Geek advice needed: Am I making a big mistake?

[davebg 0]

As some of you may already know from following earlier posts, dear ol dad is a focking douche bag. Unfortunately, mom has stuck with him all these years. These days, she's so sick of his sh|t that she says she'd leave, if only she could afford it (I know, I know...if she's not happy she should leave regardless...believe me, I know...just don't even go there.)

 

So, mom, who's a travel agent and makes peanuts, never really learned to be financially independent, which is really a killer, since the root of my dad's douche baggedness stems from financial matters.

 

Anyway, I was cruising the job postings here at work (for a buddy's brother) and came across something that mom would be perfect for. Now, I don't know if she'd be down w/commuting into NYC and it would definitely be a bit of culture shock for her to work in a "real" office, as opposed to a travel agency, so I don't even know if she'd be up for the challenge. However, the job is perfect for her qualifications-wise. Plus, it's a director level poistion, so she'd probably double, if not triple, what she makes now. Thus, gaining her financial independence and being able to kick dad to the curb.

 

Here's the rub, though. As much as I love my mom, the idea of working not only for the same company, but in the same building as my mom is one that I'm not so sure about. Anyone have any input/advice on this?

[Big Blue 06 195]

:insert mom joke here:

 

Seriously, if this is good for your mom, then you have to do it. Forget about how uncomfortable it might make you feel. You have to think about her and put her needs first.

[sawilson 1]

I agree with Big Blue. If you think it would benefit your mom, definitely give her the option to apply. If she does get the position, then you guys can set ground rules before she starts as to making sure there is some distance put between the two of you during work hours.

 

But again, first you have to see if your mom is interested in the position (at least give her that choice to make), then she would have to get the job. So you really shouldn't bother yourself worrying about something that hasnt' even happened yet. Give her the choice to make and if it does happen, worry about it then and set those ground rules so it isn't uncomfortable.

[DaWeffa 0]

would she be clingy if she were to work there? i would ask her if she would be interested in a job if you could find one and she what she says before you present the job to her...

[hoytdwow 202]

You're just mad at your dad for passing his swarthy genes on to you.

 

[DaWeffa 0]

I agree with Big Blue. If you think it would benefit your mom, definitely give her the option to apply. If she does get the position, then you guys can set ground rules before she starts as to making sure there is some distance put between the two of you during work hours.

 

But again, first you have to see if your mom is interested in the position (at least give her that choice to make), then she would have to get the job. So you really shouldn't bother yourself worrying about something that hasnt' even happened yet. Give her the choice to make and if it does happen, worry about it then and set those ground rules so it isn't uncomfortable.

 

jinx!

[Big Blue 06 195]

I agree with Big Blue.

 

I think this is the first time a woman has actually said this.

[TheNewGirl 1,031]

i would ask her if she would be interested in a job if you could find one and she what she says before you present the job to her...

 

This was my first thought too...ask if she'd be interested if you happened to find one, and go from there.

[Recidivist 1]

My Mom has worked for me going on 10 yrs (bookkeeping & reception). If you and your mom get along well, it shouldn't be a problem.

 

Every once in awhile my Mom forgets she is the employee by offering unsolicited suggestions regarding work issues. In these moments I ask if she likes working here. Before she gets a chance to respond I gently but firmly say, "Return to your work station."

 

It also helps that she is overpaid and underworked, but hey, it's Mom we're talking about.

[surferskin 30]

can size?

[tony hardware 0]

Seriously, if this is good for your mom, then you have to do it. Forget about how uncomfortable it might make you feel. You have to think about her and put her needs first.

 

Agreed. There must be some people at your work that are her age, that she can befriend? If so, then there's a chance she'll be so excited to have new girlfriends that she won't need you. Assess the social scene for her at your office, if its likely that you will be her only source of social interaction, then this could be tough. Chances are, she's an interesting lady (travel agents usually are) and she'll be able to make plenty of friends in her department.

 

Think also about the medical/healthcare benefits she might get. I'm sure she's getting a little older and she went have to rely on your fathers prescription drug plan.

 

I think family members can co-exist in workplaces. You don't want to mix family and business? Don't represent your father in a lawsuit (ME!).

[davebg 0]

Well, it's MTV Networks, so the people definitely skew a bit young, but there are still plenty of people closer to her age and I don't think she'd have a problem making friends.

 

Also, I doubt we'd interact much given what her job would be and what mine is. It's a big company w/many employees and our jobs descriptions just don't overlap at all.

 

Lunch in the cafeteria or the Christmas party might be a bit weird, though.

[edjr 5,567]

I think this is the first time a woman has actually said this.

 

Too bad you've never talked to one in real life.

[surferskin 30]

Too bad you've never talked to one in real life.

his sister doesn't count?

[sawilson 1]

I think this is the first time a woman has actually said this.

[Big Blue 06 195]

his sister doesn't count?

 

This thread wouldn't be complete without a reference to my sister.

[frank 2,145]

So, mom, who's a travel agent and makes peanuts,

 

 

She has two jobs?

 

 

 

 

also, go for it!

[supermike80 1,286]

Um, I know it might be a tough question to deal with, but what if she SUCKS???? Then what? You will be blamed for bringing a POS employee into the office, AND your Mom will be upset too.

[Nomad99 410]

I'll take the side of caution here.............I'd wait till she gets out of her current situation BEFORE trying to get her a job. Talk is cheap & as you say the situation has been going on for a long time...........If she can make the break...GREAT, help her out.........nothing would be worse than her taking that job & staying with your dad......that would surely invade your work life

[davebg 0]

Um, I know it might be a tough question to deal with, but what if she SUCKS???? Then what? You will be blamed for bringing a POS employee into the office, AND your Mom will be upset too.

Well, that's the risk you take whenever you refer someone for a job. Frankly, I'd be less worried about referring my mom than some friend of a friend.

 

Actually, it's funny that you bring this up, as I was just reading an article on this subject earlier this week. Pretty much, the conclusion was that while you shouldn't refer total strangers or people you have a bad feeling about, really it is up to the person doing the hiring who needs to take responsibility if things don't work out. Just b/c they get a referral doesn't mean they have to hire the person. It's still up to them to find the right candidate for the job.

 

I am not worried that my mom could do the job...I'd be more worried about the culture shock of commuting to NYC every day and working in an environment like MTV Networks.

 

I'll take the side of caution here.............I'd wait till she gets out of her current situation BEFORE trying to get her a job. Talk is cheap & as you say the situation has been going on for a long time...........If she can make the break...GREAT, help her out.........nothing would be worse than her taking that job & staying with your dad......that would surely invade your work life

I hear ya. The thing is, it's kind of a chicken or the egg situation. I'm hoping that if she got and took a job like this that it would give her some of the independence (financial and otherwise) that has been holding her back from leaving him in the first palce.

[porkbutt 861]

is davebq a girl?

[davebg 0]

is davebq a girl?

Gee...sorry for caring about my mom and trying to make her life better. What a poosay I am.

[porkbutt 861]

Gee...sorry for caring about my mom and trying to make her life better. What a poosay I am.

you whine a lot.

[D'ohmer Simpson 0]

She has two jobs?

[Cdub100 3,381]

Your mom goes to college

[davebg 0]

you whine a lot.

Who's whining?

 

I've got an ongoing family situation. I might have a possible solution to at least part of the problem. I wanted advice on what people thought?

 

The only one whining here is you.

[Chronic Husker 85]

She has two jobs?

[jerryskids 5,206]

I'll take the side of caution here.............I'd wait till she gets out of her current situation BEFORE trying to get her a job. Talk is cheap & as you say the situation has been going on for a long time...........If she can make the break...GREAT, help her out.........nothing would be worse than her taking that job & staying with your dad......that would surely invade your work life

I disagree and recommend the opposite.

 

I would not approach her with "hey mom, there is this job you'd be great at, and then you can dump dad's ass." She clearly is afraid of leaving him, or she would have long ago. I would sell her on just the job and never bring up dad. Use the fact that you work there as a positive in helping her acclimate (in practice, hopefully you don't have to do too much of this...). If successful and she takes the job, then you can go to phase 2 with her already financially independent.

 

I'm not a psychologist, but meh, you asked for opinions.

 

HTH

[Recidivist 1]

you whine a lot.

 

That would be fair criticism were this one of his marriage counseling threads. However, davebg is obviously looking out for his mother's best interests by providing an option for her that might negatively impact him.

 

And if someone does want to actually whine, better here than the real world.

[porkbutt 861]

Who's whining?

 

I've got an ongoing family situation. I might have a possible solution to at least part of the problem. I wanted advice on what people thought?

 

The only one whining here is you.

see.

[TommyGavin 788]

you want your mom to clean toilets in MTV Networks?

 

where would she be commuting from and at what time ?

 

I love my mom too but a phone call a week and visit a month is ALL i can take