Rules from the Male's Perspective

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

 

Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

 

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note.. These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

 

 

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

1. Sunday sports - It's like the full moon. Or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

 

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

 

1. Crying is blackmail.

 

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

 

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

 

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during Commercials.

 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "Nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or football.

 

1. You have enough clothes.

 

1. You have too many shoes.

 

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

[Strike 5,532]

#1 is the best one

[RLLD 4,230]

#1 is the best one

 

[GobbleDog 996]

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

I always thought chicks should just be happy that I bothered to take the time to pick it up to begin with.

 

I can always leave it down, but aim ain't what it used to be.

[frank 2,304]

1. Sending and resending internet lists is stupid, not funny.

[supermike80 1,906]

#2 We landed on the Moon.

 

 

Still one of the better ones though

[RLLD 4,230]

I always thought chicks should just be happy that I bothered to take the time to pick it up to begin with.

 

I can always leave it down, but aim ain't what it used to be.

 

 

You do that and she will just find something else to complain about, at least you can predict what it will be if you do that same stuff, and get it out of the way. Usually, once she b!tches and maons for 10-20 minutes its all over~bonus if she got herself mad enough where she stops talking altogether for the rest of the night

[dolfan06 1]

I happily give up on the toilet seat issue for the right to ignore her when I'm watching TV.

[De Novo 0]

I always thought chicks should just be happy that I bothered to take the time to pick it up to begin with.

 

I can always leave it down, but aim ain't what it used to be.

[Electric Mayhem 35]

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

 

This cracks me up no matter how many times I see it.

[Isotopes 1]

I like this one

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "Nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

[Snuff 10]

I like this one

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "Nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

We (men) have all experienced this one, probably daily for many of us. It's so focking true.

[kilroy69 1,247]

"1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down."

 

If this becomes an issue I P!SS all over the seat until she mentions it. Then give her the choice of me forgetting to put it down when I am through or me forgetting to lift it before I p!ss. Either way I am going to forget about it because it means NOTHING to me.

[Churchill610 0]

I usually just say, "If you're too f0cking stupid to put the seat down, you deserve to fall in".

 

It doesn't go over particularly well, but it's still true.

[davebg 0]

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Yep

[D'ohmer Simpson 0]

Masculinity Test

 

1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:

 

a- Lovemaking

b- Screwing

c- The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

 

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

 

a- Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship

b- Your blood-test results

c- Five tequila slammers

 

3. You time your orgasm so that:

 

a- Your partner climaxes first

b- You both climax simultaneously

c- You don't miss SportsCenter

 

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

 

a- Healthy, creative love-play

b- Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to

c- Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

 

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

 

a- The best part of the experience

b- The second best part of the experience

c- $100 extra

 

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:

 

a- No concern of yours

b- Not a problem - she can join your gym

c- A conservative estimate

 

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

a- A myth

b- An oxymoron

c- A moron

 

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

 

a- Appetiser is to entree

b- Priming is to painting

c- A queue is to an amusement park ride

 

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

 

a- "I hope we can still be friends."

b- "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."

c- "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."

 

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

 

a- Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy

b- Is uptight and a waste of time

c- Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

[Chronic Husker 85]

1 Make me a sammich!

[Jeremy 0]

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

I've always been confused about this. Nearly every woman on the planet has a hissy fit over leaving the toilet seat up. What's so hard about putting a toilet seat down? It takes about as much effort as turning on a light switch.

[Electric Mayhem 35]

I've always been confused about this. Nearly every woman on the planet has a hissy fit over leaving the toilet seat up. What's so hard about putting a toilet seat down? It takes about as much effort as turning on a light switch.

 

Because women always back into the bathroom with their eyes closed, drop their pants and hurl themselves backwards in the vicinity of where the toilet should be.

[Korben Dallas 0]

Funny thing is that I was just LOOKING for this email.

 

Thanks for posting it!

[wiffleball 4,790]

Because women always back into the bathroom with their eyes closed, drop their pants and hurl themselves backwards in the vicinity of where the toilet should be.

 

 

LOL

[Riddlen 1]

you are a veritable fountain of lame forward style posts lately

 

therefore, as a reminder: terrible, terrible post

[hoytdwow 202]

Why can't people just close seat AND lid when done with the toilet? Why leave it open at all?!

[BMoney 0]

guys have time to make a list like this?

 

if it isnt a fantasy sports ranking sheet, or a hardware how to manual..we most likely wont READ a long list, let alone write one...

 

and if we DID write one..after a couple days, we probably wont be able to read it..or we'll lose interest in it and rip off the corners of the paper so that we can floss our teeth...

[phillybear 366]

Why can't people just close seat AND lid when done with the toilet? Why leave it open at all?!

 

Because someone in the house hates the family pet and wants it to drown.

[redtodd 7]

Where the hell is "Shut the fockup?"

[shake_a_leg 0]

There are girls on this site?

 

[Quickolas1 80]

Masculinity Test

 

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

 

a- "I hope we can still be friends."

b- "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."

c- "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

 

a- Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy

b- Is uptight and a waste of time

c- Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

 

 

in a word: awesome

[kutulu 1,676]

If I get grief cause of the toilet seat/lid, I just start crapping on the seat for a few days. After that, the piss doesn't bother her as much.

[spottedowl 1]

One of Leykis 101 rules...

 

Change is Not Inevitable

Some women have this idea that men are there to be molded and changed to suit their needs. This becomes more prevalent after a man's married.

 

When you watch "the game." She can be welcome to support your activities but if she insists you stop, you insist she leaves. Women love what they consider a "fixer-uppers." That's why shows like Trading Spaces and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy exist. Girls think they can take a guy that makes good money and is pretty good looking, and turn him into their fantasy man. Don't let them do it. Your friends and habits were there before she was. She took you as you are. If she's not happy with it, she's the one that changed and she needs to deal with it.

 

Women: Men don't get hints. Nagging doesn't help. In fact, if you nag, it's more likely to make us doing what you hate, just to spite you. You took the good with the bad, if you don't like what they were doing before you got together then you should have left.

 

http://www.blowmeuptom.com/leykis-or-not/c...p;page=1#Item_0

 

[texasmouth 1]

#2 We landed on the Moon.

No way. Whoo hooo!

 

 

WE LANDED ON THE MOON!

[D'ohmer Simpson 0]

in a word: awesome

[VikesFan 1]

The Guys' Rules

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or football.

 

you forgot sex