tikigods 76 Posted December 24, 2013 What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MDC 7,947 Posted December 24, 2013 [GF] What's the best thing about getting a handjob from a 5 year old? Your cack looks huge on the video. [/GF] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Geezil 25 Posted December 24, 2013 this guy is driving home and he sees his wife at the curb with all of her bags packed. he stops and asks her, "baby, what are you doing?" she replies, "im, leaving you! you are nothing but a pe, pe, ped, pedophile." he replies, "wow, that's a pretty big word for a nine year old." 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OldMaid 2,136 Posted December 24, 2013 My BF and I are sitting in a restaurant enjoying our dinner, when halfway through the main course my BF excuses himself and goes to the toilet. As I sit there alone, I decide to touch up my lipstick. The man on the next table leans over and says to me, you have amazing breasts, I want to tweak them and pinch your nipples until they bleed! "That is disgusting, you pervert, wait until my BF gets back, he will punch you in the mouth for talking to me like that." The man interjected, "I have not finished, after I have made your nipples bleed I will rip your panties off with my teeth and stick my tongue up your arse!" "Oh, you focking sick bastard, when my BF gets back he will kick your arse for saying these things to me" "Wait, I have not finished, after making your nipples bleed and after sticking my thumb up your arse I will fill up your poosay with beer, insert a straw and drink it all; what do say to that?" "You are going to die when my BF gets back, he will focking snap your neck you dirty perverted wanker" A couple of minutes later, my BF returns and can see I am clearly upset. "What is wrong darling?" asks my BF "Well, that nasty man next door said some terrible things to me, he said he wanted to tweak and twist my nipples until they bleed!" My BF was outraged, he took off his suit jacket and before he could do anything else I said, That is not all, he also said he would then stick his thumb up my arse! My BF now feeling really angry rolled up his sleeves and was about to beat the man up when I stood and said, That is not all, he then said he would fill up my poosay with beer, stick a straw in and drink every last drop! My BF rolled his sleeves back down, put on his suit jacket and sat quietly at the table. After a few seconds I turned to my BF and said, Why are you not beating the sh!t out of that dirty, perverted wanker who said those terrible things to me? Well, to be honest, I dont wanna fight a man who can drink that much beer! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Geezil 25 Posted December 24, 2013 too fkn long, i didn't even try to read it. find something shorter. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods 76 Posted December 24, 2013 Well, to be honest, I dont wanna fight a man who can drink that much beer! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745 Posted December 24, 2013 I thought for sure OM's joke was gonna end with her bf blowing the guy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Geezil 25 Posted December 24, 2013 This is why I have never respected Tiki. Him up there waiving. Idiot. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods 76 Posted December 24, 2013 What do you call an Afghan virgin? Never bin Laid-on Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Big Blue 06 196 Posted December 24, 2013 Well, to be honest, I dont wanna fight a man who can drink that much beer! Not where I saw that joke going. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Big Blue 06 196 Posted December 24, 2013 What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Big Blue 06 196 Posted December 24, 2013 What do you call an Afghan virgin? Never bin Laid-on Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods 76 Posted December 24, 2013 Why did the music teacher go to jail? He was fingering A Minor. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
patweisers44 865 Posted December 24, 2013 Why dont Jewish men like to perfom oral sex? Too close to the Gas Chamber. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Big Blue 06 196 Posted December 24, 2013 Why dont Jewish men like to perfom oral sex? Too close to the Gas Chamber. Wow, I don't know whether to laugh or not. I'm askeered. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Big Blue 06 196 Posted December 24, 2013 What do you tell a black jew? Get to the back of the oven! I'm going to hell. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,098 Posted December 24, 2013 Q: What did the Trix Rabbit say to the homo? A: Silly focker, dicks are 4 chicks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,098 Posted December 24, 2013 Q: What do you call a gay Ginger? A: Flaming. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,098 Posted December 24, 2013 Q: How do you know SUX is a homosexual? A: He makes Justin Bieber look straight. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,098 Posted December 24, 2013 Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS? A: A pounding sensation in the ass. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Melon 648 Posted December 24, 2013 I had a pipe burst in my house last winter. I had a plumber come over to take a look. I asked him for a rough estimate. He said "OK, $1200." Then he beat me up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vikings4ever 569 Posted December 24, 2013 An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MDC 7,947 Posted December 24, 2013 An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods 76 Posted December 25, 2013 An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!!" It's a Ham Bush! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DankNuggs 305 Posted December 25, 2013 What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
montana 89 Posted December 25, 2013 What do you call a dog with no hind legs with steel balls? Sparky Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
montana 89 Posted December 25, 2013 A magician was walking down the street & turned into a grocery store. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods 76 Posted December 25, 2013 How do you confuse an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it's from. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OldMaid 2,136 Posted December 25, 2013 What do Christmas trees and black guys have in common? Colored balls! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
montana 89 Posted December 25, 2013 What do Christmas trees and black guys have in common? You can see both on a garbage truck a week after Christmas. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
parrot 790 Posted December 26, 2013 An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peenie 1,985 Posted December 26, 2013 some of these are actually worth repeating. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Geezil 25 Posted December 26, 2013 some of these are actually worth repeating. Where is your joke? We are not her for your enjoyment. Add or zip it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
paulinstl 296 Posted December 26, 2013 A guy moves to a small town and is walking down Main St. looking at the shops when he comes to a barber shop. On the front window there is a sign that reads "Main St. Barber Shop. Robert Cox proprietor". The guy opens the door, sticks his head in and says "Hey, you Bob Cox?". "Nope, just shaves and haircuts Buddy" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods 76 Posted December 26, 2013 What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? wiped his ass. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Recliner Pilot 61 Posted December 26, 2013 Q: What do you call a gay Ginger? A: Edjr Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,098 Posted December 27, 2013 Subject: Dilemma A student asked his english professor, “What is the definition of a dilemma. "The professor said, “Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that." "Imagine that you are laying in a big bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man on the other." "Who are you going to turn your back on?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Recliner Pilot 61 Posted December 28, 2013 I have posted this before in one of these threads, but I will again if someone didn't catch it. Bob and Ray are walking down the street and they come up on a dog laying on the sidewalk just going to town licking his balls. Bob: Dayum! I wish I could do that. Ray: That dog would bite you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cloaca du jour 2,157 Posted December 29, 2013 What do Thomas Jefferson and George Washington have in common? The last two white guys with that last name. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,098 Posted December 30, 2013 What do Thomas Jefferson and George Washington have in common? The last two white guys with that last name. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
