Weirdest thing to ever happen to you during sex

[MLCKAA 420]

I came 40 times.

[Lionsjunkie 1]

She was on top and a little piece of sh!t came out. After we were done it was dark and I felt around the bed and put my hand in it. I was like "WHAT THE FOCK IS THIS" she ran into the other room crying and locked herself in the bathroom. I was like "WHAT THE FOCK" yeah know, being real sensitive and all. She ends up telling me when she was born she was born with her a-hole messed up and she's had a bunch of surgeries in her life and sometimes it doesn't work correctly. Maybe you might want to WARN someone before you go sh!tting on them, just a thought. I literally focked the sh!t out of her. I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Black Label Society]

I didn't know that stimulating the G spot on a girl who never had it before will make her pee.

 

 

And then there was the one time in college when I picked up Stacy, from San Diego....

I went down town....you know.....drunk, and so was she.

 

Got up in the morning.....took her back to her friends apt.

Got back....Kyle (roomie) says....how the fuckk did you get blood all over my sheets you ######?!!?

 

Me.....

 

10 seconds later...

 

30 seconds later.....

 

1 minute later....

 

(sad, but true)

[OD99 0]

Before I begin I must say I was young, drunk and she was pretty hot plus I knew she was nasty.

 

It was one of my best friends ex-gf's (hence I knew she was nasty) and we ended up back at her place about 2:30 AM and her dad and stepmom are still up, totally hammered with some of their friends...I have never met any of them before and she tells them I am staying over and we are going downstairs - they tell us to keep it down ("don't yell too loud")

 

She puts on a Pink Floyd video and proceeds to suck me off. She goes upstairs to get us some drinks and now I am feeling really bad about being with my buddy's ex...I try to sneak upstairs and leave but I can't find my shoes - I go back downstairs and she is sitting on the bed with my shoes and calling me all kinds of names

 

I pulled my ###### out again and stuck it in her mouth and we ended up going all night (my bud was right, she was nasssttyyy).

 

End of story is two weeks later my bud finds out about it and she actually stuck up for me and said I wanted to leave after the BJ but she wouldn't let me. We have never spoken about it since.

[B1CUDA 0]

This is a high school story....... I was trying to get this girlfriend of mine in the sack for a super long time, but, I couldn't because she was a virgin and kept giving me the famous line, "I want to save myself for marriage". I'm like, yeah, whatever. Anywho, I get her back to my parents house one night and I told her that I just wanted to "slip it in for a second to see how it feels". She agrees and I get the biggest wood of my young life. I slip on a rubber and get on top of her and stick it in. I am trying to be careful not to hurt her because she is a virgin. I last a whopping two or three minutes and blow my man chowder. I get off of her, lay next to her and ask her if she is in pain (I was thinking I was king of the hill and that I just ruined her puzz)

 

 

 

She looks at me and says, "You didn't put it in me"

 

Me: "Huh?"

 

She: "You slid it under my butt and humped the bed"

 

Me:

 

 

She dumped me two days later. (I did continue to hump my water bed, however)

[sawilson 1]

This is a high school story....... I was trying to get this girlfriend of mine in the sack for a super long time, but, I couldn't because she was a virgin and kept giving me the famous line, "I want to save myself for marriage". I'm like, yeah, whatever. Anywho, I get her back to my parents house one night and I told her that I just wanted to "slip it in for a second to see how it feels". She agrees and I get the biggest wood of my young life. I slip on a rubber and get on top of her and stick it in. I am trying to be careful not to hurt her because she is a virgin. I last a whopping two or three minutes and blow my man chowder. I get off of her, lay next to her and ask her if she is in pain (I was thinking I was king of the hill and that I just ruined her puzz)

She looks at me and says, "You didn't put it in me"

 

Me: "Huh?"

 

She: "You slid it under my butt and humped the bed"

 

Me:

She dumped me two days later. (I did continue to hump my water bed, however)

 

Holy shiot dude, this is one of the funniest things I have read on here in a long time!!!

 

At least say that you were a virgin too so you had an excuse to know the difference.

[B1CUDA 0]

Holy shiot dude, this is one of the funniest things I have read on here in a long time!!!

 

At least say that you were a virgin too so you had an excuse to know the difference.

 

 

I wish I could. I did have ZERO experience at the time, however. That story, sad but true, cracks me up every time I think about it. I wasn't laughing too much back then.

[sawilson 1]

I wish I could. I did have ZERO experience at the time, however. That story, sad but true, cracks me up every time I think about it. I wasn't laughing too much back then.

I can't stop laughing at this, just picturing it. Especially knowing you WEREN'T a virgin.

 

Dude, how careful were you the next time to actually get it in a hole?

[B1CUDA 0]

I can't stop laughing at this, just picturing it. Especially knowing you WEREN'T a virgin.

 

Dude, how careful were you the next time to actually get it in a hole?

 

Uhhhhh, let's just say that the lights were on and I was all about making sure my wee-wee went into the right place. In all honesty, after the "Bed humping" incident, I didn't get any for well over a year. I was too afraid to make the same mistake twice.

[sawilson 1]

Uhhhhh, let's just say that the lights were on and I was all about making sure my wee-wee went into the right place. In all honesty, after the "Bed humping" incident, I didn't get any for well over a year. I was too afraid to make the same mistake twice.

[TommyGavin 790]

I had this GF (we were both 18-19 or so) and her mother was um a bar slut to be blunt. Me and GF would bang in her basement all the time and the mom pretty much came home 2-3 nights aweek at best so it was practially our place.

SIDENOTE

I knew the mom first from the bar and freinds. She was flirty with everyone.

BACK TO STORY

One night me and GF finished in the basement (drunk as usual) and I went to leave (drive) and as I walked into kitchen there is the mom getting banged on the kitchen table by an on duty COP .

AS I try to sneak out they stop me and he says I cant drive home beacause I'm drunk - she says stay and join in

 

LONG STORY SHORT (too late)

 

I got laid by GF every which way

HEAD by her mom as she was getting plowed

POLICE ESCORT home !!!!!

 

(and thats not even my best sex story)

1 I already told here and got BLASTED and another story for another day.

[texasmouth 1]

I had this GF (we were both 18-19 or so) and her mother was um a bar slut to be blunt. Me and GF would bang in her basement all the time and the mom pretty much came home 2-3 nights aweek at best so it was practially our place.

SIDENOTE

I knew the mom first from the bar and freinds. She was flirty with everyone.

BACK TO STORY

One night me and GF finished in the basement (drunk as usual) and I went to leave (drive) and as I walked into kitchen there is the mom getting banged on the kitchen table by an on duty COP .

AS I try to sneak out they stop me and he says I cant drive home beacause I'm drunk - she says stay and join in

 

LONG STORY SHORT (too late)

 

I got laid by GF every which way

HEAD by her mom as she was getting plowed

POLICE ESCORT home !!!!!

 

(and thats not even my best sex story)

1 I already told here and got BLASTED and another story for another day.

 

 

No way this story is true.

[Guest Black Label Society]

I had this GF (we were both 18-19 or so) and her mother was um a bar slut to be blunt. Me and GF would bang in her basement all the time and the mom pretty much came home 2-3 nights aweek at best so it was practially our place.

SIDENOTE

I knew the mom first from the bar and freinds. She was flirty with everyone.

BACK TO STORY

One night me and GF finished in the basement (drunk as usual) and I went to leave (drive) and as I walked into kitchen there is the mom getting banged on the kitchen table by an on duty COP .

AS I try to sneak out they stop me and he says I cant drive home beacause I'm drunk - she says stay and join in

 

LONG STORY SHORT (too late)

 

I got laid by GF every which way

HEAD by her mom as she was getting plowed

POLICE ESCORT home !!!!!

 

(and thats not even my best sex story)

1 I already told here and got BLASTED and another story for another day.

 

Yeah, at 1:16am, this story has been 'Beerified'.

[hoytdwow 202]

I had this GF (we were both 18-19 or so) and her mother was um a bar slut to be blunt. Me and GF would bang in her basement all the time and the mom pretty much came home 2-3 nights aweek at best so it was practially our place.

SIDENOTE

I knew the mom first from the bar and freinds. She was flirty with everyone.

BACK TO STORY

One night me and GF finished in the basement (drunk as usual) and I went to leave (drive) and as I walked into kitchen there is the mom getting banged on the kitchen table by an on duty COP .

AS I try to sneak out they stop me and he says I cant drive home beacause I'm drunk - she says stay and join in

 

LONG STORY SHORT (too late)

 

I got laid by GF every which way

HEAD by her mom as she was getting plowed

POLICE ESCORT home !!!!!

 

(and thats not even my best sex story)

1 I already told here and got BLASTED and another story for another day.

 

[TommyGavin 790]

no beerifying there buddy. I work nights and at the office at the time - also - who cares if you dont (all) believe it.

 

You dont have older ladies at your local bar looking to hook up with younger guys (or any guys?)

 

One time me and a friend picked up a mother / daughter in an after hours place in Baltimore and took them back to our hotel . I got the mom he got the daughter.

 

Please dont put me in the GFIAFP category...........

[hoytdwow 202]

 

TGIAFP

[D'ohmer Simpson 0]

One time me and a friend picked up a mother / daughter in an after hours place in Baltimore and took them back to our hotel .

So prostituting runs in the family?

[resser2 0]

One night me and GF finished in the basement (drunk as usual) and I went to leave (drive) and as I walked into kitchen there is the mom getting banged on the kitchen table by an on duty COP .

AS I try to sneak out they stop me and he says I cant drive home beacause I'm drunk - she says stay and join in

 

LONG STORY SHORT (too late)

 

I got laid by GF every which way

HEAD by her mom as she was getting plowed

POLICE ESCORT home !!!!!

 

 

 

Like I said before

Two Girls & One Guy = Great

Two Guys & One Girl = Gay

[wiffleball 4,679]

Me and the little woman (she was 6 at the time) were getting ready to do the do. She goes into the bafroom and does whatever. She comes back and we start getting into it when I start to head down to the cooter canyon for a little tongue lashing. I look and I'm like: it was all flaky and scaly and shiot. - Looked like she had cooter leprosy. So, I look up at her and I'm like "you look kind of dried out down there, does it hurt?" or something like that. Anyway, I kinda proceed to tell her she should probably get some lotion or see a Dr. or something. She's freaking (but not saying anything), obviously the mood is COMPLETELY gone. She feels like a leper and I'm skeezed out.

 

....Turns out, she had simply peed, wiped and the cheap axx TP she used flaked all over her girly bits.

[bigunreal 0]

(she was 6 at the time)

 

[wiffleball 4,679]

 

 

Yeah, but she looked at least 9.

[TheNewGirl 1,059]

I don't think that I have ever had anything weird happen to me during sex. I have never poo'd nor been poo'd on...never had a threesome...

 

Hmm.

 

There was this one guy who kept saying how much he HATED oral sex, how it didn't do anything for him, blah blah blah. I KNOW that he was just trying to get me to go down, but I wouldn't. I responded with a, "Oh really? That's kinda wierd, most guys love that sh!t. Interesting."

 

Never ended up going down. If a guy has to make THAT big a deal out of it, I ain't going to do it. Sorry.

 

 

That's probably the wierdest thing.

 

Although, there was this other guy...we were getting it on, and he had these perfectly round little bumps, just under his nipples on both sides...kinda looked like moles. He told me that he'd been shot, and the bullet when through him. First off, the bumps weren't that big, they were seriously small.

Turns out, he'd gotten liposuction, and those were the scars. He was only 30 (I was under 21 at the time). I thought it was weird.

[peenie 1,701]

well when i was 17 i was at my best friend's house. we used to sneak and drink her parent's rum. so one late saturday night we were all buzzed and high and i went to the bathroom. before i closed the door her brother (gorgeous, college hurdle runner) asked if he could come in and watch. i was like, sure. so i went to the bathroom and....well....i'll just say that i didn't have to use toilet paper.

[Toro 1]

well when i was 17 i was at my best friend's house. we used to sneak and drink her parent's rum. so one late saturday night we were all buzzed and high and i went to the bathroom. before i closed the door her brother (gorgeous, college hurdle runner) asked if he could come in and watch. i was like, sure. so i went to the bathroom and....well....i'll just say that i didn't have to use toilet paper.

 

I just threw up in my mouf.

[BlackClouds 24]

well when i was 17 i was at my best friend's house. we used to sneak and drink her parent's rum. so one late saturday night we were all buzzed and high and i went to the bathroom. before i closed the door her brother (gorgeous, college hurdle runner) asked if he could come in and watch. i was like, sure. so i went to the bathroom and....well....i'll just say that i didn't have to use toilet paper.

 

Your poop story beats edjr's hands down.

[TheNewGirl 1,059]

Ew, peenie.

[jerryskids 5,360]

peenie, I'd like to thank you for setting back my desire to go down on my wife about a bazillion levels.

[peenie 1,701]

okay, i made that story up. that didn't really happen to me, i just heard it on the radio.

i don't have any cool stories to tell. i'm boring.

[jerryskids 5,360]

okay, i made that story up. that didn't really happen to me, i just heard it on the radio.

i don't have any cool stories to tell. i'm boring.

 

How about that time that one guy looked at your boobs and didn't laugh?

[peenie 1,701]

How about that time that one guy looked at your boobs and didn't laugh?

now that was truly weird.

[jerryskids 5,360]

now that was truly weird.

That he looked or that he didn't laugh?

[peenie 1,701]

That he looked or that he didn't laugh?

um...both.

[jerryskids 5,360]

um...both.

BTW I thought you said you were going to start using capital letters.

[peenie 1,701]

BTW I thought you said you were going to start using capital letters.

[TommyGavin 790]

So prostituting runs in the family?

no but bartending/waitressing obviously did

good try

[De Novo 0]

There's this chick giving a guy dome on a bench outside my apt. right now, under the lights, and it's raining. Should I ask for sloppy 2nds?

 

Would that story be any good?

[TommyGavin 790]

There's this chick giving a guy dome on a bench outside my apt. right now, under the lights, and it's raining. Should I ask for sloppy 2nds?

 

Would that story be any good?

get PICTURES dumbbell

[De Novo 0]

get PICTURES dumbbell

 

This guy looks to be around 6'2" 220 and mean, not fat either. I'm all of about 5'10" 180. They're still out there though

 

I think he'd kill me the second he saw the camera flash.

[JimyKrackedKorn 0]

Parents walked in. Also, once, accidentally slid it in the back door.

[Big Blue 06 195]

Parents walked in. Also, once, accidentally slid it in the back door.

 

"Accidentally"? I think we've all made that "mistake" once or twice.