Suicidal friend

[kilroy69 1,245]

I have a buddy that I have known since we were 9. If I was not at his house, he was at mine. Even now. 30 years away from graduation and 1200 miles away I consider him one of my best friends in my life. 3 times in the last few weeks I have had to talk him down from the ledge. He is on his second divorce, second set of kids and were approaching 50 and they just found a mass that is likely cancer. I am pretty sure that he made an attempt recently though he claims it was "just an accident" He is ex military and has had a hard time with life lately. I have yelled at him. I have pleaded with him. If I thought for a second me going to him would help I would. I just do not know what to do. I have thought about reaching out to a friend of ours to see if he could check on him. Someone he respects. The first time he called sent me into a 20 min panic attack where I could not stop crying and this whole situation has my brain a little wonky. The best memories of my life are with this guy, and I would hate to see him kill himself.  Any suggestions? Anyone else go through this?

I know. Rats asss but we are all at the age where were going to start losing friends to this. 

[Ron_Artest 1,352]

Go see him, it will help.  Convince him to start seeing a therapist and getting help, it doesn't make him weak to get help.  Remind him of all that he has to live for.

[frank 2,295]

Encourage him to see someone. He can talk to his regular doctor to start. Stay in touch and listen more than you talk. Encourage, but don’t threaten or insist. 
 

Don’t think you can fix the problem. Don’t take him out for drinks. Don’t rely too much on suggestions from a lightly-trafficked fantasy football forum. 

[posty 2,678]

Definitely don't take him out for drinks...  Alcohol won't solve anything and could easily make him more depressed and suicidal...

[TheNewGirl 1,474]

Go see him...find a way to be with him for a bit. 

Encourage him to talk to someone. 

Don't berate, call him stupid or call him selfish. Be as positive as you can about what he has to live for. 

Most of the time, suicide is seen as just a way for the pain to end, and that it's the only option. From his perspective, the pain will be gone, along with all the worry, stress, thinking about stuff, etc. He's probably telling himself that his kids will be okay and all of that. And they won't be, it's something that they won't get over. Ever. 
 

 

[TheNewGirl 1,474]

3 minutes ago, peenie said:

Oh, I didn't mean to give bad advice. When I go out for drinks, it's usually 1 or 2 cocktails max. I feel better after an old fashioned, margarita or Moscow mule, but I see how a person who is suicidal might need to stay away from alcohol. 

The absolute WORST thing for a depressive is to go out and drink. 

You're much more likely to commit suicide while drunk. 

 

[BeenHereBefore 1,506]

Go see him if you can and worse is when they are alone. Also make sure he has no access to firearms and guys are way more likely to do it if they do have access.

[5-Points 3,487]

Sorry to hear that, man. Sounds like the guy is in trouble. If you can go see him, I would. 

If you can't, reach out to a Veterans group in his area and see if they can reach out and get him some help. 

Hope he pulls out of it. 

[BunnysBastatrds 2,414]

 Call his local coroner office and let them know. They handle suicidal people. The police come and escort them to a hospital/facility to watch and counsel them. It’s not an arrest. No cuffs. Most states can only observe you for 72 hours and then let you go home. I’ve done it twice in thirty years. It’s the best way to go in my opinion. Or have a local friend help you. It’s a wake up call he needs. Good luck. It’s a call for help.

[artista928 25]

My ɓro's buddy of 20 years offed himself a few years ago. The warning signs were hidden. Bro would call & visit when he could as he's very busy. But he had no clue. He says if he had, he would have had him get out of that house which has those memories & move in with him & try to get him to therapy. Not his fault what happened but feels guilty anyway...

[Herbivore 1,123]

sorry to hear kilroy. any chance that you could connect with his kids. sounds like the ones from the first marriage might be of age to help/spend time with him. 

[kilroy69 1,245]

Thank you all. I am going to go seem him for a weekend of fishing. 

[weepaws 3,168]

9 hours ago, kilroy69 said:

I have a buddy that I have known since we were 9. If I was not at his house, he was at mine. Even now. 30 years away from graduation and 1200 miles away I consider him one of my best friends in my life. 3 times in the last few weeks I have had to talk him down from the ledge. He is on his second divorce, second set of kids and were approaching 50 and they just found a mass that is likely cancer. I am pretty sure that he made an attempt recently though he claims it was "just an accident" He is ex military and has had a hard time with life lately. I have yelled at him. I have pleaded with him. If I thought for a second me going to him would help I would. I just do not know what to do. I have thought about reaching out to a friend of ours to see if he could check on him. Someone he respects. The first time he called sent me into a 20 min panic attack where I could not stop crying and this whole situation has my brain a little wonky. The best memories of my life are with this guy, and I would hate to see him kill himself.  Any suggestions? Anyone else go through this?

I know. Rats asss but we are all at the age where were going to start losing friends to this. 

I don’t understand why people wait, if this person means so much, and you have the time and ability to go to him, that’s what you do.  And instead of wondering what to do, why not start with praying for healing.  

[Frozenbeernuts 2,239]

He needs to sit down by himself, sober, and go within himself. He also needs to ask for help out loud to the universe or God. He needs to quit distracting himself from processing whatever pain is causing him so much distress.

Things like divorce, cancer, and other things that seem like tragedy happen to us often to wake us up if we are not fulfilling our purpose.

 

[kutulu 1,672]

Suicide's an alternative 

[Fnord 2,204]

17 hours ago, kilroy69 said:

Thank you all. I am going to go seem him for a weekend of fishing. 

Good for you. I hope everyone in the GC has IRL friends as good as you. Good luck.

[peenie 1,915]

23 hours ago, TheNewGirl said:

The absolute WORST thing for a depressive is to go out and drink. 

You're much more likely to commit suicide while drunk. 

 

Yeah, I had to reflect on my statement and recognize that it was truly bad advice. I will delete my comment. Thanks for bringing it up again. 

[posty 2,678]

28 minutes ago, peenie said:

I will delete my comment.

Definitely not the first time...

[kilroy69 1,245]

19 hours ago, weepaws said:

I don’t understand why people wait, if this person means so much, and you have the time and ability to go to him, that’s what you do.  And instead of wondering what to do, why not start with praying for healing.  

man I am a single dad that lives 1200 miles away from him. This trip is going to take probably 1k out of my bank account and I am going to have to find coverage for my kid. It is easy to say go to him. It is harder to actually do it in real life. I am pricing out a trip now to go see him 

[seafoam1 2,946]

47 minutes ago, kilroy69 said:

man I am a single dad that lives 1200 miles away from him. This trip is going to take probably 1k out of my bank account and I am going to have to find coverage for my kid. It is easy to say go to him. It is harder to actually do it in real life. I am pricing out a trip now to go see him 

Dude, if a person is suicidal, you don't just go take them on a short trip or to an event. You get them immediate help in any way you can.  Don't fock around with strangers on the Internet telling you to just hang out with him for a couple days. That doesn't fix the problem.

That is, if he is truly suicidal. If he just needs a friend during a tough time, that's a lot different. 

Now how you get them help, if indeed he is a suicide risk, there are people out there who do this for a living. You can talk to them for free. 

Just my take. 

[kilroy69 1,245]

13 hours ago, seafoam1 said:

Dude, if a person is suicidal, you don't just go take them on a short trip or to an event. You get them immediate help in any way you can.  Don't fock around with strangers on the Internet telling you to just hang out with him for a couple days. That doesn't fix the problem.

That is, if he is truly suicidal. If he just needs a friend during a tough time, that's a lot different. 

Now how you get them help, if indeed he is a suicide risk, there are people out there who do this for a living. You can talk to them for free. 

Just my take. 

This IS the help I can get him. Take him on a trip and get him to talk to me and then suggest he talk to a professional when he gets it all off his chest. I am the most average of all dudes you will ever meet and I am just trying to keep up.