What have you been kicked out of?

[jvirne 0]

I'm something of a professional assh0le, so I've got a few stories -

 

1. A bar in Buffalo. My best friend, his gf, and couple other people got stupid-wasted before we went to the bar (this is how we saved money in college). The night blurs. I'm wandering around by myself when I bump into my buddy's girlfriend. She's leaning against a door, half passed out. I'm kinda worried some d!ck will mess with her, so I try to wake her up. As I'm shaking her, the door opens and we both tumble in. It closes behind us. Beneath us is a flight of stairs. We laugh our asses off and go running down to.....a cellar FULL of beer cases. They were EVERYWHERE. Pallets of every kind of beer you could think of. I just stop and drool like Homer Simpson in a donut factory. My buddy's gf runs over to a wall and pushes open a set of cellar doors that open to the street. It leads to the side of the bar. No one is around. So we both start grabbing cases (me three at a time) and go stash them in the bushes behind the bar. A couple random guys walk by, see us, and say "whatcha doing?" I shrug and hand them two cases of Molson. They say thanks, take it, and run back to their car. After we get like 10 cases out, we shut the doors and wander back up to the bar. The girl makes it out but as I'm leaving a big bald meathead of a bouncer grabs me by the collar.

 

"You're out of here."

 

"Why?"

 

"You were down in the basement."

 

I realize he has no idea what I was doing.

 

"Ah come on dude, I was down there with my girlfriend getting sucked off. You know how it is."

 

He stops, obviously feels sympathetic, but then says, "nah man, sorry, I'll lose my job. You're out."

 

I act upset, but don't struggle. He tosses me out. I act like I'm wandering back to the parking lot, then go grab the cases and load them into my friend's car.

 

2. A high school summer league basketball game at the YMCA. I was the scorekeeper and announcer. The refs, parents, and audience didn't think it was funny when I consistently mispronounced the center's (and leading scorer) name. His name was Micheal Luntz. I keep calling him "Mike Hunt." "Another slam for Mike Hunt." "Two points for Mike Hunt." Et cetera. I also lost a lousy job for that one.

 

3. I was also thrown out of Toyz R Us. When I was 14 my best friend and I got stoned and decided to grab two water noodles, two shopping carts, and joust in the middle of the store. That didn't go over too well.

 

4. I was banned for life from my old college dorm. The last night I lived there I passed out the 1000 bottle rockets I had from a trip to Mardi Gras. My floor got drunk and had a bottle rocket war. When the RA came out of his room, we started shooting them at him. Then one of my friends, a kickboxer, goes over to his door and says if he calls the cops we would break it in and shove a bottlerocket up his a$$. I nearly sh!t myself. He never called the cops. We openly drank tequila in the halls, blasted Rage Against the Machine, and fired rockets at each other all night. I passed out around 6am. The campus police woke me up at 8. Worst hangover in the world. Worst awakening ever. Banned for life.

 

5. FFT. I got some sweet, albeit evil revenge on CMT1232u91404 once and was banned for a very long time. Years.

[frank 2,145]

A fish forum. But I don't want to talk about it.

 

 

[joneo 529]

Sunday School. I was probably 11 or 12 and had enough of the crap. Me and another guy were talking while the teacher was blabbing about the baby Jesus. He asked us to stop but we didn't. He asked us to leave and we left laughing in his face. Got a call from the minister later and he asked me what my problem was. Told him that Sunday School was stupid and I wouldn't be back and hung up.

[TommyGavin 788]

I got kicked out of boys scouts for eating too many brownies...

HELLO, IS THIS THING ON??

 

I use that all the time and usually met with blank stares. I glad SOMEONE gets it !!! Good job Lambert

[Eagles Green 34]

Why is the ocean so salty?

because of the sperm whales

eta: I need to go find that thread and bump it

 

 

Fuzzy Lap Flounder approves of this post.

[jerryskids 5,206]

Sunday School. I was probably 11 or 12 and had enough of the crap. Me and another guy were talking while the teacher was blabbing about the baby Jesus. He asked us to stop but we didn't. He asked us to leave and we left laughing in his face. Got a call from the minister later and he asked me what my problem was. Told him that Sunday School was stupid and I wouldn't be back and hung up.

Yeah, if I had done that at that age, I'd have been punched in the face by my priest, then kicked in the balls by my dad when he found out. Did you grow up in some Lord of the Flies world with no adult supervision?

[lambert58 56]

I use that all the time and usually met with blank stares. I glad SOMEONE gets it !!! Good job Lambert

 

 

Great minds......

[Me_2006 14]

Surprisingly, there's quite a few. Mostly sports related but a few random ones too. I'll post more later but probably the best one came from a basketball game I was ejected from.

 

 

Central Kentucky All-Stars Basketball Game: Was an all day tourney in a place about an hour from home. Played like 4 games a day. This happened in game three (I wasn't allowed to play in game 4.) Anyway, the team we were playing was famous for their big "corn-fed" boys that always basically just tossed it up at the backboard and pushed the actual NORMAL sized kids out of the way to get the ball, etc. Well one year they magically have a small, quick, VERY VERY good kid. Looked very New York-ish. Honestly, Italian if I had to guess. They were also hosting the tourney cause they had some huge bank that sponsored the damn thing every year although their gym was a total wreck. Anyway, during shoot arounds the coaches (who were the coaches from the team that won OUR championship that year- happened to by my coach since we wont it, and my older brother was on the coaching staff) call me and another kid over to meet with them, two players from the other team, the opposing coaches, and the refs. Ready for this? One of the officials name: Al Farragio. I laughed when he told me because that pretty quickly explained where the new Italian kid came from that had been tearing people up all day. I mentioned that to my brother thinking I had discovered something and had to tell them before we got cheated, and he just told me "I know, play through it. Nothing we can do." Anyway, game goes on and the little fock is holding me the WHOLE game. Coming off screens, trying to break their press, trying to drive to the rim...whatever the case, he was holding the side of my jersey the whole time. Had it wrapped in his fist. No whistle. I mentioned it to the coaches several times and my brother always told me to just play through it and stop whining. Anyway, they noticed I was being hounded so moved me from point to the 2, and I faked hard to try and beat him backdoor. He bit, but when I cut again he had a handfull of my jersey and the pass bounced just outside my reach and out of bounds. At that point, I blew up, shouted "This motherfocker is HOLDING ME" and got an immediate technical. That obviously pissed me off more than I already was and I informed the suck-ass ref that he should change his name from Farragio to Fellatio in a gym gym full of quiet, shocked parents and youngsters and walked off the court with my second T. Yeah, we lost.

[IGotWorms 3,315]

I got kicked out of two bars just last night. Apparently I was quite drunk.

[kilroy69 994]

i got kicked off of my black hair site for asking why don't blacks kill whites more often. i explained that it seems strange to me that after slavery and jim crow that you'd think blacks would be angrier and kill white people more. i asked if anyone thought religion (white god and white jesus) kept blacks feeling inferior instead of vengeful.

no one answered and i got the boot.

Maybe because they were both stupid questions designed to start a fight. Just a thought.

[kilroy69 994]

I almost forgot. A college buddy of mine got banned from the walmart in Demorest GA. We would get stoned and go up to walmart. We started putting the big fish in the smaller fish tanks and watched them go nuts and feast on the little fish. We laughed our heads off. The walmart people did not find it funny.

[Me_2006 14]

I almost forgot. A college buddy of mine got banned from the walmart in Demorest GA. We would get stoned and go up to walmart. We started putting the big fish in the smaller fish tanks and watched them go nuts and feast on the little fish. We laughed our heads off. The walmart people did not find it funny.

Done that one too. Only we just put all the Beta fish in one tank at this HUGE fish store we have like 35 miles from where we live. They seriously do go totally nuts.

[tikigods 76]

I took a friend to an AA meeting once while I had been drinking. The guy running the meeting didn't think it was appropriate that I was there drinking. He asked me to leave and kept my friend. My friend got sober and stopped hanging out with us. I hate AA now, they stole my drinking buddy.

[peenie 1,690]

Maybe because they were both stupid questions designed to start a fight. Just a thought.

really? omg, thank you for telling me!

i know darling. i think that's my style, haven't you been reading most of my posts here?

i'm somewhat trollish but without needing the use of an alias. which is cowardly, imo.

[kilroy69 994]

really? omg, thank you for telling me!

i know darling. i think that's my style, haven't you been reading most of my posts here?

I KNOW thats your style. I do read your posts. Mostly to see what kind of racist sh!t you are slinging for that day.

[peenie 1,690]

Mostly to see what kind of racist sh!t you are slinging for that day.

i wonder what posts you define as racist?

[kilroy69 994]

i wonder what posts you define as racist?

LOL. You make racist comments all the time. But I guess thats just a result of the years you spent as a slave back in 1860.

[Big Blue 06 195]

i'm actually a troll...

 

Not much of a disguise.

[peenie 1,690]

You make racist comments all the time.

no i don't. i never do. you all are just overly sensitive.

[Me_2006 14]

no i don't. i never do. you all are just overly sensitive.

[footballpowers 0]

can't we all just get along?

[kilroy69 994]

can't we all just get a bong?

Fixed.

[peenie 1,690]

put your fears to rest, I AM NOT RACIST.

here i'll prove it:

i don't mind living next to white people.

i've been over my white coworker's homes and even had dinner there, so i guess you could say that i have white friends.

i don't believe all white men have small peenies.

also, i know the reason a lot of whites don't know how to keep the beat when they dance isn't genetic, it's cultural.

[tikigods 76]

Who really gives a shiit? Can we get back to the topic before you both get kicked out of this thread? :cripplefightwords:

[AirRam 3]

High school track meet. No contact you say? Not if you're throwing the javelin.

 

 

So me and this kid live in the same shathole town all of our miserable 17 years to that point. We'd played on basketball, baseball and football teams. By high school this kid transfers to the prep school which I thought was pretty ghey, so I told him so. He oddly enough took offense to such an observation from an obvious inbred country bumpkin and attempted to strike me. I smiled at him in shock as he punched me in the mouf. Then we proceed to get into a sissy slapfight of epic proportions....think MDC vs Toro...and vow to "see each other again".

 

So we see each other five more times and get kicked out of five more basketball ( I closelined him, he pushed me into the third row, then your run-of-the-mill-slapfight), baseball (he beaned me in the dome with a fastball), and football games (he had three guys go for my knees on the opening kickoff so I tackled him on the sidelines and suggested he moved to the private catholic prep school for the action he got as an alterboy).

 

So spring rolls around and our schools are competing in track. He was throwing shot as I was going between running the hurdles and throwing javelin. I was craptastic at javelin but for some reason I got behind a throw and while it landed out of bounds it also landed 4 feet from where my buddy was getting ready for the shot. Then all hell broke loose and he took off after me. Coaches got between us thus preventing the world from finding out just who would win in a javelin vs. shotput fight and we were both thrown out of the track meet.

[tikigods 76]

High school track meet. No contact you say? Not if you're throwing the javelin.

So me and this kid live in the same shathole town all of our miserable 17 years to that point. We'd played on basketball, baseball and football teams. By high school this kid transfers to the prep school which I thought was pretty ghey, so I told him so. He oddly enough took offense to such an observation from an obvious inbred country bumpkin and attempted to strike me. I smiled at him in shock as he punched me in the mouf. Then we proceed to get into a sissy slapfight of epic proportions....think MDC vs Toro...and vow to "see each other again".

 

So we see each other five more times and get kicked out of five more basketball ( I closelined him, he pushed me into the third row, then your run-of-the-mill-slapfight), baseball (he beaned me in the dome with a fastball), and football games (he had three guys go for my knees on the opening kickoff so I tackled him on the sidelines and suggested he moved to the private catholic prep school for the action he got as an alterboy).

 

So spring rolls around and our schools are competing in track. He was throwing shot as I was going between running the hurdles and throwing javelin. I was craptastic at javelin but for some reason I got behind a throw and while it landed out of bounds it also landed 4 feet from where my buddy was getting ready for the shot. Then all hell broke loose and he took off after me. Coaches got between us thus preventing the world from finding out just who would win in a javelin vs. shotput fight and we were both thrown out of the track meet.

 

Air Ram...did you lose a sig bet?

[AirRam 3]

Air Ram...did you lose a sig bet?

 

 

yes

 

 

 

[edjr 5,564]

I'm something of a professional assh0le, so I've got a few stories -

 

What other shocking news do you have for us? Gutterboy is short? Water is wet?