I need advice

[Stryker Ryker 188]

How did you guys get over your dad dying? How did you continue on? My dad was fine last Monday. Up waking, talking, playing with my son, eating, etc. Now he can’t swallow, isn’t breathing but 2-3 times a minute, can’t stand.l,  can’t walk, isn’t coherent, can’t talk, etc. The man was my best friend, the best man at my wedding, the guy I ran to for advice, the person I called EVERY day is no longer gonna be with me. I regret not having my son earlier cause he won’t know his granddad and how wonderful of a man he is. It’s the hardest mother focking thing ever and I’m just trying to spend the rest of his time together. But I’m a wreck. And I’m gonna break when he dies 

[jerryskids 6,644]

Very sorry to hear.  I was 18 when my dad died, I had just finished HS.  He was doing at-home hospice care for the last few months so it wasn't sudden.  If I could go back and tell my young self anything, it would be to spend more time with him towards the end.  But I was a senior in HS, a BMOC, and too busy to do that.  

[BeenHereBefore 1,493]

Sorry about your dad and sorry to hear this, you don't get over it and you just go on with the things you have in life. It does get easier with time but there is always that big part missing with them gone. Prayers!

[MTSkiBum 1,620]

Sorry to hear. 

[TommyGavin 790]

I was 16 and it was sudden (heart attack at work - stock broker in the 80’s). 
I can’t give any advice other then time heals all wounds. Do I still get sad thinking of him 39 years later ? Of course but life goes on. Cherish the time left with him and your son. 
Sorry to hear man. 

[BeenHereBefore 1,493]

Right now try to spend is much time as you can with him like Jerry said.

[Pimpadeaux 2,404]

I felt he same way about my dad. He was 87 when he went in corotid-artery surgery, and the plaque was much worse than the surgeons expected. They thought they got it all, but a piece broke off and caused a massive stroke. He hung on for two months, but then his body shut down, and he passed.

My sons were very young at the time, but they at least got to know him, and I've made sure to keep him alive in their hearts and minds, telling them over the years everything I remember about him. With my dad, it was always about the adventures - hunting, hiking, camping, exploring, etc. 

That inspired me to make sure to do the same things with my sons. Instead of giving them things, I've given them memories: Grand Canyon, camping, skiing, Big Bend, Smokey Mountains, the beach, hiking 14'ers.

I keep my dad alive by emulating and even trying to improve upon the best that was in him, and my sons will pass on what they know of him and me to their children.

 

[Bier Meister 1,679]

Very sorry you are going through this.  My father is 83.  I documented our experience with his "mild stroke" in feb.  It certainly was surreal. We are fortunate that we have had many wonderful experiences with him.  A way to frame it is that it provides your family an opportunity to reflect, and pass on his legacy to the those who will not know him to the degree that some of you have.

 

I just returned home from a quick visit with him while my mother visits my brother.  While i worked a bit, our evenings were very simple and fun... good food and watching giants games; something we have always enjoyed togther.

 

My thoughts.

[TheNewGirl 1,413]

Not my dad, but my mom. 

Watching her slowly slip away (Parkinsons, dementia, a few strokes) has been heart breaking. She's also very limited in what she can do for herself now. 

Along with spending as much time with him as you can, I recommend a grief counselor or therapist of some kind. Even tho he is still here, you're grieving for the times that once were and how he used to be, but also for the future. It's very difficult to navigate through it sometimes and talking to someone that you're not related to (and quite possibly going through the same grieving process) can be helpful for coping mechanisms. 

Thinking of you. 

[Stryker Ryker 188]

Thank you guys. I know we all joke around and talk Sh1t to one another but i really want you guys to know I really appreciate all the kind words and advice. I really do. Truly. I’ve taken time off from work and don’t know when I’ll go back. Over here at my parents house with my siblings. Best advice I got was to not only spend time with him but to also let him know how thankful I am, how good of a dad & granddad he was, how he doesn’t have to worry cause we will be fine & I’ll make sure to take care of mom along with the rest of the family, how much I love him, etc. He can’t respond but I know he hears us. I’ve just been holding his hand, talking to him, and laying my head on his shoulder like I used to do as a kid. I just want him to know how much he’s loved and how much we care about him. If my son loves me even half as much as love his granddad I’ll consider myself a successful father. 

[BeenHereBefore 1,493]

5 minutes ago, Stryker Ryker said:

Thank you guys. I know we all joke around and talk Sh1t to one another but i really want you guys to know I really appreciate all the kind words and advice. I really do. Truly. I’ve taken time off from work and don’t know when I’ll go back. Over here at my parents house with my siblings. Best advice I got was to not only spend time with him but to also let him know how thankful I am, how good of a dad & granddad he was, how he doesn’t have to worry cause we will be fine & I’ll make sure to take care of mom along with the rest of the family, how much I love him, etc. He can’t respond but I know he hears us. I’ve just been holding his hand, talking to him, and laying my head on his shoulder like I used to do as a kid. I just want him to know how much he’s loved and how much we care about him. If my son loves me even half as much as love his granddad I’ll consider myself a successful father. 

Sounds like you are doing everything right!

[Pimpadeaux 2,404]

14 minutes ago, Stryker Ryker said:

Thank you guys. I know we all joke around and talk Sh1t to one another but i really want you guys to know I really appreciate all the kind words and advice. I really do. Truly. I’ve taken time off from work and don’t know when I’ll go back. Over here at my parents house with my siblings. Best advice I got was to not only spend time with him but to also let him know how thankful I am, how good of a dad & granddad he was, how he doesn’t have to worry cause we will be fine & I’ll make sure to take care of mom along with the rest of the family, how much I love him, etc. He can’t respond but I know he hears us. I’ve just been holding his hand, talking to him, and laying my head on his shoulder like I used to do as a kid. I just want him to know how much he’s loved and how much we care about him. If my son loves me even half as much as love his granddad I’ll consider myself a successful father. 

Yes, it has been my experience that telling them it's going to be OK is reassuring.

The last time I saw my dad alive, I went over to hospice and told him that I'd take good care of mom.  Hospice told me he likely would hang on a few weeks, but he died that night.

Same thing happened with my wife. She saw him and hospice, told him she loved him and had forgiven him for being neglectful over the years. He died that night.

 

[supermike80 1,864]

I do abide by a couple adages..One being "time heals all wounds"  

My father died when I was 20.   It hurt bad.  But with time, you can learn to go on.  

[RaiderHaters Revenge 4,285]

sorry my brother

I had a unique experience cause I started a cannabis non profit in his name so that helped me a lot, also taking on the role of the Patriarch in the family, and quite frankly morphing into my dad the older I get,  It was 8 years ago, and I still wish he was here, I don't like all this responsibility, and could use someone to talk to during the games again

sports haven't felt the same since

 

 

[weepaws 3,158]

James 4:6.  But God gives Grace.  Amen. Pray for your dad, go talk to a pastor, bring your dad into a life with Jesus. 

Deuteronomy 31:8-9. The Lord Himself goes before you.  Amen. 

Lord of our salvation, as our loved one nears the end of life, we pray You would give him freedom from pain, give him confidence that to be absent from the body is to be present with You. 

OP love you, and I’ll be praying for you, and yours.  If there is anything we can do please don’t hesitate in asking it from us, you can even send a private message. 

Im Sorry, May the God of Glory, the God of all Peace, the Savior from Sin, bring you through this very difficult and tough time. 

[Voltaire 5,273]

Sounds like a great man. A lot of great memories and advice over the years that you'll always have. Best wishes to find mental strength in a hard time 

[IGotWorms 4,057]

Damn dude, I’m sorry to hear this  

I don’t have that experience to draw on or wisdom to offer. But stay strong and know that you honor him through being a good father to your own children

[TommyGavin 790]

3 hours ago, Voltaire said:

Sounds like a great man

Yes. Even though he didn’t teach his son how to back up a trailer !

 

I kid I kid. Remember you are still going to need humor. I know you don’t see that now but you will. 

[BunnysBastatrds 2,360]

12 hours ago, Stryker Ryker said:

How did you guys get over your dad dying? How did you continue on? My dad was fine last Monday. Up waking, talking, playing with my son, eating, etc. Now he can’t swallow, isn’t breathing but 2-3 times a minute, can’t stand.l,  can’t walk, isn’t coherent, can’t talk, etc. The man was my best friend, the best man at my wedding, the guy I ran to for advice, the person I called EVERY day is no longer gonna be with me. I regret not having my son earlier cause he won’t know his granddad and how wonderful of a man he is. It’s the hardest mother focking thing ever and I’m just trying to spend the rest of his time together. But I’m a wreck. And I’m gonna break when he dies 

 Be strong and be the man he taught you to be. It’s very hard but time helps to heel. I lost my father six years ago. On Sunday I could tell something wasn’t right with his health. But being the forever trooper, he woke up Monday and was having severe stomach pain. The hospital misdiagnosed him with kidney stones. Gave him antibiotics and pain medicine and sent him home On Tuesday he called me at six am saying he needed to go back to the hospital.He could barely walk he was in so much pain. So I brought him to the ER. A doctor came out and said they missed diagnosised him. Had a septic gall bladder, not kidney stones. They brought him to ICU and told me they would do all they could. But it’s septic. I sat with him that night knowing this might be his time. He says to me, if I can’t walk out of here with wallet and cars keys and go to work , you know what do. I’m ready. And tomorrow you need to pick up all the food I ordered for thanksgiving dinner. I hugged him and he said goodbye John, Im very proud of you. Thank you. I cried my eyes out in the parking garage. We were best friends. We 

worked together for thirty five years. He was the best man at my wedding, loved my daughter more than I can say. He’s the person that you meet in life, and love him instantly. On Wednesday I got the call that they had to be put on a ventilator and much more. The nurse said that they are doing everything they can. They had to put him in a self induced coma. On Thursday, thanksgiving day I went that morning and he was where he didn't want to be. They told me to come back at seven. I got there and was told there was nothing they could do. The hardest decision I ever made. The man who adopted me and loved me, I had to let go. As soon as they took the ventilator out, he passed. 
 

 It’s tough, but you’ll be fine. Just remember all of the good times and and all of the good times. 

[Pimpadeaux 2,404]

37 minutes ago, BunnysBastatrds said:

 Be strong and be the man he taught you to be. It’s very hard but time helps to heel. I lost my father six years ago. On Sunday I could tell something wasn’t right with his health. But being the forever trooper, he woke up Monday and was having severe stomach pain. The hospital misdiagnosed him with kidney stones. Gave him antibiotics and pain medicine and sent him home On Tuesday he called me at six am saying he needed to go back to the hospital.He could barely walk he was in so much pain. So I brought him to the ER. A doctor came out and said they missed diagnosised him. Had a septic gall bladder, not kidney stones. They brought him to ICU and told me they would do all they could. But it’s septic. I sat with him that night knowing this might be his time. He says to me, if I can’t walk out of here with wallet and cars and go fork, you know what do. I’m ready. And tomorrow you need to pick up all the food I ordered for thanksgiving dinner. I hugged him and he said goodbye John, Im very proud of you. Thank you. I cried my eyes out in the parking garage. We were best friends. We We worked together for thirty five years. He was the best man at my wedding, loved my daughter more than I can say. He’s the person that you meet in life, and love him instantly. On Wednesday I got the call that they had to be put on a ventilator and much more. The nurse said that they are doing everything they can. They had to him in a self induced coma. On Thursday, thanksgiving day I went that morning and he was where he didn't want to be. They told me to come back at seven. I got there and was told there was nothing they could do. The hardest decision I ever made. The man who adopted me and loved me, I had to let go. As soon as they took the ventilator out, he passed. 
 

 It’s tough, but you’ll be fine. Just remember all of the good times and and all of the good times. 

Damn. 

[Stryker Ryker 188]

Thank you all for your support and kind words. My daddy passed away at 8:30 this morning. We transferred him to the hospice house because he was in so much pain and the 3mg of liquid morphine (he could no longer swallow, open his eyes, or do anything beside lay in the hospital bed) we were giving him every hour weren’t working anymore. The pharmacies in town all had run out of the liquid morphine cause the nurse had to call multiple just to find that last one. We got him to the hospice house and they had their own stash. So they were giving him 12 mg every hour. In 2 hours he had been given what was equivalent to the entire bottle we had for him. Left there at 2am to go home & try to get a little rest since he was stable and seemed to be a lot better than he was even at home. Breathing better, didn’t seem to be in pain, color looked better, etc. Got a call at 8am to run up there cause he was gonna go today. Daddy must’ve been waiting on me because as soon as I got there, held his hand, stroked his head/hair and told him I was there he seemed to relax. Took a few more breaths after that but not even a minute later he passed. I’m glad I got up there to see him before he passed. My son was named after him and also has his blue eyes. 
 

I know I’m rambling and I’m sorry for that guys. Writing this while tears in my eyes is hard but I truly do appreciate everything from y’all. Thank you guys for everything from the bottom of my heart. Thank you 

[Bier Meister 1,679]

My thoughts to you and the family

[Hawkeye21 2,388]

43 minutes ago, Stryker Ryker said:

Thank you all for your support and kind words. My daddy passed away at 8:30 this morning. We transferred him to the hospice house because he was in so much pain and the 3mg of liquid morphine (he could no longer swallow, open his eyes, or do anything beside lay in the hospital bed) we were giving him every hour weren’t working anymore. The pharmacies in town all had run out of the liquid morphine cause the nurse had to call multiple just to find that last one. We got him to the hospice house and they had their own stash. So they were giving him 12 mg every hour. In 2 hours he had been given what was equivalent to the entire bottle we had for him. Left there at 2am to go home & try to get a little rest since he was stable and seemed to be a lot better than he was even at home. Breathing better, didn’t seem to be in pain, color looked better, etc. Got a call at 8am to run up there cause he was gonna go today. Daddy must’ve been waiting on me because as soon as I got there, held his hand, stroked his head/hair and told him I was there he seemed to relax. Took a few more breaths after that but not even a minute later he passed. I’m glad I got up there to see him before he passed. My son was named after him and also has his blue eyes. 
 

I know I’m rambling and I’m sorry for that guys. Writing this while tears in my eyes is hard but I truly do appreciate everything from y’all. Thank you guys for everything from the bottom of my heart. Thank you 

Your story is one I've heard from many.  It's incredible how a person can hold on long enough to see someone they love one last time.  I'm glad you got to be there with him at the end.

[TommyGavin 790]

Sorry man. We are here for you if you need to talk. 

[Nomad99 713]

None of our advice can be of significant help to you. Everyone feels, reacts & processes things differently. I lost my dad when I was 10, never had the time to forge the bond that you & many others here have with your fathers....but it hurt just the same. Best I can give you is every time the sadness creeps in....think of some good, happy moments that you had together. That's what he would want. We are all in this together, no matter that this is a forum full of internet acquaintances. WE feel your pain at this moment. Sit in a quiet place whenever you can & reflect on the memories, breath deep & thank the man. Then, be the man he raised you to be until it's time for others to mourn you. Love those in your life & those that are gone from it. Those that are gone live through us.......keep that alive.

[Pimpadeaux 2,404]

5 hours ago, Stryker Ryker said:

Thank you all for your support and kind words. My daddy passed away at 8:30 this morning. We transferred him to the hospice house because he was in so much pain and the 3mg of liquid morphine (he could no longer swallow, open his eyes, or do anything beside lay in the hospital bed) we were giving him every hour weren’t working anymore. The pharmacies in town all had run out of the liquid morphine cause the nurse had to call multiple just to find that last one. We got him to the hospice house and they had their own stash. So they were giving him 12 mg every hour. In 2 hours he had been given what was equivalent to the entire bottle we had for him. Left there at 2am to go home & try to get a little rest since he was stable and seemed to be a lot better than he was even at home. Breathing better, didn’t seem to be in pain, color looked better, etc. Got a call at 8am to run up there cause he was gonna go today. Daddy must’ve been waiting on me because as soon as I got there, held his hand, stroked his head/hair and told him I was there he seemed to relax. Took a few more breaths after that but not even a minute later he passed. I’m glad I got up there to see him before he passed. My son was named after him and

also has his blue eyes. 
 

I know I’m rambling and I’m sorry for that guys. Writing this while tears in my eyes is hard but I truly do appreciate everything from y’all. Thank you guys for everything from the bottom of my heart. Thank you 

Sorry for your loss, buddy. Glad you were able to be there at the end.