I had a probe up my ass today$#@!

[jerryskids 5,169]

Had my first colonoscopy today. I'm almost 48; typically they wait until your 50's but my dad died of colon cancer at 55, so I was overdue. In the end they found 3 small polyps which is fairly normal; they'll biopsy to see if they are pre-cancerous which doesn't seem to change things -- I'll go for another anal probe in 3-5 years (probably 3 because of my dad).

 

For those who haven't had the joy of this experience, the actual colonoscopy is nothing -- they knock you out, you wake up, you go home. The "prep day" the day before... ugh, that sucks. No food except broth or clear liquids (not red or purple) all day. The preps differ, but mine was to take 4 Dulcolax tablets at noon, then from 6-8PM drink 64 ounces of Powerade mixed with an entire bottle of Miralax. Then sit on the toilet for the better part of 2 hours as ever-clearer liquid shoots out of your ass. Good times.

 

I met several cute nurses along the way today, but the actual PA who helped with the probing was a dood named Hans. Hans was a strapping young guy; I'm sure many of the ladies who have gone there have gotten knocked out dreaming of Hans doing more than sticking a probe up their ass.

 

Anyway, PSA time: if you are 50+ or have a history of colon cancer in your family and you haven't had a colonoscopy yet, go do it. If any of these polyps were pre-cancerous, I may have just saved my life by going and getting them removed. Also on a sad related note; a daughter of a family friend was dying of colon cancer -- my MIL sent an email this morning that she died yesterday (that was a bit of a buzz kill going into my own test). She was only 36 yrs old and had been battling it for 3 years. If you see any blood in your poop, or apparently clotted blood especially, go get that shiot checked out.

[DanXIII 8]

What if you have hemorrhoids? Does it basically mean you need a blood transfusion during or immediately after the procedure?

 

Asking for a friend

[shotsup 830]

I second the motion. When the tech had me setup she Litterally said ok here we go and I felt my body tingle then la la land. Woke up like nothing happened.

I remember waking up and nurse was like it was too soon I should go back to sleep and I was like nope I'm good. I recover quick.

[jerryskids 5,169]

What if you have hemorrhoids? Does it basically mean you need a blood transfusion during or immediately after the procedure?

 

Asking for a friend

 

I have some slight hemorrhoids; it's not uncommon after spending hours spraying a jet stream out of your ass. Nothing that was bleeding, although that would be some hemorrhoid to require a transfusion. I had the procedure about 3-4 hours ago and I swear other than the hemorrhoids, there is no pain from that probe going up there.

[dain11279 927]

 

I had the procedure about 3-4 hours ago and I swear other than the hemorrhoids, there is no pain from that probe going up there.

Yeah, but people who aren't used to that feeling might experience some discomfort

[jerryskids 5,169]

Yeah, but people who aren't used to that feeling might experience some discomfort

 

I thought about pre-empting such comments, but figured I'd lob the softball out there for you guys.

[IGotWorms 3,300]

Have you considered whether the ass polyps are psychosomatic in nature?

[Old School 360]

The night of a thousand waterfalls.

 

Pretty much a nasty procedure, butt everyone needs to do it. Could be a life saver.

[dain11279 927]

 

I thought about pre-empting such comments, but figured I'd lob the softball out there for you guys.

[naomi 343]

Describe Hans more..

 

When I went into an urgent care clinic for an abdominal and pelvic exam, it was the first time I'd been to a doctor since being 5. The guy who helped situate me (not sure what his title was) was a little bit older than me, not necessarily cute but he made a lot of conversation. Really affable. The doc (who looked like President Obama with 10 more years on him) took a lot longer with another patient than expected. The gown was like a tent on me and I experimented with tying it in several unconventional ways so it wouldn't look like a mumu with my back still wide open. When I was in the midst of rearranging the system, affable guy came back at an awkward moment and I had to stay really still while we (mostly he) shot the breeze...split between welcoming his company and feeling exposed (wouldn't have mattered if he was some other demographic)...also didn't want him to think 'do I need to help this chick get dressed?' ...Between that and Dr. Obama personally having my bill cut down (bought a thank you card and never got around to mailing it...it's been a little over a year, might do it soon), something I didn't know about until it came time to pay, it was an interesting experience.

 

Went to college with an awesome girl who passed away from colo-rectal cancer a year or so after graduating. She was a burgeoning journalist and blogged while sick about a potential cancer cluster in a coastal town I'm familiar with. It's almost just accepted that there definitely seems to be a correlation between people who lived around this old lumber mill and CR cancer. Nobody ever pursued anything about it.

[jerryskids 5,169]

Describe Hans more..

 

 

Facially he kinda reminded me of Michael Biehn who played Reese in the Terminator movies.

 

http://www.wearysloth.com/Gallery/ActorsB/1509-19125.jpg

 

But Hans hair was darker and a little shorter, and his jaw was a little more square. Size wise he seemed 5'9 or 10 (hard to tell lying down), 175 pounds, in shape. I'm telling you the (mostly) old ladies rolling through this place are loving getting Hans.

[frank 2,144]

 

Facially he kinda reminded me of Michael Biehn who played Reese in the Terminator movies.

 

http://www.wearysloth.com/Gallery/ActorsB/1509-19125.jpg

 

But Hans hair was darker and a little shorter, and his jaw was a little more square. Size wise he seemed 5'9 or 10 (hard to tell lying down), 175 pounds, in shape. I'm telling you the (mostly) old ladies rolling through this place are loving getting Hans.

I think you may have learned more about yourself than you bargained for.

[shotsup 830]

I think you may have learned more about yourself than you bargained for.

Yeah right. Skids - when Hans touched you , did "it" move.

[jerryskids 5,169]

Yeah right. Skids - when Hans touched you , did "it" move.

 

I don't know, I was out.

 

So the first thing I remember when I came back was seeing my wife walk toward me. I thought "good timing". Then apparently I said that I had 3 polyps, and my wife asked how I knew, and I didn't answer. Only I don't remember that conversation. She said my eyes were kinda fluttery at that time, maybe some afterglow from my Hans experience.

[Chronic Husker 85]

Jerry's had about 9800 hours of practice in sales meetings. He's practically a master. Before ya know it, he'll be doing the Sunday Times crossword with the probe in.

[jerryskids 5,169]

Jerry's had about 9800 hours of practice in sales meetings. He's practically a master. Before ya know it, he'll be doing the Sunday Times crossword with the probe in.

 

I finished last week's Sunday NYT puzzle last night during my purge.

[Chronic Husker 85]

 

I finished last week's Sunday NYT puzzle last night during my purge.

See. I know these things.

[Bier Meister 1,512]

have you two kids set a date yet?

[cbfalcon 824]

Before or after the colonoscopy?

 

[mighty_thor 115]

I'm 51 and during my last 2 checkups I have been told I should get one. I'm planning on getting it done before the end of the year.

 

How much time did you take off from work? Did you just take day of the procedure off? Or did you take the prep time off to?

 

How long was it from arrival at the hospital until you left?

 

How does insurance handle this? My insurance has a 3000 deductible and my employees pay the first 2000 of that. After my deductable is paid everything is 100 percent covered. So the most 'out of pocket' I can pay in a year is 1000. I typically don't pay any 'out of pocket' in a year because I never go over the 2000 that my employees kick in. But this sounds like an expensive procedure. Do insurance companys typically cover this procedure without charging your deductable like most do with the yearly checkup? Do you know what the cost of the procedure is?

 

Thanks for putting my mind at ease. I had a surgery on my thumb few year back for some ligament damage where they knocked me out and I woke up thinking the surgery had not happened yet. I was hoping this would be like that.

[Old School 360]

I'm 51 and during my last 2 checkups I have been told I should get one. I'm planning on getting it done before the end of the year.

 

How much time did you take off from work? Did you just take day of the procedure off? Or did you take the prep time off to?

 

How long was it from arrival at the hospital until you left?

 

How does insurance handle this? My insurance has a 3000 deductible and my employees pay the first 2000 of that. After my deductable is paid everything is 100 percent covered. So the most 'out of pocket' I can pay in a year is 1000. I typically don't pay any 'out of pocket' in a year because I never go over the 2000 that my employees kick in. But this sounds like an expensive procedure. Do insurance companys typically cover this procedure without charging your deductable like most do with the yearly checkup? Do you know what the cost of the procedure is?

 

Thanks for putting my mind at ease. I had a surgery on my thumb few year back for some ligament damage where they knocked me out and I woke up thinking the surgery had not happened yet. I was hoping this would be like that.

Can't answer the what part your insurance company will cover.

 

As focked up as it sounds, everyone needs to undergo this procedure.

 

Usually start your purge at home, in the evening, after work. Shouldn't need to take off work for the prep day, but you don't want to work late that evening.

 

You do need to take off the entire day of the procedure.

 

Usually need to be at the procedure place when it's still dark outside- like 5 or 6am.

 

Get assigned to your rolling bed and get "comfortable." When your number is up, they roll you in, explain a few things, and stick a needle in your arm. You wake up in a different room, wondering WTF happened and WTF you are.

 

At some point, the doc explains preliminary results, if they found polyps or whatever. You might not remember all this, so your driver should be in on the conversation.

 

They make you sit up, and when the dope wears off, you need to get dressed. You obviously need to have someone there to sign you out and drive you home.

 

Screw the fashion police. Wear sweats and a tshirt, so you can dress yourself and go home.

 

You will be grogy and tired the rest of the day. Return to work the next day.

 

Total time? Can't remember. Depends on a lot o things, how many people in front of you, how long it takes for the meds wear off to where they let you go. All that.

[shotsup 830]

Groggy rest of day ?? I went to lunch and was drinking beers straight from the hospital.

[Old School 360]

Groggy rest of day ?? I went to lunch and was drinking beers straight from the hospital.

It was 5 years ago. I don't remember all the details. I think I went home and went to bed.

[jerryskids 5,169]

I'm 51 and during my last 2 checkups I have been told I should get one. I'm planning on getting it done before the end of the year.

 

How much time did you take off from work? Did you just take day of the procedure off? Or did you take the prep time off to?

 

How long was it from arrival at the hospital until you left?

 

How does insurance handle this? My insurance has a 3000 deductible and my employees pay the first 2000 of that. After my deductable is paid everything is 100 percent covered. So the most 'out of pocket' I can pay in a year is 1000. I typically don't pay any 'out of pocket' in a year because I never go over the 2000 that my employees kick in. But this sounds like an expensive procedure. Do insurance companys typically cover this procedure without charging your deductable like most do with the yearly checkup? Do you know what the cost of the procedure is?

 

Thanks for putting my mind at ease. I had a surgery on my thumb few year back for some ligament damage where they knocked me out and I woke up thinking the surgery had not happened yet. I was hoping this would be like that.

 

I worked from home the day before, but you could certainly work in an office for most if not all the day. My prep started at noon with Dulcolax which was supposed to take 6 hours to kick in (and coincide with the Miralax chugging), but from 2:30-3:30 I pooped a few times, but then it subsided. I'd say you could work if you need to. For my prep you were supposed to mix the Miralax into the Gatorade around noon so that it was completely dissolved; there are other preps which maybe don't need that.

 

Day of procedure you should probably plan to take off. I technically worked from home but wasn't very productive. Try to schedule it early in the morning since you will have nothing in your colon or stomach (by definition) so you'll be starving and want to get it over with.

 

Mine was done at a place that specializes in gastro procedures. The procedure itself takes only 20 minutes. I arrived at 8 and was out around 10. They were quite efficient.

 

Honestly don't know how insurance works; I just asked my wife who coordinates that stuff and she doesn't know what we'll have to pay. Googling around it seems that many insurances will cover it entirely if you meet the "need" criteria (which my wife and I both did).

 

Good luck. Better to snip a few polyps now than die of cancer 5 years from now.

[Mookz 1,287]

Link to the video?

[jerryskids 5,169]

Link to the video?

 

I only got pictures and they are not electronic.

[penultimatestraw 473]

What if you have hemorrhoids? Does it basically mean you need a blood transfusion during or immediately after the procedure?

 

Asking for a friend

You'll only require a transfusion if your blood loss is significant, which is rare from hemorrhoids.

[penultimatestraw 473]

As focked up as it sounds, everyone needs to undergo this procedure.

 

Still the gold standard, but there is controversy whether there are less invasive alternatives that are just as good.

[IGotWorms 3,300]

 

I only got pictures and they are not electronic.

Cell phone pic or it didn't happen

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also not really, please

[BunnysBastatrds 1,909]

Groggy rest of day ?? I went to lunch and was drinking beers straight from the hospital.

I wanted to play golf the day after I had my nuts clipped. Golf , vicadin, and beer sounded like a good idea. had the day off and could brag I played 18 after my new found life if shooting blanks.

 

The wifey told me that was hers just as much as mine and I lost that battle when she said no fawkie for a year if I did. So I sat on the couch with a beer, vicadins, and a bag of frozen peas watching golf.

 

If Ihave this procedure, I plan on going golfing with beer and vicadins the next day.What's she going to say this time? That corn hole is mine? Me: yours is off limits so so is mine. I want beef steak and peas for dinner!

[Thornton Melon 542]

I've had 2 colonoscopies, in 2006 and 2013. The preparation is definitely the worst part. For the last one, I think the doc went overboard on the preparation. I couldn't eat a full meal for 36 hours before the procedure, and nothing but water 24 hours before. I had to do the Ducalax, plus drink a couple bottles of some clear liquid laxative. It was horror. While I was doing my prep, my wife had gone out for dinner with friends. She decided to text me a pic of the nice meal she was having, just to rub it in. I just happened to be on the can having a tortuous squirt session at the time, so I immediately got up, turned around, snapped a pic of the crime scene I had just deposited in the bowl, and texted it back to her, saying “You should’ve known better”.

 

The best part is the recovery. They make you pass gas before they let you go home. I'm lying in the recovery room still a little loopy from the anesthesia, blowing ass like a foghorn, laughing my ass off. My wife’s there just rolling her eyes….

 

 

[jerryskids 5,169]

If Ihave this procedure, I plan on going golfing with beer and vicadins the next day.What's she going to say this time? That corn hole is mine? Me: yours is off limits so so is mine. I want beef steak and peas for dinner!

 

The morning after my procedure I did a workout of 175 pushups and squats, plus some other stuff. The day after my wife's she did 125 pushups and squats, and what is basically a crossfit class. So you'll be fine the next day.

 

I also kinda ignored the "no alcohol" the day of procedure and had a few glasses of wine with/after dinner. Felt fine. Although... I woke up in the middle of the night feeling totally wired; couldn't get back to sleep for hours. I say this because the same thing happened to me after my foot surgery, and at that time I attributed it to the oxy's. But I didn't have any this time. So it must be the propofol (?) knockout juice.

 

 

I've had 2 colonoscopies, in 2006 and 2013. The preparation is definitely the worst part. For the last one, I think the doc went overboard on the preparation. I couldn't eat a full meal for 36 hours before the procedure, and nothing but water 24 hours before. I had to do the Ducalax, plus drink a couple bottles of some clear liquid laxative. It was horror. While I was doing my prep, my wife had gone out for dinner with friends. She decided to text me a pic of the nice meal she was having, just to rub it in. I just happened to be on the can having a tortuous squirt session at the time, so I immediately got up, turned around, snapped a pic of the crime scene I had just deposited in the bowl, and texted it back to her, saying “You should’ve known better”.

 

The best part is the recovery. They make you pass gas before they let you go home. I'm lying in the recovery room still a little loopy from the anesthesia, blowing ass like a foghorn, laughing my ass off. My wife’s there just rolling her eyes….

 

 

 

Great story.

 

Allegedly I rolled over and farted a bunch, according to my wife. But I was in loopyville and don't remember it.

[IGotWorms 3,300]

 

I've had 2 colonoscopies, in 2006 and 2013. The preparation is definitely the worst part. For the last one, I think the doc went overboard on the preparation. I couldn't eat a full meal for 36 hours before the procedure, and nothing but water 24 hours before. I had to do the Ducalax, plus drink a couple bottles of some clear liquid laxative. It was horror. While I was doing my prep, my wife had gone out for dinner with friends. She decided to text me a pic of the nice meal she was having, just to rub it in. I just happened to be on the can having a tortuous squirt session at the time, so I immediately got up, turned around, snapped a pic of the crime scene I had just deposited in the bowl, and texted it back to her, saying You shouldve known better.

The best part is the recovery. They make you pass gas before they let you go home. I'm lying in the recovery room still a little loopy from the anesthesia, blowing ass like a foghorn, laughing my ass off. My wifes there just rolling her eyes.

 

Your wife is a lucky woman

[Thornton Melon 542]

 

Allegedly I rolled over and farted a bunch, according to my wife. But I was in loopyville and don't remember it.

 

I think it's funny how the nurses in the recovery room just go about their business don't give it a second thought when the patients are tooting away. Of course, they see it everyday. Aren't they lucky...

[Thornton Melon 542]

Your wife is a lucky woman

 

No sh!t, huh?

[tanatastic 2,061]

People here love it up the azz.

[jerryskids 5,169]

People here love it up the azz.

 

I get to do it again next summer$#@!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[NorthernVike 2,079]

I woke up half way through mine last week. Looked up and saw the screen and ask the doc....How's it going back there? Watched for about five minutes and he finished. I found myself wanting more.

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

Rofl laughing i have to schedule mine.. my how the bored has aged lol