

2. Once when I was in my late 20's, I dressed up as a woman in Barstow, CA and drove all the way to Santa Barbara flashing truckers my garters and panties along the way. It was the most erotic experience of my life.

 

3. I got caught playing doctor with my female cousin during a family get-together when I was 10. As punishment, my dad decided that since I liked to show off my junk, that I should stand in the corner facing the rest of the family with my pants off. I had a hard on throughout the ordeal. It was the second most erotic experience of my life.

I hope number one isn't true.

[edjr 5,643]

How can you post 3 things about yourself and only 1 true? you'd have to be GFIAFP to pull that off.

[vuduchile 1,941]

How can you post 3 things about yourself and only 1 true? you'd have to be GFIAFP to pull that off.

 

 

I guess I didn't phrase that correctly. I'm too lazy to correct it. If people don't understand what to do, then fock 'em.

[paulinstl 295]

1. In High School, I had to go to a religious retreat at this place out in the sticks. The Priests told us all to go think about stuff then come to cinfession. They had preists set up in different spots. I was sitting under a huge rock formation doing some one-hitters when about 20 feet above me, I heard a confession start. I was worried about getting caught with the weed, so I stayed where I was and tried to be really quiet. Unfortunately, I heard the whole confession, and I recognized the voice of the confessor. He was asking for forgiveness for masturbation. He told the priest he was jerking off sometimes 10 times per day. I was a little high, and was trying not to laugh, but I couldn't hold it in any more and burst out laughing. A little later I went to the same Priest and told him I heard that confession. He told me I had to keep it confidential. I told him I would. It took no more than two days, but after that retreat the kid's nickname was "Stinky".

 

2. I had the sex with an old girlfriend's mother about 10 years after her daughter broke up withe me.

 

3. I was driving through Kansas one summer o my way to Colorado and I pulled in for some gas in some small town. As i was walking out to my car after paying for the gas, this chick in a bikini asked me if I had a spare joint. She could see my pack of Zig Zags in my white shirt pocket. I told her I didn't have enough, and she told me she'd take off her bikini fo rme if I gave her one, so we went behind theback of the filling station and she got nekkid. Nice little body, but I took a real cose look at her and she was young, real young. I ran to my car and sped off while she was still putting her bikini back on.

[NewbieJr 541]

1. In High School, I had to go to a religious retreat at this place out in the sticks. The Priests told us all to go think about stuff then come to cinfession. They had preists set up in different spots. I was sitting under a huge rock formation doing some one-hitters when about 20 feet above me, I heard a confession start. I was worried about getting caught with the weed, so I stayed where I was and tried to be really quiet. Unfortunately, I heard the whole confession, and I recognized the voice of the confessor. He was asking for forgiveness for masturbation. He told the priest he was jerking off sometimes 10 times per day. I was a little high, and was trying not to laugh, but I couldn't hold it in any more and burst out laughing. A little later I went to the same Priest and told him I heard that confession. He told me I had to keep it confidential. I told him I would. It took no more than two days, but after that retreat the kid's nickname was "Stinky".

 

2. I had the sex with an old girlfriend's mother about 10 years after her daughter broke up withe me.

 

3. I was driving through Kansas one summer o my way to Colorado and I pulled in for some gas in some small town. As i was walking out to my car after paying for the gas, this chick in a bikini asked me if I had a spare joint. She could see my pack of Zig Zags in my white shirt pocket. I told her I didn't have enough, and she told me she'd take off her bikini fo rme if I gave her one, so we went behind theback of the filling station and she got nekkid. Nice little body, but I took a real cose look at her and she was young, real young. I ran to my car and sped off while she was still putting her bikini back on.

Switch 'mother' with 'father' and I'm guessing #2 is the true story.

 

I think all three are true. Am I right?

[Voice_Of_Reason 0]

1. back in the ole college days, me and the guys decided to raid the popular girls dorm while several other assigned fellows rigged wcameras into their showers and bedrooms. We watched them all the time. They called us nerds. They stood us up at our big party. But we got our revenge!

 

2. Back in the ole high school days, I was sitting in class when hundreds of parachutes came down from the sky. My teacher went out to inspect and was shot immediately by these hispanic looking soldiers. We ran for cover. I got in my truck and sped away. Later, a small group of us formed a small militia and took on the invading forces. We lost a few. Won a few. In the end. Our hearts would win them over.

 

3. I sleep walk sometimes when I am really tired. When I was younger, I slept walked into my brothers closet and pee'd all over his clothers. He was pissed!

[RLLD 3,516]

1) My first girl friend died while I was choke-focking her...

 

2) I once cut a man open from his d!ck to his chin.

 

3) I have tasted human flesh

[hellothere 1]

3) I have tasted human flesh

 

boogers and semen don't count buddy

[GettnHuge 1]

1. my pemus is 20in long

 

2. my pemus is 10in long

 

3. I can tie it in a knot

[RLLD 3,516]

boogers and semen don't count buddy

 

You seem to have special knowledge here....

[lambert58 56]

1. When I was 12 my mom scored me tickets to the Indiana Baseball Hall of Fame. She was a waitress at the place and got me tickets so I could meet Mickey Mantle. The Mick gave his speach and I was able to shake his hand and get his autograph. I had to wait around for my mom to finish cleaning up so I got bored and walked into the next room to see how long it would be. I walked in on Mickey Mantle with his hand down the front of my mom's underwear and he was going to town on her boob that was hanging out of her top. I had to ride home with my neighbor.

 

2.) My senior year my one of my classmates had a pool party at her house. I went and we all ended up sh1tfaced and having a good time. I got up to go to the bathroom in the house and my friends Mom grabbed my hand as I walked out of the bathroom. She informed me that she needed my help with something and then She took me upstairs and focked my living brains out. Later that night after everyone had left I ended up boning the daughter in the pool. The next day was awkward because the daughter was in my French class and her mom was our teacher.

 

3.) My father had a heart attack when I was in my early 20's. My brother was serving in the Guard and was on manuvers down in Mississippi when it happened. I took his wife to the Hospital to check on my dad. We were only allowed in for 5 minutes every hour. To kill some time my sister-in-law wanted to go to an adult bookstore to buy something "special" for my brother. We went and ended up in a peep booth. She gave me a hummer and ended up focking my brains out the rest of the weekend until my brother got home. We carried on our affair for a couple of months.

[Hurricane Ditka 0]

1. I found my aunt dead in her car after killing herself.

 

2. I once lit a cat on fire with gasoline and a match.

 

3. I have smoked weed.

[Rattlesnake 0]

1. I once drank a gallon of Vodka in just over an hour and I wound up vomiting all over the room. Problem is, I was sharing that room with SMOKING HOT twin sisters that were planning on having a threesome with me that night. We had been discussing that for months, and they were finally game. It never happened after that.

 

2. When I was 17, I passed out in a chair by a hotel pool in Puerto Vallarta for 7 hours, right in the middle of the day. I woke up with purple and red bubbling blisters all over my head (had my hair real short at the time). Later that night, I talked a drunk girl from Wisconsin into believing that blowjobs help in relieving the stress and tension caused by severe burns.

 

3. I got three different girls pregnant in high school; all three of them got abortions, against my wishes. Two of them were sisters (not the twins) and the third was their 1st cousin. None of them ever knew about the other two.

[lambert58 56]

1. I once drank a gallon of Vodka in just over an hour and I wound up vomiting all over the room. Problem is, I was sharing that room with SMOKING HOT twin sisters that were planning on having a threesome with me that night. We had been discussing that for months, and they were finally game. It never happened after that.

 

2. When I was 17, I passed out in a chair by a hotel pool in Puerto Vallarta for 7 hours, right in the middle of the day. I woke up with purple and red bubbling blisters all over my head (had my hair real short at the time). Later that night, I talked a drunk girl from Wisconsin into believing that blowjobs help in relieving the stress and tension caused by severe burns.

 

3. I got three different girls pregnant in high school; all three of them got abortions, against my wishes. Two of them were sisters (not the twins) and the third was their 1st cousin. None of them ever knew about the other two.

 

 

yours?

[Rattlesnake 0]

yours?

 

To clarify, no. I have one brother, that's it.

 

No, we never had sex.

[Hurricane Ditka 0]

1. I once drank a gallon of Vodka in just over an hour and I wound up vomiting all over the room. Problem is, I was sharing that room with SMOKING HOT twin sisters that were planning on having a threesome with me that night. We had been discussing that for months, and they were finally game. It never happened after that.

 

2. When I was 17, I passed out in a chair by a hotel pool in Puerto Vallarta for 7 hours, right in the middle of the day. I woke up with purple and red bubbling blisters all over my head (had my hair real short at the time). Later that night, I talked a drunk girl from Wisconsin into believing that blowjobs help in relieving the stress and tension caused by severe burns. TRUE

 

3. I got three different girls pregnant in high school; all three of them got abortions, against my wishes. Two of them were sisters (not the twins) and the third was their 1st cousin. None of them ever knew about the other two.

[vuduchile 1,941]

I hope number one isn't true.

 

Actually, 2 of the 3 items I posted are 100% true.

[Rattlesnake 0]

#2 is Correct. #3 is totally false. #1 is partially true. It was about 2 hours for the Vodka, not one, and we hadn't been discussing the threesome at all prior to that. In fact, I had dated both of them at times, and they had always had issues about that. However, they got REALLY hammered one night. It DID happen.......and then I vomited about 10 minutes after it was over. It never happened again after THAT. Puke was everywhere.

[Me_2006 14]

#2 is Correct. #3 is totally false. #1 is partially true. It was about 2 hours for the Vodka, not one, and we hadn't been discussing the threesome at all prior to that. In fact, I had dated both of them at times, and they had always had issues about that. However, they got REALLY hammered one night. It DID happen.......and then I vomited about 10 minutes after it was over. It never happened again after THAT. Puke was everywhere.

Wow. I don't care if you're an Obama guy, that's a rad story. I guess he really CAN bring us all together

[DuckStupid 40]

1. My wife rode me reverse cowboy last night, and then turned around and rode me some more, and then we did it doggy for a bit, finally I pinned her legs behind her ears and finished.

 

2. My wife rode me reverse cowboy last night, and then turned around and rode me some more, finally I pinned her legs behind her ears and finished.

 

3. My wife rode me reverse cowboy last night, and then turned around and rode me some more, and then we did it doggy for a bit and I finished.

[lambert58 56]

1. My wife rode me reverse cowboy last night, and then turned around and rode me some more, and then we did it doggy for a bit, finally I pinned her legs behind her ears and finished.

 

2. My wife rode me reverse cowboy last night, and then turned around and rode me some more, finally I pinned her legs behind her ears and finished.

 

3. My wife rode me reverse cowboy last night, and then turned around and rode me some more, and then we did it doggy for a bit and I finished.

 

 

I have to say that they are all true.... She REALLY likes it that way..

[Fun Bags 0]

1. I once ran with scissors in my hand.

 

2. I played ball in the house.

 

3. I once put a penny in my mouth even though I didn't know where it had been.

[Rattlesnake 0]

Wow. I don't care if you're an Obama guy, that's a rad story. I guess he really CAN bring us all together

 

It started out as, literally, the greatest night of my life. I haven't seen anything in a prono that matches up with that. Of course, I'm biased.

 

Then, one of them suddenly jumped on me, in a playful way, and hit my gut...........PARTY TIME!

[Hurricane Ditka 0]

#2 is Correct. #3 is totally false. #1 is partially true. It was about 2 hours for the Vodka, not one, and we hadn't been discussing the threesome at all prior to that. In fact, I had dated both of them at times, and they had always had issues about that. However, they got REALLY hammered one night. It DID happen.......and then I vomited about 10 minutes after it was over. It never happened again after THAT. Puke was everywhere.

The Wisconsin chick was the clincher on that one. Bet you can't guess which one of mine is true though.

[Rattlesnake 0]

The Wisconsin chick was the clincher on that one. Bet you can't guess which one of mine is true though.

 

She was kind of an airhead and I never saw her again, but she served her purpose that night.

[DuckStupid 40]

I have to say that they are all true.... She REALLY likes it that way..

 

#2 is the true one. I had to giggle earlier when Joc posted his Reverse Cowboy thread...

[Rattlesnake 0]

1. I found my aunt dead in her car after killing herself.

 

2. I once lit a cat on fire with gasoline and a match.

 

3. I have smoked weed.

 

I'm going to guess #3. #2 was some kind of freak accident. #1 just plain sucks ass.

[Me_2006 14]

It started out as, literally, the greatest night of my life. I haven't seen anything in a prono that matches up with that. Of course, I'm biased.

 

Then, one of them suddenly jumped on me, in a playful way, and hit my gut...........PARTY TIME!

So how old are you now? Like how long ago was this and stuff?

[vuduchile 1,941]

1. I found my aunt dead in her car after killing herself.

 

2. I once lit a cat on fire with gasoline and a match.

 

3. I have smoked weed.

 

I'm going with number 1 here simply because this bored isn't big enough for 2 possible feline torturers

[Rattlesnake 0]

So how old are you now? Like how long ago was this and stuff?

 

I'm 28 now. This was in December 1997, over Christmas break during my freshman year of college. I had known the twins for years, since junior high. They went to Western Michigan that first year and I went to Ferris State. A bunch of us met up for a party over Christmas break. I think the gallon of Vodka was consumed from around 9-11, and then I wound up alone with those two sometime around midnight and we spent some QUALITY time together. The puke happened at around 2:56 AM. I remember that because I puked on the clock, among other things, and it said 2:56.

[Yer mom 2]

1. I once ran with scissors in my hand.

 

2. I played ball in the house.

 

3. I once put a penny in my mouth even though I didn't know where it had been.

 

 

You sir, are a menace to decent society and should be locked up with the key thrown into the deepest part of the ocean. May god have mercy on your hell spawning soul

[Hurricane Ditka 0]

1. I found my aunt dead in her car after killing herself.

 

2. I once lit a cat on fire with gasoline and a match.

 

3. I have smoked weed.

#1 is actually true. When I was like 5 years old my aunt was babysitting me when she took her own life. I didn't know what had happened really when I found her and when my mom came to pick me up about 2 hours later I told her. Tragic!

 

#2 Did happen at a party I was at where some idiot thought he was being funny. It was one of the worst things I have ever witnessed.

 

#3 True. My ole man to this days hits the peace pipe. Always has really disgusted me knowing my ole man loves the stuff. So I have never tried it.

[DuckStupid 40]

Another one:

 

1) I have put penny's in my ass.

 

2) I've never focked anyone besides my wife

 

3) I have been told, by many wowen that I have a nice cueticles.

[Hurricane Ditka 0]

Another one:

 

1) I have put penny's in my ass.TRUE

 

2) I've never focked anyone besides my wife

 

3) I have been told, by many wowen that I have a nice cueticles.

[Me_2006 14]

I'm 28 now. This was in December 1997, over Christmas break during my freshman year of college. I had known the twins for years, since junior high. They went to Western Michigan that first year and I went to Ferris State. A bunch of us met up for a party over Christmas break. I think the gallon of Vodka was consumed from around 9-11, and then I wound up alone with those two sometime around midnight and we spent some QUALITY time together. The puke happened at around 2:56 AM. I remember that because I puked on the clock, among other things, and it said 2:56.

Dang. I don't drink or anything, but that's a very cool story lol.

 

 

Also, I figured you were older than 28. I've got a brother that's 28 and he seems older too though. I guess I just figured you were because you're a teacher and stuff. Granted, I plan on teaching too and I hope I don't seem old, so it's whatever I guess.

 

 

What do you teach?

[Rattlesnake 0]

Another one (and I won't give the answer so quickly this time):

 

1. I didn't start playing until I was 16, but I am a great golfer. 5 handicap.

 

2. I played most of my junior (high school) football season with two broken arms. I played offensive and defensive line, and started both ways. Never missed any time.

 

3. I have totaled 5 cars in the 12 years that I have been driving. All 5 accidents were my fault.

 

Only one is true. The other two are totally false.

[Rattlesnake 0]

Dang. I don't drink or anything, but that's a very cool story lol.

Also, I figured you were older than 28. I've got a brother that's 28 and he seems older too though. I guess I just figured you were because you're a teacher and stuff. Granted, I plan on teaching too and I hope I don't seem old, so it's whatever I guess.

What do you teach?

 

I used to drink a LOT. I don't much at all anymore, very rarely. I think I partied myself out during my first 18 years.

 

My students always think I'm in my mid-late 30's because I'm so "mature" and "organized and stuff". I think it's because I've been through a lot of struggle, honestly. The wife and I have been through the ringer and that tends to age a person. Not that I'd take any of it back.......not at all.

 

Psychology, AP Psychology, and AP US History - I also co-sponsor our cadet teaching program

[Me_2006 14]

I used to drink a LOT. I don't much at all anymore, very rarely. I think I partied myself out during my first 18 years.

 

My students always think I'm in my mid-late 30's because I'm so "mature" and "organized and stuff". I think it's because I've been through a lot of struggle, honestly. The wife and I have been through the ringer and that tends to age a person. Not that I'd take any of it back.......not at all.

 

Psychology, AP Psychology, and AP US History - I also co-sponsor our cadet teaching program

Add Euro and Journalism to that list and you've got my favorite classes I've taken in high school.

 

 

Where the fock were you on here when I made all the history nerd jokes that no one got?