One of my favorite customer replies when I used to wait tables.

[Utilit99 4,099]

"Would you like something to drink while you look over the menu?".

Answer. "I don't drink. Just a diet pepsi for me." 

These are coincidentally some of the cheapest tippers.  

. 

[edjr 5,564]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrhfSBbu1bY

is that the foot long? and then some

[edjr 5,564]

13 minutes ago, Utilit99 said:

"Would you like something to drink while you look over the menu?".

Answer. "I don't drink. Just a diet pepsi for me." 

These are coincidentally some of the cheapest tippers.  

. 

I always order water at 1st to see the servers reaction. Being a bartender, I tip very well. Just want to see how they sulk.

[Utilit99 4,099]

10 minutes ago, edjr said:

I always order water at 1st to see the servers reaction. Being a bartender, I tip very well. Just want to see how they sulk.

"Just water for me." 

"Fock." 

[edjr 5,564]

Just now, Utilit99 said:

"Just water for me." 

"Fock." 

[MDC 5,891]

Did you wait tables while trying to make it as a dancer?

[Utilit99 4,099]

1 minute ago, MDC said:

Did you wait tables while trying to make it as a dancer?

Weird take on things. 

[edjr 5,564]

10 minutes ago, MDC said:

Did you wait tables while trying to make it as a dancer?

I'm a private dancer, a dancer for many and any old music will do

[Masshole 642]

"We'd like to split this dish . . . "    

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

Server:  do you wanna box for your food??

Me:  No, I dont like violence.

Total dad joke...hahaha

[Utilit99 4,099]

30 minutes ago, Cloaca du jour said:

Server:  do you wanna box for your food??

Me:  No, I dont like violence.

Total dad joke...hahaha

Total dad humor. 

I waited on someone once who when I asked how his appetizer was he replied, "It's making me lose my appetite". 

Instead of reacting with a "What's wrong?" type of answer, I said, "And I bet by the time you finish your whole meal, you will have completely lost your appetite." He replied, "Oh you're good. Not many catch onto that." 

[JustinCharge 2,397]

1 hour ago, Cloaca du jour said:

Server:  do you wanna box for your food??

Me:  No, I dont like violence.

Total dad joke...hahaha

That's like at the checkout at the grocery:

Checkout girl: do you want a bag?

Me: im not that ugly!

[frank 2,145]

3 minutes ago, JustinCharge said:

That's like at the checkout at the grocery:

Checkout girl: do you want a bag?

Me: im not that ugly!

Checkout girl: Whatever you say. Now buy something or get out. 

 

 

[Bier Meister 1,513]

8 minutes ago, JustinCharge said:

That's like at the checkout at the grocery:

Checkout girl: do you want a bag?

Me: im not that ugly!

Checkout girl: maybe two, in case the first one breaks

[Horseman 1,514]

Didnt realize this was the retired waitress forum.  

[cyclone24 1,814]

25 minutes ago, Horseman said:

Didnt realize this was the retired waitress forum.  

Waiters and waitresses can get bent. You know what you’re signing up for and theres a reason you wait tables. 
 

I shouldn’t have to monetarily subsidize your career choice.