So, guys...

[TheNewGirl 1,056]

FWIW, I didn't just "go off" of my meds. It's been a long time since I was on them, and she was well aware that I was going off of them. Perhaps I do need to visit her again, but I honestly do NOT want to be on them. They made me fat, and it was VERY hard to lose the weiht afterwards, no matter how I ate or how much exercise I got (SSRI's do a number on your metabolism).

 

Anyways, thank you all for the serious answers. I appreciate it.

[DaWeffa 0]

smoke a bowl? that always works...medicinal i know, but it works and it is natural...hope you are less funky today!

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

FWIW, I didn't just "go off" of my meds. It's been a long time since I was on them, and she was well aware that I was going off of them. Perhaps I do need to visit her again, but I honestly do NOT want to be on them. They made me fat, and it was VERY hard to lose the weiht afterwards, no matter how I ate or how much exercise I got (SSRI's do a number on your metabolism).

 

Anyways, thank you all for the serious answers. I appreciate it.

 

You should probably check with the doctor and indicate that you don't like how the meds make you feel. You can adjust dosage, try different options, or do something different.

 

The only reason that I suggest this is that I had a friend who did not like how he felt after taking his meds, particularly around his workouts (he did triathalons). Not to scare you, but he decided to bump himself off last week because he was depressed.

[TheNewGirl 1,056]

You should probably check with the doctor and indicate that you don't like how the meds make you feel. You can adjust dosage, try different options, or do something different.

 

The only reason that I suggest this is that I had a friend who did not like how he felt after taking his meds, particularly around his workouts (he did triathalons). Not to scare you, but he decided to bump himself off last week because he was depressed.

 

I am very sorry to hear about your friend.

 

I did talk to my doctor about the meds, and all she did was prescribe more to take in conjunction with what I was all ready taking. I do not want to take three or four pills every day. If there was one that would work, then perhaps. But I am also a believer that there are somethings that I can do in terms of diet and exercise and see if that helps.

[SUXBNME 1,352]

FWIW, I didn't just "go off" of my meds. It's been a long time since I was on them, and she was well aware that I was going off of them. Perhaps I do need to visit her again, but I honestly do NOT want to be on them. They made me fat, and it was VERY hard to lose the weiht afterwards, no matter how I ate or how much exercise I got (SSRI's do a number on your metabolism).

 

Anyways, thank you all for the serious answers. I appreciate it.

They made me a lot fatter, that's for sure. From 165 to 190 approx..

They also had an effect on my sex life...Couldn't spooge across the room like I used to, and it would take way to long to even get an orgasm.. The wimmen folk seemed to like this cruel side effect

 

There are so many different meds out there, that I'm sure that you might find one that will offer less side effects to you then others. (If you choose to go this route)

 

My buddy used to be on Paxil, quit, got depressed again, tried Efexor (sp?) and that crap made it worse, so he went back to Paxil.

 

I'm sure that you have done your fair share of research on the subject, so I won't bore you with my ramblings, but if therepy, excersize, diet, etc..just aren't cutting it, you have to ask yourself whether it is worth having the few extra pounds (plus whatever other side effects there was) to feel "normal" again.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I am very sorry to hear about your friend.

 

I did talk to my doctor about the meds, and all she did was prescribe more to take in conjunction with what I was all ready taking. I do not want to take three or four pills every day. If there was one that would work, then perhaps. But I am also a believer that there are somethings that I can do in terms of diet and exercise and see if that helps.

Well, I hope that you get it squared away since I would like to introduce you to the world of anal since the hubby won't do it for you.

[beercat 5]

My buddy used to be on Paxil, quit, got depressed again, tried Efexor (sp?) and that crap made it worse, so he went back to Paxil.

 

Sux buddy = Q.Laz

[SUXBNME 1,352]

Sux buddy = Q.Laz

Not quite

[Savage Beast 1]

 

There are some medicated numb nuts around here. This is some funny stuff. What the fock are you guys running around lose for. You guys should be in a padded cell you depressed losers.

 

Taking medication for your problems is the losers way out.

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

smoke a bowl? that always works...medicinal i know, but it works and it is natural...hope you are less funky today!

 

I tried that on a daily basis for a year or so. Not really a good fix, as it tends to make one not really give a sh!t about much.

 

 

They also had an effect on my sex life...Couldn't spooge across the room like I used to, and it would take way to long to even get an orgasm.. The wimmen folk seemed to like this cruel side effect

 

Yeah, I've had the same problem. Now, sometimes I'll just finally ask "you good?" If she says yes, I'll just pull out and go to sleep.

 

It is a cruel joke, giving you your sex drive back and reducing your ability to finish in the same stroke.

[SUXBNME 1,352]

I tried that on a daily basis for a year or so. Not really a good fix, as it tends to make one not really give a sh!t about much.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I've had the same problem. Now, sometimes I'll just finally ask "you good?" If she says yes, I'll just pull out and go to sleep.

 

It is a cruel joke, giving you your sex drive back and reducing your ability to finish in the same stroke.

 

[29 Guests 29]

I PM'd you at the other site.

[gocolts 300]

I posted this a while back and you liked it.

[DuckStupid 40]

Buck up and quit feeling sorry for yourself.

 

Prioritize. You think you need an hour a day to do whatever it is that helps your mental healh. Do it. IMO, we get tooo involved sometimes. What do the kids really need? Food, water, shelter, love, and a clean arse. Everything beyond that's a bonus. I'm sure there's some bullsh!t things in your day to day schedule you can drop or shove in hubbies direction to give you the time you need to help yourself.

[Me_2006 14]

oh, and try Paxil.

[SUXBNME 1,352]

oh, and try Paxil.

You are too young to know about the hardships of life that the rest of us face

[TheNewGirl 1,056]

Buck up and quit feeling sorry for yourself.

 

You know, I wish it were this easy.

 

Depression isn't about feeling sorry for yourself, wishing you had more, regret, or whatever you want to call it. I DO realize that I have to make lemonade when life hands me lemons, but sometimes, it's not that easy to just POOF! figure out.

 

I am gathering that there are many here who've never experienced what depression is and what it feels like. You don't have to sit and cry all the time, you don't have to lay in bed all day or brood over everything. I guess I would say that I am a functional depressive. I know that I need to get out of bed, I have a family to take care of and all of that. But that doesn't mean that I can't be depressed at the same time.

 

Trust me, I let hubby know that there are things that he needs to take care of while I go exercise for an hour. Does it get done always? No...then I am stuck having lost an hour exercising while there was sh!t around the house that needed done. So, while he sits and watches TV, or plays Wii after the kids go to bed, I am still cleaning/laundry/dishes, whatever I asked him to do that didn't get done.

[jerryskids 5,328]

Trust me, I let hubby know that there are things that he needs to take care of while I go exercise for an hour. Does it get done always? No...then I am stuck having lost an hour exercising while there was sh!t around the house that needed done. So, while he sits and watches TV, or plays Wii after the kids go to bed, I am still cleaning/laundry/dishes, whatever I asked him to do that didn't get done.

Sounds like you are honing in on a solution to at least the objective part of your problem.

[BMoney 0]

give me a D

 

give me an I

 

give me a V

 

well...you know....

[TheNewGirl 1,056]

Sounds like you are honing in on a solution to at least the objective part of your problem.

 

Yeah, and if I ask him to do these things while I exercise, so that I am not left to do them while he sits and does nothing, I am nagging, right?

[SUXBNME 1,352]

Yeah, and if I ask him to do these things while I exercise, so that I am not left to do them while he sits and does nothing, I am nagging, right?

Nag away.

If he isn't part of the solution, he is part of the problem

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I am gathering that there are many here who've never experienced what depression is and what it feels like. You don't have to sit and cry all the time, you don't have to lay in bed all day or brood over everything. I guess I would say that I am a functional depressive. I know that I need to get out of bed, I have a family to take care of and all of that. But that doesn't mean that I can't be depressed at the same time.

 

I would suggest that you ignore some of the posters that do not understand what you are going through. I know that I don't know what you are thinking, but I do know that I cannot tell you how to feel in that regard.

[29 Guests 29]

Sometimes you just have to let go. I know it can be tough.

or nag

[jerryskids 5,328]

Yeah, and if I ask him to do these things while I exercise, so that I am not left to do them while he sits and does nothing, I am nagging, right?

That is not my definition of nagging.

 

Sounds like you are making excuses for not making time to exercise. I know, because I've been there. In fact I'm there right about now.

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

Trust me, I let hubby know that there are things that he needs to take care of while I go exercise for an hour. Does it get done always? No...then I am stuck having lost an hour exercising while there was sh!t around the house that needed done. So, while he sits and watches TV, or plays Wii after the kids go to bed, I am still cleaning/laundry/dishes, whatever I asked him to do that didn't get done.

 

Have you talked with him and stressed that your asking him to pitch in more around the house and with the kids isn't just you nagging him, but letting him know that you seriously need his assistance for your own health and well being?

 

I'm sure he's very aware of your past depression problems, so let him know that they are re-surfacing and you really need his help to stay ahead of it all.

Because he cares about you, I'm sure he'll be supportive.

 

I know that depression is very real and not something to take lightly. If you want to pull through without meds, more power to you and by all means - do it! It's a challenge, but life is like that.

 

If you treat yourself just as good as you treat the people you love, you'll probably begin to feel better about yourself.

[TheNewGirl 1,056]

BEG, I have addressed it with him, and I have noticed that yeah, I have to be a bit of a b!tch about it. Instead of asking "permission" or if he would mind, I have to specifically say, "I am going to go run, you need to empty the dishwasher, put the dishes in the sink in the dishwasher and start up some laundry." And for all of you that say that's pretty specific, that's what he's asked for - he doesn't want me to be vague and say, "Clean the kitchen." He said that he wants me to be very specific as to what my expectations are. So, there you have it. He will tell you that he hasn't touched a stitch of laundry in a few months, whereas he used to help out all the time. Something happened to our chore/my exercising plan, and I am not sure where it went wrong. In any case...

 

I was able to run/exercise for 45 minutes tonight. We will see how long this keeps up. He knows how important running was to me in the past, so yes, I can see how he might try a little harder to be more accommodating. Exercising and health isn't that important to him, but he does know that it's important to me. I would really like it to be important to him, but it's just not.

 

I guess I just don't see it as making excuses for not exercising. I could have sat there and knit socks for 45 minutes earlier instead of exercising. It just seems that with work and kids, that making sure clothes are clean and dishes are washed (and not being done at 10 PM) is more of a priority. I get stuck in the rut of the daily "chores" and wanting a home that meets my standards of clean. The first thing to go in this situation is the exercising time. Anyways, if you'd like to make your decision that I am "just making excuses" then so be it.

 

Again, thanks to all for the serious and non-snarky comments. I have also taken out some books that have helped me in the past, giving myself a little refresher course on what worked in the past.

 

Thanks again everyone.

[Psalm 23:4 0]

The world will not end if that load of laundry doesn't get done.

[pimptastic69 0]

BEG, I have addressed it with him, and I have noticed that yeah, I have to be a bit of a b!tch about it. Instead of asking "permission" or if he would mind, I have to specifically say, "I am going to go run, you need to empty the dishwasher, put the dishes in the sink in the dishwasher and start up some laundry." And for all of you that say that's pretty specific, that's what he's asked for - he doesn't want me to be vague and say, "Clean the kitchen." He said that he wants me to be very specific as to what my expectations are. So, there you have it. He will tell you that he hasn't touched a stitch of laundry in a few months, whereas he used to help out all the time. Something happened to our chore/my exercising plan, and I am not sure where it went wrong. In any case...

 

 

Thanks again everyone.

 

 

Welcome to married life. This is how things work.

 

What is so difficult about being "specific" about things? Give him a focking list of specific things to do. In the mean time, you can do what ever the fock you want.

[ERZER 0]

Don't know how long you've been together or married, but at one time you "loved" him and it seems as if something has been gnawing at you for some time. You've talked with him w/o success and he seems to not really care unless you are either his mommy or drill instructor.

 

You have to ask a couple of things and be honest with yourself.

 

Is this your fault?

 

Do you still care?

 

Is the relationship salvageable?

 

Do you think he will consider it salvageable and be willing to do something to help with it?

 

Are you going to let this become the defining moment should he not show any desire to make this a partnership vice personal servitude?

 

Nobody outside of maybe your true/good friends on this site are going to be able to help you or better those outside of this board. About the only thing you're going to do by responding to any further posts is to get yourself more angry and then depressed. I'd say that is a recipe for a long road to recovery via the drugs you so want to avoid. Seek some professional relationship advice and then think of it as a decision to exercise/run and just do what is in your heart.

 

nuff said and much luck; sincerely

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

BEG, I have addressed it with him, and I have noticed that yeah, I have to be a bit of a b!tch about it. Instead of asking "permission" or if he would mind, I have to specifically say, "I am going to go run, you need to empty the dishwasher, put the dishes in the sink in the dishwasher and start up some laundry." And for all of you that say that's pretty specific, that's what he's asked for - he doesn't want me to be vague and say, "Clean the kitchen." He said that he wants me to be very specific as to what my expectations are. So, there you have it. He will tell you that he hasn't touched a stitch of laundry in a few months, whereas he used to help out all the time. Something happened to our chore/my exercising plan, and I am not sure where it went wrong. In any case...

 

 

I guess I just don't see it as making excuses for not exercising. I could have sat there and knit socks for 45 minutes earlier instead of exercising. It just seems that with work and kids, that making sure clothes are clean and dishes are washed (and not being done at 10 PM) is more of a priority. I get stuck in the rut of the daily "chores" and wanting a home that meets my standards of clean. The first thing to go in this situation is the exercising time. Anyways, if you'd like to make your decision that I am "just making excuses" then so be it.

 

And you know that your expectations of a 'clean house' aren't necessarily going to match what his expectations are, right?

It's not that you have to let some things go, but at some point you might have to accept that it may not be perfect, but it's good enough.

 

Also, it doesn't sound to me like he's not willing to help, but only asking you to be specific about what you want him to take care of.

So, be specific and tell him what he can do.

[jerryskids 5,328]

Don't know how long you've been together or married, but at one time you "loved" him and it seems as if something has been gnawing at you for some time. You've talked with him w/o success and he seems to not really care unless you are either his mommy or drill instructor.

 

You have to ask a couple of things and be honest with yourself.

 

Is this your fault?

 

Do you still care?

 

Is the relationship salvageable?

 

Do you think he will consider it salvageable and be willing to do something to help with it?

 

Are you going to let this become the defining moment should he not show any desire to make this a partnership vice personal servitude?

 

Nobody outside of maybe your true/good friends on this site are going to be able to help you or better those outside of this board. About the only thing you're going to do by responding to any further posts is to get yourself more angry and then depressed. I'd say that is a recipe for a long road to recovery via the drugs you so want to avoid. Seek some professional relationship advice and then think of it as a decision to exercise/run and just do what is in your heart.

 

nuff said and much luck; sincerely

Stop being so melodromatic, she isn't leaving him, and some of us can help. TNG, my offer stands to discuss offline if you'd like, you know where I am on this topic, actually moreso than you may know.

[corky 0]

Stop being so melodromatic, she isn't leaving him, and some of us can help. TNG, my offer stands to discuss offline if you'd like, you know where I am on this topic, actually moreso than you may know.

Do you offer such "services" to non-womens?

[corky 0]

And you know that your expectations of a 'clean house' aren't necessarily going to match what his expectations are, right?

It's not that you have to let some things go, but at some point you might have to accept that it may not be perfect, but it's good enough.

 

Also, it doesn't sound to me like he's not willing to help, but only asking you to be specific about what you want him to take care of.

So, be specific and tell him what he can do.

Aren't you the one who lost a marriage of 22 years? Not a great track record to be a relationship advisor.

[DuckStupid 40]

You know, I wish it were this easy. Depression isn't about feeling sorry for yourself, wishing you had more, regret, or whatever you want to call it. I DO realize that I have to make lemonade when life hands me lemons, but sometimes, it's not that easy to just POOF! figure out. I am gathering that there are many here who've never experienced what depression is and what it feels like. You don't have to sit and cry all the time, you don't have to lay in bed all day or brood over everything. I guess I would say that I am a functional depressive. I know that I need to get out of bed, I have a family to take care of and all of that. But that doesn't mean that I can't be depressed at the same time. Trust me, I let hubby know that there are things that he needs to take care of while I go exercise for an hour. Does it get done always? No...then I am stuck having lost an hour exercising while there was sh!t around the house that needed done. So, while he sits and watches TV, or plays Wii after the kids go to bed, I am still cleaning/laundry/dishes, whatever I asked him to do that didn't get done.

Fock that.  I've been through enough sh!t in my life where I have plenty of reasons to be "depressed".

 

IMO, It is that easy.  Life's what you make of it.  You can wallow around a depressed nag, or you can go out and capture what you choose.  Yeah, stuff needs to get done, but as I said,  prioritize what's important to you and focus on that.  The rest of it's pretty trivial in the big picture.   There's always tommorrow to get the laundry and the dishes done.  If he wants to live in a pig stye, let him for a while (unless a clean house is one thing that's really important to you.  In that case, post a detailed daily list of chores on the fridge for d!ckhead so he knows what you expect of him each night).There's a crapload anyone with some common sense could state here about setting goals and achieving positive results.  I'm going to skip that and simply state that it sure doesn't sound like hubby gives a fock about your state of mind (or maybe he's just sick of dealing with your sh!t).  Either way, doesn't sound all that healthy.

 

You know I wish you the best TNG.  Take care of yourself first.  Your kids need and deserve that.

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

Aren't you the one who lost a marriage of 22 years? Not a great track record to be a relationship advisor.

 

Actually, he was the one who lost.

 

Also, it's a little bit creepy that you know so much about my personal life...

[BMoney 0]

Actually, he was the one who lost.

 

Also, it's a little bit creepy that you know so much about my personal life...

 

 

married 22 years? no way you are that old....

 

TNG, what BEG is trying to say is.....you need your guy to talk to you...not play video games like a 14 year old...

 

if you can come on here and be good at look at me threads...you should be able to figure out ways to do it at home...

 

if you cant get his attention without video games or sex, it may be time for you to set up a geek meet and get a good boinking from some of the guys here.....no one should have to resort to medication...once us tart relying on a fake high..youll never get off the stuff...youll never tell the difference between a natural high and taking a pill or 2....

 

posting nude picks is also dangerous and exhiliarating...you should try it here....

 

all seriousness..if your hubby isnt that concerned...maybe its time to let him know that you are looking for someone who is... let him think about that for awhile...

[ERZER 0]

Stop being so melodromatic, she isn't leaving him, and some of us can help. TNG, my offer stands to discuss offline if you'd like, you know where I am on this topic, actually moreso than you may know.

 

 

Melodramatic? Nah, it's called realism. Seeking advice from a bunch of us on a personal matter in the open is fine to a point, but what TNG needs is a friend or two who know her more so than a picture and comments on a message board. If she trusts you or any of us as true confidants, then so be it.

 

I'll add this to my earlier post, if this is just a piece of the puzzle, then my post is fine where it is at. If this is just a squabble over the fact the guy is a couch potato and isn't ready to own up to his responsibilities in this "partnership", then either live with it or write up a job list for him to complete each day/week; while you're at it, buy him some man diapers because obviously he is still a baby if he needs a detailed list....

[Franknbeans 46]

along some of the lines others have already posted... if you can find the time, perhaps you should try helping out at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen or whatever. I think it may offer you some perspective on your life.

[TheNewGirl 1,056]

Melodramatic? Nah, it's called realism. Seeking advice from a bunch of us on a personal matter in the open is fine to a point, but what TNG needs is a friend or two who know her more so than a picture and comments on a message board. If she trusts you or any of us as true confidants, then so be it.

 

I'll add this to my earlier post, if this is just a piece of the puzzle, then my post is fine where it is at. If this is just a squabble over the fact the guy is a couch potato and isn't ready to own up to his responsibilities in this "partnership", then either live with it or write up a job list for him to complete each day/week; while you're at it, buy him some man diapers because obviously he is still a baby if he needs a detailed list....

 

IMO, you are being melodramatic, not realistic. Do you honestly think that you guys are the ONLY ones I talk to and I have no friends IRL? Or that I haven't talked to him about this? To think that YOU guys are the only people in my life seems a tad arrogant, IMO. As for true confidants from HERE specifically, there are perhaps two or three people that I would consider people I can really talk to with out the judgment, assumptions, and asshattedrey that I get from others here.

 

Yeah, he doesn't fold clothes for a bit and now I am asking myself if it's my fault, if I care, or if the marriage is salvageable? The conclusions that some of you folks jump to really makes me laugh sometimes. Obviously, it's not my fault; at least not ALL of it. I will take some of the blame as this IS a partnership and it's not a me against him and whose fault is it. Duh, I care - else I wouldn't be posting about it and I can't justify the salvageable part with an answer. My realtionship with him has been through tougher things that this, and we are both in it for the long haul.

 

I DO give him a detailed list because that's what HE ASKED FOR. If I say, "You need to clean the kitchen." He will do two of the three things I was referring to; so having him ask for the detailed list with those three things on there so that HE knows what my expectations are. I do know that his definition of "clean" is much different than mine, and that's fine. As long as he's helping out and it's clean to his expectations. I can't ask him for help and then criticize whatever he does; that seems pretty counterproductive, IMO.

 

As for threatening him that "I will look for someone else" that's both childish and stupid, IMO. Mostly because he'd likely look at me and say, "You honestly think that, then go do it" and it wouldn't motivate him to do anything. We've been together for almost 10 years. I know what works for him and what doesn't work for him; talking. If I don't yell, don't get mad, don't make idle threats, and all of that, he will realize that he's wrong, I am right and he needs to man up and do somethings.

 

Also, please remember that this topic wasn't originally about him helping/not helping out. Yes, it was about my being down and feeling over whelmed, but it wasn't ALL about needing some help.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

As for true confidants from HERE specifically, there are perhaps two or three people that I would consider people I can really talk to with out the judgment, assumptions, and asshattedrey that I get from others here.

 

I was feeling like I was part of the team until the bolded part.