Bar Rules

[wiffleball 4,660]

I read an article a while ago from a bartender that was pretty good. It should be required reading on your 21st birthday. - Pretty basic stuff, but I'll see if I can summarize:

 

I read an article a while ago from a bartender that was pretty good. It should be required reading on your 21st birthday. - Pretty basic stuff, but I'll see if I can summarize:

 

 

1) Never hell "Hey sweetie! (cutie, toots, babe) if you EVER want to be served.

 

2) Standard tip is a buck a drink.

 

3) Just b/c you're a 'regular', don't think you can use your 'power' to get that cute girl waiting next to you a drink by shouting the bartender's name.

 

4) NO complex drinks on a busy Friday and Saturday night. For those of you unsure, don't order a Lemon Drop or a Bloody Mary during these times.

 

5) Have your whole order ready. BT's hate the "and thens". As in, "And then, I'd like a..."

 

6) Do NOT walk up and say "I'll have a beer". - They're not mind readers.

 

7) If you're gonna use a card, open a tab. DON'T keep opening and closing your tab for one drink at a time.

[Isotopes 1]

I read an article a while ago from a bartender that was pretty good. It should be required reading on your 21st birthday. - Pretty basic stuff, but I'll see if I can summarize:

good info

[porkbutt 866]

that's stupid

[edjr 5,624]

Hey Wiffle, did you read an article a while ago from a bartender that was pretty good?

 

You hadn't mentioned.

 

TIA

[wiffleball 4,660]

Hey Wiffle, did you read an article a while ago from a bartender that was pretty good?

 

You hadn't mentioned.

 

TIA

 

 

I have a very bizarre speech impediment: I stutter in paragraphs.

[fricker66 91]

Hey Wiffle, did you read an article a while ago from a bartender that was pretty good?

 

You hadn't mentioned.

 

TIA

 

I think I'm generally a good tipper, but $1/drink rule cannot apply across the board. If, on the first order of the day, the bartender reaches into the hod and pulls out 5 bottles of beer and uncaps them, the bartender does not get $5...unless she is really hot.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Here are some additions from multiple points of view

 

From the bartender

8) If you are going to pay with a credit card, how about leaving some cash for the tip. They don't like to claim everything to the IRS either

9) When you are ordering another drink, don't be afraid to bring the empties up to the bar with you

 

 

This is why I like my bartender

1) He has my drink ready as I walk into the bar.

2) We tip heavy (25%), so when we need something, he notices. That includes if there is a cute girl who needs a drink

3) He will not bring us a tab to close out without first checking to see if we need another drink

4) When you are supposed to make a drink with two fingers worth of booze, he uses the index and pinky as the two fingers.

[wiffleball 4,660]

I think I'm generally a good tipper, but $1/drink rule cannot apply across the board. If, on the first order of the day, the bartender reaches into the hod and pulls out 5 bottles of beer and uncaps them, the bartender does not get $5...unless she is really hot.

 

 

Acreed. I think this was aimed most at the jagoffs who buy one 3.75 beer and leave a quarter tip. Agreed that they 'bulk sale' rule has to apply. I generally blend two factors: the transaction and the total. If it's one transaction (a $14 bucket), I'm not going to give them a 6 dollar tip. (Unless she's uber hot).

 

 

 

BTW: Saw some tremendous exposed nipplage at the bar last night!

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I think I'm generally a good tipper, but $1/drink rule cannot apply across the board. If, on the first order of the day, the bartender reaches into the hod and pulls out 5 bottles of beer and uncaps them, the bartender does not get $5...unless she is really hot.

 

By the same token, $1 for a martini that costs $8 is not going to get you very far when you need another drink.

[wiffleball 4,660]

Here are some additions from multiple points of view

 

From the bartender

8) If you are going to pay with a credit card, how about leaving some cash for the tip. They don't like to claim everything to the IRS either

 

9) When you are ordering another drink, don't be afraid to bring the empties up to the bar with you

 

[D'ohmer Simpson 0]

some tremendous exposed nipplage at the bar last night!

link?

[edjr 5,624]

I've been bartending on and off since I was 22. Right now I only do it a couple weekends a summer when it's really busy.

 

it's a small bar, no food, pool tables, ping pong table and Golden Tee 2006.

 

I've always been very "kind" when it comes to making drinks, what better way to get better tips.

 

I do HATE on Weekend nights when the place is jacked, 5 people deep at the bar, some doosh wants to order 4 different 3 alchohol shots and 6 mixed drinks.

[wiffleball 4,660]

Here's my own personal bar rule: (Also my number one pet peeve at a bar):

 

 

If there's 5 inches between bar stools, that space was NOT intended for you to wedge yourself in to stand elbow to elbow with me at the bar. There's a REASON they leave space between stools - and it ISN'T to accomodate focks like you. We all like our personal space - and you're focking violating MINE. If you want a spot at the bar, show up earlier. - Or wait until someone leaves - you stoopid fock.

[edjr 5,624]

Here's my own personal bar rule: (Also my number one pet peeve at a bar):

If there's 5 inches between bar stools, that space was NOT intended for you to wedge yourself in to stand elbow to elbow with me at the bar. There's a REASON they leave space between stools - and it ISN'T to accomodate focks like you. We all like our personal space - and you're focking violating MINE. If you want a spot at the bar, show up earlier. - Or wait until someone leaves - you stoopid fock.

 

At 10 pm, we put the stools in the back on friday and saturday night. Way too busy to let 8 fockers take up all those spots for people to stand.

[parrot 789]

Also, we don't really care what you're drinking. We don't think you're cool because you're drinking Jaeger or shots of tequila, so there's no reason to announce it to the whole focking bar.

[Byars41 0]

Also, we don't really care what you're drinking. We don't think you're cool because you're drinking Jaeger or shots of tequila, so there's no reason to announce it to the whole focking bar.

 

also, this just in, if you're drinking shots of Jaeger - you are not cool. just ask Seth Green

 

in general i tip $1 for my drinks but i agree, if i come up and get the 1st round for my and a group of 5 or 6 people i'm not leaving $5 or $6. $3 or $4 is fine.

[wiffleball 4,660]

At 10 pm, we put the stools in the back on friday and saturday night. Way too busy to let 8 fockers take up all those spots for people to stand.

 

 

Yeah, the place we were at last night does something similar on one side of the bar. But if the stools are there - stay the fock away from my "stool gap".

[Hairy Larry 0]

i never tip for bottles.

[davebg 0]

Here's my own personal bar rule: (Also my number one pet peeve at a bar):

If there's 5 inches between bar stools, that space was NOT intended for you to wedge yourself in to stand elbow to elbow with me at the bar. There's a REASON they leave space between stools - and it ISN'T to accomodate focks like you. We all like our personal space - and you're focking violating MINE. If you want a spot at the bar, show up earlier. - Or wait until someone leaves - you stoopid fock.

Maybe you'd prefer it if the bartender just threw me my drinks over your head?

 

ETA: Lighten up, Francis.

[RicemanX 20]

reaally? only $1 tip per drink?

Man...I've been REALLY NICE.

[Q.Lazzarus 0]

A buck per drink is excessive. I usually open a tab, and tip 20-25% when i'm finished. I used to bartend when I lived in Lexington, KY. The cheapness of college students is legendary. They think that 15% is a huge tip.

[wiffleball 4,660]

Maybe you'd prefer it if the bartender just threw me my drinks over your head?

 

ETA: Lighten up, Francis.

 

 

I'm not talking about ordering drinks. I'm talking about setting up camp there. - no different than some fock standing elbow to elbow with you anywhere else. - It's just not done.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I am going to visit my favorite bartender right now

[davebg 0]

I'm not talking about ordering drinks. I'm talking about setting up camp there. - no different than some fock standing elbow to elbow with you anywhere else. - It's just not done.

Oh...OK...total agreement on that one.

[devin952 1]

list I stole off a site.. some of these I never knew.

 

 

Drinking Rules?

 

 

0. I've added a new rule that should take precedence over all the others and everybody should abide by. No matter how much you've had to drink, do NOT under any circumstances do what Tina is doing on this link (2.2mb).

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

 

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

 

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

 

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

 

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

 

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

 

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

 

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

 

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

 

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

 

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I'm going to get drunk. I hate shots. It's coming back up.

 

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

 

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

 

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

 

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

 

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

 

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

 

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

 

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

 

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

 

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

 

You're still reading these. Don't you have anything better to do?

 

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing-urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

 

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

 

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

 

25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

 

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

 

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

 

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

 

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

 

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

 

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

 

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

 

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

 

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

 

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

 

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender's guide and browse through all the drinks you've never tried.

 

37. Try one new drink each week.

 

38. If your are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

 

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

 

40. If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are a cheap ass.

 

Why don't you stop reading these and come clean my house?

 

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

 

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

 

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

 

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

 

45. It's okay to drink alone.

 

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling".

 

47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

 

48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

 

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

 

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive.

 

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

 

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

 

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

 

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

 

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

 

56. Screaming, "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.

 

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

 

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

 

Your mother would be proud of you for sticking it out this far.

 

59. If you are broke and a friend is "sporting you", you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

 

60. If you are broke and a friend is "making sport of you", you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

 

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

 

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

 

63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

 

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

 

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

 

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."

 

67. Never ask a bartender "what's good tonight?" They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

 

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your ###### drink and step the hell away from the bar.

 

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

 

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

 

71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

 

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.

 

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

 

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

 

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

 

You're almost there...don't stop now.

 

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

 

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with "I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . ."

 

78. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he's buying.

 

79. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

 

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

 

81. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.

 

82. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be at work.

 

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

 

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there's something in it.

 

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

 

86. What do I do if I drank too much booze? Drink more booze!

 

87. If you are dating someone who gets free liquor from the liquor store because they are the stores' best customer, RUN. NOW. VERY FAST. And then a little self-review won't hurt either.

 

88. Drinking RULES!!

 

89. You will forget everyone of of these rules by your fifth drink.

[davebg 0]

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

[frank 2,157]

 

 

3) Just b/c you're a 'regular', don't think you can use your 'power' to get that cute girl waiting next to you a drink by shouting the bartender's name.

 

 

Yes I can dipwad. You will eventually make hundreds of dollars off me doing a monkey's job, unless you make me miss a chance to get some.

 

 

 

 

4) NO complex drinks on a busy Friday and Saturday night. For those of you unsure, don't order a Lemon Drop or a Bloody Mary during these times.

 

I will order whatever I want and you will do your job, monkey.

[nobody 2,078]

Here's my own personal bar rule: (Also my number one pet peeve at a bar):

If there's 5 inches between bar stools, that space was NOT intended for you to wedge yourself in to stand elbow to elbow with me at the bar. There's a REASON they leave space between stools - and it ISN'T to accomodate focks like you. We all like our personal space - and you're focking violating MINE. If you want a spot at the bar, show up earlier. - Or wait until someone leaves - you stoopid fock.

 

My personal rule is if the bar is packed and you are sitting there sipping your beer, I'm going to keep elbowing you until you get your fatass out the way.

[be@st 0]

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

I always pay fantasy football winnings at the bar. That way, in years that I don't win, I at least make them buy me some booze. Cheezy, yet effective.

[DanXIII 8]

2) Standard tip is a buck a drink.

 

That rule went away with the advent of the debit card.

[randandy 0]

how i tip:

 

look around at her tables

 

count ppl sitting at tables

 

assume all ppl will tip a buck before they leave

 

ask myself if a barmaid really deserves to make a $50 an hour

 

walk out leaving only an empty bottle and full ashtray

[devin952 1]

how i tip:

 

look around at her tables

 

count ppl sitting at tables

 

assume all ppl will tip a buck before they leave

 

ask myself if a barmaid really deserves to make a $50 an hour

 

walk out leaving only an empty bottle and full ashtray

 

come back the next night and drink piss and coke for the same price

 

 

fixored!

[swirvenirvin 25]

Here's my own personal bar rule: (Also my number one pet peeve at a bar):

If there's 5 inches between bar stools, that space was NOT intended for you to wedge yourself in to stand elbow to elbow with me at the bar. There's a REASON they leave space between stools - and it ISN'T to accomodate focks like you. We all like our personal space - and you're focking violating MINE. If you want a spot at the bar, show up earlier. - Or wait until someone leaves - you stoopid fock.

 

 

what happens when its really crowded and you need to squeeze in to get a beer at the bar...

[randandy 0]

fixored!

 

 

theyre easily confused. i wear a different shirt every night.

 

(they work in a bar)<-----tip

[DPG78 0]

I will order whatever I want and you will do your job, monkey.

 

That is friggin awesome. I havent laughed out loud at a thread in a long time, good stuff.

[devin952 1]

theyre easily confused. i wear a different shirt every night.

 

(they work in a bar)<-----tip

 

I have to disagree, I bring hungry people pizza for a livin, and I never forget someone who fails to tip. Im guessing your wait staff does the same. Somehow I really dont think you go to a bar and dont tip, but if you do, mabey its time to start. You have to remember, these people live off off what you give them.

 

The only time not to tip is when - service is provided. Also, - service = bad attitude, not timely service, this is not there fault 99.9% of the time.

[Jessy 0]

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

 

Girl drink drunk?

[frank 2,157]

Girl drink drunk?

 

Dave Foley

 

These are the Daves I know, I know

These are the Daves I know...