I could use some t & p

[BunnysBastatrds 2,310]

 

 Sorry brother. As a father of a daughter who just turned twenty four, I know the trials and tribulations of dealing with this problem that is not new. Stay focused and let her know that you are there for her. Be a good father and do your best. She’s still young and learning. One thing I learned and wished I would have understood earlier, just listening to her instead of trying to give her advice right then. There’s plenty of other times to do that. Just listen and let her know how much you love her. 

[Hawkeye21 2,380]

I haven’t run into those issues with my children yet so I can tell you from personal experience. I knew a few people similar to her when I was that age though.

She could definitely use some counseling but is struggling to accept that. I think the most important thing you can do is make sure she knows you love her. She needs someone to rely on. She needs someone to confide in.

While she’s old enough to take care of herself she’s still pretty young and may need help. Let her know you will try to help the best you can but she’s still going to have to figure shite out.

Hopefully some of that helps but at the end of the day, it’s up to her. 

[Fnord 2,051]

18 hours ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

I’m very sorry for you. Having a kid is a crapshoot. All I know is that you won’t regret doing everything you can for her. You will regret not doing so.  Even if that causes stress in your other relationships. She’s your little girl forever. You’re her dad forever. I wish you the best. Could be anyone of us. 

Damn, props to HT for this post. Out of character, and extremely prescient. I echo this 100%.

Psychiatric evaluations are in her best interest. There may be underlying mental issues (bipolar was mentioned, but it could be lots of things). I feel for your family, your daughter, and you. There is a long road ahead and they will need you to be strong, even when you don't feel strong. Talking about stuff like this is important for your own well being. Ignore the d-bags around here. Best of luck. Sometimes being a parent is the suck.

[cmh6476 1,010]

Not a look at me, but several of you have reached out and I certainly appreciate it.   And not to leave people hanging I may update here or there as things progress because some of you genuinely seem to care. 

I had a work trip planned this week, which didn't leave my daughter many options but my mom has taken her in and she seems to be responding well.   It seems like she understands the consequence of her actions, but she's also dealing with the fact that not many people trust her (really just me and my mom left at this point, and even we don't see eye to eye on everything).

My wife has been listening and understanding and trying to see where I'm coming from on this.   Because I think she knows that my daughter needs her dad, and she doesn't always react well to triggers, that she has a go bag to stay at her mom's for a night if my daughter needs a place to sleep at our house.   I realize that's not ideal, but we also don't think leaving my daughter without options is a good idea right now either. 

I think I've got my daughter to agree to see a counselor.   And I'm trying to explain to her that building back trust of others is a process, won't be quick, will be hard and any setbacks mean your start back at ground zero.  In terms of figuring out how to settle out the totaled car, identifying an attorney, and working on her next car (I know, short term goals) she's very independent and handling much of that without any of my assistance.   I say that cognizant of the opportunity that exists for me to be enabling to her, which I'm trying to avoid.   But she is independent, head strong and doesn't always need help from others.   At least I think she likes to think that's the case and seems to appreciate the attention of making others think she's completely on her own on everything.   

Still need to with through long term plans like housing and career goals and whatnot, but I feel better than I did Sunday.   I appreciate those of you who have offered me support and encouragement.  It means a lot. 

 

[Strike 5,185]

Thanks for the update cmh.   Sounds to me like you're doing a great job of being a supportive father while ensuring she recognizes the seriousness of the situation.  It also sounds like SHE is taking it seriously and trying to work through it.  So, you both are doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

 

 

[The Real timschochet 6,402]

6 minutes ago, Strike said:

Thanks for the update cmh.   Sounds to me like you're doing a great job of being a supportive father while ensuring she recognizes the seriousness of the situation.  It also sounds like SHE is taking it seriously and trying to work through it.  So, you both are doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

 

 

Good post. Agree with Strike 100%. Good job CMH and good luck to you. 

[nobody 2,557]

On 9/29/2024 at 6:19 PM, The Real timschochet said:

Seems like several people here have offered advice, most of it good. I was the only one attacked for it, even though all I suggested is that professional counseling might be of some help. But apparently that’s “insufferable”. 

Whatever. @cmh6476 let me repeat that I wish the best for you. And I really do think professional aid can be of service here. They deal with this stuff all the time. Good luck. 

Look at this jerk. 

Try to have some class.

[IndyColtsFan 325]

Sounds like good news, man, and the Royals are in the playoffs!

 

[Horseman 2,353]

On 9/29/2024 at 10:52 AM, The Real timschochet said:

That’s awful man. Hope for the best for you. You might seek some counseling yourself, if you haven’t already, about how to talk to her and what formulas might work in this situation. Best of luck. 

Is that what you did?

[TimHauck 2,602]

On 10/3/2024 at 11:26 PM, nobody said:

Look at this jerk. 

Try to have some class.

Lol once again that RealTim was the one called out by some of you biased fockers

[Mookz 1,337]

If this Royals turnaround can't bring her out of her funk, I don't know what will.

Maybe if they make the ALCS.

Ts and Ps all the same.

[cmh6476 1,010]

6 minutes ago, Mookz said:

If this Royals turnaround can't bring her out of her funk, I don't know what will.

Maybe if they make the ALCS.

Ts and Ps all the same.

I talked to a wonderful counselor on Friday who I have all the confidence is the best in this area.   There really aren't counseling resources here adequate to serve the need (adolescent, mental illness, marital, et ).  Her specialty is adolescent substance abuse but she really isn't practicing in the area anymore but trying to help or connect me with other resources. 

In talking to her, without me alluding to it she called out issues my wife had with triggered responses to my daughter.   And she was right as her daughter's dad is an addict.   And thinking through my mom's response to everything, my brother's death which was substance related makes it difficult for her to respond appropriately all the time to my daughter.   It's like she doesn't want to admit my daughter has a problem, although my daughter seems to acknowledge it.   But my mom and wife are/ were school counselors, but I think the closeness of this makes it challenging. 

Overall I know this is a difficult situation to navigate, but I'm doing all I can to find the best support and resources to help my daughter out. 

[Nomad99 699]

On 9/29/2024 at 4:14 PM, cmh6476 said:

You can really get a sense of people you would likely call friends when you share something like this, and this who are just always going to be crass a-holes that you would never want to associate with in real life.   But I'll take the negative I knew was coming, because the positive just helps to vent and feel heard.

Don't have any advice for you other than spending alone time with her. Sounds like you are in a tough spot & I hate to see anyone in this situation. I hope the best for you both & will be following for updates.