[** Official 2006 Top 10 Soilost Fantasy Rankings ** ]

[The Soilost 28]

FINALLY, IT'S HERE!

 

For those of you who don't know me, I'm one of the best fantasy football forecasters on the Internet.

Who predicted Brandon Stokely's stellar season two years ago?

 

ME.

 

Who predicted Emmitt Smith's return to fantasy football prominence two years ago?

 

ME.

 

Who said Priest Holmes was washed up last year?

 

ME.

 

Why am I so good? Because I've developed a software program that takes into account myriad variables, from weather to a player's off-season conditioning, from family history to crowd support. The number of variables I've factored into my problem now totals more than 50, and like the makers of Coca Cola, I need to keep a majority of them a secret for fear that I'll be ripped off.

 

Rather than include the usual + and - , along with predicted fantasy points scored, I'm just going to provide the rankings.

 

Good luck, guys!

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

1.) Peyton Manning - The old "man" in this family.

2.) Carson Palmer - Transplanted nutria tendon won't affect Kit Carson's game at all, fellas!

3.) Eli Manning - Could be among the best.

4.) Tom Brady - Here's the story, of a lovely lady ...

5.) Matt Hasselback - Welcome to Planet Matt.

6.) Jake Delhomme - Has the potential to be a Top 5 QB.

7.) Ben Roethlesberger - Him and his bionic face have something to prove

8.) J. Losman - Lose the hose will blast his receivers with touchdowns.

9.) Drew Brees - Breeze right into the stat book, baby ...

10.) Phillip Rivers - Don't be a dumbass and sleep on this guy. He's a rising star.

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

1.) Frank Gore - Even the matadors are peeing their britches.

2.) Shaun Alexander - Annual No. 2 pick, as always.

3.) Larry Johnson - Electric Larryland in KC, baby!

4.) L. Tomlinson - A damn good running back.

5.) Steven Jackson - This guy is a horse. A safe No. 5 pick.

6.) Clinton Portis - He seems to be excited about what's going on with his team.

7.) Chester Taylor - Chester the End Zone molester.

8.) Willis McGahee - Hee hee, don't tell anyone!

9.) Willie Parker - Willie make it? YES HE WILL!!!

10.) Rudi Johnson - Not the biggest Johnson on the board.

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

1.) Marvin Harrison - He be STARVIN' for more TDs this year.

2.) T. Housemanzotter - Welcome back Zotter!

3.) Donald Driver - Makes Minnie look like a ninnie.

4.) Reggie Wayne - John Wayne would be proud.

5.) Torry Holt - The Torry Story goes on.

6.) Chad Johnson - Bad Chad keeps putting his money where his piehole is.

7.) T. Owens - Owens Country Sausage is always good on a Sunday.

8.) Roy Williamson - Roy Williamson's Roast Beef A-Sammich!

9.) Andre Johnson - Carr's breakout season will put some sparkle into Andre's game.

10.) Larry Fitzgerald - A bargain at No. 10 here.

 

Well, that's it, guys. I don't bother with the kickers and defenses, because you're just going to draft them late anyway.

 

Good luck, and godspeed!

 

[The Shepherd 10]

I want what he's drinking.

[Fizzelps 0]

7.) Chester Taylor - Chester the End Zone molester.

 

 

Gold....pure gold!

[TD Ryan2 315]

*tear* this is focking beautiful man.

 

finally someone with the balls to put some real rankings out there.

I still owe it to you Soilost; many a championship I have won following your seemingly outlandish software predictions.

[jgcrawfish 232]

*tear* this is focking beautiful man.

 

finally someone with the balls to put some real rankings out there.

I still owe it to you Soilost; many a championship I have won following your seemingly outlandish software predictions.

 

You've got to be kidding?!

[Polamalu43 0]

you sure put a lot of work into those crazy a$$ rankings. I was wondering how many of your top 10 rankings flop.

 

Fun read though

[PackYourNut 47]

Who is going to be throwing the ball to Lee Evans? Did Jim Kelly come out of retirement... Please advise, oh FF Savant!

[TD Ryan2 315]

Who is going to be throwing the ball to Lee Evans? Did Jim Kelly come out of retirement... Please advise, oh FF Savant!

 

you take the Soilost with a grain of salt.

 

in '04, He predicted Stokely to be the #1 overall WR too... sure, he was off a bit... Stokely wasn't #1 at year's end... but the Soilost was the ONLY one that even had Stokely on the radar.

[phillybear 365]

I have spent many a sleepless night in anticipation of the best rankings by anyone this side of the universe (curse you, Zarquon #12 :shakesfist: ).

 

These rankings have eclipsed all my expectations. In fact, my panties are moist. Thank you, Soilost.

[The Soilost 28]

You've got to be kidding?!

 

 

I have a proven track record, son. You should listen to me.

 

[jgcrawfish 232]

I have a proven track record, son. You should listen to me.

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I like the cajones you show making your predictions...but you lost me at Lee Evans.

[zmanzzzz 1]

I have a proven track record, son. You should listen to me.

 

 

you need more people to vouch for you.

[Return of the King 0]

I am surprise you don't have ALex Smith at #1 for qb.

[wildbluefan 0]

This ranks right up there with FANTASY FOOTBALL INDEX magazine , putting TATUM BELL on last year's cover !!!!!!!

[RicemanX 20]

I believe in this more than I believe in most fantasy mags. But do I think it is over 60 % accurate...nah.

[listen2me 23 1,558]

By putting all mid-level guys or guys who arnt even on the radar in a top 10 you are bound to get one in the top 15 or so....(stokely)

 

Your flop/break out ratio has to be damn bad....

 

 

good read tho...something different....

 

If your serious then

[Know Doubt 0]

I am surprise you don't have ALex Smith at #1 for qb.

 

 

 

He didn't make the list. He's #11.

[GrassyKnollSniper 0]

Don't get me wrong, I like the cajones you show making your predictions...but you lost me at Lee Evans.

 

You got farther than I did. I quit reading at "Wali Lundy".

[Chronic Husker 85]

The Soloist helped lead me to my league's championship game two of the last three years. He picked up prognostication-wise where t.j. booker left off. Why else do you jerks think he writes for the website?

 

 

I'm planning on taking these lists to my draft tonight and if I'm lucky I might get the Texans trifecta of Lundi, Johnson, and Carr.

 

[listen2me 23 1,558]

1.) Lee Evans - With Moulds gone, Evans is pure money.

2.) Troy Williamson - Koren Drunkagain is in trouble, so now it's the Troy show.

3.) Steve Smith - I've never liked this guy, but I suppose he belongs in the Top 5.

4.) Reggie Wayne - John Wayne would be proud.

5.) Torry Holt - The Torry Story goes on.

6.) Chad Johnson - Bad Chad keeps putting his money where his piehole is.

7.) Matt Jones - Jonesing to fill Jimmy's shoes.

8.) Nate Burleson - Don't wait on Nate.

9.) Andre Johnson - Carr's breakout season will put some sparkle into Andre's game.

10.) Larry Fitzgerald - A bargain at No. 10 here.

 

Well, that's it, guys. I don't bother with the kickers and defenses, because you're just going to draft them late anyway.

 

Good luck, and godspeed!

 

 

by the way i still think troy will is slated as the number 3 WR....he is more of a slot guy....

[Franknbeans 46]

I just soiled myself

[adam smitty 0]

How's Stokley gonna do this year?

[football_scooter 0]

you take the Soilost with a grain of salt.

 

in '04, He predicted Stokely to be the #1 overall WR too... sure, he was off a bit... Stokely wasn't #1 at year's end... but the Soilost was the ONLY one that even had Stokely on the radar.

 

no, he wasn't.

 

several of us were talking about Stokley, and I had actually spent a 12th round pick on him, all before Soloist came along.

 

And his prediction wasn't that he'd have a great season, his prediction was that he'd be the #1 FFB WR.

 

An interesting, but fairly vanilla list. Basically took everyone else's top 10 and rearranged them with some outlandish changes.

 

Coincedence that it came out after the consensus geek rankings? I think not.

[The Soilost 28]

How's Stokley gonna do this year?

 

 

Maybe a late-round pickup, but otherwises avoid.

[parrot 789]

several of us were talking about Stokley, and I had actually spent a 12th round pick on him, all before Soloist came along.

Wow, a 12th rounder?!

 

Clearly you were expecting big things!

[ojmcsimpson 0]

He didn't make the list. He's #11.

Actually Charlie Frye was 11th Alex came in at 12. Soil also told me yesterday not to take Marshall Faulk because he will be hurt. and HE WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Striker99 0]

*tear* this is focking beautiful man.

 

finally someone with the balls to put some real rankings out there.

I still owe it to you Soilost; many a championship I have won following your seemingly outlandish software predictions.

 

Amazing!!!

[Bananarama 0]

[Baby Jesus 0]

Soilost, have you thought of selling your computer program to interested parties?

 

I don't know what values your computer program computates, but your predictions have been spot on for a few years now.

 

[football_scooter 0]

Wow, a 12th rounder?!

 

Clearly you were expecting big things!

 

No, but it was a more accurate selection than soloist's "#1 overall WR" prediction.

 

Soilost, have you thought of selling your computer program to interested parties?

 

I don't know what values your computer program computates, but your predictions have been spot on for a few years now.

 

 

 

Actually he was wrong about everything last year.

 

hth

 

too bad the database got scrubbed or I'd resurect the classic 2005 predictions.

[The Soilost 28]

No, but it was a more accurate selection than soloist's "#1 overall WR" prediction.

Actually he was wrong about everything last year.

 

hth

 

too bad the database got scrubbed or I'd resurect the classic 2005 predictions.

 

No, I most certainly was not. While it looked like some of my picks were busts during the first half of the season, those players broke out during the second half and underscored the prediction prowess.

 

I haven't reached the point where I can narrow things down to games or even specific plays, but I'll get there some day.

 

As for the question about the sales potential of my software, I just haven't had the time to progressively pursue it.

 

It's kind of an irony, because I'm working two jobs right now to pay alimony to a wife who left me for the Direct TV installation guy.

 

[football_scooter 0]

No, I most certainly was not. While it looked like some of my picks were busts during the first half of the season, those players broke out during the second half and underscored the prediction prowess.

 

I haven't reached the point where I can narrow things down to games or even specific plays, but I'll get there some day.

 

As for the question about the sales potential of my software, I just haven't had the time to progressively pursue it.

 

It's kind of an irony, because I'm working two jobs right now to pay alimony to a wife who left me for the Direct TV installation guy.

 

 

pure gold, Johnny....pure gold.

[Mack Daddy 0]

Useful for Sleeper picks, but other than that this is pure garbage. Who in their right mind will select Lee Evans as the #1 WR??? Like someone said in an earlier post, you are bound to get one right when you put a bunch of sleepers in your top ten.

 

Could you please post your top ten for the past three years so we can see your other "Gems"? That might hold SOME weight with me, a little MAYBE.....

[GrassyKnollSniper 0]

Soilost, have you thought of selling your computer program to interested parties?

 

I don't know what values your computer program computates, but your predictions have been spot on for a few years now.

 

You can make your own. All you need is a list of NFL players, a wall, and a couple of reasonably sharp darts.

[Mack Daddy 0]

You can make your own. All you need is a list of NFL players, a wall, and a couple of reasonably sharp darts.

 

 

Now that is classic

[listen2me 23 1,558]

You can make your own. All you need is a list of NFL players, a wall, and a couple of reasonably sharp darts.

 

[WhiteWonder 2,200]

i dont know whats funnier, the rankings themselves or the retarded comments he put after them...

 

"da-do ron ron ron" ? are you focking kidding me?

 

im driving in my carr.... oh i get it because carr is like car with an extra r, good one

[KSB2424 3,086]

Never, I repeat, NEVER underestimate the power of the Soilost.

[jgcrawfish 232]

No, I most certainly was not. While it looked like some of my picks were busts during the first half of the season, those players broke out during the second half and underscored the prediction prowess.

 

I haven't reached the point where I can narrow things down to games or even specific plays, but I'll get there some day.

 

As for the question about the sales potential of my software, I just haven't had the time to progressively pursue it.

 

It's kind of an irony, because I'm working two jobs right now to pay alimony to a wife who left me for the Direct TV installation guy.

 

 

Prolly cause he's good laying cable...oh yeah, and because even your average DUMBARSE DirectTV install shmuck knows that Lee Evans ain't gonna be the #1 WR in the league in this lifetime or any other.

[The Soilost 28]

pure gold, Johnny....pure gold.

 

 

No kidding.

 

I'd like to see someone else try to factor in how the nation's terror threat level affects crowd motivation and player performance.