Help! There's a Pigeon in my House!

[OldMaid 2,129]

Focker made a beeline straight for the door as I was coming in from getting the mail. It's currently perched on my chandelier in the dining room, and I had to lock the cats up in bedroom before they destroyed the place trying to get at it.

 

 

Anyone know how to get a bird out of your house?

[Frozenbeernuts 2,115]

Focker made a beeline straight for the door as I was coming in from getting the mail. It's currently perched on my chandelier in the dining room, and I had to lock the cats up in bedroom before they destroyed the place trying to get at it.

 

 

Anyone know how to get a bird out of your house?

Shot gun with bird shot. Just aim in the general direction.

[hoytdwow 202]

Focker made a beeline straight for the door as I was coming in from getting the mail. It's currently perched on my chandelier in the dining room, and I had to lock the cats up in bedroom before they destroyed the place trying to get at it.

 

 

Anyone know how to get a bird out of your house?

this happened to me once, though it was a sparrow, not a pigeon. Open a door and get a broom and just kind of guide it til it flies out.

[OldMaid 2,129]

Shot gun with bird shot. Just aim in the general direction.

Umm, yeah... that's not going to happen.

[OldMaid 2,129]

this happened to me once, though it was a sparrow, not a pigeon. Open a door and get a broom and just kind of guide it til it flies out.

 

I thought about that approach, but the closest thing I have to a broom is a Dyson hand-held.

 

 

Yes... I'm serious.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

Lure it into your hallway. It will die of exhaustion trying to find a way out.

[hoytdwow 202]

I thought about that approach, but the closest thing I have to a broom is a Dyson hand-held.

 

 

Yes... I'm serious.

how about a magazine or newspaper?

[OldMaid 2,129]

how about a magazine or newspaper?

 

You really want me to run around my house, shaking a newspaper at a bird?

 

 

Oh, and did I mention: it's crapped all over my dining room table! FML

[hoytdwow 202]

You really want me to run around my house, shaking a newspaper at a bird?

 

 

Oh, and did I mention: it's crapped all over my dining room table! FML

no, open the paper and use it to guide the bird out the open door. Have you opened a door yet?

the bird wants to be out way more than you want it out

[OldMaid 2,129]

Lure it into your hallway. It will die of exhaustion trying to find a way out.

 

Well, they DO make a vibrator called the rabbit. Who knows... maybe the pigeon will be the next big thing.

 

 

 

 

Also, thanks for being helpful, asshat.

[OldMaid 2,129]

no, open the paper and use it to guide the bird out the open door. Have you opened a door yet?

the bird wants to be out way more than you want it out

 

Yes, I left the door open. Trouble is: it's raining pretty good- which is why I think it darted inside.

[OldMaid 2,129]

Ok, fanning a newspaper at it only succeeded in moving it from the dining room to the kitchen. I did however, manage to catch the last round of poo on there paper, though.

[SUXBNME 1,457]

Go ask your possum for help

[WhiteWonder 2,681]

spread some peanut butter on your vagina.

[SUXBNME 1,457]

spread some peanut butter on your vagina.

She can't afford that much

[wiffleball 4,788]

She can't afford that much

 

Really didn't think I'd LOL today.

[wiffleball 4,788]

Reminds me of something I heard on one of them there Comedy Central Roasts last night.

 

Some guy was talking about how some other guy J'ed off so much that he "Spilled more seed than Mohammad Ali filling a bird feeder."

 

 

Okay, maybe not helpful, but DID make me laff.

 

 

And BTW- One woman's 'pigeon' is another woman's 'cornish game hen'.

 

I'm just sayin' - Don't look a gift bird in the mouth - err - beak.

 

Oh, and - just be yourself. Just start nagging at the bird and he'll fly through a f'ing window to get the hell out of there.

[OldMaid 2,129]

Update:

 

You know those little cans of compressed air you use for cleaning your keyboards and stuff? Well, apparently it works really well to get a bird out of your house. Just point and shoot it at the bird (in the general direction you want it to go) and voila... bird-be-gone!

[GettnHuge 2]

Update:

 

You know those little cans of compressed air you use for cleaning your keyboards and stuff? Well, apparently it works really well to get a bird out of your house. Just point and shoot it at the bird (in the general direction you want it to go) and voila... bird-be-gone!

 

that's called your ass

[SUXBNME 1,457]

Really didn't think I'd LOL today.

You sure picked a dumb one to do it to

[wiffleball 4,788]

Update:

 

You know those little cans of compressed air you use for cleaning your keyboards and stuff? Well, apparently it works really well to get a bird out of your house. Just point and shoot it at the bird (in the general direction you want it to go) and voila... bird-be-gone!

 

 

Or, alternatively, shove the nozzle-tube thingy up the bird's butt and POOF!!

 

Can't say I thought of that on my own. My uncle worked at Sears Automotive changing tires and whatnot. One day, he came in a little drunk after lunch and sat down on the air compressor...

[SUXBNME 1,457]

Reminds me of something I heard on one of them there Comedy Central Roasts last night.

 

Some guy was talking about how some other guy J'ed off so much that he "Spilled more seed than Mohammad Ali filling a bird feeder."

 

 

Okay, maybe not helpful, but DID make me laff.

 

 

And BTW- One woman's 'pigeon' is another woman's 'cornish game hen'.

 

I'm just sayin' - Don't look a gift bird in the mouth - err - beak.

 

Oh, and - just be yourself. Just start nagging at the bird and he'll fly through a f'ing window to get the hell out of there.

I'll bet her boyfrind is already cowered in the corner wailing at the top of his lungs

[SUXBNME 1,457]

Or, alternatively, shove the nozzle-tube thingy up the bird's butt and POOF!!

 

Can't say I thought of that on my own. My uncle worked at Sears Automotive changing tires and whatnot. One day, he came in a little drunk after lunch and sat down on the air compressor...

Actually, he sat down on the tire changing machine and rested his foot just a little too hard on the bead seater foot pedal. Unfortunately I do know this from personal experience.

[wiffleball 4,788]

I'll bet her boyfrind is already cowered in the corner wailing at the top of his lungs

 

 

...And jealous as fock of the bird.

[SUXBNME 1,457]

...And jealous as fock of the bird.

[TheBlade 3]

She can't afford that much

Touchdown!!

[wiffleball 4,788]

spread some peanut butter on your vagina.

 

 

"Huh, that's funny, I thought I spread creamy peanut butter on your hoo-ha."

 

 

OM: "Oh, just wait a day for the Valtrex to kick in..."

[wiffleball 4,788]

spread some peanut butter on your vagina.

 

 

Oh sure, then the next guy who she meets is gonna spend the rest of the night with his tongue stuck to the top of her G-spot.

 

"Uh, thoo got thom milk or thomthink?"

[SUXBNME 1,457]

Update:

 

You know those little cans of compressed air you use for cleaning your keyboards and stuff? Well, apparently it works really well to get a bird out of your house. Just point and shoot it at the bird (in the general direction you want it to go) and voila... bird-be-gone!

It works with kats, also. 2:00 in approx

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cA7NdBZ6s0&list=UUoc55bLcf4GsU1Mwu1zYhAw&index=4

[Frozenbeernuts 2,115]

It works with kats, also. 2:00 in approx

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cA7NdBZ6s0&list=UUoc55bLcf4GsU1Mwu1zYhAw&index=4

How did it work? The cats are still alive

[SUXBNME 1,457]

How did it work? The cats are still alive

You saw them leave the house, did you not?

[Bad Santa 24]

Run Tippi Run!

[HellToupee 1,596]

 

[HellToupee 1,596]

 

[HellToupee 1,596]

 

[wiffleball 4,788]

Are you familiar with spatchcocking?

[dogcows 1,030]

This guy REALLY likes pigeons (warning, don’t click the link. Can’t say I didn’t warn you!)

https://cdn.masto.host/glitterkittencouk/media_attachments/files/110/784/988/100/862/753/original/cd9937638abf2de2.jpg

[seafoam1 2,804]

10 minutes ago, dogcows said:

This guy REALLY likes pigeons (warning, don’t click the link. Can’t say I didn’t warn you!)

https://cdn.masto.host/glitterkittencouk/media_attachments/files/110/784/988/100/862/753/original/cd9937638abf2de2.jpg

Any person who clicks on a link provided from a liberal is just begging to be thrown in prison for having child porn on their computer. 

[League Champion 1,896]

15 minutes ago, dogcows said:

This guy REALLY likes pigeons (warning, don’t click the link. Can’t say I didn’t warn you!)

https://cdn.masto.host/glitterkittencouk/media_attachments/files/110/784/988/100/862/753/original/cd9937638abf2de2.jpg

Was that picture taken at a Pride Parade?

Sems right up their alley. 

[Hawkeye21 2,382]

6 minutes ago, seafoam1 said:

Any person who clicks on a link provided from a liberal is just begging to be thrown in prison for having child porn on their computer. 

I can't imagine what the search history on your phone and computer is like.  You post more about trannies and pedos than anyone I've seen.  You're charting into very disturbing waters here.