Question for happily married geeks

[naomi 356]

Only answer if you're completely happily married. 

Since being married have you experienced the feeling of physical and intellectual attraction to someone besides your spouse? I'm not talking thinking about being with this other person often, but simply being aware that you're fond of this other person, and would be drawn to them, if single? Yet you're still happily married, and solidly desire to remain so; your spouse floats your boat.

[Maximum Overkill 1,984]

7 hours ago, naomi said:

Only answer if you're completely happily married. 

Since being married have you experienced the feeling of physical and intellectual attraction to someone besides your spouse? I'm not talking thinking about being with this other person often, but simply being aware that you're fond of this other person, and would be drawn to them, if single? Yet you're still happily married, and solidly desire to remain so; your spouse floats your boat.

Doesn't every Man to an extent? I'm sure Women do to. Hell, my Wife is cool and appreciates other hot chicks. She's not afraid to call one out from time to time. I wouldn't dare disrespect her like that but I'm a Man, I'm gonna look. Just don't make it too obvious. 

[Dozer FBG 325]

7 hours ago, naomi said:

Only answer if you're completely happily married. 

Since being married have you experienced the feeling of physical and intellectual attraction to someone besides your spouse? I'm not talking thinking about being with this other person often, but simply being aware that you're fond of this other person, and would be drawn to them, if single? Yet you're still happily married, and solidly desire to remain so; your spouse floats your boat.

Physically? Sure! Almost every day…

Her too, I suppose.

Intellectually? That kind of sounds like whole other thing.

I mean, I like hanging out with smart people, but I wouldn’t call it an attraction type thing.

It’s all about your level of commitment to your spouse. If you’re 100% committed it doesn’t matter and it all falls under the human experience.

 

[BufordT 434]

I'm currently divorced but when I was happily married the answer is of course yes,  I mean, we're only human.

[Nomad99 741]

No matter how evolved we think we are, we still retain some of the traits of our ancestors. Both males & females are prone to attraction for the other sex. Monogamy is a man-made construct. We are however,  capable of not acting on those urges. The attraction can be there......it's up to each individuals moral compass as to whether they act on those urges. 

[cmh6476 1,024]

Not really.   I'm on my second marriage and I learned a lot about about relationships with the failure of the first.   I understand my wife has dealt with insecurities in the past and so I'm cognizantly aware that I don't want to perpetuate those feelings for her.   I intentionally focus on trying not to do what you are asking if I do. 

[cmh6476 1,024]

Just now, Nomad99 said:

No matter how evolved we think we are, we still retain some of the traits of our ancestors. Both males & females are prone to attraction for the other sex. Monogamy is a man-made construct. We are however,  capable of not acting on those urges. The attraction can be there......it's up to each individuals moral compass as to whether they act on those urges. 

Is it a goose-made construct as well?

[cmh6476 1,024]

1 hour ago, Dozer FBG said:

Physically? Sure! Almost every day…

Her too, I suppose.

Intellectually? That kind of sounds like whole other thing.

I mean, I like hanging out with smart people, but I wouldn’t call it an attraction type thing.

It’s all about your level of commitment to your spouse. If you’re 100% committed it doesn’t matter and it all falls under the human experience.

 

I think women are more prone to look for intellectual attraction than men.   They don't seem to care as much about physical attraction than the do whether you communicate with them, make them feel good, Yada Yada Yada

Looking back on my past, that's when I think it gets dangerous for men; when a women doesn't believe her partner is giving her what she needs emotionally. 

[cmh6476 1,024]

I also really want to open bunny's this is why I use mirrors thread, but since we are taking about this I'm refraining.

[Engorgeous George 2,331]

Hogamous higamous, man is polygamous.

[Nomad99 741]

8 minutes ago, cmh6476 said:

Is it a goose-made construct as well?

I'm talking about humans. Some animals mate for life.....humans never have.....unless they choose to. Monogamy is not in our DNA.

[cmh6476 1,024]

1 minute ago, Nomad99 said:

I'm talking about humans. Some animals mate for life.....humans never have.....unless they choose to. Monogamy is not in our DNA.

Survival of the fittest.  Evolution would lead us to it.   Less chance if dying from aids and stuff with one life partner. 

[5-Points 3,521]

Physical attraction? Every day. 

Intellectual attraction? Meh, not really. I don't think of other women that way. 

[naomi 356]

By intellectual attraction, I mean it's a little more than appreciating what they look like. You enjoy their personality, too.

Basically it's knowing you'd probably pursue/be open to a relationship with that person if you were single.

Yet at the same time you're content with your husband/wife, grateful, and would never act on that attraction.

[5-Points 3,521]

6 minutes ago, naomi said:

By intellectual attraction, I mean it's a little more than appreciating what they look like. You enjoy their personality, too.

Basically it's knowing you'd probably pursue/be open to a relationship with that person if you were single.

Yet at the same time you're content with your husband/wife, grateful, and would never act on that attraction.

I get it. I just don't think about other women like that. Physical attraction is visual. You see it and you either find it attractive or you don't. 

Intellectual attraction takes forethought. "This woman seems like the type of woman that I'd like to be with if I weren't married."

My mind just doesn't go there.

[Hawkeye21 2,398]

Absolutely. I still have a thing for my high school crush. 

[EternalShinyAndChrome 4,082]

45 minutes ago, 5-Points said:

I get it. I just don't think about other women like that. Physical attraction is visual. You see it and you either find it attractive or you don't. 

Intellectual attraction takes forethought. "This woman seems like the type of woman that I'd like to be with if I weren't married."

My mind just doesn't go there.

same here.  Guys and girls look at each other differently.  I view an emotional connection as worse than a physical connection, but both are bad in the confines of a marriage.

[torridjoe 48]

11 hours ago, naomi said:

Only answer if you're completely happily married. 

Since being married have you experienced the feeling of physical and intellectual attraction to someone besides your spouse? I'm not talking thinking about being with this other person often, but simply being aware that you're fond of this other person, and would be drawn to them, if single? Yet you're still happily married, and solidly desire to remain so; your spouse floats your boat.

First marriage maybe, second one nah. 

[Maximum Overkill 1,984]

1 hour ago, 5-Points said:

Intellectual attraction takes forethought. "This woman seems like the type of woman that I'd like to be with if I weren't married."

Be honest, you don't look at a hot chick and drool over a perfect asss or tittays and think "what I would do to that"? Even though you wouldn't? 

I won't lie, I would never touch another Woman besides my Wife but I'm still a Man. I'm looking and admiring. 

[naomi 356]

30 minutes ago, torridjoe said:

First marriage maybe, second one nah. 

Do you think it's because you and your second wife are a better match, so you just never have that inclination?

Or, is it a conscious choice to shut down the hint of thoughts like that?

[MDC 7,397]

Physically, all the time. Intellectually? Not really.

[5-Points 3,521]

41 minutes ago, EternalShinyAndChrome said:

same here.  Guys and girls look at each other differently.  I view an emotional connection as worse than a physical connection, but both are bad in the confines of a marriage.

Yep.

My wife loves firemen. Whenever we drive past a firehouse I slow down so she can get a good look. 

If she said, "Oh, that's Steve. He's recently divorced, loves to cook and travel. He's trying to make Captain but he thinks Dave is going to get it because Dave's Uncle is the Battalion Chief. I told him he should look into getting hired on in another city but he said he loves it here and can't picture himself living anywhere else."

We wouldn't be driving past that firehouse again.

 

[5-Points 3,521]

16 minutes ago, Maximum Overkill said:

Be honest, you don't look at a hot chick and drool over a perfect asss or tittays and think "what I would do to that"? Even though you wouldn't? 

I won't lie, I would never touch another Woman besides my Wife but I'm still a Man. I'm looking and admiring. 

I see hot chicks everyday. And yes, I appreciate their assets. That's as far as it goes. 

[Nomad99 741]

2 hours ago, cmh6476 said:

Survival of the fittest.  Evolution would lead us to it.   Less chance if dying from aids and stuff with one life partner. 

Evolution may lead us that way someday......just not today. It's weird how soe animals mate for life while most don't. 

[Maximum Overkill 1,984]

14 minutes ago, MDC said:

Physically, all the time. Intellectually? Not really.

Even Democrat Women? I couldn't imagine being that desperate. 

[MDC 7,397]

8 minutes ago, Maximum Overkill said:

Even Democrat Women? I couldn't imagine being that desperate. 

Trannies are more your thing.  

[Maximum Overkill 1,984]

1 minute ago, MDC said:

Trannies are more your thing.  

Wait, your a Pedocrat. That's your thing, obviously . Don't you proudly fly the Pride Flag because you are close to some Trannies? 

[Hardcore troubadour 15,385]

Most guys don’t cheat because it’s not an option for them. 

[Maximum Overkill 1,984]

1 minute ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Most guys don’t cheat because it’s not an option for them. 

I'm too afraid of my Wife, she'd kill me. She owns more guns than I do.  

[5-Points 3,521]

3 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Most guys don’t cheat because it’s not an option for them. 

Semper fi

[Gepetto 1,366]

Intellectual attraction? Is that like when Will Ferrell's character Frank in Old School tells the marriage counselor that when his wife and him go to Olive Garden he wonders what the waitress' panties look like?

Therapist:
Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.

Frank:
Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?

[BunnysBastatrds 2,434]

7 hours ago, Maximum Overkill said:

Doesn't every Man to an extent? I'm sure Women do to. Hell, my Wife is cool and appreciates other hot chicks. She's not afraid to call one out from time to time. I wouldn't dare disrespect her like that but I'm a Man, I'm gonna look. Just don't make it too obvious. 

 That’s why you always wear dark sunglasses at the beach/pool.  And you have to make a funny comment like “Can you believe that slut is wearing a g-string bathing suit?”

[Maximum Overkill 1,984]

2 hours ago, BunnysBastatrds said:

 That’s why you always wear dark sunglasses at the beach/pool.  And you have to make a funny comment like “Can you believe that slut is wearing a g-string bathing suit?”

Hahaa, exactly! 

Ewww, I can't believe she's wearing that in public, how disgusting. 

[IGotWorms 4,058]

Divorced though hopefully the second one will take. So not qualified to answer your question, but what you’re describing goes beyond the norm imo. Sure you’re going to be physically attracted to other people but you shouldn’t be infatuated with them — that’s a bad sign for the marriage imo 

[MLCKAA 573]

10 hours ago, naomi said:

By intellectual attraction, I mean it's a little more than appreciating what they look like. You enjoy their personality, too.

Basically it's knowing you'd probably pursue/be open to a relationship with that person if you were single.

Yet at the same time you're content with your husband/wife, grateful, and would never act on that attraction.

Intellectual attraction?  Enjoy their personality?  You’re out of your fcking mind.

On one hand I could count the number of females whom I consider even TOLERABLE.  Intellectually attracted is laughable.

Women on the whole are abhorrent and deplorable.  The physical attraction is all they have going for them 99.999999% of the time.  Purpose-built.

[Maximum Overkill 1,984]

7 minutes ago, MLCKAA said:

Women on the whole are abhorrent and deplorable.  The physical attraction is all they have going for them 99.999999% of the time.  Purpose-built.

All relationships start out as a physical attraction. Anyone who thinks otherwise is full of shizz. 

Hey, she's 300 lbs, hairy, smelly and has blue hair. But damn she's amazing, I wanna marry her. SAID NO MAN EVER!!!! 

[naomi 356]

2 hours ago, MLCKAA said:

Intellectual attraction?  Enjoy their personality?  You’re out of your fcking mind.

On one hand I could count the number of females whom I consider even TOLERABLE.  Intellectually attracted is laughable.

Women on the whole are abhorrent and deplorable.  The physical attraction is all they have going for them 99.999999% of the time.  Purpose-built.

That's strange.

I understand there's a lot of crappy people these days, and the internet tends to overrepresent them. But I'm not even a social butterfly and I still know a fair amount of truly decent women. I'm not really in environments where crappy ones would be though.

[Voltaire 5,313]

I crush on lots of youtube personalities, I may post comments praising them but as far as hinting that I have an attraction, I just keep my mouth shut and admire them quietly.

[IGotWorms 4,058]

35 minutes ago, naomi said:

That's strange.

I understand there's a lot of crappy people these days, and the internet tends to overrepresent them. But I'm not even a social butterfly and I still know a fair amount of truly decent women. I'm not really in environments where crappy ones would be though.

He’s a misogynist.

There are several of them here.

[Maximum Overkill 1,984]

6 hours ago, naomi said:

That's strange.

I understand there's a lot of crappy people these days, and the internet tends to overrepresent them. But I'm not even a social butterfly and I still know a fair amount of truly decent women. I'm not really in environments where crappy ones would be though.

I think he's saying that it always starts out with a physical attraction. You then weed through the herd until you find one that you have an emotional connection with. That's the one you fall in love with or marry. 

But it's always about attraction first, without question.