Why can't people use the bathroom normal?

[nobody 2,925]

I almost never take a dump at work in the bathrooms with multiple stalls.  I walk way out of my way to go to a private bathroom because in my experience people are animals and I don't want to take crap next to them.

Well today, my choice was shot my pants or go to the big bathroom. 

Started off okay. Then guy comes in and must've been doing coke or something.  Gigantic snorts/sniffs every 10 seconds.  And then the disgusting loogie hocking every 60 seconds or so.  

Then another guy comes in.  Of course he goes straight to stall next to me out of the 10 stalls.  He must have down syndrome or something because it sounded like he was dry humping the toilet paper dispenser within three seconds of entering the stall.  All you have to do is reach under and pull the toilet paper.  It's on a roll and just spins.  Can get as much as you need.  It sounded like he was trying to tear a hole in the dispenser and pull it out from the top or something.  Then, mercifully, I hear the tp rip off.  I'm thinking he's going to lay it out on the seat or something, but he starts pissing in the stall, so I maybe he didn't want to touch is dìck or something.  I don't know.  Thank God he was gone soon.

Then one other person came in and just took the far stall.  Took a dump, kept quiet and then left.

So two out of three came in and had to be animals.  Why is it so hard for people to just go in, be quiet, take a dump, wash your hands thoroughly and bounce?  It's like a zoo in there.

[nobody 2,925]

Back in the day, before I found the oasis private bathroom, I used to have an issue with dudes always picking the stall next to me so before going in my stall, I'd activate the lock on the door of the stall next to me and then kind of pull the door shut.  It would essentially lock the stall.  Then on the way out, I would kind of give it a shoulder check and it would open right up.  The locks aren't meant to stand up to the Terminator.  Really just there to let the people know it's occupied.

Man, one time some dude came in and started trying to force the door open.  He wasn't willing to really hit it so he didn't get it open, but then he does this weird laugh and goes in another stall.  Like, bro, wtf?  You going to wrestle with some door just to take a dump next to me?  Just take one of the other 5 stalls a-hole.

Hate these dudes.  They get in there and start doing lamaze breathing and like they're giving birth and shìt.

[The Elevator Killer 724]

3 people came and went while you were there? What are you doing in there? 

[The Elevator Killer 724]

Another question. If someone tries to get into your stall do you say, "Nobody's in here."

[listen2me 23 1,962]

Just lock the end stall early in the morning.  Lock in better odds of no neighbor.  Or the 1st stall.  

[MDC 8,037]

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone into the john at work and some dude is sitting on the can having a business conversation while full on farting and chitting.

[Maximum Overkill 2,586]

@FrancieFootball

Stand or sit? 

[easilyscan 1,057]

Something I saw written on a bathroom stall.

Here I sit, brokenhearted, trying to shi*, but only farted

Yesterday, I took a chance, saved some time, but shi* my pants

 

[Voltaire 5,508]

I also don't like sitting on the seat and sh*tting on the bowl. I prefer to take the lid off and cr@p in the water storage tank on top.

Oh wait, what were we talking about again?

[listen2me 23 1,962]

54 minutes ago, MDC said:

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone into the john at work and some dude is sitting on the can having a business conversation while full on farting and chitting.

The people that seem to get all comfy on the work toilet have always amazed me.  

[edjr 7,010]

this is why i sh/t my pants

[Ron_Artest 2,393]

I work from home.  It's just me and 5 bathrooms and a private yard.

[Tree of Knowledge 2,213]

1 hour ago, MDC said:

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone into the john at work and some dude is sitting on the can having a business conversation while full on farting and chitting.

That has always amazed me. Who is on the other end of the conversation?

[Hardcore troubadour 16,004]

8 minutes ago, Ron_Artest said:

I work from home.  It's just me and 5 bathrooms and a private yard.

You use the yard? 

[Ron_Artest 2,393]

1 minute ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

You use the yard? 

It was a joke you idiot, but I have no problem pissing in the woods.  I can do it standing up.  Sorry you cant

[FrancieFootball 249]

2 hours ago, Maximum Overkill said:

@FrancieFootball

Stand or sit? 

Quit sky screaming about trans women.

[Hardcore troubadour 16,004]

51 minutes ago, Ron_Artest said:

It was a joke you idiot, but I have no problem pissing in the woods.  I can do it standing up.  Sorry you cant

I can see why you do. In the yard you don’t need to use your step stool to use the toilet.  

[listen2me 23 1,962]

1 hour ago, Ron_Artest said:

I work from home.  It's just me and 5 bathrooms and a private yard.

A private yard?  No way!

[BiffTannen 1,242]

You ever approached a public toilet and seen projectile sh1t spatter all over the back of the bowl and sometimes creeping into the seat area?  How the fock does one aim or shoot in that direction? Every sh1t I’ve ever taken just goes straight down into the water. 

[easilyscan 1,057]

9 hours ago, nobody said:

I almost never take a dump at work in the bathrooms with multiple stalls.  I walk way out of my way to go to a private bathroom because in my experience people are animals and I don't want to take crap next to them.

Well today, my choice was shot my pants or go to the big bathroom. 

Started off okay. Then guy comes in and must've been doing coke or something.  Gigantic snorts/sniffs every 10 seconds.  And then the disgusting loogie hocking every 60 seconds or so.  

Then another guy comes in.  Of course he goes straight to stall next to me out of the 10 stalls.  He must have down syndrome or something because it sounded like he was dry humping the toilet paper dispenser within three seconds of entering the stall.  All you have to do is reach under and pull the toilet paper.  It's on a roll and just spins.  Can get as much as you need.  It sounded like he was trying to tear a hole in the dispenser and pull it out from the top or something.  Then, mercifully, I hear the tp rip off.  I'm thinking he's going to lay it out on the seat or something, but he starts pissing in the stall, so I maybe he didn't want to touch is dìck or something.  I don't know.  Thank God he was gone soon.

Then one other person came in and just took the far stall.  Took a dump, kept quiet and then left.

So two out of three came in and had to be animals.  Why is it so hard for people to just go in, be quiet, take a dump, wash your hands thoroughly and bounce?  It's like a zoo in there.

Maybe try this next time. 

 

[weepaws 3,405]

10 hours ago, nobody said:

I almost never take a dump at work in the bathrooms with multiple stalls.  I walk way out of my way to go to a private bathroom because in my experience people are animals and I don't want to take crap next to them.

Well today, my choice was shot my pants or go to the big bathroom. 

Started off okay. Then guy comes in and must've been doing coke or something.  Gigantic snorts/sniffs every 10 seconds.  And then the disgusting loogie hocking every 60 seconds or so.  

Then another guy comes in.  Of course he goes straight to stall next to me out of the 10 stalls.  He must have down syndrome or something because it sounded like he was dry humping the toilet paper dispenser within three seconds of entering the stall.  All you have to do is reach under and pull the toilet paper.  It's on a roll and just spins.  Can get as much as you need.  It sounded like he was trying to tear a hole in the dispenser and pull it out from the top or something.  Then, mercifully, I hear the tp rip off.  I'm thinking he's going to lay it out on the seat or something, but he starts pissing in the stall, so I maybe he didn't want to touch is dìck or something.  I don't know.  Thank God he was gone soon.

Then one other person came in and just took the far stall.  Took a dump, kept quiet and then left.

So two out of three came in and had to be animals.  Why is it so hard for people to just go in, be quiet, take a dump, wash your hands thoroughly and bounce?  It's like a zoo in there.

Those three had a discussion about the pervert you just sits for ever in a stall.  

[Maximum Overkill 2,586]

9 hours ago, FrancieFootball said:

Quit sky screaming about trans women.

We already know, you stand 

[Hardcore troubadour 16,004]

12 hours ago, listen2me 23 said:

A private yard?  No way!

Quality. lol! 

[Mookz 1,385]

17 hours ago, The Elevator Killer said:

3 people came and went while you were there? What are you doing in there? 

This was my question.  Since he had to go urgently, it seems like he could have been in and out pretty quickly. 

Maybe it turned into a sociological experiment.  

[Alias Detective 1,468]

16 hours ago, Voltaire said:

I also don't like sitting on the seat and sh*tting on the bowl. I prefer to take the lid off and cr@p in the water storage tank on top.

Oh wait, what were we talking about again?

Called them upperdeckers in college.

[Alias Detective 1,468]

13 hours ago, BiffTannen said:

You ever approached a public toilet and seen projectile sh1t spatter all over the back of the bowl and sometimes creeping into the seat area?  How the fock does one aim or shoot in that direction? Every sh1t I’ve ever taken just goes straight down into the water. 

Lean forward so your chest is in your knees. Your sphincter points back rather than down.  Only way possible that I can fathom.

[Drizzay 753]

14 hours ago, BiffTannen said:

You ever approached a public toilet and seen projectile sh1t spatter all over the back of the bowl and sometimes creeping into the seat area?  How the fock does one aim or shoot in that direction? Every sh1t I’ve ever taken just goes straight down into the water. 

Fat people

[Fnord 2,629]

1 hour ago, Alias Detective said:

Lean forward so your chest is in your knees. Your sphincter points back rather than down.  Only way possible that I can fathom.

Explosive diarrhea can create this result.

Or so I've heard 

[Alias Detective 1,468]

27 minutes ago, Fnord said:

Explosive diarrhea can create this result.

Or so I've heard 

Do you clean it or leave it for the maid?

[Fnord 2,629]

Just now, Alias Detective said:

Do you clean it or leave it for the maid?

"The maid" 

I AM the fockin maid in my house. But if I were to do it at work (not that I would, much like my ex-wife I never actually poop or fart and if I ever did, it would certainly smell like perfume and/or a tasty side of smoked meat) I would leave it for environmental services.