Complete this here sentence. If ______ was _____ I would be ______ !

[shotsup 835]

Go

[Voltaire 5,496]

You're using a past tense with a future tense which makes this very complicated. Maybe I'm trying too hard.

[Voltaire 5,496]

If my dad was mentally stable, employable, and wiling to work, I would be much better off.

[Sho Nuff 720]

If my dad was mentally stable, employable, and wiling to work, I would be much better off.

 

GFIAFP is your dad?

[OldMaid 2,135]

If I was smarter I would be not here.

[BunnysBastatrds 2,615]

If I was sober I would be yous

[tanatastic 2,062]

If Old Maid was here, I would be getting a golden shower!

[OldMaid 2,135]

If Old Maid was here, I would be getting a golden shower!

Umm... no.

[Voltaire 5,496]

 

GFIAFP is your dad?

Pretty much the same thing except worse since he a dash of BudBro/Phurfer-esque whacked out conspiracy theories thrown in as well.

 

My grandfather had run a hardware store but the mega-chain Home Depots of the world were already putting pressure on small retail businesses like his one when he died. So then my dad took over and it was out of business within a year. After that, he was too good to work anyplace else for a fraction of what he use to make, so instead he just mooched off all his relatives especially my mom until she divorced him.

[Frank M 181]

If toilet paper was not available in double roll quilted 36 packs, I'd be bumming several times a day.

[OldMaid 2,135]

If I was Frank's a$$hole I'd be worried.

[mobb_deep 920]

If condom was used, I would be single.

[hdaddy 18]

If rape was legal I would be free

[Frank M 181]

If I was Frank's a$$hole I'd be fabulous.

 

Fixorated

[OldMaid 2,135]

Fixorated

If you're going through that much toilet paper... I don't think fabulous is the adjective you're looking for.

[Meglamaniac 793]

If bourbon was water I would be drowning

[Frank M 181]

If you're going through that much toilet paper... I don't think fabulous is the adjective you're looking for.

 

Clean? Sparkly? Springtime fresh?

[shotsup 835]

If my liver was clean I'd be a millionaire.

[WhiteWonder 2,934]

If FNMA was released from conservatorship I would be retired

[NorthernVike 2,096]

Umm... no.

No doubt. That's our thing.

[OldMaid 2,135]

No doubt. That's our thing.

[DankNuggs 305]

If hole was hallway I would be stirring

[Sho Nuff 720]

If I was bad at math, I would be Eaglesin14

[SUXBNME 1,597]

If oldmaid was pregnant I would be a dad !

 

Thank god her ovaries dried up many moons ago

[OldMaid 2,135]

If oldmaid was pregnant I would be a dad !

 

Thank god her ovaries dried up many moons ago

 

Umm... no.

[rholio 340]

If this was interesting I would be happier!

[Sho Nuff 720]

If OM was pregnant...wouldn't the kid just fly out?

[Franknbeans 46]

Tom Brady

the greatest QB ever to play the game

convinced if he didn't cheat

[nzoner 939]

If weed was legal in Missouri I would be extatic

[vuduchile 1,947]

If if if....If my aunt had balls we'd call her Gepetto's date.

[shotsup 835]

If I knew <insert friends name here> was suicidal I would of intervened

 

 

Sorry

[BunnysBastatrds 2,615]

If I knew <insert friends name here> was suicidal I would of intervened

 

 

Sorry

There is nothing you could have done. Don't beat yourself up for that. No way.

 

Again, sorry. T&P

[jerryskids 7,092]

If I knew <insert friends name here> was suicidal I would of intervened

 

 

Sorry

 

As I read this thread I started to think about coming up with a really poor taste joke about your friend's suicide. Thank you for saving me from myself. And sorry about your friend.

[Eaglesin14 12]

If I lied about having people on ignore I would be Sho Nuff.

[shotsup 835]

[BunnysBastatrds 2,615]

 If I was a ghey bee, would you still eat me 

[MikeMatt 393]

On 5/10/2015 at 1:07 AM, jerryskids said:

 

As I read this thread I started to think about coming up with a really poor taste joke about your friend's suicide. Thank you for saving me from myself. And sorry about your friend.

Wow - fvckin 10 years. We were just  reminiscing about him 2 weeks ago when we all got together - even friends that moved out of state came to celebrate his life - not mentioned here my moms husband passed away a day or so before - cancer. ##### cancer. Was a bad time in my life. 
 

“Thanks” for the bump Bummy  !