breaking up is hard to do

[ADD1CT36 1]

so let's hear them... what reasons have you had for breaking up with someone? and what reasons have been given to you?

[IGotWorms 3,430]

Reasons I've had: she turned out to be psychotic. (Note: this happened many times)

 

 

Reasons that were given to me: We want different things, our lives are taking us in different directions, I had sex with her best friend (we were broken up at the time! )

[nikki2200 4]

I can't even post it here. It's that bad.

 

On a more humurous note, I did break up with someone because they were black before.

[southcarolina 166]

she died

[GettnHuge 1]

Well there was this one girl many years ago who I got along with great. And I mean really great. Anyway everything

was cool until I found out later on that she had posed in some men's magazines. And we're not talking about the

Maxim type magazines if you know what I mean. This chick was so blazing hot, but at that point I just couldn't get

past the idea that other guys are thinking about her that way. It was a constant feeling like I was being cheated on

even though she wasn't. I had to dump her because of it. She took it pretty hard. But anyways that was a long time ago.

I made the right decision.

[Yer mom 2]

Delicious on the outside, disturbing on the in.

 

Gotta get past that exterior thing

[IGotWorms 3,430]

she died

 

Who invited this guy to the party?

[Yer mom 2]

Who invited this guy to the party?

 

Happy Gilmore

[Giants Fan 85]

Hot new wave chick ... I dated when I was like 16 (1986). We had sex in the back of her Volvo wagon behind a church on my 16th birthday. She was smart, pretty .... awesome body.

 

But kissing her tasted like ... kinda pastrami flavored. It was weird and totally grossed me out. I just stopped calling her ... she never asked for a reason.

 

I've already told my, "If you don't believe that the universe is expanding ..." story here at least once.

 

Most my funny break up stories are about how they broke up with me.

[Yer mom 2]

We had sex in the back of her Volvo wagon behind a church on my 16th birthday. She was smart

 

uhhhhh

[Giants Fan 85]

The "It's not my futon." story.

 

So, towards the end of college I was dating this JAP chick. 38D. She had lost 30 pounds when I met her and was prolly the hottest she ever has been in her life. Big bewbs, kinda stocky ... but not fat ... blue eyes and long brown wavy hair ... and totally 420 friendly. But she was focking crazy. I dunno why ... but at some point she decides we can't have sex anymore because she is not "in love" ... yeah ... heard this before ... not sure I wasn't in love. She couldn't drive due to anxiety attacks ... I was all, someone more crazy than me? Maybe." Anyway, it didn't work out. She broke up with me after the train hit my 66 Galaxie (that's a whole nother story).

 

So, she had this cat named Jasmine .... that she called Jazz. The cat hated everyone but her. So, I'd come over and hang out and watch a movie ... and the cat would be attacking me in the dark and shiat. This one night ... she decided no more sex ... I rode my bike over ... car got destroyed by a train .... she makes me sleep on the futon that she had borrowed from a friend and she goes to bed in the bedroom. Closes the door.

 

The focking cat, is out here with me .... and keeps focking with me. This futon had a home-made frame that was painted black ... and I saw the cat was gonna pounce on me and I reached out to grab it first ... but in the darkness, I did not see the arm of the futon and a splinter went right up my FU fingernail, all the way to the base. Was about 1/16th of an inch wide too. Somehow I did not yelp in pain ... I just kinda went "fock ... ow ... fock ..." and I knew she had some tweezers because she used them to smoke joints ... I just didn't know where. I went to her bedroom door, and it was locked.

 

Me: (Knocking) "Sara (we'll call her Sara) ... Where are the tweezers?! I need the tweezers!"

 

Sara: "Huh ... wha? I'm asleep!"

 

Me: "Yeah ... I know ... I just really need to know where the tweezers are right now!"

 

Sara: "Ok ... Ok .... kitchen drawer ..." all I needed to hear as I ran to the kitchen and I got like half of it out ... but it broke off under the nail ... it hurt like hell!

 

The next morning she wants to know what the big deal was ... and you can see the chip on the futon arm that was a splinter that went up my nail ... and I show her that half is still in my nail ... and she says:

 

"It's not my futon ... we're gonna hafta like ... repaint it now."

 

No concern at all about my friggin finger .... she was worried about the futon.

 

 

You can't make this shiat up.

[nikki2200 4]

I don't know why I find GFIAFP posts so hilarious. Unintentionally.

 

I found a new sig.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,955]

Back in the early 90's I dated this girl for about a year. She had Slut ###### girlfriend that was a really bad influence on her. She gives me a call after I paged her. Me: Hey. Where are you? Her: Me and Slut ###### got back stage passes after the concert and are now hanging out with Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee at a hotel downtown with a few other girls. We'll be at the bar in an hour. Me: What? You know what? You are nothing more than a fawking ###### groupie to me! Her: Don't get all crazy on me. It's harmless. Get this. Tommy can lift the sofa with his cack! Me: Click!!!

[Yer mom 2]

I don't know why I find GFIAFP posts so hilarious. Unintentionally.

 

I found a new sig.

 

Its a good one No more GF encouragement though

[Me_2006 14]

I saw a picture of her mom at 17. It looked like the GF. Her mom now looks like a bullfrog that smells month-old chinese food somewhere nearby.

 

Another was a stage 5 clinger. Wanted me to text her when I woke up, left each class, etc. Fock that noise.

 

 

One had a poosay that smelled like banana peppers after she came. We weren't together in an official sense, but I told her it just wasn't doing it for me.

 

One stole about 300 dollars worth of my shiit.

 

I caught another in several gigantic lies all in the same argument. Saved texts, tagged in photos on FB, etc.

 

 

 

As for me.

 

I've been dumped for going to lunch with an ex gf when she was in town. Nothing happened, but I should have if I was gonna get in trouble for it anyway.

 

I've been told I was condescending and made them feel stupid.

 

One dumped me because after she asked me if I'd drop everything and move away with her if she asked, I laughed.

 

The best is that I THOUGHT we had broken up (assumed a text that said 'Fine. I'm done.' meant things were over) and so in my anger and the fact that it was the start of summer and I was in the mood for a hot blonde, I hooked up with her best friend 8 times in a weekend, only to find out she was only giving me the silent treatment. So I was dumped for cheating on her, which wasn't completely true, but was SO worth it.

 

There was another that I just could not be patient with to save my life. Wasn't really anything I could specify, but I lost my ###### on that poor girl on a frequent basis. She finally had enough, and I don't know why she didn't do it sooner.

[Yer mom 2]

Its a good one No more GF encouragement though

 

I type this then find a sig worthy GF rambling in the SD thread and encourage. Just WTF is going on in the world

[nikki2200 4]

I type this then find a sig worthy GF rambling in the SD thread and encourage. Just WTF is going on in the world

 

 

OMG. I haven't even read that yet. Is it better?

[Yer mom 2]

OMG. I haven't even read that yet. Is it better?

 

Nah. The males could appreciate the GF MO, but your sig is definitely more original

[Giants Fan 85]

"Fast twitch" does not impress the ladies.

[shotsup 832]

she died

 

So SHE broke up with YOU.

[SUXBNME 1,359]

I only got dumped once...It still hurts. (my only real GF ever..3 years, and I didn't think that I loved her until she broke up with me)

Then again, I know for a fact that I broke some hearts, so I deserve the pain.

[shotsup 832]

Gypsybrat broke up with me with noble intentions but it still hurts like hell

 

Sorry to hear that Sux

[Giants Fan 85]

I have other stories about that crazy biach.

 

I had to concede to her one night that Sushi was just raw fish and Sahsimi was fish with rice and seaweed.

 

I was like, "I'm not trying to be a jerk ... I just would think you would want to be correct here ... and I think it's the other way around." and she just refused to acknowledge that I was right, even after the sushi chef agreed with me and she had to buy dinner.

 

I'm sure she still thinks she was right. Prolly tells stories to this day, about how I had it mixed up.

 

She was crazy. But ... oh so hot. And rich.

 

Hooters ... hooters ... yum yum yum. Hooters ... hooters ... on a girl that's dumb.

 

Young men can overlook a lot of flaws for big boobs. I'm sure she's fat and old now! I banged her at her hottest EVER ... and it was barely worth the headache.

[shotsup 832]

I

 

 

Thread rooned

[Giants Fan 85]

Thread rooned

 

Get a joke that's not written by somebody else in 2003.

 

Wouldja?

[Giants Fan 85]

I dunno if any of y'all have ever dated a rich chick .... but you think normal chicks are crazy?

 

Rich girls are off the Chickter scale. I've never met a normal person that got everything they wanted from day 1.

 

And some of them are rich AND somehow stupid ... but of course very opinionated.

 

I don't know how anyone can put up with a rich girl.

[shotsup 832]

Get a joke that's not written by somebody else in 2003.

 

I wrote that joke in 2003. HTHs

[Giants Fan 85]

I wrote that joke in 2003. HTHs

 

Yeah ... whatever ... it's played Homey. Invent some new shiat. It's 2011 already.

[Meglamaniac 380]

Lets see theres

 

She turned out to be batsh!t crazy

 

She was cheating

 

I went away to college

 

She was batsh!t crazy

 

She said she was not is love

 

She was batsh!t crazy

 

Decided she prefered females

[shovelheadt 62]

I've got a good story after I get back from a quick meeting.

[Dr.Grimm 0]

I've got a good story after I get back from a quick meeting.

 

Must be the longest, quick meeting EVER.

[frank 2,166]

I can't even post it here. It's that bad.

 

On a more humurous note, I did break up with someone because they were black before.

 

Before what?

[nobody 2,105]

If you want what I told them, nowadays it's all the same. I just say I want to breakup and if they hassle me, I say, "You know it takes two people to be in a relationship, right?" That usually shuts them up. It took me awhile to learn the technique. I realize they always throw sh¡t like when you say "I love you" back in your face, so now I never tell a chick I love them. Ever. It makes the breakup a lot easier. Oddly enough I've never been broken up with. The reason i break up with them is usually the same... I get bored with them.

[GettnHuge 1]

If you want what I told them, nowadays it's all the same. I just say I want to breakup and if they hassle me, I say, "You know it takes two people to be in a relationship, right?" That usually shuts them up. It took me awhile to learn the technique. I realize they always throw sh¡t like when you say "I love you" back in your face, so now I never tell a chick I love them. Ever. It makes the breakup a lot easier. Oddly enough I've never been broken up with. The reason i break up with them is usually the same... I get bored with them.

 

[Yer mom 2]

If you want what I told them, nowadays it's all the same. I just say I want to breakup and if they hassle me, I say, "You know it takes two people to be in a relationship, right?" That usually shuts them up. It took me awhile to learn the technique. I realize they always throw sh¡t like when you say "I love you" back in your face, so now I never tell a chick I love them. Ever. It makes the breakup a lot easier. Oddly enough I've never been broken up with. The reason i break up with them is usually the same... I get bored with them.

 

I would like to change your name form nobody to somebody, but you made gettnhuge fall asleep. YOU WILL DIE IN HELL SIR, IN HELL

[shovelheadt 62]

Must be the longest, quick meeting EVER.

 

So about 6 months after I get divorced, I finally decide to do a normal date. This girl was a school teacher, very pretty, good personality, etc. I decide I'm gonna play this one correctly. So we go out maybe 3 times, 3rd date being a BBQ at her dad's house. I ask her what she wants to do for the 4th date and she comes back with 'we could just order in, watch a movie, then maybe you can let me take advantage of you'. Winnah! So on that 4th night we've finally made our way up to the bedroom. Lights were off, but there was a ton of moon/street light coming through the window, so I could see fairly well. As I pull her jeans off, I instantly notice the 2 inches of hair sticking out both sides of her panties. I thought I was seeing shadows at first till I went down on her. I was un-focking-believable the amount of hair she had. I almost asked her if she had a scrunchy or banana clip I could borrow to keep it out of my mouth. Somehow I struggled through that night, but it was an instant turn off. I struggled for the next 2 or 3 days with how to talk to her about it, but never came up with anything. I ended up blowing her off vs. facing that uncomfortable situation. Such a shame, she was very nice.

 

But seriously, how do you even broach that subject with a girl?

[BunnysBastatrds 1,955]

When I was 12, this chick Lonnie I made out with vigorusly between every class followed me home after detention. I was a virgin wearing my Ozzy be-headed shirt and had never felt the puss before. She told me it was time to feel the Crazy Train. I get her in my bed and take off her Jordache jeans and throw her brush across the room and expose the bush. I put my hand on the money spot and start laughing. Her: What's so fawking funny? Me: Playboy said it was hot and aromus but I didn't think it would be this hot and smelly.

 

Next

[Gepetto 1,007]

So about 6 months after I get divorced, I finally decide to do a normal date. This girl was a school teacher, very pretty, good personality, etc. I decide I'm gonna play this one correctly. So we go out maybe 3 times, 3rd date being a BBQ at her dad's house. I ask her what she wants to do for the 4th date and she comes back with 'we could just order in, watch a movie, then maybe you can let me take advantage of you'. Winnah! So on that 4th night we've finally made our way up to the bedroom. Lights were off, but there was a ton of moon/street light coming through the window, so I could see fairly well. As I pull her jeans off, I instantly notice the 2 inches of hair sticking out both sides of her panties. I thought I was seeing shadows at first till I went down on her. I was un-focking-believable the amount of hair she had. I almost asked her if she had a scrunchy or banana clip I could borrow to keep it out of my mouth. Somehow I struggled through that night, but it was an instant turn off. I struggled for the next 2 or 3 days with how to talk to her about it, but never came up with anything. I ended up blowing her off vs. facing that uncomfortable situation. Such a shame, she was very nice.

 

But seriously, how do you even broach that subject with a girl?

 

I dated a girl and then discovered a similar scenerio. Never could have sex with her. The end.

[IGotWorms 3,430]

So about 6 months after I get divorced, I finally decide to do a normal date. This girl was a school teacher, very pretty, good personality, etc. I decide I'm gonna play this one correctly. So we go out maybe 3 times, 3rd date being a BBQ at her dad's house. I ask her what she wants to do for the 4th date and she comes back with 'we could just order in, watch a movie, then maybe you can let me take advantage of you'. Winnah! So on that 4th night we've finally made our way up to the bedroom. Lights were off, but there was a ton of moon/street light coming through the window, so I could see fairly well. As I pull her jeans off, I instantly notice the 2 inches of hair sticking out both sides of her panties. I thought I was seeing shadows at first till I went down on her. I was un-focking-believable the amount of hair she had. I almost asked her if she had a scrunchy or banana clip I could borrow to keep it out of my mouth. Somehow I struggled through that night, but it was an instant turn off. I struggled for the next 2 or 3 days with how to talk to her about it, but never came up with anything. I ended up blowing her off vs. facing that uncomfortable situation. Such a shame, she was very nice.

 

But seriously, how do you even broach that subject with a girl?

 

You know what? I think you should've just told her. Honestly. She would've been pissed at you and told everyone you were an @sshole. But eventually she would've figured out you were right and she would've done something about it. It wouldn't help you out much because you would be long gone by then, but it would've helped her out quite a bit. Sometimes you gotta go with tough love.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,955]

So about 6 months after I get divorced, I finally decide to do a normal date. This girl was a school teacher, very pretty, good personality, etc. I decide I'm gonna play this one correctly. So we go out maybe 3 times, 3rd date being a BBQ at her dad's house. I ask her what she wants to do for the 4th date and she comes back with 'we could just order in, watch a movie, then maybe you can let me take advantage of you'. Winnah! So on that 4th night we've finally made our way up to the bedroom. Lights were off, but there was a ton of moon/street light coming through the window, so I could see fairly well. As I pull her jeans off, I instantly notice the 2 inches of hair sticking out both sides of her panties. I thought I was seeing shadows at first till I went down on her. I was un-focking-believable the amount of hair she had. I almost asked her if she had a scrunchy or banana clip I could borrow to keep it out of my mouth. Somehow I struggled through that night, but it was an instant turn off. I struggled for the next 2 or 3 days with how to talk to her about it, but never came up with anything. I ended up blowing her off vs. facing that uncomfortable situation. Such a shame, she was very nice.

 

But seriously, how do you even broach that subject with a girl?

 

 

That's heaven ya doosh. An early X-Mas present. Your own personal ChiaPet that you don't add water to and watch grow any time of year. Shovel your head into battle and all is good. 100 bucks say's she makes the best eggs.