Calling all Geeks: Looking for some parenting advice or suggestions...

[kutulu 1,561]

Background: kutulu has a seven year old daughter. kutulu recently took a part time job to pay down some debt....overnights, avg. 4 nights per week. well, baby girl kutulu isn't dealing with this change to well. Here's an email from Mrs. kutulu that may detail it better than I can:

 

Hi. You don't get the opportunity to witness Shannon's meltdowns but let me tell you they are severe. She's extremely upset by the change in schedule and having you work more and sleep when you're home. She was at first abusive toward me this morning screaming and saying awful things and kicking me and then it just turned into mournful crying saying she misses you. She cried all the way until she had to go to school. I sat in the rocking chair with her for about 20minutes and they crying was intermittent at that point with me distracting her talking about other things.

Can we find a way that you two have special time together each day? Maybe wake her in the morning to have breakfast together or some ritual before bed. She's very difficult to handle and I feel that this is more stressful for her than we realize. Need your help.

Mrs. kutulu

xo

 

Any Geek ideas out there that might help the situation? I plan on doing the suggestions above, but I think I need to bust out the big guns for this problem...she is usually a really happy go lucky kid, but she is a big time Daddy's girl.

 

TIA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh yeah, can size: mosquito bites

[KSB2424 3,087]

A new puppy

 

YWIA

 

[redtodd 7]

Learn better spending habits.

[hoytdwow 202]

A new puppy

 

YWIA

 

 

This sounds right, but make sure that when the puppy pees on the carpet that your wife yells at your daughter instead of you.

[patweisers44 710]

23865 posts times 60 seconds per post (estimated) = 397 3/4 hours. Just sayin....

 

Perhaps Mrs. Kutulu is overreacting to having to handle more of the workload at home. Her email sounds like the adult version of a meltdown.

 

I think you have the right ideas about spending more "special" time and that should help, and remember that kids are flexible and in time, can adapt to pretty much anything. Generally speaking its the adults in the world that make a bigger deal out of things. Dont overthink and dont overparent.

[kutulu 1,561]

Learn better spending habits.

 

 

That ship has sailed, but I will keep you in mind for any spilled milk messes in the future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, I took a big loss several years ago on a house sale that I was never able to recover from. Now I took the part time job to help my current financial situation, but thanks for assuming.

[crackattack 513]

23865 posts times 60 seconds per post (estimated) = 397 3/4 hours. Just sayin....

 

Perhaps Mrs. Kutulu is overreacting to having to handle more of the workload at home. Her email sounds like the adult version of a meltdown.

 

I think you have the right ideas about spending more "special" time and that should help, and remember that kids are flexible and in time, can adapt to pretty much anything. Generally speaking its the adults in the world that make a bigger deal out of things. Dont overthink and dont overparent.

 

 

Have you read Kutulu's posts, there is no way he spends 60 seconds a post, more like 15 seconds of this

[mujack 0]

I thought she missed her father. How are you spending time with her going to help?

 

 

 

 

~mujack

[kutulu 1,561]

I thought she missed her father. How are you spending time with her going to help?

~mujack

 

[hoytdwow 202]

Now I took the part time job to help my current financial situation

 

so you pissed away the family's savings at poker, eh?

 

 

A drug overdose is next. You don't have to do it now, but keep it in mind as the next step in your life. Or, you could become a raging alcoholic instead.

[GettnHuge 1]

violence

[kutulu 1,561]

so you pissed away the family's savings at poker, eh?

 

 

A drug overdose is next. You don't have to do it now, but keep it in mind as the next step in your life. Or, you could become a raging alcoholic instead.

 

Haven't been playing much and am still up. Most of my winnings have come from taking bonus money and building it up. Only deposited a couple hundred bucks over several years. Still up over 2K.

 

I am pretty good at managing my drug intake to avoid overdoses and I would say I am more of a functioning alcoholic, not a raging one.

[The Hood 9]

Your wife should have slapped that spoiled little cry-baby. It's all a ploy to get you to buy her more things...........who would actually want to spend more time with you?

 

 

 

But seriously some suggestions:

 

1. Instead of you working just have the wife go back to hooking at night. Solves everything.

 

2. Just spend more time with her when you can. I'd take the wife's suggestions and find something just for the 2 of you to do together. Maybe play a game or read a book or something before she goes to bed. Also explain that you miss her too but that kind of behavior is unacceptable and not fair to her mother.

[TheNewGirl 1,066]

Above all, I think what's more important, or rather EQUALLY important is that your duaghter REALLY needs to learn that her behavior towards your wife is unacceptable. She's seven. Meltdowns with kicking and screaming followed by hours of inconsolable crying are NOT good behaviors. Children need to respect BOTH parents, I don't care how much of a "Daddy's Girl" she is. She sounds like she's used this tactic in the past to get what she wants.

 

You and your wife need to sit down and address this TOGETHER, not through email.

 

You need to figure out on your days off what to do with the family. Your wife likely would like more time with you as well, not just your daughter. I would say that one week, ask your daughter to pick something for the family to do...go to the park, go for a bike ride, etc.

 

 

Aside from not seeing your fmaily, your daughter's behavior is bothersome. The email from your wife sounds like she'd prefer more help with the meltdown factor, rather than figuring out how to spend mroe time with the kids. JMO.

[kutulu 1,561]

Above all, I think what's more important, or rather EQUALLY important is that your duaghter REALLY needs to learn that her behavior towards your wife is unacceptable. She's seven. Meltdowns with kicking and screaming followed by hours of inconsolable crying are NOT good behaviors. Children need to respect BOTH parents, I don't care how much of a "Daddy's Girl" she is. She sounds like she's used this tactic in the past to get what she wants.

 

You and your wife need to sit down and address this TOGETHER, not through email.

 

You need to figure out on your days off what to do with the family. Your wife likely would like more time with you as well, not just your daughter. I would say that one week, ask your daughter to pick something for the family to do...go to the park, go for a bike ride, etc.

Aside from not seeing your fmaily, your daughter's behavior is bothersome. The email from your wife sounds like she'd prefer more help with the meltdown factor, rather than figuring out how to spend mroe time with the kids. JMO.

 

[KSB2424 3,087]

Above all, I think what's more important, or rather EQUALLY important is that your duaghter REALLY needs to learn that her behavior towards your wife is unacceptable. She's seven. Meltdowns with kicking and screaming followed by hours of inconsolable crying are NOT good behaviors. Children need to respect BOTH parents, I don't care how much of a "Daddy's Girl" she is. She sounds like she's used this tactic in the past to get what she wants.

 

You and your wife need to sit down and address this TOGETHER, not through email.

 

You need to figure out on your days off what to do with the family. Your wife likely would like more time with you as well, not just your daughter. I would say that one week, ask your daughter to pick something for the family to do...go to the park, go for a bike ride, etc.

Aside from not seeing your fmaily, your daughter's behavior is bothersome. The email from your wife sounds like she'd prefer more help with the meltdown factor, rather than figuring out how to spend mroe time with the kids. JMO.

I don't think you jumped to enough conclusions here. It is blatenly obvious from his post that kutulu's kid is completly messed up in the head and needs to be medicated. Somehow I can gather all of this insight by reading one email.

[kutulu 1,561]

It is blatenly obvious from his post that kutulu's kid is completly messed up in the head and needs to be medicated.

 

What do you suggest?

[phillybear 365]

Kill your family. Then kill yourself.

 

Redrum. Redrum. Redrum.

[lambert58 56]

Tough situation. When I divorced I made sure that I had one special thing to do with my son every week. We started building models together. This gave him something to look forward to during the week and gave us some one-on-one time together. We also talked by phone every night. I understand the need for working to pay bills so don't feel guilty about that but try to at least talk to your daughter every night or have a set plan for you 2 to do together every week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't worry but studies show that girls who feel abandoned by the father start focking at the age of 12

[KSB2424 3,087]

What do you suggest?

Cookie dough ice cream and Flinstone Vitamans.

 

Plus breakfast every morning with daddy

[redtodd 7]

I thought you have won millions playing poker. Why are you working?

[kutulu 1,561]

2. Just spend more time with her when you can. I'd take the wife's suggestions and find something just for the 2 of you to do together. Maybe play a game or read a book or something before she goes to bed. Also explain that you miss her too but that kind of behavior is unacceptable and not fair to her mother.

 

 

I was thinking I could just buy her something that would fix the problem. I would rather not put any real effort into it, if at all possible.

[surferskin 30]

xbox 360.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I have a buddy who is a cop and started up at law school at night. He is not around as much. So, once a week, he makes breakfast for his son, they talk and then he drives the kid to school. Not much time, but it sounds like a really good idea.

[kutulu 1,561]

I thought you have won millions playing poker. Why are you working?

 

Herion and prostitutes aren't free ya know.

[TheNewGirl 1,066]

I don't think you jumped to enough conclusions here. It is blatenly obvious from his post that kutulu's kid is completly messed up in the head and needs to be medicated. Somehow I can gather all of this insight by reading one email.

 

 

Just callin' it like I see it.

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

She was at first abusive toward me this morning screaming and saying awful things and kicking me and then it just turned into mournful crying saying she misses you.

 

I've got to agree with TNG here in one regard at least. I don't see how any parent could find this kind of behavior from their child tolerable.

 

Regardless of her missing you and even being angry about the sudden change of not having you around as often... her being physically and verbally abusive to her mother as a result is troubling.

[kutulu 1,561]

The funny thing is I really am not spending that much less time with her....what is most upsetting to her the most is that I am not home when she is sleeping. I am there when she goes to bed and home before she wakes up.

[TheNewGirl 1,066]

The funny thing is I really am not spending that much less time with her....what is most upsetting to her the most is that I am not home when she is sleeping. I am thwere when she goes to bed and home before she wakes up.

 

 

Then it's really not about you not seeing her, is it?

[FSW Mephisto 0]

It's about behavior modification. At 7-years old, tantrums such as this should be addressed strongly... first, by informing her that she will be ignored until she gets control of herself and can talk like a reasonable human being about what is bothering her. If it doesn't stop, add to it - punishment of some sort.

 

For as long as my kids have been able to understand language, that has been my approach. There are no long tantrums, screaming situations, or anything disrespectful in that regard. Once they understand that you WILL listen to disappointment, anger, upset when it is conveyed in a reasonable tone - that's how they will speak to you. That doesn't mean they won't start to appear to be "going off" - but it is easily stymied by telling them, calmly, "...I will only listen to you if you can speak to me in a normal voice..." and they get themselves together and tell me what is wrong.

[kutulu 1,561]

It's about behavior modification. At 7-years old, tantrums such as this should be addressed strongly... first, by informing her that she will be ignored until she gets control of herself and can talk like a reasonable human being about what is bothering her. If it doesn't stop, add to it - punishment of some sort.

 

For as long as my kids have been able to understand language, that has been my approach. There are no long tantrums, screaming situations, or anything disrespectful in that regard. Once they understand that you WILL listen to disappointment, anger, upset when it is conveyed in a reasonable tone - that's how they will speak to you. That doesn't mean they won't start to appear to be "going off" - but it is easily stymied by telling them, calmly, "...I will only listen to you if you can speak to me in a normal voice..." and they get themselves together and tell me what is wrong.

 

Would you suggest taking her door off the hinges?

[TommyGavin 790]

I work nights and dont go to bed (or at least pass out) before 4AM (usually 5AM) but I still wake up to have breakfast with the younger boys and take them to the bus stop.

I'm happy I'm not there at night to put them to bed. Thats my wifes full time job.

[Isotopes 1]

Sounds like she has too much time and energy. Get her a job at an underground sweatshop. The money she brings in will also allow you to quit your job. Win-Win-Win

[TheNewGirl 1,066]

It's about behavior modification. At 7-years old, tantrums such as this should be addressed strongly... first, by informing her that she will be ignored until she gets control of herself and can talk like a reasonable human being about what is bothering her. If it doesn't stop, add to it - punishment of some sort.

 

For as long as my kids have been able to understand language, that has been my approach. There are no long tantrums, screaming situations, or anything disrespectful in that regard. Once they understand that you WILL listen to disappointment, anger, upset when it is conveyed in a reasonable tone - that's how they will speak to you. That doesn't mean they won't start to appear to be "going off" - but it is easily stymied by telling them, calmly, "...I will only listen to you if you can speak to me in a normal voice..." and they get themselves together and tell me what is wrong.

 

 

This is exactly what I do with my children as well. It works wonderfully, and cuts WAY back on the crying and tantrums.

[kutulu 1,561]

Then it's really not about you not seeing her, is it?

 

You may be right. It must be about something totally unrelated.

[wiffleball 4,679]

I'm not about to read this whole thread, but: Has anybody talked to you about the fact that your wife has to send you emails to discuss your own child?

[mujack 0]

You may be right. It must be about something totally unrelated.

 

It's about your kid being a brat and needing to be put into her place.

 

 

 

~mujack

[jerryskids 5,393]

You may be right. It must be about something totally unrelated.

Your all over the map in this thread, kutulu. From the initial email it sounds like you are sleeping during the day/early evening some while your daughter is home. Maybe she can tuck you in, read you a story? My 6 yr old would get a kick out of that.

 

Also the breakfast thing sounds good.

 

Also also I agree with meph and tng: your wife, and perhaps you, need to learn how to parent your kid.

[Franknbeans 46]

I work nights and dont go to bed (or at least pass out) before 4AM (usually 5AM) but I still wake up to have breakfast with the younger boys and take them to the bus stop.

I hope your're talking about your kids

[kutulu 1,561]

I'm not about to read this whole thread, but: Has anybody talked to you about the fact that your wife has to send you emails to discuss your own child?

 

 

I'm very busy playing online poker and ignoring my kids...HTH.