A last conversation with my father......

[cyclone24 1,814]

My father is in hospice. Moved there this week...has Alzheimers. Hes had a small rally last night and was mumbling i love yous and giving hugs, etc.

 

This has opened up the opportunity to have kind of a final conversation with him...which all of us kids are doing on our own alone.

 

How the eff do you have a lifetime of thank yous and favorite memories and construct that into one last talk with your dad? Im not sure even where to start and im on limited time to figure it out.

 

Im jotting stuff down.....but man this is tough. Ive told the man i love you a million times.....but to know you might get one last conversation that he understands is overwhelming.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Don't sweat it. It sounds like he knows it all already. He is your dad and you probably can't do any wrong in his eyes anyway. Just say what you feel and don't expect perfection. Enjoy what little time you have left with him.

[NewbieJr 540]

Tell him there's a little piece of him in everything you do. And you're happy about that.

 

I can't imagine all the emotions going through your head. The thought that this may be the least time he's lucid in front of you.

 

Good luck. Savor it.

[JT 137]

Keeping good thoughts for you and your family during this difficult time.

 

Like funerals, last conversations are more for the surviving than the dead or dying. If you have things you haven't told your Dad; things that are truly going to eat away at you if you don't say them: then by all means, let em out.

 

But if you and your Dad have had a good relationship, take this as an opportunity to ease the one concern he may have remaining: how will my son hold up in tough times now that I'm gone? Focus on him, not you. Be positive. Act and speak of love, but not too maudlin. Talk about the things that you'll always remember, the times that you had together.

 

I've had far too much experience in this area of late. Make sure it's about him. Don't let anything that's going on around you, whether it be family squabbles, issues with care, any of the little things that become huge in this setting, take your focus away from him.

 

It's tough. This now becomes something of a job, a task. Be strong and shoulder on. You know best what would make him happy.

 

Peace to you and yours as you go through the tough days ahead.

[patweisers44 697]

I have nothing to add other than Hang in there, man. thoughts and prayers to you during this difficult time.

[drobeski 3,061]

Best wishes, ive had the talk was at 3 am when he thought we all went home , my sister and i refused to leave him alone to wake up to strangers.

I was able to apologize for my fock ups. He died 5 hours later

So glad i stayed, good luck you probably dont need to prepare as your heart will guide you,

[TD Ryan2 314]

Tell him there's a little piece of him in everything you do. And you're happy about that.

 

But if you and your Dad have had a good relationship, take this as an opportunity to ease the one concern he may have remaining: how will my son hold up in tough times now that I'm gone?.

I had a last conversation with my grandmother (Nana) a few years ago.

I thanked her for all her hard work, for setting a foundation - I let her know that all her years of work, commitment, and love did the job - her grandchildren (me) were better off and strong for it... her great grandchildren (my kids) had even brighter futures.

 

wish you all the best with this cyclone - tough thing to go thru

[cyclone24 1,814]

Thanks guys...all great advice. It just went so dang fast.

 

Im glad i dont have many regrets of not spending more time, or not telling him i loved him.......but even when you know the last days are coming...still pretty tough.

 

Thanks again guys.

[Frank M 181]

When my dad was in the hospital in the last days, I asked him if he was ready to go and he said yes. I told him to not worry then, he'd done the best he could and everyone was going to be okay. It was something I'm really grateful for.

 

Don't worry about fixing things if you don't need to. Make sure he knows that he's loved and the family will go on.

 

Good luck.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Thanks guys...all great advice. It just went so dang fast.

 

Im glad i dont have many regrets of not spending more time, or not telling him i loved him.......but even when you know the last days are coming...still pretty tough.

 

Thanks again guys.

Perhaps you could get him a hooker just to make sure that he is happy in his final days.

[Old School 360]

I've been through it twice, with mom, and then with dad.

Try to get a few thank yous out there.

 

I know you are planning and rehearsing your words- but they likely will not come out the way you planned. So get the important things out early.

[cyclone24 1,814]

Perhaps you could get him a hooker just to make sure that he is happy in his final days.

 

 

Annnnndddd there it is.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Annnnndddd there it is.

My kids have special instructions.

[paulinstl 295]

Before my dad passed, I told him not to worry about my mom, that I had his back and promised him I would take care of her. I really felt he needed to hear that after his taking care of her for 63 years of marriage. Give him a big smile and say thanks. Tough stuff, hang in there.

[edjr 5,567]

Still waiting to have a 1st conversation with my father. if I am lucky enough to see him before he dies, will be on his deathbed.

[cyclone24 1,814]

Still waiting to have a 1st conversation with my father. if I am lucky enough to see him before he dies, will be on his deathbed.

 

 

Know where he is?

[BunnysBastatrds 1,918]

Thoughts and prayers man.

[5-Points 2,729]

My Pops passed a couple of years ago. I missed my chance to have that last conversation with him. Had I had the chance I suppose I would thank him for his love and guidance and apologize for the times I disappointed him. Then I would want to reminisce about the good times as much as possible and leave him with the knowledge and comfort that he'd done his job and the rest was up to me.

 

Sincere condolences.

[edjr 5,567]

 

 

Know where he is?

 

Of course.

 

Just went deep sea fishing with him last Thursday. I only went to spend time with him. 5 foot focking seas, I was sick the whole time, we barely even saw each other.

 

Even if we had, we never talk, ever. Never had a normal, father son conversation ever, never will I don't think.

[cyclone24 1,814]

 

Of course.

 

Just went deep sea fishing with him last Thursday. I only went to spend time with him. 5 foot focking seas, I was sick the whole time, we barely even saw each other.

 

Even if we had, we never talk, ever. Never had a normal, father son conversation ever, never will I don't think.

 

 

This isnt because of my situation.....maybe jut my general confrontational nature on these things.....but why not just sit him down and tell him everything you want to say? At least you will have said it

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Know who he is?

That is really cold!

[cyclone24 1,814]

That is really cold!

 

 

Hah,.,,Edjr is white.....of course he knows who he is.

[OldMaid 1,838]

Sorry to hear... that's really tough. Wish I had something more to add, but it looks like you've already gotten some great advice.

 

My condolences.

[GobbleDog 816]

Tell him he won the lottery. He'll be euphoric for ten minutes and then forget all about it.

[Frank M 181]

Tell him he won the lottery. He'll be euphoric for ten minutes and then forget all about it.

 

D@mn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[cyclone24 1,814]

Tell him he won the lottery. He'll be euphoric for ten minutes and then forget all about it.

 

 

That post is pretty much why i come here.........nice...nice.

[edjr 5,567]

Tell him he won the lottery. He'll be euphoric for ten minutes and then forget all about it.

 

[TD Ryan2 314]

Tell him he won the lottery. He'll be euphoric for ten minutes and then forget all about it.

[IGotWorms 3,315]

That's great that you had a chance to say your goodbyes. I missed my grandmother's passing by a few hours--was in the air going across the country when it happened. It was OK because she had a few of her daughters there and I know they had it covered, but it would've been hard otherwise.

 

[Mile High Drunk 13]

Besides the other good advice given here, I would have a hot stripper dancing in the background so when he remembers one conversation, it is yours.

[shotsup 832]

My old man of a died heart attack at 44 and I was sixteen. Never had the "last conversation" . Whatever it is please treasure it - I wish I had the chance

[Mungwater 588]

I talked to my dad the day before he died, we just talked about the cubs and whatnot, the next morning he said he didn't feel good and was dead by noon. Cancer.

 

Some part of me is glad I didn't know it would be the last time, some part is I wish I could tell him how much he meant to me, but he wouldn't want that sappy .

[BunnysBastatrds 1,918]

My dad is the greatest man I ever had the Privelage of knowing. I work with him and love him more than any human being on this earth. I can't stand the thought of him not being here.

 

I want to find my way to heaven before him so I can show him the ways he showed me.

[cyclone24 1,814]

Wrote a lot of stuff down last night.......pretty tough. Its silly and unrealistic....but part of me doesnt want to have a last talk with him because in some dumb way i feel like hed know its a goodbye and get scared at the gravity of his situation......but i know it has to be done.

 

Going to try and do it today if hes awake.

[TD Ryan2 314]

Wrote a lot of stuff down last night.......pretty tough. Its silly and unrealistic....but part of me doesnt want to have a last talk with him because in some dumb way i feel like hed know its a goodbye and get scared at the gravity of his situation......but i know it has to be done.

 

Going to try and do it today if hes awake.

then don't do it like that... sell it a bit and make it natural... whaddya' gonna' do, make it like some TV intervention where everyone pulls out a script?

Just talk with him - get it out there, and let him know you'll be back tomorrow to talk with him again - and the next day, and next, etc.

[IGotWorms 3,315]

Wrote a lot of stuff down last night.......pretty tough. Its silly and unrealistic....but part of me doesnt want to have a last talk with him because in some dumb way i feel like hed know its a goodbye and get scared at the gravity of his situation......but i know it has to be done.

 

Going to try and do it today if hes awake.

I'd think the best way to do it would be to say your goodbyes without overtly doing so. Be positive and leave him feeling nice and warm versus dwelling on the end

[NewbieJr 540]

Wrote a lot of stuff down last night.......pretty tough. Its silly and unrealistic....but part of me doesnt want to have a last talk with him because in some dumb way i feel like hed know its a goodbye and get scared at the gravity of his situation......but i know it has to be done.

 

Going to try and do it today if hes awake.

Don't talk as if you're saying goodbye. Just small talk. Reminisce. Talk about things he did with you when you were growing up. Slip in a few 'you were a great dad' and things like that. Tell him you always felt loved and give him the occasional hug and I love you.

[cyclone24 1,814]

Yeah i didnt mean that as in a "Hey thanks for everything, love you...im out".......its just...an "obvious" conversation....when you are talking about a lifetime of memories type thing.

[Bert 1,091]

Good luck. That damn alzheimers is the suck.

[29 Guests 29]

Good luck. Don't have any regrets.