I'm going in for a voluntary psych evaluation next week

[Giants Fan 85]

I actually have 30 days. I researched it, and it's all covered by my insurance. When I called in today they asked me a series of questions like "Have you ever seen a psychiatrist before?" and I have not. Therapists, psychologists, yes ... never a psychiatrist. And then they asked me what led me to call and ask for intake.

 

"Wow ... that's a long story." but here's the deal.

 

A day past recently. A day that doesn't mean anything to anybody but me. It was the day I became older than my older brother was when he died. I purposely did not figure out the exact day, but I have felt it ... this kinda mental burden .. i thought once I was past this day it would be a relief ... but it has not been. I got drunk and posted some stupid stuff on facebook that got people mad at me ... I don't even remember what I said ... i had 16 beers that night. Went a week after that with no alchohol. No problem, but felt really depressed and bored.

 

I have been self medicating too long, and I need to find out what works for me. A friend gave me some Adderal a couple months ago, and it was like... WOW ... I thought clearly, made smart and well informed decisions, like a fog was lifted. So, I am open to medication. Think I am prolly undiagnosed Bi-polar. Wish me luck.

[Giants Fan 85]

Things are not bad, since my drunk uncle left, but he has worn out his welcome eveywhere and his liver is messed up. The $5k fountain was ... whatever, it's my Step Dad's money. If he wants to spend it. Drunk uncle, back already? Step Dad is broke. I don't ask him for money. I feed myself, pay the electric bill, pay my car insurance, and I help around the property as well. I grew up in Arizona, my step Dad is fom New York, I'm in tune with what's going on in the desert. I'm smart, I can ID all kinds of animals. Had a centipede in the house the other night. Didn't kill it, caught it and released it. Clear glass, ripped off magazine cover, slid underneath the glass to make a floor, put it outside, let it go.

 

I hate it though, I hate the focking desert. I grew up here. It's all sticky and pointy and venemous and dangerous, like maybe being in the ocean. When it's 115 ... it is deadly. People die every year, because they are not prepared, and not well hydrated, mostly. I'm not talking border crosers, that's thousands more, I am talking tourists that go hiking and get lost. I want to leave. I've left before. Left for New York for 10 years, Seattle for 2. Phoenix, if it counts as leaving for longer than I care to admit. I hate Phoenix. Most depressed I have ever been. I lived in Manahattan, West Village and Chelsea, total time over 10 years, 2 more in Hoboken (2000 to 2002) and I loved New York. It was a great place to spend my twenties after college.

 

Just when it seemed like I had it all figured out, it all fell apart. The world changed. There have been 3 major tragedies in my life. My parents divorced when I was 10, 9/11, and the death of my brother ... and guess what, my parents are getting older ....I am supposed to be prepared for this ... I am not preparred for this.

 

For the first 10 years of my life, my entire family was my Mom and Dad, and my older brother. I'm almost 45 years old. Soon my parents will die. I will survive and hafta deal with that ... and I am totally freaked out and not prepared, for anyone to die right now. Not that it is happening, but ... If things go as you might expect, by the time I am 55 ... i'm gonna be the last one left of that original 4some. Gonna have some younger step and half sisters ... But it's gonna be a lonely feeling, and I am kinda feaked out ... Right now. Doing ok, but kinda freaked out.

[kilroy69 994]

this may in fact be the only legit post you have ever had. i hope you get help.

[Giants Fan 85]

And I kinda feel like, and have pledged, that I would never end my life, unless I was already dying of course, and it was terminal. But as long as I was healthy, it would be unfair to the people I love to put them through that again ... just not even an option. Suicide was something I used to think about, and I think most normal people at least think about it ... not in any serious way ... If you are curious intellectually though, it's there. Then once someone close to you commits suicide ... your whole perspective changes. I'm still mad at him. I think I always will be. I think what my brother did was selfish. It is gonna suck losing my parents. I'm not prepared for it. It's on the schedule somewhere though ... so, if everything goes as it should, I will outlive my parents.

 

Bumming me out.

[drobeski 3,061]

Suck it up nancy

[Giants Fan 85]

It may just be a mid life crisis ... I am doing ok, I am functioning ... Really hard to sleep. So much on my mind. Want to leave Arizona again, before next summer. I can't take another summer here. It was 94 today.

 

I hate the heat. Loved NYC, and my Mom stil sublets a place in the West Village, where I used to live, but that place is like $3000 a month, her cost. Location, location, location. I would need a job in New York to move back. A good one. One that satisfies my artistic needs.

[Giants Fan 85]

Maybe Ebola will make NYC affordable again.

 

:shrug:

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

I had mexican last night. Let me tell you what, i think the toilet is going to melt. No joke.

[Giants Fan 85]

You know what I would really like to do, but I'd need like $10 million dollars to do it, is I would like to buy the buildings where my Mom's old apt is. She's had it in her name since like 1983 as a renter. I lived there for 5 years in my twenties, I know all the neighbors. West Village is a tight knit community, yah know ... I grew up there, so ... I still know everybody when I go back. It's crazy.

 

But this is what the current owners don't realize ... there's a fortune in outdoor space being wasted. Right now, the only acces to the roof is a vertical ladder, right outside the font door of our APT (top floor, 3rd floor, next door has 4 stories). Once on the roof, you are right next door to your neighbors, that have a seperate entrance, and zero access to our roof .... BUT ... If you built a nice deck up there, cut a hole in that guys bedroom wall and put in some nice French doors ... that would make both apartments that had access worth a LOT more. 10 mill, prolly take to buy the whole thing. Commercial space on the first floor has been there forever. Great location. Owned by some Arabs and been a cash cow for them, so good luck.

 

I have had some good parties on that roof. Had sex up there more than once.

 

$5k invested, makes $3k apartments a month rental into $5k apartments a month rental. So, shhhhh. Not rent stabilized.

[Giants Fan 85]

I also, one time in a noreaster, my neighbor below me knocks on the door, I open it and I see water pouring in from the roof hatch. "The drain isn't working!" and we got up there and started bailing water with buckets, until my hands went numb and instead of just water I threw the whole bucket off the roof.

 

We did what we could. The roof held. It's an old place though. It's supposedly haunted. Right about this time of year, the Haunted Village tour would stop outside our gate twice a year.

 

I used to joke with them, "Yeah, at night I hear the sound of rattling chains outside my windows, but then I realize I live above a Chinese delivery place." until ... something weird happened. For real.

 

I guess I was about 27 or so, used to ride my mountain bike by the Hudson River to stay in shape, and cause it was fun. That was in the days of roller blading. i once ever wrote "101 reasones why bladers suck" or something like that, can prolly still find it. Guy asked me if he could use it and published it. Thank God that fad faded away. I literally saw newbie rollerbladrs falling down, in public, grab passing bicyclists and pull them down too.

 

Anyway, I had this Gary Fisher bike. Handmade chro molly ... It was made like 1989... I owned a lot of bicycles in my life, this thing was the shiat. I sold a lot of stuff when I left NYC, that bike was the hardest to let go of, and I think I got like $350 for it, in 2004. So, I come home from a ride. Hot day, sitting on the grass in Battery Park for a break, my ass is all wet ... I kept that bike inside, didn't own a lock, throw it over my shoulder and close the door behind me. This female ghost supposedly lives in the courtyard. So, I am going up the stairs, and I hear the familiar sound of the mail slot opening. "oh, the mail is here, how rude of me, I didn't notice the mailman was behind me" was my thoughts. I turned and looked, expecting mail and I saw the mail slot open, but I could see right through, to the ground outside. "Huh, spring musta broke." I thought.

 

Couple hours later, I go down to check it out .... spring isn't broken. It's fine. That was kinda freaky ...not possible that it was caused by a gust of wind, or something like that.

 

I think, that ghost was checking out my fine ass as I went up the stairs.

[Giants Fan 85]

That means, you are limitd, spacially as a ghost. You can't just go wherever you want.

 

Fockin true story ... I am 100 percent serious ... it's a hard coil spring that is welded to the door. Never seen it blown open by the wind before that, or since, and it was not a windy day. Some ... force ... held that mail slot open and I can't explain it.

[Giants Fan 85]

The most logical explination is a ghost was checking out my ass.

[KingPrawn 4]

Save the psych a lot of time and just send him a link to this thread

[Giants Fan 85]

No .... you don't get it. Every shrink I have ever met, I focked witn, mentally. I made them derermine what I wanted them to determine.

 

I have never been honest, and I wont be fully honest this time, because I know the "LSD at 15 years old" stuff is gonna trigger putting me in a hospital.

 

I'm OK. I've had a rough life, for a rich white kid. I'm smart though. i'll be OK.

[Eagles Green 34]

GFIAFP

GFNAFP

 

Giants

Fan

Needs

A

Focking

Psychiatrist

[patweisers44 697]

Hang in there, man.

[NorthernVike 2,080]

Hang yourself man.

[TD Ryan2 314]

this may in fact be the only legit post you have ever had. i hope you get help.

 

I don't get involved in too many GF threads - but I do see them - and I can tell you, this one is long overdue.

I seriously wish you all the best man.

[MDC 5,891]

He's probably going to diagnose you as a freeloading loafer.

[MTSkiBum 1,594]

He's probably going to diagnose you as a freeloading loafer.

 

It sounds mean when I type it out. But this is not meant as being mean. I think gf suffers from either schizophrenia or delusional paranoia.

 

He basically talks to himself which leads me to believe the former.

[Bier Meister 1,514]

bipolar w/ narcissistic and schizoprhenic traits

 

r/o schizotypal personality d/o

 

 

 

Symptoms of Schizotypal Personality Disorder

Schizotypal personality disorder is characterized by a pattern of social and interpersonal deficits marked by acute discomfort with, and reduced capacity for, close relationships as well as by cognitive or perceptual distortions and eccentricities of behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

• Ideas of reference (excluding delusions of reference)
• Odd beliefs or magical thinking that influences behavior and is inconsistent with subcultural norms (e.g., superstitiousness, belief in clairvoyance, telepathy, or “sixth sense”; in children and adolescents, bizarre fantasies or preoccupations)
• Unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions
• Odd thinking and speech (e.g., vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, overelaborate, or stereotyped)
• Suspiciousness or paranoid ideation
• Inappropriate or constricted affect
• Behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar
• Lack of close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
• Excessive social anxiety that does not diminish with familiarity and tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgments about self

Because personality disorders describe long-standing and enduring patterns of behavior, they are most often diagnosed in adulthood. It is uncommon for them to be diagnosed in childhood or adolescence, because a child or teen is under constant development, personality changes and maturation. However, if it is diagnosed in a child or teen, the features must have been present for at least 1 year.

Schizotypal personality disorder appears in about 3.9 percent of the general population according to NESARC research.

Like most personality disorders, schizotypal personality disorder typically will decrease in intensity with age, with many people experiencing few of the most extreme symptoms by the time they are in the 40s or 50s.

How is Schizotypal Personality Disorder Diagnosed?

Personality disorders such as schizotypal personality disorder are typically diagnosed by a trained mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. Family physicians and general practitioners are generally not trained or well-equipped to make this type of psychological diagnosis. So while you can initially consult a family physician about this problem, they should refer you to a mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment. There are no laboratory, blood or genetic tests that are used to diagnose schizotypal personality disorder.

Many people with schizotypal personality disorder don’t seek out treatment. People with personality disorders, in general, do not often seek out treatment until the disorder starts to significantly interfere or otherwise impact a person’s life. This most often happens when a person’s coping resources are stretched too thin to deal with stress or other life events.

[Eagles Green 34]

What if they confirm what we have all suspected?

 

That GF really is just a focking puzzy

 

[IGotWorms 3,315]

Good, you need an eval. Be honest too, you aren't tricking anybody by failing to get the treatment you need

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

This seems like when Ricky Martin came out of the closet.

[drobeski 3,061]

Which mental order have they come up with for the lazy takers to use as an excuse ?

[kutulu 1,545]

I don't see them ever letting you out

[Frank M 181]

The only explanation for these kinds of deep feelings surrounding parents' future demise from a 45 year old man is fear of the gravy train coming to an and.

[remote controller 133]

remember to tell them the part where you decided to take credit as a first responder.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,918]

The signs are there.

[Giants Fan 85]

Here's the best part ... if they declare me as bi-polar or even just clinically depressed ... it will help if I decide to apply for SSDI.

 

So yeah, I'm gonna do it. Was gonna do it today, but I was busy running errands.

 

I've been studying for this test for years, I should ace it.

[Giants Fan 85]

remember to tell them the part where you decided to take credit as a first responder.

My story has never changed.

 

At 8 AM I was asleep in New Jersey, at 11:15 AM I was standing online at St Vincent hospital in downtown NYC, ready to give blood. But I was hungover, hadn't eaten anything, and did not know my blood type, so they told me to leave. I even assisted the cop, when he said "The best thing you can do to help, is go home ... clear the streets." because he did not have a megaphone and I can be loud and project ... "The officer says the best thing you can do is go home, clear the streets!" Which I said multiple times. Sadly, thee was not a need a for blood, mostly. It was kinda, you made it out, or you didn't, and not much inbetween.

 

Saint Vincent is downtown NYC, but it's not close enough that there was a dust cloud that enveloped us. There was nothing I could do to help. No medical training, don't even know my own blood type.

 

The story has never been any diferent. I helped disperse a crowd. If that makes me a hero ... I never called myself a hero.

[Giants Fan 85]

The point is greater than that. On a day where I expected to get up and go to a boring job that I hated ... the world changed, in front of my eyes.

 

Some people were so stunned they were frozen. Stood and watched, but I couldn't bear to do nothing.

 

The last words I said, and had the terrorist plans for the PATH train succeeded, mighta been my real last words were, "That's a terrorist attack." minutes after the second plane hit, and I ran .... which never happens these days, and was rare back then, I ran to the PATH station and caught the last train into Manhattan, under the river. I had no idea what my plan was once reaching Manhattan and the train screamed past the Wall Street stop and I got out at 14th St and 6th ave about 9:25 AM ... and it was literally like out of a movie ... everything was going in slow motion ... nobody could believe what was going on. The Taxi drivers, the bakers, the newspaper salesman, the deli guy in his apron, the whole city stopped and shop keepers were standing in the street, in total amazement. And then we all realized we were watching people jump ... and I couldn't watch anymore. I had a loaded camera, tripod, and lived at a place with a balcony right across the river ... Took me 3 days before I could take any pictures, and those were to show both proximity and that it was still burning.

 

My bedroom in Hoboken went from having a view of the WTC, to having a view of a stinky, smoldery hole where thousands of people died.

 

I moved back to the City after that. I couldn't take the PATH train anymore. Was like reliving 9/11 every day.

[Giants Fan 85]

And just FYI, years later some other people, that were in that same line to give blood, have told the same story, down to the roast beef and bananas. Searchable via google, backs me up ... pretty much 100 percent.

 

I guess I coulda just been standing next to the line, saying, "Why are you freaks eating roast beef and bananas?" Be a weird question to come all the way from New Jersey to ask on that particular morning.

[Giants Fan 85]

This is what happened, pure and simple. By 11:30 AM there was a line, an entire block deep, from 7th ave to 6th ave of people that wanted to give blood. I got in that line pretty early, was even my Mom's idea to go to the hospital, and offer to give blood. She has some really sad photographs, like a row of nurses with gurneys and clean beadsheets, waiting for people to come in. Some came, but not many. Some people at the head of the line were admitted to give blood, and we were talking amongst ourselves, "If you haven't eaten, you hafta eat." and thats when ppl,started passing around food, and then a nurse came out and said,I will try and remember it as well as I can, "If you don't know your blood type, get out of line. if you know that you are O positive, come to the front of the line." and that's when my Mom and step dad waived me towards them, we cleared the area like the police asked, went home, turned on NY1 and ate lunch.

 

After that, I went back to work, met up with a friend who lived in Jersey City, and I decided to go with him, eventually got back home on a ferry. I know they said they weren't letting anybody in our out of Manhattan on 9/11, but that's bullshiat. Thousands of people were taken by ferry to New Jersey. And the next morning, I got up, walked to the PATH station, got on the train again, and went to work, like it was a normal day. Scared shiatless, but like it was a normal day.

 

I never lied about anything. I was not at ground zero, never said I was. "Lower Manhattan" is a big place.

[Giants Fan 85]

I never, ever, ever, said I saved anybody, or that I considered myself to be a hero.

 

Shiat like that will change you forever though. I used to get really mad if someone said, "I saw it happen live on TV!" Really? How interesting. You, and the rest of the world, saw parts of it on live TV. Tell me more about how you were living in Wisconnsin, and couldn't find your car keys for 5 minutes. It must be a fascinating story.

 

Sorry ... I guess that still kinda makes me mad.

[Giants Fan 85]

I feel like, and I said it then, that I felt "shell shocked" ... I felt like a veteran of war. It was war, what I saw that morning ... I never had any doubt about that. I still feel that way. Not in a way where I would be eligable for any kind of veterans benefits, but in a way that eveyone that saw the shiat I saw that morning has seen war. And that changes you, when it's happening right in front of your face.

 

And maybe if I had come out FOR the war in Iraq and SUPPORTIVE of Presidents Bush's tactics ... i would have been met differently. My point of view then, and I was actually published in the Tucson Weekly saying the UN was not behind us, this is not a war against the terrorists .... but nobody listened. The largest anti-war protest since Viet Nam happened, re: Iraq 2, and I was part of that protest, marching in the streets of NYC. It was a bullshiat war, a distraction. Or maybe even worse, just a personal vendetta.

 

George W. Bush ... man, worst president ever. Anyway, since my views were unpopular, at the time, the right wingers around here made up lies to discrdit me. How, very Republican of them. One of those lies, was that I lied about saving people on 9/11.... Tarhole, I mostly hold responsible for the speading of this disinformation and we had a deal.

 

Giants Fan vs. Tarhole Boy

 

Tarhole has 12 months to prove anything, I ever said on FFT was a lie. And not, a joke like "I have an 11 inch calk." That is also not true, BTW. Doesn't every guy lie about that? OK, it's not quite 11 inches but ....

 

 

... I won the Geek Contest. Supposedly. I think Mikey deleatorded that thread, but everyone knows I won.

 

So, the loser had to leave forever. Tarheel said I was a liar, I said prove it! ... of course I knew I would win that bet, because it's all true. Well, besides the 11 inch thing.

[Giants Fan 85]

I think, the shred of truth is that I said I gave blood, and I tried again days later, blood banks were full, when I really only tried to give blood. That was the only thing I could think of, but Tarhole could never produce a post where I said that I did give blood.

 

There were some mistakes with the timing at first. I did not see either plane impact, and what I saw when the second plane impacted was the crowd of people responding like they just saw Godzilla, and then I saw the WTC on fire. A lot of people were really confused, but some people were saying it was 2 planes, about 5 minutes apart ...

 

And that's when I looked at this man, who was holding his short girlfriend or wife in front of him, and I could see the fear and confusion on their faces.

 

"It was 2 different planes. One, and then the other." and I asked him, with an authoritative voice, "Are you sure, 2 different planes?" and he said he was sure.

 

A little grin crept over my face, like when I know someone is bluffing in a poker game and I figure it out and call. "That's a terrosist attack." ... and I turned and ran. Mighta stopped and had a few puffs off a cig but said nothing for the next 15 minutes. We all knew ... we all had some idea, those of us that caught that last train out of Hoboken that morning, going towards the shiat storm ... I sat quietly, closed my eyes and prayed ... but I was also watching all the people around me. Ya know, in case some shiat went down. i was only 31 then, and still kind of a bad ass.

 

I am ... kind of a bad ass. That should be the name of my book, "Kind of a Bad Ass."

[Giants Fan 85]

Actually, "Last Train Out of Hoboken" has a nice ring to it.

[Giants Fan 85]

I figured out I had the timing wrong at first, thought the second plane hit while I was under the Hudson River at first later, when that morning was all broken down into seconds and I remembered these conversations, and the angle from Hoboken, and mostly I remember getting out of the Subway Station at 14th st and 7th Ave, looking back and seeing both towers hit and that was the next thing I said, to myself, "It was two planes." because that was a straight, and closer view, and I could see both towers burning, and ppl jumping.

 

And then I remember, looking at my Movado, which was dialed in pretty good, at exactly 9:30 AM, at 16th and 7th ave, a half a block from work, when I ran into someone from work and mentioned I was a half hour late. So, I think what happened was the PATH train driver floored it. I was originally allocating 15 minutes for that train, but he blew past the Wall Street stop, it mighta been more like 7 minutes.

 

But it's just a discrepancy. I wasn't originally trying to mislead anyone about the timeline, I was just confused.

[Giants Fan 85]

The watch doesn't work anymore, I plan to fix it and give it to my Nephew, my brother's son, someday. It's an early model Movado SE. Classic, thin, all stainless watch. It's worth maybe $50 in the shape it's in now ... and it's not the only watch.

 

It's a long story, but all the money and property go to my sisters, and I inherit family heirlooms that I can't sell. There's a gold watch in the safety deposit box, that belongs to me, along with a few other things. It was never told to me that it was something I will inherit, but that it was mine. Has my initials engraved on it. Well, my great-grandfather's initials, and I have the same initials.

 

Anyway, it's not my Dad's to give away, as far as I'm concerened, it has always belonged to me. Never was told to me any differently. But I bet when the will comes down, my step sisters who are not even blood related will recieve some kinda compensation for the value of the shiat I inherit and can't sell.

 

I so dread the reading of my Dad's will. I am prepared to get nothing. Why would it be any different than my life since I got 2 little Jap sisters added to the mix ... and a third on the way. I get some share in some trust, maybe ... he cut my brother out of the will (later his share goes to his kids) and he could still cut me out of the will, I guess. I don't have kids. Don't want kids.