[** OFFICIAL 2021 SOILOST RANKINGS **]

[The Soilost 28]

The patented software used to make my league-winning picks over the years has incorporated everything from turf brands, allergies, pandemics, fan noise and hurricanes to family background and religious beliefs.
Last year, I selected Josh Allen as the No. 1 fantasy QB. Guess who wound up being the No. 1 fantasy QB?
But much has changed in the past year for The Soilost.
I used my patented software to analyze conspiracy theories, and the results were mind-altering.
That said, I have become a devoted member of Qanon, whose secret leader is a Silverback Geek I am not at liberty to disclose, lest he strike me down with a wave of his hand and turn me into a greasy spot.
I simultaneously ran Qanon and my usual fantasy-football information through the software, and it came up 10 10 10 10 10 10.
The 10th letter of the alphabet is J. Plugging that into the software, a clear pattern emerged for this year's fantasy rankings. 
Every player on my list has the letter "J" in his name.
So here you have it, the 2021 Soilost rankings:

QBs

1.) Josh Allen - Does he ever get tired of being so ... amazing?
2.) Justin Herbert - He'll be Justin side her end zone all day.
3.) Jalen Hurts - Hurts so good. Come on, baby, make it Hurts so good. Sometimes love don't feel like it should.
4.) Lamar Jackson - Still pretty good.
5.) Joe Burrow - He'll burrow into defenses like a chigger on a lawn-maintence guy.
6.) Justin Fields - Let him take you down, 'cause we're going to Justin Fields. Nothing is real. And nothing to get hung about. Justin Fields 4 ever. 
7.) Jarod Goff - It's a good thing his first name isn't Jack!
8.) Jameis Winston - He tastes good like he should.
9.)   Mac Jones – Fleetwod Mac will displace Olivia Newton Portojohn in no time.
10.) Jimmy Garapollo - Hopefully he won't be the Crapollo we've seen in pre-season.

RBs

1.) Najee Harris - Najee Najee boo boo!!
2.) J.K. Dobbins - And if Dobby does this wrong, Dobby will throw himself off the top of M&T Bank Stadium!
3.)  Joe Mixon -  Mixon is fixin' to bust loose.
4.) Aaron Jones - The Lord said to Moses, "Tell Aaron, 'Take your staff and stretch out your hand over the grass at Lambeau Field - over the end zones and grass, over the goal lines and yard markers - and they will turn to beer.' Beer will be everywhere in Green Bay, in every cuppeth, bowl and crotch protector.
5.)  Josh Jacobs – Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in the NFL. And I say unto you, That many shall come from the opposing team, and shall try to tackle Abraham, Isaac and Jacobs, in the kingdom of Vegas. But the opponents of Jacobs shall be cast out into the desert, where there will be weeping and chafing of thighs among the crapper-busting fatties from another land.
6.)  Jonathan Taylor – As soon as he had finished speaking to Coach Reich, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of Good King Wentzeslas, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Reich took hm that day and would not let him return to the bench. Then Jonathan made a cornveneant with Wentzeslas ... And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe ... wait what the hell is going on here?
7.)  James Robinson – Rockin' Robinson. Tweedle lee dee dee dee!
8.)   Javonte Williams –  Javonte sauce!
9.)  David Johnson – Staying out of the massage parlors!
10.) Jamaal Williams - He'll be in while Swifterpickerupper nurses his lady parts.

WRs

1.)    Justin Jefferson – Jefferson Scareplane!
2.)    A.J. Brown – He's big, bad A.J. Brown. Meanest wide receiver in the whole dang town. Stronger than ol' King Kong. Meaner than a junkyard dog.
3.)    Diontae Johnson – His team will be stroking this Johnson for TDs!
4.)    Odell Beckham Jr. – Odellay!
5.)   Jerry Jeudy – Jeudy blue eyes!
6.)   D.J. Moore –  Moore than words is all you have to do to make it real. Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me. 'Cause I'd already know.
7.)   Julio Jones – Julio TDglesias jacks off in outter spacesias. 
8.)   Ju Ju Smith Schuster – Here come old Steelers. They come grooving up slowly. They got Ju Ju eyeball. He one holy roller. He got taters down to his knees. Got to be a player he just do what he please.
9.)   Marvin Jones – Mr. Jones and me. Tell each other fairy tales. And we stare at the beautiful end zone. It's looking at you.
10.)  Ja'Marr Chase – Ja'scoringmachine!

That’ll do it for this year folks. Now go win your league!

Peace out!

The Soilost

[jrokh 569]

If you take the Fantasy Football out of it and just appreciate the pure comedy, this list is Gold Jerry! Gold!

[Pimpadeaux 2,266]

9 minutes ago, jrokh said:

If you take the Fantasy Football out of it and just appreciate the pure comedy, this list is Gold Jerry! Gold!

I win my league every year thanks to The Soilost.

[jrokh 569]

2 minutes ago, Pimpadeaux said:

I win my league every year thanks to The Soilost.

Congrats. I hope you win again drafting David Johnson over CMC…

[Pimpadeaux 2,266]

5 minutes ago, jrokh said:

Congrats. I hope you win again drafting David Johnson over CMC…

You have a J in your handle.

Are you Q?

[jrokh 569]

5 minutes ago, Pimpadeaux said:

You have a J in your handle.

Are you Q?

Sorry, I'm not following...

[nobody 2,039]

Just in time for my draft in 3 hours.  Whew.

[nobody 2,039]

Hey Soilost, does QAnon worry that since you've patented your prediction SW that the government can use it for nefarious purposes?

[Pimpadeaux 2,266]

32 minutes ago, jrokh said:

Sorry, I'm not following...

You should be ...

[The Soilost 28]

3 minutes ago, nobody said:

Hey Soilost, does QAnon worry that since you've patented your prediction SW that the government can use it for nefarious purposes?

It already has. This guy came over to fix my septic tank earlier. Seemed trustworthy. I was on my porch, trying to wrap my head around what my software was producing. 

I see turkey vultures overhead. Circling. Circling. Circling.

And then all of a sudden we have a suicide bomber outside Kabul.

Coincidence?

Nope.

It's NEVER a coincidence.

10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10.

J.

It's all about J.

[AxeElf 787]

I notice you din't do TEs, but I presume C.J. Uzomah would be at the top of the list.

[Kopy 491]

This annual thread gets the annual

 

[DocNiner 44]

So, you have Najee the #1 RB and you have Ju Ju AND Dionte finishing top 10. Sounds like the Steelers then would be a lock to win the superbowl. I can appreciate you going out on a limb with some of your picks but I.just don't see 2 Steeler WRs finishing top 10. Plus Pittsburgh's O-line is gonna have to play lights out for Najee to be the top rb. He has the talent to do it but I like a few others to maybe be the top rb. Nice entertaining list though. Thanks for your input.

[TBayXXXVII 2,117]

A starting lineup with players that have a "J"

• QB: Lamar Jackson (R4)
• RB: Aaron Jones (R1)
• RB: Joe Mixon (R2)
• WR: Diontae Johnson (R5)
• WR: Jerry Jeudy (R7)
• FLEX: James Robinson (R3)
• TE: TJ Hockenson (R6)
• K: Justin Tucker (R...)
• DE: Jacksonville Jaguars

I'd be ok starting a lineup line that every week (with the exception of the Jags... tossup between them and the Jets).

Bench...

• Ja'Marr Chase
• James Connor
• Jarvis Landry
• Marvin Jones
• James White
• Jameis Winston
• Jonnu Smith

[JagFan 97]

On 8/27/2021 at 5:59 AM, DocNiner said:

So, you have Najee the #1 RB and you have Ju Ju AND Dionte finishing top 10. Sounds like the Steelers then would be a lock to win the superbowl. I can appreciate you going out on a limb with some of your picks but I.just don't see 2 Steeler WRs finishing top 10. Plus Pittsburgh's O-line is gonna have to play lights out for Najee to be the top rb. He has the talent to do it but I like a few others to maybe be the top rb. Nice entertaining list though. Thanks for your input.

Based on this, you missed the opportunity to have Benjamin Todd Roethlisberger Jr as your QB 1.

[cmh6476 752]

you don't have one player listed from the team that will score the most total points this season.  That's silly.

[AxeElf 787]

1 minute ago, cmh6476 said:

That's silly.

I think being silly is the whole point.

[Mr. Panties 56]

2 hours ago, cmh6476 said:

you don't have one player listed from the team that will score the most total points this season.  That's silly.

I'll show you silly, Toofy McPoofy.