Stuff they make me do in Medical School

[MedStudent 56]

Some of you may have noticed that my posting has tailed off the last couple of months. I will have the occasional burst of posting on an off day or when I get a break. But I'm no longer sitting in lecture halls where posting was a welcome distraction. Now I am trying to actually learn shiit by doing these rotations. I figured, I'd let you guys know whats going on with school. I'll update this thread as more awful experiences occur.

 

A few weeks ago, during my urology service rotation, I was observing a surgery in the pemus-balls area when the attending doctor, wanting to get the hell out of there, suggested I scrub in and help the resident finish up the suturing which would allow her to go home. I happily accepted the offer and scrubbed in, being the eager beaver fresh third year student that I am, because I thought I'd get a chance to finally do something. After two years of sitting in a dreary lecture hall, wasting away in a fit of extreme boredom, I was finally getting to where the action really happened. I sat down next to the resident, ready to throw my first stitches as a third year. Ready to close a wound. Ready to be all that I could be.

 

So it came as no surprised to me that my resident subsequently instructed me to hold up the patient's testicles for thirty minutes while he did some suturing.

 

I must say, I came home pretty disappointed, sad that I was relegated to holding activities, and even worse, what I thought was the worst kind of holding activitites.

 

Yet, in one of life's many lessons that I'm learning these days, I was to discover that even when it comes to mundane holding activities expected of a third year medical student, what I thought was the worst thing on Earth was actually only relative to subsequent holding events, and that when compared to my next holding activity it didn't even come close.

 

Fast forward two weeks, and I've moved on to the orthopedics service. One day, the attending decided that I should go with a resident to put a cast on a woman. I thought to myself, "Alright, this will be a good learning experience". We approached the room when I quickly discovered that beyond swimming in her own pool of fat, this 350+ lb. woman must have been sweating out of every gland of her massive body. And she had a serious attitude to boot.

 

You can imagine what happened next. While my resident was calmly and slowly applying the cast to this woman's gargantuan leg, I had the pleasure of holding up this 115 lb. leg for about twenty minutes, with my face about an inch away from her fungus-infected sweaty foot the entire time (so as to get out of the way of the resident in charge). My arms were literally quivering by the end (before you call me a puzzy, keep in mind that it's one thing to do curls for a few reps, but it's something entirely different to hold that curl for twenty minutes while the weight is giving you 'tude and killing your brain cells with its smell). However, I knew that if I dropped her leg this patient would a) eat me and b.) demand a re-casting, which would then require me to pass through her digestive system, emerge shiit-stained out of her rectum, and resume my position as leg holder (I should add that the odor in the room would not be affected by my intestinal travel, seeing as it already smelled like shiit).

 

What did I learn from this? There are no absolute truths in medicine. Ball-holding being the worst kind of holding is quickly superseded by orka-leg holding, which no doubt will quickly be superseded by some other awful experience I have to look forward too. What is today the absolute worst thing is only relative to the worst things that came before it and the even worst-er things that will follow.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,433]

You make it sound like that was the first time cupping some guys balls. We are not buying it.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

I doubt it's the first time he spent an hour sniffing some lard-a$$'s feet too.

[Voice_Of_Reason 0]

I gotta believe these events will not even come close to the top when all is said and done.

[Chronic Husker 86]

You make it sound like that was the first time cupping some guys balls. We are not buying it.

[The Elevator Killer 714]

 

What did I learn from this? There are no absolute truths in medicine. Ball-holding being the worst kind of holding is quickly superseded by orka-leg holding, which no doubt will quickly be superseded by some other awful experience I have to look forward too. What is today the absolute worst thing is only relative to the worst things that came before it and the even worst-er things that will follow.

 

Tune in next week for erectile dysfuntion where Mouth to Pemus resurection is required.

[heavy-set 39]

wait till u work an ER, and its a full moon.

 

flamers will be coming in with hampsters and cell phones in places that werent meant to house hampsters and cell phones.

[The Elevator Killer 714]

wait till u work an ER, and its a full moon.

 

flamers will be coming in with hampsters and cell phones in places that werent meant to house hampsters and cell phones.

 

It could be worse. You could be the verizon guy asking, "Can you hear me now?"

[phillybear 366]

Gentle ball nuzzling and licking the tootsies of fat naked broads. Sounds more like your last drunken weekend.

[shotsup 835]

readers digest version ?

[The Elevator Killer 714]

readers digest version ?

 

Med Student volunteered to hold a guys yam bags while the were being stitched up and then proceeded to do it wrong so it would take longer so he could keep fondling him.

 

Then he felt up a fat chicks leg while she bitched at him.

[FlaHawker 24]

Some of you may have noticed that my posting has tailed off the last couple of months.

No, not at all.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

Some of you may have noticed that my posting has tailed off the last couple of months.

 

 

The intelligence level of the discourse has risen dramatically, but I didn't pinpoint the reason until now.

[tikigods 76]

So it came as no surprised to me that my resident subsequently instructed me to hold up the patient's testicles for thirty minutes

 

 

You actually believed this? Wait until it surfaces on Youtube.

 

Oldest trick in the book. Noob.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

You actually believed this? Wait until it surfaces on Youtube.

 

Oldest trick in the book. Noob.

 

 

[CantTouchThis 23]

My roommate and a couple of my friends are in the medical field. They tell me horror stories(and wh0re stories for that matter) about stuff that i would never be able to do without puking. My roommate WANTS to become a CA? TA? something that would require him looking after and helping old, disabled people. This requires cleaning up poo, wiping ass, carrying fat, old, wrinkly people around nude, ect. My friend's g/f tells me it's always fun when a patient has a bad case of diarrhea ...and many times not being able to make it to the bathroom.

 

Seriously, i have NO idea why people would put themselves through this. I'd much rather go through boot camp or marine survival training then to do that. Maybe that's why i am going into a scientific field. Fock that sh1t, and after 12 years of secondary schooling, you still have another 10 years before you get to do anything prestigious. So basically you're 40-45 before your anything worth a damn, i hope to be in the process of retiring by then.

 

This is why i respect people in the medical field, and why i have no idea why anyone would do it.

[shotsup 835]

Med Student volunteered to hold a guys yam bags while the were being stitched up and then proceeded to do it wrong so it would take longer so he could keep fondling him.

 

Then he felt up a fat chicks leg while she bitched at him.

 

Thanks - thats all he needed to say.

 

too many werds

[IGotWorms 4,063]

I love hearing your stories about medical school.

 

It's something I considered myself, only I wasn't good enough so I went to law school instead.

[tikigods 76]

I love hearing your stories about medical school.

 

It's something I considered myself, only I wasn't good enough so I went to law school instead.

 

Yeah but you tongued balls in law school for book money. He has to do it because it's part of the hazing process for noobs.

[Strike 6,019]

I love hearing your stories about medical school.

 

It's something I considered myself, only I wasn't good enough so I went to law school instead.

 

Love is never having to say you're sorry

[MedStudent 56]

The mood yesterday was undeniably stressful. Blood flying through the air. Beads of sweat rolling down the cheeks of the surgeons that filled the OR... six doctors hovering over the patient as she struggled mightily to stay alive. halfway through a ten hour procedure to resect a tumor in this elderly woman's jaw, the doctors quickly realized that they were in dire straits, with the monitors beeping loudly and the patient's face literally splayed open. they had already removed part of the fibula (leg bone), with muscles attached, as well as half of the woman's jaw, with plans to replace the cancer-ridden jaw with reshaped bone from the leg. 1/4th of this woman's face was literally cut away, and the reconstruction process was about to begin. But just as this was about to start, after so much effort had already been expended by people skillfully trained to save lives, the doctors realized that they could not move forward. They were paralyzed, perhaps with fear, perhaps just overwhelmed by the moment.

 

However, just as all hope seemed lost...the head doctor had his epiphany. He looked up from the table and to his surprise spotted medstudent ardently observing the proceedings at hand and focusing on the large gaping wounds before him. medstudent was standing by the operating table waiting hours and hours for a moment this moment, when his greatness would be exposed and his path to medical immortality would be secured. The head surgeon quickly made eye contact and then uttered the words that would define the beginning of the patient's climb back to health:

 

“Hey, you.”

 

medstudent turned his attention away from the gory mess of vessels, nerves, muscles and skin, and turned his head all around, wondering if someone was talking to him. Surely the doctor knew his real name but wanted to use "you" so as not to make the four other medical students in the room feel left out.

 

“Ya, you.”

 

medstudent pointed to himself in a questioning matter but before he could speak the doctor began his words that would begin the student’s week on otolaryngology (head and neck surgery), as well as begin his flight to the top of the greatest legends in the history of medicine:

 

“Could you turn up the volume on my iPod?”

 

medstudent briskly leaped over to the iPod/stereo combination the surgeon had brought with him, examined the complicated contraption, felt for the appropriate buttons, and deftly turned up the volume, exposing the from-the-streets beat developed by Eazy-E many years in the past and revealing the musical tastes of the attending physician for all to appreciate...

 

 

in a world so full of terror, hatefulness, and economic chaos, one must try to pause and remind oneself of a truly important fact: there are still heroes in this world, people who rise above the status quo, the average, the mundane, to produce something so beautiful, so profound, as to make all that came before it obsolete, and all that was to come after it a byproduct of the original success. medstudent paused, listened to the rap (“Boyz N Tha Hood” by Eazy-E) that now loudly filled the OR and knew that his work was done. For just as he pumped up the volume, the mood in the OR changed from dark to light. the attitudes shifted from despair to the utmost optimism and in only five more hours, the woman’s jaw was reconstructed, her cancer removed, and her future ensured. All thanks to medstudent and his swift action. In a profession where the goal of saving lives and patient care has often been replaced by the bottom line and a fear of lawsuits, rest assured that there are still people so pure and noble as to uphold these original ideals in all their medical works. As the late Eazy-E, whose life was so tragically cut short, once poignantly stated, "Yeah, I kicked a little ass, but that was a blast from the past muthafucka...get busy ya ya ya y'all"

[MedStudent 56]

Sometimes I feel like Plebe in the hospital. The crap you have to put up with from nurses and priick doctors is enough to drive you insane. especially when you are not getting much sleep as it is.

 

Here is a typical example: This one started like many others, and by this I mean I spent a lot of time standing around amid the organized chaos that goes on before each and every operation, doing the Medical Student Shuffle while the nurses set up the operating room in the appropriate fashion and the anesthesiologist intubated and sedated the patient. The attending physician came in, and he decided he wanted to adjust the orientation of the room. Specifically, he wanted the lights rearranged in a very specific way. And he asked me to adjust the position of one of the lights. Easy, right? What follows is a close approximation (to the best of my ability and memory) of the dialogue that subsequently ensued:

 

Attending: OK so the light is bent the wrong way, you’re going to have to move the whole lever.

[i begin moving it]

Attending: No, that’s wrong…you have to throw it.

Resident 1: Just move it to the left first.

[i adjust my movement of the light and begin pushing it in a different direction]

Nurse: No that’s all wrong.

Resident 2: No, push it the other way.

Attending: Throw it.

Nurse: No, here let me move it.

[Nurse moves in and starts pushing the light in the opposite direction, with my hand still on it.]

Resident 1: Now it’s even worse. You have to move the whole arm and push it the other way. Push it up a little.

Resident 2: Move it the other way.

Attending: You just have to throw it.

Nurse: Let me move it a different way.

[i continue trying to move the light in the position they want]

Resident 1: No, it’s all wrong, now the light is blocking the other light.

Nurse: Oh I guess I did that. Let me help him push it the other way.

Resident 2: Now pull. Pull.

Nurse: OK push it like I said.

Attending: Just throw it.

Resident 1: Move it leftways. Leftways.

Resident 2: OK first move it left, then pull, then-no no not like that!

Nurse: Let me move it more.

[i try a different method to rearrange the light once more]

Nurse: Don’t pull, push.

Resident 2: Pull it!

Resident 1: Now move it up and over the other light.

Resident 2: See you didn’t pull it.

Nurse: Look just push it, OK?

Attending: Throw it.

Resident 1: Wait, this is all wrong.

Attending: THROW IT!

Nurse: Here let me try some more.

Attending: THROW IT!!!

 

At this point, I grasped the handle firmly, channeled all the strength I could muster and threw the light apparatus as hard as I could.

 

It therefore will come as no surprise to you all that it came within 2 centimeters of decapitating the innocent anesthesiologist standing in the light’s way. Everyone then pointed and laughed at me for a long time, the attending came over and moved the light himself, and the surgery proceeded uneventfully.

 

And that is what being a third year medical student is all about.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

I think you vastly overestimate our interest in your pathetic life.........by about 1000 werds a post.

 

[spork in the road 2]

 

Then he felt up a fat chicks leg while she bitched at him.

 

I didn't know Med Student was married.

[naomi 360]

Sometimes I feel like Plebe in the hospital. The crap you have to put up with from nurses and priick doctors is enough to drive you insane. especially when you are not getting much sleep as it is.

 

Here is a typical example: This one started like many others, and by this I mean I spent a lot of time standing around amid the organized chaos that goes on before each and every operation, doing the Medical Student Shuffle while the nurses set up the operating room in the appropriate fashion and the anesthesiologist intubated and sedated the patient. The attending physician came in, and he decided he wanted to adjust the orientation of the room. Specifically, he wanted the lights rearranged in a very specific way. And he asked me to adjust the position of one of the lights. Easy, right? What follows is a close approximation (to the best of my ability and memory) of the dialogue that subsequently ensued:

 

Attending: OK so the light is bent the wrong way, you’re going to have to move the whole lever.

[i begin moving it]

Attending: No, that’s wrong…you have to throw it.

Resident 1: Just move it to the left first.

[i adjust my movement of the light and begin pushing it in a different direction]

Nurse: No that’s all wrong.

Resident 2: No, push it the other way.

Attending: Throw it.

Nurse: No, here let me move it.

[Nurse moves in and starts pushing the light in the opposite direction, with my hand still on it.]

Resident 1: Now it’s even worse. You have to move the whole arm and push it the other way. Push it up a little.

Resident 2: Move it the other way.

Attending: You just have to throw it.

Nurse: Let me move it a different way.

[i continue trying to move the light in the position they want]

Resident 1: No, it’s all wrong, now the light is blocking the other light.

Nurse: Oh I guess I did that. Let me help him push it the other way.

Resident 2: Now pull. Pull.

Nurse: OK push it like I said.

Attending: Just throw it.

Resident 1: Move it leftways. Leftways.

Resident 2: OK first move it left, then pull, then-no no not like that!

Nurse: Let me move it more.

[i try a different method to rearrange the light once more]

Nurse: Don’t pull, push.

Resident 2: Pull it!

Resident 1: Now move it up and over the other light.

Resident 2: See you didn’t pull it.

Nurse: Look just push it, OK?

Attending: Throw it.

Resident 1: Wait, this is all wrong.

Attending: THROW IT!

Nurse: Here let me try some more.

Attending: THROW IT!!!

 

At this point, I grasped the handle firmly, channeled all the strength I could muster and threw the light apparatus as hard as I could.

 

It therefore will come as no surprise to you all that it came within 2 centimeters of decapitating the innocent anesthesiologist standing in the light’s way. Everyone then pointed and laughed at me for a long time, the attending came over and moved the light himself, and the surgery proceeded uneventfully.

 

And that is what being a third year medical student is all about.

 

This was funny (the wall of words was dissuading at first, ...I know , but I'm glad I read it)

 

Reminds me of when I was little, probably 5 and played baseball for the first time. At one point everyone was yelling for me to run home, and it didn't seem reasonable at all to me so I was questioning it...which made everyone get more excited about it...so I finally did it. You can guess. I booked it and my dad caught me before I got to a busy intersection.

[IGotWorms 4,063]

I didn't know Med Student was married.

 

[MedStudent 56]

I think you vastly overestimate our interest in your pathetic life.........by about 1000 werds a post.

 

 

Then why do you spend so much time reading and commenting about it?

[Recliner Pilot 61]

Then why do you spend so much time reading and commenting about it?

 

 

Who said I read it?

[GettnHuge 2]

gonna be some hysterical tales when you get through this and become property of the federal gov't who will pay you what they decide you should

get, which is a fraction of what you might be expecting, and you get to treat the worst of the worst.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

gonna be some hysterical tales when you get through this and become property of the federal gov't who will pay you what they decide you should

get, which is a fraction of what you might be expecting, and you get to treat the worst of the worst.

 

 

I think he is counting on being a Gubmint cog who can't get fired. Much easier than keeping a license based on competancy.

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

You make it sound like that was the first time cupping some guys balls. We are not buying it.

 

Well, hospital regulations wouldn't let him do it with his chin like usual, so it was kind of a first for him.

[MedStudent 56]

Who said I read it?

 

You could not have made your first comment of the thread without reading my first post. You lose again.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

You could not have made your first comment of the thread without reading my first post. You lose again.

 

 

You addressed a comment I made about your second diatribe, Sport.

 

I did scan your first post fast enough to pick up on your nut nuzzling and smelly feet sniffing........and I'm the loser? Exactly how did I lose anything?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

[MedStudent 56]

You addressed a comment I made about your second diatribe, Sport.

 

I did scan your first post fast enough to pick up on your nut nuzzling and smelly feet sniffing........and I'm the loser? Exactly how did I lose anything?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

My comment addressed your penchant for reading and commenting about my life. Your Texas education must not have included reading comprehension. Recliner Putz strikes again.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

My comment addressed your penchant for reading and commenting about my life. Your Texas education must not have included reading comprehension. Recliner Putz strikes again.

 

 

Penchant?

 

Mocking your stupidity, nut nuzzling, and feet smelling hardly qualifies as a "penchant" for your life. Holy crap, you have already developed an unhealthy sense of inflated self-worth even before accomplishing squat.

[IGotWorms 4,063]

My comment addressed your penchant for reading and commenting about my life. Your Texas education must not have included reading comprehension. Recliner Putz strikes again.

 

Put Rusty Pilot on your ignore list--it makes this board much more enjoyable.

[Chronic Husker 86]

Put Rusty Pilot on your ignore list--it makes this board much more enjoyable.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

Put Rusty Pilot on your ignore list--it makes this board much more enjoyable.

 

 

You mean you don't hang on my every word? I'm crushed.

[buffalobillsffl2003 0]

Have you gotten to the chapter on Malpractice yet?

 

[Johnny Ringo 0]

I think he is counting on being a Gubmint cog who can't get fired. Much easier than keeping a license based on competancy.

 

Spelling the word "competency" wrong in a post where you question someone else's competency, is just delightfully ironic.

I'm still not quite sure why you're so obsessed with MedStudent's posts in the first place.

Oh, wait, that's right...he has different political views than you do.

My guess is that if GoColts or one of your other brainless, boot-licking cronies was sharing stories about medical school instead of collecting his disability check from the "gubmint" while watching Fox News & eating Fruit Loops in his mom's basement, you wouldn't go out of your way to click on his post to accuse him of being a narcissistic attention wh0re.

Congratulations, you are so completely predictable, that you've basically become a parody of yourself.

Now go back to posting dancing bananas and try not to dislocate your shoulder patting yourself on the back for your witty comebacks.