Dilemma - with self-serving interests

[cmh6476 752]

1 hour ago, porkbutt said:

god bless being in stable normal marriage. man im sorry..but how do you people deal with sh;t like this???

not well.

[TimmySmith 2,782]

14 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

But he also doesn’t t need to walk on eggshells so he can supposedly get some big payoff down the road. That’s never coming from the other side. If I’m him the FIL and ex get an earful. Maybe they think twice next time about stealing a moment from a father and son. Obviously they don’t care about his role in the kids life as much as they should. They want to treat him like he’s replaceable. The FIL is the real beauty in this. He should know better than his selfish daughter. 

Is he looking for a payoff down the road from the "other side"?  Maybe.  I hope not. There will be none.  The payoff down the road is from his kids, and you are right, it is "down the road".  From CMH's own description, the only one being unreasonable is him.  And we all get it, he needs to heal.

[cmh6476 752]

19 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

Is he looking for a payoff down the road from the "other side"?  Maybe.  I hope not. There will be none.  The payoff down the road is from his kids, and you are right, it is "down the road".  From CMH's own description, the only one being unreasonable is him.  And we all get it, he needs to heal.

I'm not the only one being unreasonable.  I'm just being vocally and noticeably unreasonable.  I think the silent assassin role, even though they may not see their wrong doing might be worse.

[Voltaire 4,559]

6 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

I see you sneaking in a reference.  And you said you are beginning to lean in that direction. It would be my first (and best) advice for CMH. 

You've got a good memory. I've only aired that sentiment one time and you remembered it but your memory is a bit cloudy. I don't know if I want to hijack cmh's thread though but I think we've aired it pretty good.

My first marriage lasted a few months. She turned out to have significant mental health problems. It was a nightmare, I was miserable, the day of my divorce ties with my last day in the Army for happiest day of my life. That's who I'm lucky I didn't get pregnant.

This is my second marriage and I have three kids, 12,11, and 6. It's happy and stable, we seldom argue, our biggest issue revolve around my son (the middle child) and his getting chewed up and spit out by the Chinese education system. I've gone over that many times. But there is an ongoing frustration, a serious one, that I have had with my wife and a few months back, I let slip my mind on the matter. The thing is that I never imagined myself having three kids. I wanted a large family and the absolute minimum was four. My imagination always worked in the 6-8 range but I couldn't a woman with that thinking that way, clearly I chose the wrong country to look, so I gave up on finding her and settled for one that was clearly anxious to get pregnant and promised me four jids. I got two fast enough, but then she stonewalled me that she was done and so I raged and raged for years and I finally got a third one and it was made clear to me that she was done. Now, I love my wife but her lying about number of kids really grindes me. 

So then earlier this year I got this idea and I've been playing with it, and I only posted it one time and Timmy picked up on it, that maybe I'm not done.  Maybe when the youngest turns eighteen in eleven years, I'll be 59, I'd go find some single mom or some mid-late 30s chick that wants kids and go through it again. Of course, maybe the urge will die down by then.  No matter what, I'm not interested in divorce while I have kids in the house, I'm not doing a cmh situation, but two years short of 50, the urge to procreate and be a dad remains strong. I like being a father.

Everyone was giving Sho Nuff grief for being a stay at home Mr. Mom. In fact, in a dozen years, if some 30-something professional woman wants kids bad enough such that she's willing to have an almost burnt out, nearly 60 year old man hang around the house, I could see myself going his route by diving back in rather than thinking about retiring.  When my wife was late 30s, her best friend had(has) a good job and was bouncing off the walls going to great lengths to find somebody and never did.  Eh... maybe... Or maybe I just write the whole thing off as a crazy notion, some flight of fancy, and just get old with my wife.

[Bier Meister 1,514]

1 hour ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

So when he gives in on this without a fight, everything gets better?  Sure, that’s how people operate. He’ll be the “bigger” man. And be a walked  on doormat.  He has to at least voice his displeasure about this to her and the FIL. Amazing how so many of you are naive to the ways people behave. Go ahead and be Mr. nice guy. I’m sure she will appreciate it. Again and again. 

 

44 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

I’m not saying he needs to do anything drastic. But he also doesn’t t need to walk on eggshells so he can supposedly get some big payoff down the road. That’s never coming from the other side. If I’m him the FIL and ex get an earful. Maybe they think twice next time about stealing a moment from a father and son. Obviously they don’t care about his role in the kids life as much as they should. They want to treat him like he’s replaceable. The FIL is the real beauty in this. He should know better than his selfish daughter. 

I don't think he needs to be a doormat, just react differently when in the situations.  Calling the new bf a douche is not productive (even if he is a douche).  Him displaying that his children's best interest is his first priority... is his first priority.

[TimmySmith 2,782]

16 minutes ago, cmh6476 said:

I'm not the only one being unreasonable.  I'm just being vocally and noticeably unreasonable.  I think the silent assassin role, even though they may not see their wrong doing might be worse.

Ok, why is your ex being unreasonable in this situation?  What is her wrongdoing in this situation?

[cmh6476 752]

1 hour ago, TimmySmith said:

Ok, why is your ex being unreasonable in this situation?  What is her wrongdoing in this situation?

Not giving dad first option to go.  Tickets weren't on sale when I brought it up.  If roles we're reversed, I would have made an effort to give her what she was asking for.

[edjr 5,564]

murder suicide 

[cyclone24 1,814]

42 minutes ago, cmh6476 said:

Not giving dad first option to go.  Tickets weren't on sale when I brought it up.  If roles we're reversed, I would have made an effort to give her what she was asking for.

 Yeah I think you have to establish that with her before you can be upset when you spring it on her and then are upset that she won't let you take him.

 In the future if something comes up I would you say is early as you can "Hey I know its your weekend but is there any way we can switch a few hours on that day for my Saturday next weekend so I can take him to XYZ....we really wanted to go together"

 If she says no don't get upset just say OK well I'd like us to be able to work towards that where if something comes up you want to do with him even though it's my weekend that we can cooperate and trade or whatever. 

 And tell her and your kid that if he ever wants to call mom on your night or weekend that you can any time and that you like him to have that ability at your house is well.

 I think that's a couple things you can do to start working towards cooperating to where you can trade for special events.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,648]

5 minutes ago, cyclone24 said:

 Yeah I think you have to establish that with her before you can be upset when you spring it on her and then are upset that she won't let you take him.

 In the future if something comes up I would you say is early as you can "Hey I know its your weekend but is there any way we can switch a few hours on that day for my Saturday next weekend so I can take him to XYZ....we really wanted to go together"

 If she says no don't get upset just say OK well I'd like us to be able to work towards that where if something comes up you want to do with him even though it's my weekend that we can cooperate and trade or whatever. 

 And tell her and your kid that if he ever wants to call mom on your night or weekend that you can any time and that you like him to have that ability at your house is well.

 I think that's a couple things you can do to start working towards cooperating to where you can trade for special events.

? He already said he would trade if the roles were reversed. You guys aren’t getting it. Some women are kunts. This appears to be the case. If she needs it explained to her then that’s  all you need to know. It’s not like she’s going to the game too. This is a bonding moment, and she knows it and is denying him and her son the opportunity, that may never come again. 

[edjr 5,564]

if my son's mother, allows some dude she's focking, to take my son to anything, ever.  You will see me on an episode of 48 hours or 20/20 in a couple years.

 

[Gladiators 1,904]

1 minute ago, edjr said:

if my son's mother, allows some dude she's focking, to take my son to anything, ever.  You will see me on an episode of 48 hours or 20/20 in a couple years.

 

I'd watch.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,648]

1 minute ago, edjr said:

if my son's mother, allows some dude she's focking, to take my son to anything, ever.  You will see me on an episode of 48 hours or 20/20 in a couple years.

 

At least be pissed and tell her and that fockin FIL they are a-holes. 

[cyclone24 1,814]

1 minute ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

? He already said he would trade if the roles were reversed. You guys aren’t getting it. Some women are kunts. This appears to be the case. If she needs it explained to her then that’s  all you need to know. It’s. It lie she’s going to the game too. This is a bonding moment, and she knows it and is denying him and her son the opportunity, that may never come again. 

HE says he would do it... But if that hasn't actually been done or communicated then it doesn't really matter. 

 

[edjr 5,564]

1 minute ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Yup. 

It starts with her. She is using her child to get back at toofy, for whatever reason. right out of "being white trash" for dummy's book

[Hardcore troubadour 12,648]

1 minute ago, cyclone24 said:

HE says he would do it... But if that hasn't actually been done or communicated then it doesn't really matter. 

 

I believe him. Odds are the woman is the one not getting it. 

[cyclone24 1,814]

2 minutes ago, edjr said:

if my son's mother, allows some dude she's focking, to take my son to anything, ever.  You will see me on an episode of 48 hours or 20/20 in a couple years.

 

Why?  What the h*** is wrong with you people? It's about your kid not you. My ex has had guys take my daughter to things and my response was great. That will be a fun experience for her. 

She knows who her dad is. 

[Hardcore troubadour 12,648]

Just now, edjr said:

It starts with her. She is using her child to get back at toofy, for whatever reason. right out of "being white trash" for dummy's book

Exactly.  This is the reason some guys say fock it, can’t win. 

[cyclone24 1,814]

Just now, Hardcore troubadour said:

I believe him. Odds are the woman is the one not getting it. 

 No I didn't mean it as in I think hes lying I just mean unless I'm mistaken this type of trading hasnt been communicated yet

[Hardcore troubadour 12,648]

Just now, cyclone24 said:

Why?  What the h*** is wrong with you people? It's about your kid not you. My ex has had guys take my daughter to things and my response was great. That will be a fun experience for her. 

She knows who her dad is. 

Like I said, this ain’t a Royals game in May. It’s a unique situation. She and her dad should back the fock up and let a man and his son make a great memory. 

[edjr 5,564]

2 minutes ago, cyclone24 said:

Why?  What the h*** is wrong with you people? It's about your kid not you. My ex has had guys take my daughter to things and my response was great. That will be a fun experience for her. 

She knows who her dad is. 

Unless it's a group, no focking way he's going anywhere alone without dadda or momma. Nope. She would say they same., he is 6 right now, if he's 12, sure that might change

[Hardcore troubadour 12,648]

Had a great friend of mine get divorced. Nasty one. Their son was a Boy Scout , and the new boyfriend was some Boy Scout nerd. Well, long story short, the new guy was going to go with the kid on the father/son campout, because it wasn’t my friends weekend. Should he have been the “bigger” man? 

[edjr 5,564]

5 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Had a great friend of mine get divorced. Nasty one. Their son was a Boy Scout , and the new boyfriend was some Boy Scout nerd. Well, long story short, the new guy was going to go with the kid on the father/son campout, because it wasn’t my friends weekend. Should he have been the “bigger” man? 

I am not a violent person, but sh1t like this is what will land me in prison. I don't give a fock whose weekend it is. You change things, you adapt, you as parents should do what's best for the child. 

If it's my grandfather's 90th bday and its not "my weekend" my son can't come? Fock you.

[TimmySmith 2,782]

1 hour ago, cmh6476 said:

Not giving dad first option to go.  Tickets weren't on sale when I brought it up.  If roles we're reversed, I would have made an effort to give her what she was asking for.

So her being reasonable is her offering up your son on her weekend to go with you to the game. 

[Herbivore 905]

13 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Like I said, this ain’t a Royals game in May. It’s a unique situation. She and her dad should back the fock up and let a man and his son make a great memory. 

Maybe this was covered already, but a little weird that the dad, who apparently was friends with cmh is onboard with this.  He would likely know how much it would mean to cmh.  

[edjr 5,564]

1 minute ago, TimmySmith said:

So her being reasonable is her offering up your son on her weekend to go with you to the game. 

BINGO!!!!!!!!

[TimmySmith 2,782]

3 minutes ago, Herbivore said:

Maybe this was covered already, but a little weird that the dad, who apparently was friends with cmh is onboard with this.  He would likely know how much it would mean to cmh.  

Dad is wisely staying the fock out of it and doing what his daughter wants on her weekend. 

[cyclone24 1,814]

14 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Had a great friend of mine get divorced. Nasty one. Their son was a Boy Scout , and the new boyfriend was some Boy Scout nerd. Well, long story short, the new guy was going to go with the kid on the father/son campout, because it wasn’t my friends weekend. Should he have been the “bigger” man? 

Yes!  Do you somehow think it's better if you told your kid he couldn't go on the camp out doing something he enjoyed because your feelings will get hurt? Give me a break. 

I'm not saying anyone is a bad parent but that certainly shows insecurity in your parenting if this is the actions you think you should take. 

 

[edjr 5,564]

Just now, TimmySmith said:

Dad is wisely staying the fock out of it and doing what his daughter wants on her weekend. 

do you lick the jizz of your wife when her real man is done?

[edjr 5,564]

3 minutes ago, cyclone24 said:

Yes!  Do you somehow think it's better if you told your kid he couldn't go on the camp out doing something he enjoyed because your feelings will get hurt? Give me a break. 

I'm not saying anyone is a bad parent but that certainly shows insecurity in your parenting if this is the actions you think you should take. 

 

Great. Now you're inviting people to molest your kid. Boy scouts.

 

Why not let him go spend a weekend as an altar boy

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Just now, edjr said:

do you lick the jizz of your wife when her real man is done?

He is talking about his kunt ex-wife's father, not the douchenozzle that is boning her up the ass.  

[edjr 5,564]

Just now, Patriotsfatboy1 said:

He is talking about his kunt ex-wife's father, not the douchenozzle that is boning her up the ass.  

I know, was making a point. What he said was very cuckish

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

1 minute ago, edjr said:

I know, was making a point. What he said was very cuckish

It would be cockish if he was giving into his wife.  He was giving into his daughter who has probably told daddy what sort of a creep/stalker toofy is.  

[Hardcore troubadour 12,648]

3 minutes ago, cyclone24 said:

Yes!  Do you somehow think it's better if you told your kid he couldn't go on the camp out doing something he enjoyed because your feelings will get hurt? Give me a break. 

I'm not saying anyone is a bad parent but that certainly shows insecurity in your parenting if this is the actions you think you should take. 

 

I don’t think so. I’m going to show my kid how important our relationship is at every turn. And yeah, I’m sure he was feeling a little insecure at that point. His kunty ex was bad mouthing him all the time and he had limited time with his kid. He fought that bich tooth and nail and he ended up better for it. His son and him have a great relationship. His son knows how much he means to him, never has to doubt it. 

[Hardcore troubadour 12,648]

7 minutes ago, cyclone24 said:

Yes!  Do you somehow think it's better if you told your kid he couldn't go on the camp out doing something he enjoyed because your feelings will get hurt? Give me a break. 

I'm not saying anyone is a bad parent but that certainly shows insecurity in your parenting if this is the actions you think you should take. 

 

Oh wait, you’re saying I’m the one who’s insecure? That’s funny. I’d say the puzzy who takes this shite is the insecure one. Sounds like you. 

[cyclone24 1,814]

4 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Oh wait, you’re saying I’m the one who’s insecure? That’s funny. I’d say the puzzy who takes this shite is the insecure one. Sounds like you. 

 I'm saying if ANYONE would prevent your kid from going and do something they enjoy doing not even on your weekend just because it's with your ex's new partner and it hurts your feelers...then yes you are insecure. Sounds like that's you. 

 

[TimmySmith 2,782]

9 minutes ago, edjr said:

I know, was making a point. What he said was very cuckish

  Keeping the peace between crazy, angry parents isn't cuckish.  It's bringing sanity to the situation.

[Strike 3,975]

17 minutes ago, cyclone24 said:

 I'm saying if ANYONE would prevent your kid from going and do something they enjoy doing not even on your weekend just because it's with your ex's new partner and it hurts your feelers...then yes you are insecure. Sounds like that's you. 

 

No one is saying the kid should stay home.  It's about who should get to take the kid to the game.

[Gladiators 1,904]

17 minutes ago, cyclone24 said:

 I'm saying if ANYONE would prevent your kid from going and do something they enjoy doing not even on your weekend just because it's with your ex's new partner and it hurts your feelers...then yes you are insecure. Sounds like that's you. 

 

I guess if you know and trust the guy...Not sure I would trust this guy's judgment/character though.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,648]

23 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

  Keeping the peace between crazy, angry parents isn't cuckish.  It's bringing sanity to the situation.

One sided sanity. Where the father has to eat it. Doesn’t sound sane to me.