Engagement/Wedding ring question

[sawilson 1]

So when two people get divorced, what typically happens to the wedding ring?

My ex and I have never discussed this and mine is still sitting in my jewelry box.

[dolfan06 1]

Hey sawilson. I don't know the answer to your question but all I can say is I feel horrible that you even have to ask it. Noone ever goes into a marriage expecting it to fail. Marriages are about optimism and celebrating life. It just makes me sad that the celebration has to end sometimes.

[sawilson 1]

Hey sawilson. I don't know the answer to your question but all I can say is I feel horrible that you even have to ask it. Noone ever goes into a marriage expecting it to fail. Marriages are about optimism and celebrating life. It just makes me sad that the celebration has to end sometimes.

Thanks, and I agree, but sometimes its for the best. He and I were just friends and lived that way literally for 2 years (didn't even sleep in the same bed). We both deserve love and happiness in our lives not to mention I didn't want my son growing up thinking that is the way that marriage and love is supposed to be you know.

 

I am just very fortunate that we are still really good friends today, probably even better than we were when we were married.

[Rattlesnake 0]

Pawn it off, get something out of the marriage.

[sawilson 1]

Pawn it off, get something out of the marriage.

I did. My son who is my life, and a wonderful friend.

[CurlyNight's Ghost 0]

Hey sawilson. I don't know the answer to your question but all I can say is I feel horrible that you even have to ask it. Noone ever goes into a marriage expecting it to fail. Marriages are about optimism and celebrating life. It just makes me sad that the celebration has to end sometimes.

 

Keep it so if you and Big Pete!@#@! decide to wed he'll have a ring for you!@#@!

[TheNewGirl 1,066]

You get to keep it, according to most laws.

 

If you want to give it back, that's your deal.

 

I would just keep it in your jewelry box, decide later what to do with it.

[DuckStupid 40]

I'd stick it up your ass.

[frank 2,166]

1. Give it back to the man

 

 

or

 

 

2. Be a skank ho

[Hurricane Ditka 0]

Honestly, It is a worthless keepsake and reminder of something that just didn't work. I think you should sell it and use the money in a worthy way for your son.

 

IMO

[Big_Pete 0]

 

Keep it so if you and Big Pete!@#@! decide to wed he'll have a ring for you!@#@!

[Let Da Big Dog Eat 38]

The law on this is actually almost universal. An engagement ring is a "gift in contemplation of marriage" and if the marriage does not occur, must be returned. A wedding ring is a gift upon upon completion of marriage. Neither need be returned after marriage has occurred (by either party) as the contract has been fulfilled.

 

I would take the $ from both the engagement and wedding rings and put it in a college fund for you son.  How could either party argue with that solution?

[peenie 1,702]

you should keep it and give it to your first granddaughter.

[TommyGavin 790]

I would just keep it in your box

 

is that for additional pleasure ?

[Let Da Big Dog Eat 38]

you should keep it and give it to your first granddaughter.

 

Huh? Under what basis of logic or reasoning does that make sense? Why would she care? What meaning would a wedding ring from someone else's marriage have to her?

[TommyGavin 790]

What meaning would a wedding ring from someone else's succesful marriage have to her?

 

[Big_Pete 0]

you should keep it and give it to your first granddaughter.

 

 

Huh? Under what basis of logic or reasoning does that make sense? Why would she care? What meaning would a wedding ring from someone else's marriage have to her?

IF you were still married, I could see this.

But why pass on a ring from a failed marriage?

And I'd think that you'd pass it on to either your daughter (if you had one, and it's something you really wanted to do), or you pass it on to your granddaughter (cause you'll be so old that who cares if you don't wear the original anymore, plus it'd be an heirloom and of great sentimental value at that point)

[peenie 1,702]

Huh? Under what basis of logic or reasoning does that make sense? Why would she care? What meaning would a wedding ring from someone else's marriage have to her?

it's a piece of jewelry. maybe you all haven't had anyone in your family to die, but all jewelry goes to someone no matter where it came from or the meaning behind it.

she doesn't have a daughter that is why i suggested she give it to her granddaughter.

do not pawn the ring, she'll get no money for it.

she can give it to whoever she wants, i just figure a grandchild would really appreciate something from grandma.

[davebg 0]

If the engagement goes south usually it depends upon who broke it off. If the guy broke it off, then the woman can keep it. If she broke it off, then she is supposed to return it.

 

This is kind of rooted in the traditions of giving an engagement ring. Back in the day (think early 1900's) a woman's worth as a potential wife was determined by whether or not she was still a virgin. However, many women lost their virginity during the engagement, so the ring was considered kind of insurance for the woman in case she gave it up and then the guy broke it off.

 

If the marriage takes place, then I'd think that the ring would become marital property, just like everything else and it (or its cash value) would be included as part of any divorce settlement.

[TheNewGirl 1,066]

If the engagement goes south usually it depends upon who broke it off. If the guy broke it off, then the woman can keep it. If she broke it off, then she is supposed to return it.

 

This is kind of rooted in the traditions of giving an engagement ring. Back in the day (think early 1900's) a woman's worth as a potential wife was determined by whether or not she was still a virgin. However, many women lost their virginity during the engagement, so the ring was considered kind of insurance for the woman in case she gave it up and then the guy broke it off.

 

If the marriage takes place, then I'd think that the ring would become marital property, just like everything else and it (or its cash value) would be included as part of any divorce settlement.

 

 

The reason the ring is given back during an engagement is because there is a "contract" of sorts..."Yes I agree to marry you." I didn't marry you, I didn't uphold my part of the agreement, therefore in some cases the ring needs to be given back.

 

However, if the marriage takes place, it's the property of the bride as the agreement was fulfilled with the marriage. If you choose to divide it up as a part of marital property, then I woudl think that's up to the couple. However, I have never heard of a HUSBAND asking for a ring back during times of divorce; fiancee's yes, but not husbands.

 

Personally, I would NOT pass on a ring to a child if the marriage failed, UNLESS the child stated that they wanted the ring. If my daughter asked for the ring that her father gave me, it might hold SOME sentimental value to her; since it's her dad and all. Since saw's son is pretty young, I would think that either keeping it "just because" or getting rid of it (pawn, etc) would work in this situation; I think that it's up to her.

 

It's a piece of jewelry. maybe you all haven't had anyone in your family to die, but all jewelry goes to someone no matter where it came from or the meaning behind it.

she doesn't have a daughter that is why i suggested she give it to her granddaughter.

do not pawn the ring, she'll get no money for it.

she can give it to whoever she wants, i just figure a grandchild would really appreciate something from grandma.

 

Dying and divorce aren't the same thing; esp. in terms of "who gets what." It DOES matter the meaning behind something like this and I would think that meaning would matter in times of someone dying as well.

How do you know that she wouldn't get decent $$$ for the ring? And perhaps it's not about how much she would get, it's about closure to the situation and being able to move on fully.

Personally, I don't know if I would want a ring from my grandmother, esp if the marriage ended. Some people do still have reserved feelings, perhaps the ring has some kind of negative energy, etc. Just like wearing the wedding dress of a relative, when the marriage failed...

[redtodd 7]

If the engagement ends - It goes back to the man. No questions should be asked.

If the marriage ends - It is the property of both and should be sold and split between the two.

If the marriage ends and the ring is inherited (mother/grandma) - It goes to the spouse that is the relative of the original ring owner.

[sawilson 1]

Thanks for all the suggestions guys/gals.

I agree that it's not something that I would pass on as it was a failed marriage. Some may even think having the ring from a failed marriage is bad luck.

 

Still don't know what I'll do with it am leaning toward the selling it and putting it towards something for my son. I agree that I don't think he would be upset with this either.

[davebg 0]

The reason the ring is given back during an engagement is because there is a "contract" of sorts..."Yes I agree to marry you." I didn't marry you, I didn't uphold my part of the agreement, therefore in some cases the ring needs to be given back.

Actually, I was just reading an article about this very thing the other day. The article was written by a woman and she was pretty much calling her fellow females a bunch of hypocrites b/c of the whole engagement ring thing.

But there's a powerful case to be made that in an age of equitable marriage the engagement ring is an outmoded commodity—starting with the obvious fact that only the woman gets one. The diamond ring is the site of retrograde fantasies about gender roles. What makes it pernicious—as opposed to tackily fun—is its cost (these days you don't need just a diamond; you need a good diamond), its dubious origins, and the cynical blandishments of TV and print ads designed to suggest a ring's allure through the crassest of stereotypes.

 

But the desire wasn't always there. In fact, the "tradition" of the diamond engagement ring is newer than you might think. Betrothal rings, a custom inherited from the Romans, became an increasingly common part of the Christian tradition in the 13th century. The first known diamond engagement ring was commissioned for Mary of Burgundy by the Archduke Maximilian of Austria in 1477. The Victorians exchanged "regards" rings set with birthstones. But it wasn't until the late 19th century, after the discovery of mines in South Africa drove the price of diamonds down, that Americans regularly began to give (or receive) diamond engagement rings. (Before that, some betrothed women got thimbles instead of rings.) Even then, the real blingfest didn't get going until the 1930s, when—dim the lights, strike up the violins, and cue entrance—the De Beers diamond company decided it was time to take action against the American public.

 

In 1919, De Beers experienced a drop in diamond sales that lasted for two decades. So in the 1930s it turned to the firm N.W. Ayer to devise a national advertising campaign—still relatively rare at the time—to promote its diamonds. Ayer convinced Hollywood actresses to wear diamond rings in public, and, according to Edward Jay Epstein in The Rise and Fall of the Diamond, encouraged fashion designers to discuss the new "trend" toward diamond rings.

 

But behind every Madison Avenue victory lurks a deeper social reality. And as it happens there was another factor in the surge of engagement ring sales—one that makes the ring's role as collateral in the premarital economy more evident. Until the 1930s, a woman jilted by her fiance could sue for financial compensation for "damage" to her reputation under what was known as the "Breach of Promise to Marry" action. As courts began to abolish such actions, diamond ring sales rose in response to a need for a symbol of financial commitment from the groom, argues the legal scholar Margaret Brinig—noting, crucially, that ring sales began to rise a few years before the De Beers campaign. To be marriageable at the time you needed to be a virgin, but, Brinig points out, a large percentage of women lost their virginity while engaged. So some structure of commitment was necessary to assure betrothed women that men weren't just trying to get them into bed. The "Breach of Promise" action had helped prevent what society feared would be rampant seduce-and-abandon scenarios; in its lieu, the pricey engagement ring would do the same. (Implicitly, it would seem, a woman's virginity was worth the price of a ring, and varied according to the status of her groom-to-be.)

 

On the face of it, the engagement ring's origins as a financial commitment should make modern brides-to-be wary. After all, virginity is no longer a prerequisite for marriage, nor do the majority of women consider marriageability their prime asset. Many women hope for a marriage in which housework, child-rearing, and breadwinning are equitably divided. The engagement ring doesn't fit into this intellectual framework. Rather, its presence on a woman's finger suggests that she needs to trap a man into "commitment" or be damaged if he leaves. (In most states today, if a groom abandons a bride, she is entitled to keep the ring, whereas if she leaves him, she must give it back.) Nor is it exactly "equitable" to demand that a partner shell out a sixth of a year's salary, demonstrating that he can "provide" for you and a future family, before you agree to marry him.

 

http://www.slate.com/id/2167870/?GT1=10135

 

However, if the marriage takes place, it's the property of the bride as the agreement was fulfilled with the marriage. If you choose to divide it up as a part of marital property, then I woudl think that's up to the couple. However, I have never heard of a HUSBAND asking for a ring back during times of divorce; fiancee's yes, but not husbands.

Yes, it is her property...for about a second. Once the marriage takes place the "contract" is complete and it is her's. The next second it becomes their's, as once you are married there is no such thing as "his stuff" and "her stuff" (provided there's no pre-nup.)

 

Men may not specifically ask for the ring itself to be returned during divorce proceedings, but the value of the ring is surely included in the marital assets to be divided/fought over.

 

 

Thanks for all the suggestions guys/gals.

I agree that it's not something that I would pass on as it was a failed marriage. Some may even think having the ring from a failed marriage is bad luck.

 

Still don't know what I'll do with it am leaning toward the selling it and putting it towards something for my son. I agree that I don't think he would be upset with this either.

Sell the ring and put the proceeds into a college fund for your son.

[Toro 1]

Let Big_Pete!@!@!# use it as a cack ring.

 

HTH. YWIA.

[davebg 0]

Let Big_Pete!@!@!# use it as a cack ring.

 

HTH. YWIA.

Are you saying that Saw has man hands or that Pete has a case of the micropenis?

[Rusty Syringes 478]

I'd scratch it on your Ayers Rock forehead and see if it leaves a scratch. If it doesn't, it's not a real diamond.

[CurlyNight's Ghost 0]

it's a piece of jewelry. maybe you all haven't had anyone in your family to die, but all jewelry goes to someone no matter where it came from or the meaning behind it.

she doesn't have a daughter that is why i suggested she give it to her granddaughter.

do not pawn the ring, she'll get no money for it.

she can give it to whoever she wants, i just figure a grandchild would really appreciate something from grandma.

The ring would prolly be lost by then!@#@! Also! Also!@#@! What happens if she doesn't have a granddaughter or no grand kids at all?!@#@!

[itsjjw 0]

it's a piece of jewelry. maybe you all haven't had anyone in your family to die, but all jewelry goes to someone no matter where it came from or the meaning behind it.

she doesn't have a daughter that is why i suggested she give it to her granddaughter.

do not pawn the ring, she'll get no money for it.

she can give it to whoever she wants, i just figure a grandchild would really appreciate something from grandma.

 

So true, any granddaughter would love to have her grandmother's ring. Failed or not. It part of her grandmother, and is a part of her personal history and heritage.

[stop talking cheerleader 0]

Since you two were married and had a child I would keep it as a family keepsake to pass along. If it was a called of engagement I would give it back regardless.

[NorthernVike 2,080]

ummm.......

 

 

 

 

I'll give you $50 for it.

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

If it was a ring from a called off engagement - The ring should most definitely be returned to the man.

 

If it was a ring from a failed marriage - I think that regardless of whether the marriage succeeded or failed, your ring is still a symbol of a life that you once shared with this person. I will put mine away somewhere safe and always keep it for sentimental reasons and as a dear keepsake of a life I once had. I suppose I will probably pass it on to my son when I die. Haven't given it much thought yet.

[cmh6476 774]

my mom gave me her and my dad's to trade in when I bought my wife's ring.

 

Sabed me a little money

[Ravens 03 0]

Thanks for all the suggestions guys/gals.

I agree that it's not something that I would pass on as it was a failed marriage. Some may even think having the ring from a failed marriage is bad luck.

 

Still don't know what I'll do with it am leaning toward the selling it and putting it towards something for my son. I agree that I don't think he would be upset with this either.

 

Can you make the stone into something else?

 

 

Otherwise trade/sell it and put the money towards something YOU want in this world.

 

 

HTH

[Big_Pete 0]

Can you make the stone into something else?

Otherwise trade/sell it and put the money towards something YOU want in this world.

HTH

I couldn't agree more with you Ravens.

Do something YOU want to do. Your son already gets anything he could possibly want, so what's the purpose of selling it and spending the money on him? That ring was for YOU and you only, so if you are gonna sell it, spend the money on YOU and YOU only.

just my 2¢