Things you hate about weddings

[wiffleball 4,659]

I hate weddings. Every time I go to one with a date, we end up fighting - because I'm pissed off long before I ever show up. Having said that, here a few things to point out for those of you who aren't yet married and are planning one day to do so.

 

 

1. Make sure the focking church is air conditioned!! Fine, it's 68 degrees now - at nine in the morning with no one there. By the time your 2:00 nuptials start, there will be 400 people in there and it will be 20 degrees hotter outside. People have dressed nicely - dudes are in suit-coats and ties. Make sure your 3-hour Catholic marathon is at least comfortable for all involved.

 

2. Don't have a Catholic mass. 1) We're not all Catholic 2) There's enough shiit there allready. The mass and wedding ends up being 3 hours. If mass can't be avoided, take SIGNIFICANT steps to hurry it the fock along.

 

3. Don't have more than 2 songs during course of your wedding ceremony. Sure, you may want the choir to sing the entire A side of Abba's greatest hits, but we're sweating our ass off and our buzz is completely shot.

 

4. Get your GD pictures done BEFORE THE WEDDING! At least, all the ones you can. Which pretty much includes everything BUT the bride and groom. Can't stand the idiots who spend and hour and half taking pictures while your guests sit in some far-off reception hall.

 

5. ...Which leads me to this: If you do #4 and strand your guests at the reception, fine. But AT LEAST open the bar and have hot appetizers available. We're starving and thirsty and waiting on you, princess.

 

6. Have an open bar. I don't care if your brother is an alcoholic. I am too. And I want a Gawddamn drink. You don't have to have 90 bottles of liquor, but at least have an open beer/wine bar and a cash liquor bar optional. I can live with that.

 

7. Have enough staff on hand to serve everyone their meal at once. This one is just plain unprofessional. Table 1 is completely done with their food and looking to have the table cleared while table 12 is thinking about ordering Domino's.

 

8. If you ask someone to be in your wedding party:

 

a) Don't pick out the most expensive dresses for the bridesmaids to buy. Make it something they can REALLY wear at other events.

 

b ) Your wedding party has already dropped a bundle on your special day. Make a POINT of telling them that their presence and involvement is gift enough.

[Isotopes 1]

Everyone always complains about weddings but I almost always have fun at them. I usually get to see friends that I haven't seen in awhile and there is always free booze.

[mighty_thor 115]

Weddings are usually pretty fun. Must have an open bar though.

 

But the whole wedding industry is getting so big now. My wife and I just ran off to maui and got married on a beach. Saved us a lot of headaches and money and we still spent 2 weeks in Hawaii.

[wiffleball 4,659]

Weddings are usually pretty fun. Must have an open bar though.

 

But the whole wedding industry is getting so big now. My wife and I just ran off to maui and got married on a beach. Saved us a lot of headaches and money and we still spent 2 weeks in Hawaii.

 

Yeah seriously on that last part. Just add the word "wedding" to any noun and it'll cost you about 1,000% more.

 

 

Cake? Wedding Cake.

 

Invitations? Wedding invitations.

 

Reception hall? Wedding Receiption hall.

 

Photographer? Wedding photographer.

 

Caterer? Wedding Caterer.

 

The cost is astronomical for essentially the same products. - Mostly because they know some whacked-out bridezilla's parents will pay it.

 

Best advice I can give anybody (other than kill yourself rather than marrying) is to order everything in the left column and nothing in the right. You'll get the same things, just not NEARLY as expensive.

[IGotWorms 3,366]

1. Long wedding ceremonies

 

2. In-your-face demands for money (to be distinguished from merely putting out baskets for "donations" to the couple's honeymoon). I always do donate, but I like to feel like it is voluntary on my part.

 

3. Bridesmaids who don't put out. Everyone has their role.

[yostevo 0]

The wife of course.

[itsjjw 0]

Wedding are one of the most significant moments in a person's life. There is no reason that a Catholic should not celebrate it with a Mass if they so choose. It's their celebration not yours. If you don't like it skip the wedding and attend the reception.

 

Open bars are a must

 

You need enough time between the reception and the wedding in order to make sure that all of the guest have enough time to hit the ATM.

[kutulu 1,555]

hit the ATM.

 

 

 

Ass to mouth?

[itsjjw 0]

Ass to mouth?

 

Its better to save that part for the honeymoon.

[wiffleball 4,659]

Wedding are one of the most significant moments in a person's life. There is no reason that a Catholic should not celebrate it with a Mass if they so choose. It's their celebration not yours. If you don't like it

 

That seems to be a point of ongoing contention. My belief is if you're asking people to fly halfway across the country and/or be there for "your" special day, you have a resopnsibility as any other host. Wimmen invariably have a much more selfish attitude about this. Given the pervasively selfish mindset, I attribute that to the way they were raised - a sort of defect if you will. Just as men are more likely to belch out loud, wimmen are more likely to be selfish biotches when it comes to weddings. There's a reason why the term "bridezilla" was coined. If you choose to have and antipate, a cermony that will last well over a hour, at least have the courtesy to mention this to potential guests ahead of time - so they can do exactly what you propose - skip the wedding and attend the reception.

The inherent flaw in your post is that if you've never attended a Catholic Wedding - especially one that goes to great lengths to be as long as possible - you're not expecting to sit for 3 hours. For some people, this isn't a mere annoyance. There are valid medical and physiological reasons to let folks know that this is gonna be a marathon session so they can make an informed choice about attendance.

 

 

But, I've been to many Catholic masses. Like I said, at least take steps to keep it brief. There's absolutely no reason to have 3-4 song sets during communion and other times. There's several options you can take to celebrate mass without making it an endurance exercise.

[Strike 4,042]

I'm never the bride

 

[itsjjw 0]

I'm working on it. trust me.

[itsjjw 0]

That seems to be a point of ongoing contention. My belief is if you're asking people to fly halfway across the country and/or be there for "your" special day, you have a resopnsibility as any other host. Wimmen invariably have a much more selfish attitude about this. Given the pervasively selfish mindset, I attribute that to the way they were raised - a sort of defect if you will. Just as men are more likely to belch out loud, wimmen are more likely to be selfish biotches when it comes to weddings. There's a reason why the term "bridezilla" was coined. If you choose to have and antipate, a cermony that will last well over a hour, at least have the courtesy to mention this to potential guests ahead of time - so they can do exactly what you propose - skip the wedding and attend the reception.

The inherent flaw in your post is that if you've never attended a Catholic Wedding - especially one that goes to great lengths to be as long as possible - you're not expecting to sit for 3 hours. For some people, this isn't a mere annoyance. There are valid medical and physiological reasons to let folks know that this is gonna be a marathon session so they can make an informed choice about attendance.

But, I've been to many Catholic masses. Like I said, at least take steps to keep it brief. There's absolutely no reason to have 3-4 song sets during communion and other times. There's several options you can take to celebrate mass without making it an endurance exercise.

 

Just remember that a wedding is a spiritual union and celebration as well as a civil / legal one.

[Strike 4,042]

I'm working on it. trust me.

 

Stop saving Ass to Mouth for the Honeymoon and your chances might improve.

[wiffleball 4,659]

Just remember that a wedding is a spiritual union and celebration as well as a civil / legal one.

 

Where's the "getting drunk and boffing bridesmaids" option??

[itsjjw 0]

Stop saving Ass to Mouth for the Honeymoon and your chances might improve.

 

I doubt that. Guys with class want a wife with class. He can have all the milk he wants, after he buys the cow, not before.

[itsjjw 0]

Where's the "getting drunk and boffing bridesmaids" option??

That is only for the hot guys, not you.

[kutulu 1,555]

Just remember that a wedding is a financial union and celebration as well as a civil / legal one.

 

[itsjjw 0]

Just remember that a wedding is a financial union and celebration as well as a civil / legal one.

 

[itsjjw 0]

Actually a slut who wont bother me or demand I listen to her can have 80% of my money with no complaint from me at this point.

~STICK

PS-I love you honey if you read this.

 

80% of today is not worth nearly as much as 50% of forever.

[wiffleball 4,659]

That is only for the hot guys, not you.

 

Hey, the fugly ones need love too. Wedding secks < Funeral secks, but still funner than the chicken dance.

[itsjjw 0]

Hey, the fugly ones need love too. Wedding secks < Funeral secks, but still funner than the chicken dance.

I can honestly say I have never hooked up with a guy at a funeral, so I can't comment on that one.

[wiffleball 4,659]

I can honestly say I have never hooked up with a guy at a funeral,

 

I can honestly say that too!

[itsjjw 0]

I can honestly say that too!

Afraid the shovel will puncture your date?

[Voice_Of_Reason 0]

you know what I hate about weddings?......weddings.

[Rae Carruth's Cell Mate 0]

When the bride tries to get you to dance and hang out with her fat ugly bridesmade who doesn't have a date.

[itsjjw 0]

When the bride tries to get you to dance and hang out with her fat ugly bridesmade who doesn't have a date.

 

You're ugly, she's ugly, what's the harm in that, its a perfect match, be a sport about it. Why should both of you be bored, when you may actually meet your perfect match?

[davebg 0]

I hate it when guys p|ss and moan like a little girl b/c they got invited to a wedding w/out a date.

To be fair, I used to be one of these people.

I mean...single guy at a party full of desperate, drunk women. Why would you want to bring a date? That's like bringing sand to the beach, my friend.

[Savage Beast 1]

you know what I hate about weddings?......weddings.

 

 

 

Total waste of money.

[dain11279 930]

Open legs are a must

 

 

 

[lambert58 56]

The worst part is when she said "I Do" and then I had to cut off my nutsack and hand them to her.. Be nice if she let me have them back once in a while..

[itsjjw 0]

The worst part is when she said "I Do" and then I had to cut off my nutsack and hand them to her.. Be nice if she let me have them back once in a while..

[itsjjw 0]

Open legs are a must

 

It is part of the 'marriage contract'.

[jerryskids 5,271]

That seems to be a point of ongoing contention. My belief is if you're asking people to fly halfway across the country and/or be there for "your" special day, you have a resopnsibility as any other host. Wimmen invariably have a much more selfish attitude about this. Given the pervasively selfish mindset, I attribute that to the way they were raised - a sort of defect if you will. Just as men are more likely to belch out loud, wimmen are more likely to be selfish biotches when it comes to weddings. There's a reason why the term "bridezilla" was coined. If you choose to have and antipate, a cermony that will last well over a hour, at least have the courtesy to mention this to potential guests ahead of time - so they can do exactly what you propose - skip the wedding and attend the reception.

The inherent flaw in your post is that if you've never attended a Catholic Wedding - especially one that goes to great lengths to be as long as possible - you're not expecting to sit for 3 hours. For some people, this isn't a mere annoyance. There are valid medical and physiological reasons to let folks know that this is gonna be a marathon session so they can make an informed choice about attendance.

But, I've been to many Catholic masses. Like I said, at least take steps to keep it brief. There's absolutely no reason to have 3-4 song sets during communion and other times. There's several options you can take to celebrate mass without making it an endurance exercise.

I got married in a Catholic mass. It was a full mass, and it was 1 hour, not 3. My wife had just converted to Catholicism, and we wouldn't have had it any other way. Everyone knew it was a mass; if they didn't want to attend, fock em. Everyone did attend btw. I didn't give a flying fock if that bothered, bored, or whatever the guests. In fact I know it did. This was the most important commitment of our lives, and I wasn't feeling particularly incentivized to have a two-minute "Ido Ido bada boom" ceremony. Too many people do that these days IMO and don't consider the seriousness of their commitment, hence the >50% divorce rate.

 

HTH

[itsjjw 0]

I got married in a Catholic mass. It was a full mass, and it was 1 hour, not 3. My wife had just converted to Catholicism, and we wouldn't have had it any other way. Everyone knew it was a mass; if they didn't want to attend, fock em. Everyone did attend btw. I didn't give a flying fock if that bothered, bored, or whatever the guests. In fact I know it did. This was the most important commitment of our lives, and I wasn't feeling particularly incentivized to have a two-minute "Ido Ido bada boom" ceremony. Too many people do that these days IMO and don't consider the seriousness of their commitment, hence the >50% divorce rate.

 

HTH

 

 

Amen

[wiffleball 4,659]

I wasn't feeling particularly incentivized to have a two-minute "Ido Ido bada boom" ceremony. Too many people do that these days IMO and don't consider the seriousness of their commitment, hence the >50% divorce rate.

 

So, JK's positing that the length of the ceremony somehow has a direct correlation upon the length of the marriage.

 

 

 

 

Tell that to Prince Charles.

[jerryskids 5,271]

So, JK's positing that the length of the ceremony somehow has a direct correlation upon the length of the marriage.

Tell that to Prince Charles.

It wasn't the length per se, stupid. If that were the case we would have converted to Greek Orthodox.

[patweisers44 707]

Celebration - Kool and The Gang

Old Time Rock and Roll - Bob Seger

I Will Survive...complete with every unmarried chick in the place dancing together, acting empowered, and nodding along in agreement with the lyrics.

 

Plus i hate all the other stuff too.

[mighty_thor 115]

I wasn't feeling particularly incentivized to have a two-minute "Ido Ido bada boom" ceremony. Too many people do that these days IMO and don't consider the seriousness of their commitment, hence the >50% divorce rate.

 

HTH

 

I really don't think the length or size of a wedding has anything to do with the divorce rate. A better correlation would probably be the length of time that one knows the person you are getting married before tying the knot.

[porkbutt 865]

you are one stupid whiny lil b;itch