I Need to Get Fired from My Job

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

Here are some ideas...

 

1. Start prostletizing some wierd religion at work. A lot. Sing hymns (with bongo drums) in the break room during lunch. Leave tracts (annying bible phamplets) on people's keybords and car windshields daily.

 

2. Start using really, really, filthy language at work, including racist language.

 

3. If those fail, go give your boss a bottle of water or something that he will put in his mouth. Then, a couple hours later, send him an email with a pic of yourself, holding a bottle of valtrex, with a water bottle stuck in your tvvat.

 

That should do it.

[frank 2,145]

 

[jerryskids 5,206]

Rub feces all over yourself, wrap yourself in toilet paper, and walk through the hallways spinning in circles yelling "help! I'm stuck in a toilet!"

[Blitzen 0]

You have a family member who is gravely ill.......that always works. PS - Don't say someone died, just ill and needs your care for a while until they get better.....or die.

 

/thread

[Blitzen 0]

Rub feces all over yourself, wrap yourself in toilet paper, and walk through the hallways spinning in circles yelling "help! I'm stuck in a toilet!"

 

Some people here are obviously more experienced than others in these matters.

[shotsup 832]

Stop showering - assuming you do shower. You'll be rancid in a week. Almost as stinky as my answer......

[BunnysBastatrds 1,918]

Ask people to join your Casey Anthony Fan Club. Hang up the signup sheets with duct tape.

 

 

And there is my Halloween costume. You are a sick fawk.

[nikki2200 4]

People suggesting I use feces in this adventure is a bit frightening. I'm thinking I can do this without shatting myself.

[drobeski 3,061]

People suggesting I use feces in this adventure is a bit frightening. I'm thinking I can do this without shatting myself.

Lame

[Herbivore 905]

It is very hard for women and minorities to get fired because of a fear of legal action. As a woman you will have to do something big to get fired so I guess you are screwed.

 

There is a funny poetic justice in this.

[Strike 3,979]

People suggesting I use feces in this adventure is a bit frightening. I'm thinking I can do this without shatting myself.

 

You don't have to use your own....

[southcarolina 166]

show them your entire posting history here.

[Strike 3,979]

show them your entire posting history here.

 

She wants to get fired, not arrested!!!

[southcarolina 166]

post pictures of your nekkid bewbies online.

[OldMaid 1,838]

Have Pappa Smurf come visit the office and bring retard helmets for everyone.

[southcarolina 166]

Hire this guy to come to every meeting

[OldMaid 1,838]

Post a notice in the break room that you're looking to adopt a mongoloid baby.

[drobeski 3,061]

Next time you're blowing the guy, get teethy

[southcarolina 166]

Take a few bites out of everyones food in the refrigerator in the break room.

[nikki2200 4]

I'm working on it. And I may just pull this off without having to have poop touch my body.

[OldMaid 1,838]

This one might take a few days...

 

Get a couple of the tards and show them some condoms and tell them they are "special balloons" used to for celebrating "Hump Day". Then teach the tards that Wednesdays are called Hump Day in the office. The next time Wednesday rolls around leave a bunch of condoms in your pencil drawer and at the next meeting casually ask one of them if they could get you a pencil from your desk for your Hump Day meeting. This should ensure that you receive a bunch of condom balloons along with a your pencil.

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

I'm working on it. And I may just pull this off without having to have poop touch my body.

 

Well where is the fun in that?

[nikki2200 4]

I am failing miserably. The guy running the project focking hates me to the point he avoids me at all costs. If I'm in a room, he won't go in that room. I am completely antagonizing him. I smile and say hi knowing he hates me because I hurt his precious little ego and he runs the other way. But apparently he won't get rid of me.

 

Why can't I get myself fired?

 

I need to ramp this shiit up big time next week. Next week has to be my last week.

 

Hopefully I can take some of your suggestions and formulate something that does not require me exposing my private parts or getting my ass sued.

 

I'm disappointed with y'all and these suggestions. While funny, they are not very practical. But then again women are usually the devious ones and better at evil plans.

[Giants Fan 85]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYqnoULgD30

 

Show up late, and hungover as often as possible. Eat some breakfast and take a big stinky dump, NEVER get any work done before 11 AM and ALWAYS take over an hour for lunch. ALWAYS have an excuse for why you need to leave early that day. FORGET to get stuff done in a timely manner.

 

Then tell the boss that you are gonna tell his wife that you focked him if he doesn't cut you a severance package. Make sure to have a hidden recording device with you, during that conversation.

[Giants Fan 85]

In all seriousness, I actually hired a lawyer once to negotiate me getting fired. I volunteered for a layoff, and they wouldn't let me go. I did have some legit gripes about my working environment. The point is, it's illegal to make someone's job so crappy that they quit. Some companies will do that to try and save money, so you can't quit ... you hafta come to an agreement.

 

My last job, teaching at an Art Institute, they had me pass a student I caught cheating, that I had failed. And that was it for me. I signed the grade change form, and they didn't contest my unemployment claim. I made it very clear, that was the deal. I go away quietly, sign your form ....be on my way ... I have ethical problems with going forward, that our new owner, Goldman Sachs .... doesn't give a crap about.

 

It's always good to have some leverage.

[nikki2200 4]

I did it.

 

[Phurfur 70]

I did it.

 

 

Did you quit? If not why couldn't you quit?

[OldMaid 1,838]

I did it.

 

Did it involve windsocks?

[nikki2200 4]

Did you quit? If not why couldn't you quit?

 

No I didn't quit, but they don't want me back.

 

It's a long story. Stop reading if you don't care. But the bottom line is I only thought I was going to be there for 8 weeks and I only thought I was going in there to do an analysis and provide a recommendation for how to get themselves back on track. My best friend's brother basically asked me to do this because he couldn't find anyone else and I was billing through him to another consulting firm that couldn't find their own people. I hated it there. It was awful. Completely mismanaged. They basically put this company on the verge of bankruptcy and the guy managing the project is kind of a d!ckhead and doesn't know what he is doing.

 

Anyway it turned out that the expectation was that I was going to be there until the end and everything was implemented well into next year. Which I never would have taken it in the first place if I knew it would be that long. But my best friend's brother is the one who told me it was only for a short time. Because they are d!cking around with him on the contract and won't commit to anything long term so he didn't really know that it would turn out that they would want us there for longer than the 2 months. Especially because my intention was to take the rest of the year off and deal with some personal things. But their expectation, was that I was there until they didn't need me anymore. Anyway... if I walked, I would be screwing my friend.

 

I finished the analysis I was doing and told them what they had to do and documented it all. I just didn't want to stay there for the implementation piece of it. A few things happened last week, including them asking me drive to Hartford, CT on Sunday (which I wasn't happy about)to go to a 9:00 meeting on Monday morning that was another hour and a half away from where I was staying. Which I did. And showed up at the meeting location to find out there was no meeting. It's just a total clusterfock and at that point I was like screw this. But I didn't want to just leave because I would be screwing my friend.

 

Basically the guy running the project has a huge ego and he got butthurt when I told him how it was going to be and pointed out that he was doing a lousy job managing the project. Then antagonized him a bit, with a smile, for the rest of the week and he doesn't want me there anymore. So it was their decision which is how I wanted it to be. And it wasn't because I focked up or didn't do what they asked me to do, it was just a conflict of personalities. They knew that I didn't really want to be there so they were probably just trying to pre-empt me leaving, but I wouldn't have done that. The guy really hates me. It's funny what can happen when you screw with the male ego.

 

So that's that and now I get to go do what I was planning on doing in November.

[Giants Fan 85]

[Giants Fan 85]

Basically the guy running the project has a huge ego and he got butthurt when I told him how it was going to be and pointed out that he was doing a lousy job managing the project. Then antagonized him a bit, with a smile, for the rest of the week and he doesn't want me there anymore.

 

[Giants Fan 85]

True story.

 

I was drunk in a bar one night n NYC. Playing pool. Was my table ... this group of people walks in. One girl with a tight white T-Shirt with an American flag across the front, and I was like, "Well God Bless America", when she walked in the room. And I saluted her. Apparently that offended her. She spent the rest of the focking night just antagonizing me, she wouldn't leave me alone, and finally I lost it and I was like, "Listen Biatch! You wanna go up against me? Put your biach ass quarters on the pool table and get outta my face!" and all of a sudden I was the bad guy. Yep ... I got tossed from the bar. They thought I was gonna beat her up with a pool stick. If she had been a dude ... oh man .... I woulda kicked his ass way before that.

 

And I was kickin' ass in pool, up to that point, too. Man I was doin' good.

 

Moral of the story is .... I'm a nice guy. Chicks ... keep this in mind ... most men can kick your ass, if they decide to. How about .... instead of pushing us to the point where we snap ... just give us lots of BJs. Things would be better, I promise.

[shotsup 832]

Ok now the readers digest version please

[shotsup 832]

Ok now the readers digest version please

[OldMaid 1,838]

Well played, Madame.

[Phurfur 70]

No I didn't quit, but they don't want me back.

 

It's a long story. Stop reading if you don't care. But the bottom line is I only thought I was going to be there for 8 weeks and I only thought I was going in there to do an analysis and provide a recommendation for how to get themselves back on track. My best friend's brother basically asked me to do this because he couldn't find anyone else and I was billing through him to another consulting firm that couldn't find their own people. I hated it there. It was awful. Completely mismanaged. They basically put this company on the verge of bankruptcy and the guy managing the project is kind of a d!ckhead and doesn't know what he is doing.

 

Anyway it turned out that the expectation was that I was going to be there until the end and everything was implemented well into next year. Which I never would have taken it in the first place if I knew it would be that long. But my best friend's brother is the one who told me it was only for a short time. Because they are d!cking around with him on the contract and won't commit to anything long term so he didn't really know that it would turn out that they would want us there for longer than the 2 months. Especially because my intention was to take the rest of the year off and deal with some personal things. But their expectation, was that I was there until they didn't need me anymore. Anyway... if I walked, I would be screwing my friend.

 

I finished the analysis I was doing and told them what they had to do and documented it all. I just didn't want to stay there for the implementation piece of it. A few things happened last week, including them asking me drive to Hartford, CT on Sunday (which I wasn't happy about)to go to a 9:00 meeting on Monday morning that was another hour and a half away from where I was staying. Which I did. And showed up at the meeting location to find out there was no meeting. It's just a total clusterfock and at that point I was like screw this. But I didn't want to just leave because I would be screwing my friend.

 

Basically the guy running the project has a huge ego and he got butthurt when I told him how it was going to be and pointed out that he was doing a lousy job managing the project. Then antagonized him a bit, with a smile, for the rest of the week and he doesn't want me there anymore. So it was their decision which is how I wanted it to be. And it wasn't because I focked up or didn't do what they asked me to do, it was just a conflict of personalities. They knew that I didn't really want to be there so they were probably just trying to pre-empt me leaving, but I wouldn't have done that. The guy really hates me. It's funny what can happen when you screw with the male ego.

 

So that's that and now I get to go do what I was planning on doing in November.

 

I'm glad it worked out.

[Phurfur 70]

Ok now the readers digest version please

 

She ruffled the right guy’s feathers by telling him the truth about his project.

[kutulu 1,546]

Do you screw all your friends?

[IGotWorms 3,315]

My last job, teaching at an Art Institute, they had me pass a student I caught cheating, that I had failed. And that was it for me. I signed the grade change form, and they didn't contest my unemployment claim. I made it very clear, that was the deal. I go away quietly, sign your form ....be on my way ... I have ethical problems with going forward, that our new owner, Goldman Sachs .... doesn't give a crap about.

 

But you don't have ethical problems with being a deadbeat?

[Headslap75 0]

True story.

 

I was drunk in a bar one night n NYC. Playing pool. Was my table ... this group of people walks in. One girl with a tight white T-Shirt with an American flag across the front, and I was like, "Well God Bless America", when she walked in the room. And I saluted her. Apparently that offended her. She spent the rest of the focking night just antagonizing me, she wouldn't leave me alone, and finally I lost it and I was like, "Listen Biatch! You wanna go up against me? Put your biach ass quarters on the pool table and get outta my face!" and all of a sudden I was the bad guy. Yep ... I got tossed from the bar. They thought I was gonna beat her up with a pool stick. If she had been a dude ... oh man .... I woulda kicked his ass way before that.

 

And I was kickin' ass in pool, up to that point, too. Man I was doin' good.

 

Moral of the story is .... I'm a nice guy. Chicks ... keep this in mind ... most men can kick your ass, if they decide to. How about .... instead of pushing us to the point where we snap ... just give us lots of BJs. Things would be better, I promise.

Whenever you start your jibbberish with "True Story".....I call B.S