Official 2007 Soilost Rankings

[The Soilost 28]

Last year, I predicted Lee Evans would rise to greatness.

He did.

In the past, my predictions about Emmit Smith, Brandon Stokely and many others came to fruition.

My fantasy rankings, based on a software program I began developing years ago after my wife left me, are more sharp and crisp than ever, I believe, thanks to another year's worth of fine tuning.

In addition to the usual factors, such as weather, turf, a player's personal history and family dynamics and fan support, I've added the following:

• Hurricane paranoia. This is a variable that cannot be ignored, particularly for teams on the East and Gulf coasts. In the case of New Orleans, a hurricane actually brought the team and its fans together. But in places such as Houston, Miami and Carolina, it has had an adverse affect, according to my data analysis.

• Anticipated game attendance. In the past, I based this variable on PAST game attendance. Now, I go a leap further by figuring out where a team will be in various parts of the season and how fan support will affect its performance. For example, Houston had a good run toward the end of last season, much of it due to continued fan support despite a losing team.

• Anticipated terror threat. Every time a team travels, it has to think about getting blown out of the sky by some overzealous snake in the grass with a surface-to-air missile. I've factored in six years worth of terrorism data for the football seasons, and the results are astounding.

 

Anyway, there are other factors, but I don't want to go into them. I've revealed enough already. So, without further ado, here are my rankings for this year:

 

RUNNING BACK

1.) Joseph Addai – The situation don't lie for this guy!

2.) LaDanian Tomlinson – LaDanian won't be fightin', drownin' and electrocutin' no Pomeranians.

3.) Brandon Jackson – Will easily fill Ahman's stinky old shoes.

4.) Laurence Maroney – He ain't no baloney!

5.) Marshawn Lynch – He's a cinch for 1,500 yards and 14 TDs.

6.) Cedric Benson – You don't toss Thomas Jones unless you see something special in a guy.

7.) Stephen Jackson – Quietly putting up huge numbers.

8.) Maurice Jones-Drew – Jackhammer of the gods.

9.) Edgerrin James – Finally getting to play behind a solid O-line and offense.

10.) Ahman Green – Rahman Ahman ain't no noodle.

 

WIDE RECEIVER

1.) Devery Henderson – Meet Mr. Henderson

2.) T.J. Houshmandzadeh – He'll housh up the naysayers this year.

3.) Reggie Wayne – He'll make your opponent insane.

4.) Randy Moss – Randy will be dandy this year, folks.

5.) Torry Holt – Ain’t your momma's dolt.

6.) Braylon Edwards – Braylon rocks like Van Halen.

7.) Plaxico Burress – Could score in a dress.

8.) Darrell Jackson – Will put your opponents' seasons in peril.

9.) Vince Jackson – Jack up the TDs, beyatches!

10.) Ted Ginn Jr. – Dry martini, jigger of Ginn, ooo what a mood he'll put you in. Oh my.

 

QUARTERBACK

1.) Drew Brees – Will bring your daddy to his knees.

2.) John Kitna – This could be a year for Detroit.

3.) Alex Smith – Good lord this man is good.

4.) Philip Rivers – Will make opponents cry rivers.

5.) Carson Palmer – Has some kick in his kit.

6.) Peyton Manning – Hitting his prime.

7.) Matt Schaub – Ain't no slob.

8.) Tony Romo – He won't blow-mo.

9.) Marc Bulger – All day.

10.) Tom Brady – Tombo rises again.

 

Well, that's it. I don't do kickers and defenses. They're a dime a dozen. Let your opponents draft them first while you scoop up the sleepers.

 

Enjoy your seasons, and tell 'em you heard it from The S.

 

Peace out!

 

[Parja 0]

Last year, I predicted Lee Evans would rise to greatness.

He did.

In the past, my predictions about Emmit Smith, Brandon Stokely and many others came to fruition.

My fantasy rankings, based on a software program I began developing years ago after my wife left me, are more sharp and crisp than ever, I believe, thanks to another year's worth of fine tuning.

In addition to the usual factors, such as weather, turf, a player's personal history and family dynamics and fan support, I've added the following:

• Hurricane paranoia. This is a variable that cannot be ignored, particularly for teams on the East and Gulf coasts. In the case of New Orleans, a hurricane actually brought the team and its fans together. But in places such as Houston, Miami and Carolina, it has had an adverse affect, according to my data analysis.

• Anticipated game attendance. In the past, I based this variable on PAST game attendance. Now, I go a leap further by figuring out where a team will be in various parts of the season and how fan support will affect its performance. For example, Houston had a good run toward the end of last season, much of it due to continued fan support despite a losing team.

• Anticipated terror threat. Every time a team travels, it has to think about getting blown out of the sky by some overzealous snake in the grass with a surface-to-air missile. I've factored in six years worth of terrorism data for the football seasons, and the results are astounding.

 

Anyway, there are other factors, but I don't want to go into them. I've revealed enough already. So, without further ado, here are my rankings for this year:

 

RUNNING BACK

1.) Joseph Addai – The situation don't lie for this guy!

2.) LaDanian Tomlinson – LaDanian ain't no Iranian.

3.) Brandon Jackson – Will easily fill Ahman's stinky old shoes.

4.) Laurence Maroney – He ain't no baloney!

5.) Marshawn Lynch – He's a cinch for 1,500 yards and 14 TDs.

6.) Cedric Benson – You don't toss Thomas Jones unless you see something special in a guy.

7.) Stephen Jackson – Quietly putting up huge numbers.

8.) Maurice Jones-Drew – Jackhammer of the gods.

9.) Edgerrin James – Finally getting to play behind a solid O-line and offense.

10.) Ahman Green – Don't let his terrorist-sounding first name fool you into passing on this guy.

 

WIDE RECEIVER

1.) Devery Henderson – Meet Mr. Henderson

3.) T.J. Houshmandzadeh – He'll hush up the naysayers this year.

4.) Reggie Wayne – He'll make your opponent insane.

5.) Randy Moss – Randy will be dandy this year, folks.

6.) Torry Holt – Ain’t your momma's dolt.

7.) Braylon Edwards – Braylon rocks like Van Halen.

8.) Plaxico Burress – Could score in a dress.

9.) Darrell Jackson – Will put your opponents' seasons in peril.

10.) Vince Jackson – Jack up the TDs, beyatches!

 

QUARTERBACK

1.) Drew Brees – Will bring your daddy to his knees.

2.) John Kitna – This could be a year for Detroit.

3.) Alex Smith – Good lord this man is good.

4.) Philip Rivers – Will make opponents cry rivers.

5.) Carson Palmer – Has some kick in his kit.

6.) Peyton Manning – Hitting his prime.

7.) Matt Schaub – Ain't no slob.

8.) Tony Romo – He won't blow-mo.

9.) Marc Bulger – All day.

10.) Tom Brady – Tombo rises again.

 

Well, that's it. I don't do kickers and defenses. They're a dime a dozen. Let your opponents draft them first while you scoop up the sleepers.

 

Enjoy your seasons, and tell 'em you heard it from The S.

 

Peace out!

 

 

Well done, Soilost! A classic as always.

 

Quoting the full list so he can't go back and change it as the season progresses.

 

Devery Henderson the #1 WR and Peyton Manning the #6 QB (just to name a couple).  Soilost be trippin'!

[49ers_suck 0]

some bold predictions. D.Henderson #1 receiver? what's your reasoning? Addai #1 RB? i guess you have Indy scoring a billion points this season. and i aint buyin the alex smith #3 QB. he looks like he's in high school. he might crack the top 15. Brandon Jackson, a rookie, #3 RB?? too many bingers before this post.

 

i really don't want to see plax in a dress, F'in scary.

[Belushi 9]

So you put 30 names on a board, and when one of them hits you point to that as success? I'd have better luck drafting by throwing darts than by using this list. Good luck with that.

[GobbleDog 914]

Bring back t.j. booker!

 

[The Soilost 28]

some bold predictions.

 

My predictions are like Coca Cola.

 

The government requires you to put some content information on the label, but you don't give away all your secrets.

 

[The Soilost 28]

So you put 30 names on a board, and when one of them hits you point to that as success? I'd have better luck drafting by throwing darts than by using this list. Good luck with that.

 

You think the likes of Tomlinson, Moss and Brees are just "names on a board?"

 

Please, can I be in your league next year?

 

[Orgazmo 2]

3.) T.J. Houshmandzadeh – He'll hush up the naysayers this year.

 

Oh if only you said "He'll housh up the naysayers this year."

 

:pisl:

[The Soilost 28]

Oh if only you said "He'll housh up the naysayers this year."

 

:pisl:

 

We think alike.

 

[Vanillarainstorm 0]

So Manning is hitting his prime and is the 6th best QB?

 

Henderson will be better than Colston and Meachem? Let alone the rest of the league?

 

Who's Stephen Jackson, and how is he going to quietly put up numbers being the consensus #2 pick?

 

Alex Smith>Manning, Bulger, Brady?

 

Edge- Finally playing behind a solid o-line and offense? Where did he play the few years of his career?

 

Brandon Jackson, and Marshawn Lynch? That good?

 

 

I enjoyed your list and your obscure methods of factoring in outside conditions on their performance.

 

That being said it will never be something I read again as a tool for ranking my players

 

Good job once again

[cmh6476 885]

someone is missing from your RB list that aint worried about no damn hurricane

[Connorsdad 38]

So you put 30 names on a board, and when one of them hits you point to that as success? I'd have better luck drafting by throwing darts than by using this list. Good luck with that.

 

 

That might just work. Throwing darts

 

 

goodluck!!!

[icecheeze 0]

best focking (and most entertaining) list i have ever seen, i have no doubt i will dominate my league this season...well done S.

[Borat33 17]

Lay off the peyote.

[Moss 0]

Should we add a poll to see who's taking soloist (?) seriously?

 

BTW- Great List! I won my league last year using your rankings!!!

 

[Guest _my_2_cents_]

Step 1: put down the crack pipe.

 

Step 2: step away from the keyboard slowly

 

Step 3: Come back, change aliases.

[rallo 135]

pure comedic gold coming from you here

 

calculating hurricane data and it's effects on the surrounding population... BRILLIANT!!!!

 

7.) Stephen Jackson – Quietly putting up huge numbers

 

you are quietly becoming my favorite analyst

[tt1010 0]

Ahh... my favorite post of the year.

 

Well done, Soilost!

[remote controller 143]

I only see 1 thing out of place. There is no way that Brees and Devery can accomplish this without the aid of Reggie. You might consider adding him to the bottom of your rb list.

[Franknbeans 46]

I just soiled myself

[RicemanX 20]

http://www.fftodayforums.com/forum/index.p...&hl=soilost

 

The truth is he didn't do that bad last year guys. And of course, people ridiculed him last year for it as well.

This ranking is VERY bold, so of course there's going to be some misses.

 

I say he's 50/50 on the predictions and I'll take this ranking with a grain of salt.

Thanks for the ranking bud!

[listen2me 23 1,710]

He likes to stick by his rankings. For some reason they always are different after the season.

 

 

DAMN EDIT BUTTON!!

[Jeremy 0]

Whew! Draft coming up this weekend. Was worried I'd miss out, but you got them out in the nick of time.

[cmh6476 885]

He likes to stick by his rankings. For some reason they always are different after the season.

DAMN EDIT BUTTON!!

RUNNING BACK

1.) Joseph Addai – The situation don't lie for this guy!

2.) LaDanian Tomlinson – LaDanian ain't no Iranian.

3.) Brandon Jackson – Will easily fill Ahman's stinky old shoes.

4.) Laurence Maroney – He ain't no baloney!

5.) Marshawn Lynch – He's a cinch for 1,500 yards and 14 TDs.

6.) Cedric Benson – You don't toss Thomas Jones unless you see something special in a guy.

7.) Stephen Jackson – Quietly putting up huge numbers.

8.) Maurice Jones-Drew – Jackhammer of the gods.

9.) Edgerrin James – Finally getting to play behind a solid O-line and offense.

10.) Ahman Green – Don't let his terrorist-sounding first name fool you into passing on this guy.

 

WIDE RECEIVER

1.) Devery Henderson – Meet Mr. Henderson

3.) T.J. Houshmandzadeh – He'll housh up the naysayers this year.

4.) Reggie Wayne – He'll make your opponent insane.

5.) Randy Moss – Randy will be dandy this year, folks.

6.) Torry Holt – Ain’t your momma's dolt.

7.) Braylon Edwards – Braylon rocks like Van Halen.

8.) Plaxico Burress – Could score in a dress.

9.) Darrell Jackson – Will put your opponents' seasons in peril.

10.) Vince Jackson – Jack up the TDs, beyatches!

 

QUARTERBACK

1.) Drew Brees – Will bring your daddy to his knees.

2.) John Kitna – This could be a year for Detroit.

3.) Alex Smith – Good lord this man is good.

4.) Philip Rivers – Will make opponents cry rivers.

5.) Carson Palmer – Has some kick in his kit.

6.) Peyton Manning – Hitting his prime.

7.) Matt Schaub – Ain't no slob.

8.) Tony Romo – He won't blow-mo.

9.) Marc Bulger – All day.

10.) Tom Brady – Tombo rises again.

[Mike FF Today 685]

Edited to facilitate race relations, but otherwise good stuff.

[The Soilost 28]

Edited to facilitate race relations, but otherwise good stuff.

 

 

My bad.

 

I fixed.

[GrassyKnollSniper 0]

My predictions are like Coca Cola.

 

The government requires you to put some content information on the label, but you don't give away all your secrets.

 

 

Crack is no secret!

[The Hood 9]

Edited to facilitate race relations, but otherwise good stuff.

You took out Iranian but left in "terrorist sounding first name" ?

 

 

 

JIHAD!!!!!!!!!

[joelmrut 4]

He hit on Lee Evans last year, but who did he miss on?

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

3.) Eli Manning

5.) Matt Hasselback

6.) Jake Delhomme

7.) Ben Roethlesberger

8.) J. Losman

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

2.) Shaun Alexander

4.) L. Tomlinson - the fourth best back?

6.) Clinton Portis

8.) Willis McGahee

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

Lee Evans was not even on the list. Didn't really reach on any wide receivers.

 

I just think if we need to see how he has done in the past in order to correctly judge how much faith we have in his current predicitions.

[The Soilost 28]

He hit on Lee Evans last year, but who did he miss on?

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

3.) Eli Manning

5.) Matt Hasselback

6.) Jake Delhomme

7.) Ben Roethlesberger

8.) J. Losman

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

2.) Shaun Alexander

4.) L. Tomlinson - the fourth best back?

6.) Clinton Portis

8.) Willis McGahee

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

Lee Evans was not even on the list. Didn't really reach on any wide receivers.

 

I just think if we need to see how he has done in the past in order to correctly judge how much faith we have in his current predicitions.

 

You've got to look to the testimonials, brother. Look to the testimonials.

[Mike MacGregor 20]

I like them for the commentary

[Counterfit 0]

I like them for the commentary

 

 

Who is the #2 reciever?

[The Soilost 28]

Who is the #2 reciever?

 

 

My bad.

 

Sorry.

 

I updated.

[Pocket Pair Professor 0]

http://www.fftodayforums.com/forum/index.p...&hl=soilost

 

The truth is he didn't do that bad last year guys. And of course, people ridiculed him last year for it as well.

This ranking is VERY bold, so of course there's going to be some misses.

 

I say he's 50/50 on the predictions and I'll take this ranking with a grain of salt.

Thanks for the ranking bud!

 

 

This year list is much bolder than last

[S.D. Jones 0]

What do you know about hurricanes? The town where I worked was hit hardest by Hurricane Floyd.

[Rusty Syringes 478]

What do you know about hurricanes? The town where I worked was hit hardest by Hurricane Floyd.

 

 

[phillybear 365]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

I've read this thread three times, and I can't stop touching myself. My drafting skills have gotten a bit Rusty in the offseason, but now, I have a cheat sheet that will vanquish my opponents, make me some serious cash, and maybe even convince my mother that I don't need to be breast fed anymore.

 

As always, I will fill up a manilla envelop with dirty, sweaty, stinking cash, and mail it to your offices so you can continue to run your program for many years to come. Enclosed with the cash will be some baby batter as I still haven't stopped touching myself.

[KSB2424 3,096]

My 2007 fantasy football pre-season research is now complete. Thank you Soilost!

[MudDawgs4Life 6]

I just soiled myself

 

ha. you said the same thing last year. that's great.

[joelmrut 4]

You've got to look to the testimonials, brother. Look to the testimonials.

 

 

Testimonials? Or I can look to the fact that you changed you list midway through the discussion of your 2006 rankings.

 

First list:

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

1.) Eli Manning - The new "man" in this family.

2.) Carson Palmer - Transplanted nutria tendon won't affect Kit Carson's game at all, fellas!

3.) Peyton Manning - Still among the best.

4.) Daunte Culpepper - He'll be peppering his receivers with TD passes.

5.) Matt Hasselback - Welcome to Planet Matt.

6.) Jake Delhomme - Has the potential to be a Top 5 QB.

7.) Ben Roethlesberger - Him and his bionic face have something to prove

8.) Brad Johnson - Veteran gunslinger will be hollering "Vallhalla I am coming!"

9.) David Carr - I'm driving in my Carr ...

10.) Phillip Rivers - Don't be a dumbass and sleep on this guy. He's a rising star.

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

1.) Ronnie Brown - Da-do Ron, Ron, Ron. Da-do Ron, Ron.

2.) Shaun Alexander - Annual No. 2 pick, as always.

3.) Larry Johnson - Electric Larryland in KC, baby!

4.) Mike Bell - This Bell will be ringing in the end zone very often.

5.) Steven Jackson - This guy is a horse. A safe No. 5 pick.

6.) Clinton Portis - He seems to be excited about what's going on with his team.

7.) Chester Taylor - Chester the End Zone molester.

8.) Willis McGahee - Hee hee, don't tell anyone!

9.) LaDainian Tomlinson - His late-season drop off last year screwed many a fantasy season. Beware.

10.) Wali Lundy - This Texans rookie could put an end to this Domanick Davis silliness.

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

1.) Lee Evans - With Moulds gone, Evans is pure money.

2.) Troy Williamson - Koren Drunkagain is in trouble, so now it's the Troy show.

3.) Steve Smith - I've never liked this guy, but I suppose he belongs in the Top 5.

4.) Reggie Wayne - John Wayne would be proud.

5.) Torry Holt - The Torry Story goes on.

6.) Chad Johnson - Bad Chad keeps putting his money where his piehole is.

7.) Matt Jones - Jonesing to fill Jimmy's shoes.

8.) Nate Burleson - Don't wait on Nate.

9.) Andre Johnson - Carr's breakout season will put some sparkle into Andre's game.

10.) Larry Fitzgerald - A bargain at No. 10 here.

 

 

Second list:

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

1.) Peyton Manning - The old "man" in this family.

2.) Carson Palmer - Transplanted nutria tendon won't affect Kit Carson's game at all, fellas!

3.) Eli Manning - Could be among the best.

4.) Tom Brady - Here's the story, of a lovely lady ...

5.) Matt Hasselback - Welcome to Planet Matt.

6.) Jake Delhomme - Has the potential to be a Top 5 QB.

7.) Ben Roethlesberger - Him and his bionic face have something to prove

8.) J. Losman - Lose the hose will blast his receivers with touchdowns.

9.) Drew Brees - Breeze right into the stat book, baby ...

10.) Phillip Rivers - Don't be a dumbass and sleep on this guy. He's a rising star.

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

1.) Frank Gore - Even the matadors are peeing their britches.

2.) Shaun Alexander - Annual No. 2 pick, as always.

3.) Larry Johnson - Electric Larryland in KC, baby!

4.) L. Tomlinson - A damn good running back.

5.) Steven Jackson - This guy is a horse. A safe No. 5 pick.

6.) Clinton Portis - He seems to be excited about what's going on with his team.

7.) Chester Taylor - Chester the End Zone molester.

8.) Willis McGahee - Hee hee, don't tell anyone!

9.) Willie Parker - Willie make it? YES HE WILL!!!

10.) Rudi Johnson - Not the biggest Johnson on the board.

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

1.) Marvin Harrison - He be STARVIN' for more TDs this year.

2.) T. Housemanzotter - Welcome back Zotter!

3.) Donald Driver - Makes Minnie look like a ninnie.

4.) Reggie Wayne - John Wayne would be proud.

5.) Torry Holt - The Torry Story goes on.

6.) Chad Johnson - Bad Chad keeps putting his money where his piehole is.

7.) T. Owens - Owens Country Sausage is always good on a Sunday.

8.) Roy Williamson - Roy Williamson's Roast Beef A-Sammich!

9.) Andre Johnson - Carr's breakout season will put some sparkle into Andre's game.

10.) Larry Fitzgerald - A bargain at No. 10 here.

 

 

So have you edited this year's list yet or when does it come out? Is this the final list? Or are you going to hange it midway through the discussion?