Had marriage counseling last nite

[davebg 0]

Im at loss at how to help you bro (not that im some damn counselor)...I think you have to gradually move towards a little variety in the bedroom.

 

Did you ever have "wild times" in bed?....Naturally at the beginning of my relationship with my wife we did stuff that I know that she isnt down with now and it could be that she just got older, job more stressful, babies etc. etc...

In the beginning it wasn't so much "wild times" as it was we were young and either together in school...doing it all the time...or when we'd only see one another on the weekend...so we'd be all over one another.

 

Now? Notsomuch.

 

Plus, like I said in an earlier post...poeple change over time...their tastes evolve...I think that sexually I've evolved...whereas sexually I think of her as a single-celled organism.

 

Its not what you say its how you say it....Im not trying to kill you here but your doing yourself an injustice by coming out like the heavy saying things like "I dropped the hammer

fixored

[Force of Two 0]

In the beginning it wasn't so much "wild times" as it was we were young and either together in school...doing it all the time...or when we'd only see one another on the weekend...so we'd be all over one another.

 

Now? Notsomuch.

 

Plus, like I said in an earlier post...poeple change over time...their tastes evolve...I think that sexually I've evolved...whereas sexually I think of her as a single-celled organism.

 

At least you changed the title therefore not allowing anyone who hadnt seen it to think your a jerkstore

 

Either way...Good Luck...it sounds like you need it

 

In the beginning it wasn't so much "wild times" as it was we were young and either together in school...doing it all the time...or when we'd only see one another on the weekend...so we'd be all over one another.

 

Now? Notsomuch.

 

Plus, like I said in an earlier post...poeple change over time...their tastes evolve...I think that sexually I've evolved...whereas sexually I think of her as a single-celled organism.

fixored

 

Good Job....It helps your credibility a bit

[CurlyNight 0]

You've been married 4 years, yet you make it sound as though it's been 20.

It can feel like 20 when you are not with the right person for marriage. I was married less than 3 years to a wonderful sweet guy, but we just couldn't make each other happy. It felt like 20 years all throughout. Sure in the beginning it was easy to sort of become someone you really are not cuz it's new and exciting, but later on when you let your hair down, you hope you seriously thought about it and talked before tying the knot. We didn't have kids, so easier to part. You can't force someone to change no matter how little it may seem if they really don't feel it's them. I knew marriage counseling would do no good so I didn't bother wasting my money. I just knew that we were not a right fit inside, and nipped it in the bud before kiddies or anymore time was gone from the prime of my life in an unhappy situation. We're still great friends to this day, which we wouldn't have been had it gone on too long.

 

[Guest stevejohnson]

It looks like there are quite a few women on this board.....that is a pleasant surprise. Are you ladies mostly wives of football geeks or just die hard fans yourselves?

[SUXBNME 1,367]

It looks like there are quite a few women on this board.....that is a pleasant surprise. Are you ladies mostly wives of football geeks or just die hard fans yourselves?

 

Trust me dude, they are all evil

 

Just cause they are on a FF site doesn't mean that they don't want to control and manipulate us..

In fact, by their way of thinking, by infiltrating this the way they are, it just means that they are 1 step closer to complete dominance over our gender...

 

Dont fall for it, I tell you!!

Just look at JK...He has already succumbed to their devious and malicious acts of false pleasntry...

 

 

WE MUST STAND STRONG !!

 

 

 

Unless, of course you need something...Then they are ok..

[CurlyNight 0]

It looks like there are quite a few women on this board.....that is a pleasant surprise. Are you ladies mostly wives of football geeks or just die hard fans yourselves?

Neither. A geek invited me to this board awhile back saying it's full of fun and hilarity. I'm still waiting for this to happen.

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

Neither. A geek invited me to this board awhile back saying it's full of fun and hilarity. I'm still waiting for this to happen.

 

 

Ditto here CurlyNight.

[jerryskids 5,460]

Trust me dude, they are all evil

 

Just cause they are on a FF site doesn't mean that they don't want to control and manipulate us..

In fact, by their way of thinking, by infiltrating this the way they are, it just means that they are 1 step closer to complete dominance over our gender...

 

Dont fall for it, I tell you!!

Just look at JK...He has already succumbed to their devious and malicious acts of false pleasntry...

WE MUST STAND STRONG !!

Unless, of course you need something...Then they are ok..

I presume this refers to me. I like succumbing to such acts.

[Jessy 0]

It looks like there are quite a few women on this board.....that is a pleasant surprise. Are you ladies mostly wives of football geeks or just die hard fans yourselves?

 

I'm a recovering Vikings fan.

[jerryskids 5,460]

Neither. A geek invited me to this board awhile back saying it's full of fun and hilarity. I'm still waiting for this to happen.

[CurlyNight 0]

[Rusty Syringes 478]

Love is a verb.

[jerryskids 5,460]

I'm sad that we are not providing your desired hilarity.

[The Moz 69]

maybe if davebg spent as much time complimenting her as he does tearing her down he might actually get what he wants ?

[CurlyNight 0]

I'm sad that we are not providing your desired hilarity.

I don't believe you. :crossesarms:

[jerryskids 5,460]

I don't believe you. :crossesarms:

SUXBNME says that I have already succumbed to your devious and malicious acts of false pleasantry. :morestubbornthanyou:

[CurlyNight 0]

SUXBNME says that I have already succumbed to your devious and malicious acts of false pleasantry. :morestubbornthanyou:

 

Is this english?

[jerryskids 5,460]

Is this english?

Hard to say for sure. But he said it, and it sounds bad. I even corrected his poor spelling. Look above if you don't believe me.

[SUXBNME 1,367]

Hard to say for sure. But he said it, and it sounds bad. I even corrected his poor spelling. Look above if you don't believe me.

 

 

My speeling is just fine fartknocker

[jerryskids 5,460]

My speeling is just fine fartknocker

Don't worry, you can always fall back on your cuteness.

[SUXBNME 1,367]

Don't worry, you can always fall back on your cuteness.

 

 

That's it...I'm going out the garage and play with sharp things

 

 

TheNewGirl never came over last night I wonder why?

[jerryskids 5,460]

That's it...I'm going out the garage and play with sharp things

TheNewGirl never came over last night I wonder why?

No pneumatic drill though.

 

Wonders will never cease.

[swandown 0]

There's no way you're still married in 1 year.

[TheNewGirl 1,093]

I didn't read pages three and four, but just wanted to say, that you guys are trying to improve your INTIMACY.

 

INTIMACY is NOT always about sex. Big deal she didn't dress sexy enough for you, and I do realize that men are very visual creatures. Personally, I don't think the problems in your marriage are due to sex at all...it's just trickling intothe bedroom as most marital problems do.

 

ITA that you need to get over the winning vs losing and smiling when the counselor agrees with you...and you know that when the counselor agreed with you, you sat there with some smug, siot eattin' grin on your face. I can't imagine that what your wife is going thru is painless and fun for her in anyway. Knowing that you are in this to "win" isn't going to work out for either of you.

 

GL

 

That's it...I'm going out the garage and play with sharp things

TheNewGirl never came over last night I wonder why?

 

I was too busy getting drilled by hubby's pneumatic.

[kutulu 1,564]

Sounds promising.

 

INTIMACY is NOT always about sex.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Does anyone else think that davebg might be a clever alias for their wife wanting us to think that we don't have it that bad?

 

I would fully expect my wife to say, "See. This guy has a total prude who does not want to put out at all. I give you sex a few times every week, some occasional anal, naughty nighties every once in while, and I put up with all of your crap. You should be kissing my feet"

 

Listen "davebg" (if that is who you really are ) - you only wish you had it as good as I do.

 

 

 

 

Run away.  Run away

[jerryskids 5,460]

I was too busy getting drilled by hubby's pneumatic.

Glad to hear you are back getting the REAL power tools.

[Jim Mora 26]

I didn't read pages three and four, but just wanted to say, that you guys are trying to improve your INTIMACY.

 

INTIMACY is NOT always about sex. Big deal she didn't dress sexy enough for you, and I do realize that men are very visual creatures. Personally, I don't think the problems in your marriage are due to sex at all...it's just trickling intothe bedroom as most marital problems do.

 

ITA that you need to get over the winning vs losing and smiling when the counselor agrees with you...and you know that when the counselor agreed with you, you sat there with some smug, siot eattin' grin on your face. I can't imagine that what your wife is going thru is painless and fun for her in anyway. Knowing that you are in this to "win" isn't going to work out for either of you.

 

 

I was waiting on you to pop in. nice job.

[Mephisto 15]

Mrs. DaveBG was NONE too pleased.

 

Our homework from last week was to have a nice date nite on Sat...dinner, drinks, sex.

 

We did and it was OK...a little awkward at times, but OK.

 

So, this week the doc wanted to do some communication exercise where we're supposed to phrase things like an invitation and the other person responds in a polite manner.

 

He asks one of us to start. Mrs. daveBG had nothing, so I gave it a whirl.

 

I asked/called her out on why she couldn't have dressed all sexy for date nite. First, I started w/the lingere.

 

Mrs. DaveBG: I was wearing nice underwear.

 

DaveBG: Looked like the same beige padded bra you always wear & some new blue panties. May have been nice, but certainly not sexy.

 

Then I got into her not wearing a sexy outfit.

 

Mrs. DaveBG: I wore something nice.

 

DaveBG: I didn't say you didn't wear something nice...I said you didn't wear something sexy.

 

Mrs. DaveBG: What sexy outfit?

 

DaveBG: EXACTLY!!! You don't have/wear any!

 

Mrs. DaveBG: Why should I dress sexy?

 

DaveBG: BECAUSE YOU ARE A WOMAN AND I AM A MAN!!! If you were single in the city and going out on a hot date w/a guy you liked you'd do it, right?

 

Mrs. DaveBG: <makes a face>

 

DaveBG: You are a prude.

 

Doc: I really don't think DaveBG is making an unreasonable request.

 

DaveBG: Yeah, it's not like I asked you to break out the 6 inch stilettos and gimp mask.

 

Doc: Yeah, that's for next time...jk

 

Mrs. DaveBG: Why should I do it...you are so mean to me.

 

Doc: Sorry, you can't answer his invitation w/a condition...that's not how this exercise works.

 

DaveBG:

 

Mrs. DaveBG: Why is it always about what I do wrong...things DaveBG doesn't like?

 

DaveBG: You had an opportunity to bring up something that you don't like about me for this exercise, but you didn't want to, so I took the lead and we're talking about what I want to talk about. You had your chance.

 

Doc: He's right.

 

300 pages into the thread, and I am still looking for the part where DaveBG phrased something like an invitation. Looks like he was a complete dickhead to me. Further, from this simple exchange, it doesn't much look to me like DaveBG is interested in solving anything.

 

Good luck, Mrs. DaveBG. With a husband like that, who needs enemies.

[swirvenirvin 25]

IM getting married in June

[swamp dog 0]

so...this counselor person tells you guys to have sex and then report back on how it went...and then you cut him/her a big check?

 

now i know i went into the wrong program at grad school.

[Mephisto 15]

Each time we go we peel back another layer of the onion and get closer to the center of our problems.

 

I suggest that during the next counseling session, you sit down in front of any mirror in the counselor's office and peel back that big focking layer that's over your face. I believe doing so may help you identify one of the really big problems in the relationship.

 

Dude... based on what I've read, you treat her just like you describe her mom treated her. I can't begin to imagine just how totally beaten down she must feel. All of her life taken the beat-down from her mother. Then she marries someone who seems to get off on beating her down.

 

Here's something to thing about... she probably sits there quietly and acting like nothing is wrong because she knows when the time comes, she'll probably scratch your focking eyes out for continuing the abuse her mom apparently unloaded on her.

 

But hey! Thanks for sharing!

[Reverend Cleophus James 0]

good luck with the divorce

[TheNewGirl 1,093]

I suggest that during the next counseling session, you sit down in front of any mirror in the counselor's office and peel back that big focking layer that's over your face. I believe doing so may help you identify one of the really big problems in the relationship.

 

Dude... based on what I've read, you treat her just like you describe her mom treated her. I can't begin to imagine just how totally beaten down she must feel. All of her life taken the beat-down from her mother. Then she marries someone who seems to get off on beating her down.

 

Here's something to thing about... she probably sits there quietly and acting like nothing is wrong because she knows when the time comes, she'll probably scratch your focking eyes out for continuing the abuse her mom apparently unloaded on her.

 

But hey! Thanks for sharing!

 

You know, when I was away from my computer for a while, I had this EXACT same thought. Davebg also mentioned how he's sat around and watched his parents marriage be miserable for the last some-odd years and all, and that his mom is miserable...Davebg, have you thought that perhaps the way you're treating your wife is the same way that your dad treats (treated) your mom? We do learn the example of marrage (at times) from our parents, and we learn how to treat others we love at ta VERY young age.

 

I was also thinking, perhaps your wife knows that you don't think much of her (I have gathered from your threads that you don't think much of her). And she may know that if she opens her mouth and tells how she really feels that it doesn't matter, you will find some way to beat it down into some kind of failure. She might have dressed sexy Saturday night, but you might not have liked the color of the outfit. Point being, you would have found *something* to find fault with her.

 

She may not dress sexy because SHE doesn't feel comfy, because of the self esteem issues that you blame her mom for. As her husband, shouldn't you try to build up that esteem? To help her get to the point that she does feel comfy in front of you wearing whatever, acting however, and just being HER? How can she do that when you most likely consistently make her feel inadequate? I have this feeling that's what you do...she probably wants to try to do laundry, try to cook for you, and try to be more adventurous in bed, but I have this feeling that you'd make comments that were both subtle and direct that she was failing in some way.

 

Personally, if I were her, I would get to a point where nothing I did satisfied you, and I would probably sit there close-mouthed too.

 

I do hope that things get worked out, but honestly, I said it once and I will say it again, I think that you've made your choice and you're just going thru the motions. You're unhappy, and anything that you can do to make your guilty feelings go away. By guilt, I mean, you've been with this girl for over 13 years, you were her first, you married her and took vows - and you feel bad that you've done this because in a way, it's been a waste of time for you. Anything and anyone who agrees with you (on here or the counselor) is going to feel like a "win" for you, just because of the guilt that you kind of harbor for all of this.

 

These are just my opinions and I do realize that I could be talking out of my azz.

[jerryskids 5,460]

You know, when I was away from my computer for a while, I had this EXACT same thought. Davebg also mentioned how he's sat around and watched his parents marriage be miserable for the last some-odd years and all, and that his mom is miserable...Davebg, have you thought that perhaps the way you're treating your wife is the same way that your dad treats (treated) your mom? We do learn the example of marrage (at times) from our parents, and we learn how to treat others we love at ta VERY young age.

 

I was also thinking, perhaps your wife knows that you don't think much of her (I have gathered from your threads that you don't think much of her). And she may know that if she opens her mouth and tells how she really feels that it doesn't matter, you will find some way to beat it down into some kind of failure. She might have dressed sexy Saturday night, but you might not have liked the color of the outfit. Point being, you would have found *something* to find fault with her.

 

She may not dress sexy because SHE doesn't feel comfy, because of the self esteem issues that you blame her mom for. As her husband, shouldn't you try to build up that esteem? To help her get to the point that she does feel comfy in front of you wearing whatever, acting however, and just being HER? How can she do that when you most likely consistently make her feel inadequate? I have this feeling that's what you do...she probably wants to try to do laundry, try to cook for you, and try to be more adventurous in bed, but I have this feeling that you'd make comments that were both subtle and direct that she was failing in some way.

 

Personally, if I were her, I would get to a point where nothing I did satisfied you, and I would probably sit there close-mouthed too.

 

I do hope that things get worked out, but honestly, I said it once and I will say it again, I think that you've made your choice and you're just going thru the motions. You're unhappy, and anything that you can do to make your guilty feelings go away. By guilt, I mean, you've been with this girl for over 13 years, you were her first, you married her and took vows - and you feel bad that you've done this because in a way, it's been a waste of time for you. Anything and anyone who agrees with you (on here or the counselor) is going to feel like a "win" for you, just because of the guilt that you kind of harbor for all of this.

 

These are just my opinions and I do realize that I could be talking out of my azz.

Actually, I think that this may be the single best post I've ever read on this board. I hope he reads it a couple of times.

[BMoney 0]

I dont get it...."why dont u wear something sexy to bed?"

 

are you looking to have sex with HER? or the image of a woman in sexy lingerie?....

 

my gal will NEVER wear lingerie and hates it...it makes no difference...

 

 

TNG is correct on many points..no need for me to repeat...

 

(ppst..your wife likes it when I have her wear the throwback Earl Campbell jersey...give it a shot!) good luck!!

[ROBOKOP 0]

There is a lot of ood advice in here from a lot of people with life experience and knowing what works in relationships. Some of the posters in here also seem to have a psychology degree with some interesting analysis of family lineage. Realistically, I think you guys should both look into individual counseling to reflect what kind of personal issues you each have. It seems as though there are some pretty big hurdles to get over before you can get to a common ground where communication and intimacy is where you want it. Dave, your biggest obstacle is having the ability to step back and evaluate yourself. It is my experience when someone tell a story like this case, your negatives are minimized and your partners negatives are exaggerated. What is concerning is that you genuinely sound like an insensitive ###### sometimes. It just seemed childish that you actually feel like you won a game because counseling went a certain way. Even if the counseling points out several areas of flaw for the Mrs., it is your responsibility to be there to help and not point and laugh. It sounds like this will take a lot of work especially on your part. Swallow your pride and be more understanding and patient, even if this relationship doesnt work, you can know you gave it your all and can go into your next relationship a little wiser.

[TommyGavin 790]

I should have my lady read these (DaveABC) posts makes my relationship seem ROMANTIC as hell!

[Birdseed 1]

You've been married 4 years, yet you make it sound as though it's been 20.

 

Women will do that to you.

[TheNewGirl 1,093]

Actually, I think that this may be the single best post I've ever read on this board. I hope he reads it a couple of times.

 

 

YAY ME!!!

 

However, I have a feeling that dave will read this and think that he's "catering" to his wife if he tries positive reinforcement (and the praise, correct, praise that you'd mentioned earlier, jerry). Or, Dave will see it as something that her MOM f'ed up, why should he have to work so hard to correct it? It's not about trying to crrect something that someone else did wrong, but trying to help your wife get to a point where she knows that she can trust you ultimately, and that you love her for her, and that she CAN do these things. There are many things that she hasn't even done yet, and you've all ready got her set up for failure.