My story

[jets24 6]

I feel like talking about my life growing up for some reason, so I will here for a little bit. Feel free to not read. I think it's fairly interesting but perhaps not.

 

I grew up in a nice area in central New Jersey. Catholic School from K-8 and then public high school. The youngest of four boys, I feel very blessed to have grown up in the area that I did and my brothers are all decent guys and I am very close with the next oldest. We play golf together every few weeks and he's pretty much my best friend. My mother and father were very big drinkers, my mother being a problem drinker. She was a very nice, caring woman but a bit stern. When I was about 10, she began to really drink hard every night and my dad was a traveling CPA and usually home only on weekends. (It's funny, I never really thought about that until now. He really wasn't around much during the work week) At some point, my mom started drinking and not stopping for days, sometimes weeks at a time. She would just be awake, drinking and then trying to sleep. Usually always in her room with the door locked. Most nights she would sit and scream out things like "Jesus, Mary and Joseph help me". I mean she would say that like non-stop all night long. I'm not making that up and when I mean all night, I mean all night for days and days. My next oldest brother would sit and beg her to shut up and let us sleep but she just didnt stop. Or she would call my name and ask me to come in and brush her hair. Her room was always so freaking cold from the air conditioner in the windor. (Wow...haven't thought of that either in 20 years or so) When I was 12, she called my name so loud that I had to go in there. She had dropped a lit cigarette (3 packs a day) and she couldn't find it. I looked and couldn't find it either. An hour later, I smell smoke and go in and her bed is on fire. I try waking her and she won't wake up. She is passed out and I am shaking her. She finally wakes up and says "let me die" I'm screaming for her to get up and at 12 years old, I am not strong enough to move her. So, I am running back and forth like a comic book character, filling up the Rite Guard cap to her hairspray with water and throwing it on the flames. After like 15-20 trips like this, I finally get this thing out. All the while, my mom asking me to leave her there and let her die. She wasn't hurt or anything.

 

When I was 14, my best friend and I decided to run for student council, he going for president and me for vice president. He had a very difficult life with Cystic Fibrosis his entire life. When I came over to his house with the campaign signs I had made, he told me that I need to change it to me for President because the doctor was just at his house and told him that he a few weeks to live. Steven died about a week later. He was my best friend since first grade. My dad was away and on the day of the funeral, I go to get my mom to take me and she is passed out and stayed that way for a week that time. I had to get a ride to the funeral and be alone in the church, etc. I'm honestly not complaining or asking to feel sorry because I don't think it affected me that much but it does show what my life was like. I had to do two of the readings at church at 14 and I remember feeling very alone after the service, even though I was blessed with good friends and their parents, etc.

 

Fast forward to me being 17, the night before Halloween, I came home to see my dad in the kitchen. He said he wasn't feeling well and that he had some gas. he was in the kitchen just kind of rubbing his chest. I went to bed. When I woke up, he was kind of in the same condition, saying that he wasn't feeling well and in the same area. I didn't pay enough attention for sure. My first love in my life and I got dressed up as husband and wife for school (I know...I know) and we went to my place of work after school dressed like that and when I got there, I was told that my brother called looking for me and I was to get to the hospital right away. We drove so freaking fast but I got there too late. My father had passed from a heart attack. He was a really good man with a kind heart. I wish I had known him better. He was a good father to me and tried his best to spend time with me for sports on weekends, etc. I was the best athlete in the family and he loved coming to my games. It was one of the saddest day in my life. He's been gone 29 years and I feel like I barely remember him.

 

This was like a death sentence for my mother. It was her only love and they were married like 30 years, so we worried that she wouldn't be srong enough to hang in there. She made it clear one day to my brothers and I that "I'm not long for this world". She really was a good woman who really battled with alcohol. She missed my graduation in June six months later because of her drinking. The following month, she went off on a binge again for at least three days and locked her door. I had to get in there one afternoon to get some money to take my girl to the movies and I picked the lock. As I opened the door, the smell overtook me. There she was, lying on the floor with a puddle of blood next to her head. I remember calling my girlfriend's mother before 911 and I don't know why. Was 911 even a thing in 1985? Maybe I just called the police station. Anyhow, the cops came and the captain (friend of the family) says "Obviously, I don't need to tell you that your mom has expired". Actually, he did because I just didn't even consider that she had died for some reason. Not sure what I was thinking but my dad had just died in October, so there was no way I was losing both parents at 17. Well, I did. Not sure of the final cause of death but basically, she had drank herself to death.

 

It was a struggle for me for about a year. I tried to go to college but didn't have enough money and even if I did, I don't know that I would have stayed. I was partying and just existing. I'm gonna end it there but needless to say, I had great brothers and friends who got me through and mostly, my faith kept me strong. It still does. I am 46 now and I am still married and my son just finished his first year at NYU in the Tisch School for the Arts. (Dramatic Writing) So, life is good. It was very cathartic to write that. If you made it all the way to the end, thanks for listening.

[Mungwater 597]

Rub some dirt on it..

 

Jk, good job with your kid, that's all that really matters

[jets24 6]

Rub some dirt on it..

 

Jk, good job with your kid, that's all that really matters

Nice thing to say. I agree. Thanks.

[OldMaid 2,130]

Cliff notes? Too many werds...

[IGotWorms 4,058]

Jesus man. Sorry to hear about all that.

 

Kudos to you though for being a good father to your son despite having had a tough childhood yourself

[MedStudent 56]

Damn, sorry about tough childhood. You did good by your son and should be proud for turning out to be a decent guy when you could have easily taken the same route as your mother.

[kutulu 1,676]

That sucks donkey balls dude

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you ever get out of Jersey?

[mobb_deep 920]

Couldn't you have let the sick kid be president for a week?

[wiffleball 4,790]

I read the whole thing as a tribute to you since I know you. That's an awful story, but a testament to you and the man that you've become. I'm proud of you. You're a good man. And, at our age, that's the best you can ask to be known for / remembered as.

 

GB you and your family. Some of the best men I know (Including Mung) lost their relatives too early, and ended up being some of the best men I've been blessed to know.

 

I am so impressed I won't even ask your Mom's can size.

 

But dont' get used to that.

 

'Cause that's NOT how we roll here.

[BunnysBastatrds 2,436]

 

I feel like talking about my life growing up for some reason, so I will here for a little bit. Feel free to not read. I think it's fairly interesting but perhaps not.

 

I grew up in a nice area in central New Jersey. Catholic School from K-8 and then public high school. The youngest of four boys, I feel very blessed to have grown up in the area that I did and my brothers are all decent guys and I am very close with the next oldest. We play golf together every few weeks and he's pretty much my best friend. My mother and father were very big drinkers, my mother being a problem drinker. She was a very nice, caring woman but a bit stern. When I was about 10, she began to really drink hard every night and my dad was a traveling CPA and usually home only on weekends. (It's funny, I never really thought about that until now. He really wasn't around much during the work week) At some point, my mom started drinking and not stopping for days, sometimes weeks at a time. She would just be awake, drinking and then trying to sleep. Usually always in her room with the door locked. Most nights she would sit and scream out things like "Jesus, Mary and Joseph help me". I mean she would say that like non-stop all night long. I'm not making that up and when I mean all night, I mean all night for days and days. My next oldest brother would sit and beg her to shut up and let us sleep but she just didnt stop. Or she would call my name and ask me to come in and brush her hair. Her room was always so freaking cold from the air conditioner in the windor. (Wow...haven't thought of that either in 20 years or so) When I was 12, she called my name so loud that I had to go in there. She had dropped a lit cigarette (3 packs a day) and she couldn't find it. I looked and couldn't find it either. An hour later, I smell smoke and go in and her bed is on fire. I try waking her and she won't wake up. She is passed out and I am shaking her. She finally wakes up and says "let me die" I'm screaming for her to get up and at 12 years old, I am not strong enough to move her. So, I am running back and forth like a comic book character, filling up the Rite Guard cap to her hairspray with water and throwing it on the flames. After like 15-20 trips like this, I finally get this thing out. All the while, my mom asking me to leave her there and let her die. She wasn't hurt or anything.

 

When I was 14, my best friend and I decided to run for student council, he going for president and me for vice president. He had a very difficult life with Cystic Fibrosis his entire life. When I came over to his house with the campaign signs I had made, he told me that I need to change it to me for President because the doctor was just at his house and told him that he a few weeks to live. Steven died about a week later. He was my best friend since first grade. My dad was away and on the day of the funeral, I go to get my mom to take me and she is passed out and stayed that way for a week that time. I had to get a ride to the funeral and be alone in the church, etc. I'm honestly not complaining or asking to feel sorry because I don't think it affected me that much but it does show what my life was like. I had to do two of the readings at church at 14 and I remember feeling very alone after the service, even though I was blessed with good friends and their parents, etc.

 

Fast forward to me being 17, the night before Halloween, I came home to see my dad in the kitchen. He said he wasn't feeling well and that he had some gas. he was in the kitchen just kind of rubbing his chest. I went to bed. When I woke up, he was kind of in the same condition, saying that he wasn't feeling well and in the same area. I didn't pay enough attention for sure. My first love in my life and I got dressed up as husband and wife for school (I know...I know) and we went to my place of work after school dressed like that and when I got there, I was told that my brother called looking for me and I was to get to the hospital right away. We drove so freaking fast but I got there too late. My father had passed from a heart attack. He was a really good man with a kind heart. I wish I had known him better. He was a good father to me and tried his best to spend time with me for sports on weekends, etc. I was the best athlete in the family and he loved coming to my games. It was one of the saddest day in my life. He's been gone 29 years and I feel like I barely remember him.

 

This was like a death sentence for my mother. It was her only love and they were married like 30 years, so we worried that she wouldn't be srong enough to hang in there. She made it clear one day to my brothers and I that "I'm not long for this world". She really was a good woman who really battled with alcohol. She missed my graduation in June six months later because of her drinking. The following month, she went off on a binge again for at least three days and locked her door. I had to get in there one afternoon to get some money to take my girl to the movies and I picked the lock. As I opened the door, the smell overtook me. There she was, lying on the floor with a puddle of blood next to her head. I remember calling my girlfriend's mother before 911 and I don't know why. Was 911 even a thing in 1985? Maybe I just called the police station. Anyhow, the cops came and the captain (friend of the family) says "Obviously, I don't need to tell you that your mom has expired". Actually, he did because I just didn't even consider that she had died for some reason. Not sure what I was thinking but my dad had just died in October, so there was no way I was losing both parents at 17. Well, I did. Not sure of the final cause of death but basically, she had drank herself to death.

 

It was a struggle for me for about a year. I tried to go to college but didn't have enough money and even if I did, I don't know that I would have stayed. I was partying and just existing. I'm gonna end it there but needless to say, I had great brothers and friends who got me through and mostly, my faith kept me strong. It still does. I am 46 now and I am still married and my son just finished his first year at NYU in the Tisch School for the Arts. (Dramatic Writing) So, life is good. It was very cathartic to write that. If you made it all the way to the end, thanks for listening.

 

 

 

It was very cathartic to write that. If you made it all the way to the end, thanks for listening."

 

 

I have been there my brother. I'm sorry you have also. Watching my mom die is the saddest thing I have ever witnessed. I know.

[jets24 6]

I read the whole thing as a tribute to you since I know you. That's an awful story, but a testament to you and the man that you've become. I'm proud of you. You're a good man. And, at our age, that's the best you can ask to be known for / remembered as.

 

GB you and your family. Some of the best men I know (Including Mung) lost their relatives too early, and ended up being some of the best men I've been blessed to know.

 

I am so impressed I won't even ask your Mom's can size.

 

But dont' get used to that.

 

'Cause that's NOT how we roll here.

I really appreciate that Wiffle. Too funny about mom's can size. I forgot to mention that it was breast cancer thta really put her over the edge with the drinking and that she had one of them removed. (I kid you not) Your words mean more than you know. Thanks man.

[jets24 6]

That sucks donkey balls dude

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you ever get out of Jersey?

Nope!

[jets24 6]

Damn, sorry about tough childhood. You did good by your son and should be proud for turning out to be a decent guy when you could have easily taken the same route as your mother.

Thanks so much Med. Very nice of you.

[jets24 6]

Cliff notes? Too many werds...

Me young. Mommy drinky. Daddy busy. Best friend die. Daddy die. Mommy die. Me sad.

[Bill E. 703]

Wow, that had to be tougher than you let on. Good that you got out of it without being a drinker yourself.

[jets24 6]

Wow, that had to be tougher than you let on. Good that you got out of it without being a drinker yourself.

Thanks Bill. It was definitely tough at times. Having said that, there are always people who have it tougher. I drink my fair share too but nothing like that.

[wiffleball 4,790]

Me young. Mommy drinky. Daddy busy. Best friend die. Daddy die. Mommy die. Me sad.

He totally left out the part about his Mom being a Vampire (aren't they all) and Dad being a Werewolf. Either that, or I was streaming 'Twighlight' while reading the thread. Still, that would suck. Literally.

[jets24 6]

He totally left out the part about his Mom being a Vampire (aren't they all) and Dad being a Werewolf. Either that, or I was streaming 'Twighlight' while reading the thread. Still, that would suck. Literally.

That's why my dad could never drink Coors Light. (Silver Bullet)

[drobeski 3,061]

Wow, and you had to be a jets fan ?

[TimmySmith 2,782]

You ever go to Al-anon?

[Old School 360]

You should be proud you raised your son and provided a stable life for him.

 

My childhood was not an easy road either- kudos to you for creating a better life. I'm trying to do the same for my new family.

[tikigods 76]

I remember reading a while ago about your problems with your marriage. Even though you're a dbag Jets fan, I applaud you for this story. I also get a kick out of you ripping on that dooshnozzle, GFIAFP.

[GettnHuge 2]

way to one up Fibrosis kid yet again, jerk

[jerryskids 6,790]

Great story, thanks for sharing. Like others, I saw a little of me in there. Not the mom drinking problems, but my dad died of cancer 10 days after I graduated HS.

 

It was more of a feeling of "it was what it was," doing what you had to do and dealing with what you had to deal with. It wasn't bad or good, it just... was.

[jets24 6]

Great story, thanks for sharing. Like others, I saw a little of me in there. Not the mom drinking problems, but my dad died of cancer 10 days after I graduated HS.

 

It was more of a feeling of "it was what it was," doing what you had to do and dealing with what you had to deal with. It wasn't bad or good, it just... was.

That's exactly what if felt like..."it just was". You do what you have to do. Sorry to hear about your dad. That's way too young.

[jets24 6]

You ever go to Al-anon?

Yes. Just once with my dad and one of my brothers years ago. I think those groups have a lot to offer but it just didn't fit into my life. My close brother is a recovering alcoholic and in order to be able to see him when he was in rehab, I had to attend some meetings as well.

[jets24 6]

You should be proud you raised your son and provided a stable life for him.

 

My childhood was not an easy road either- kudos to you for creating a better life. I'm trying to do the same for my new family.

Thanks very much. Good luck with your new family. You can absolutely do it. Fortitude will get you through.

[JT 137]

Sounds like you've had more than your fair share to deal with.

 

Lost both my parents in the last 8 years, but as an adult. Can't imagine the impact of being without them since that tender age.

 

Kudos on persevering and not allowing a very rough start dictate what the rest of your life was going to be.

[BiPolarBear 485]

Cliff notes? Too many werds...

 

You're right. Exactly five too many.

[JT 137]

Cliff notes? Too many werds...

 

Here's some "cliff" notes for ya.

 

Throughout their history they have been entitled Cliff'sNotes and CliffsNotes. Never Cliff Notes.

[jets24 6]

 

Here's some "cliff" notes for ya.

 

Throughout their history they have been entitled Cliff'sNotes and CliffsNotes. Never Cliff Notes.

One of my pet peeves as well.

[wiffleball 4,790]

If there is one quote that has stuck with me throughout my ordeal - which pales in comparison to yours, Jets, it is this:

 

"Hardship doesn't define character. It reveals it."

 

 

Knowing what I know about you, Mung and others, I'll go to my grave believing that.

[jets24 6]

If there is one quote that has stuck with me throughout my ordeal - which pales in comparison to yours, Jets, it is this:

 

"Hardship doesn't define character. It reveals it."

 

 

Knowing what I know about you, Mung and others, I'll go to my grave believing that.

That is a great quote. I know it's a popular saying but I really believe "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Can I ask what your ordeal was? It's ok if you don't want to talk about it. I don't think I remember it.

[Voltaire 5,315]

Hey, I'm supposed the resident Geek with the hard luck childhood story, get your own shtick. Especially since my story is even worse.

 

This is Jets' thread so I'm not going to retell my own story here, most of you already know it. If I dwell too much on what happened and how I tried to keep to the straight and narrow, the lack of guidance and the boneheaded blunders along the way, I'd depress myself. When I revisit my childhood, there's not a lot of happy memories. But to make my point, I will talk about me extensively. So apologies to jets.

 

I think though, I've always kept this chip on my shoulder from the deprivations of my childhood up through today. A lot of bad things happened to me and in each instance the solution was the same: I lost, I had no recourse, I had to suck it up. And I was pretty angry about it, but that anger in turn drove and sustained me as well. I can't undo the problems I had a a kid and I never could afford the psychological counseling that I probably needed. I have to depend on me, find strength in me. I'm the only one who can overcome my own hardships. In that I've both failed and succeeded so some degree.

 

Wordsworth has a famous line "The Child is Father to the Man." That hit me a a universal truth more than any other line of poetry. We grow out of whatever it we dealt with as children to become the adults that we become. I was a brilliant kid with a ton of potential and it all went to sh*t. There's no safety net and no doors that open for you when you're poor. Nobody gives a sh*t and there's no guidance either. You just make it up as you go.

 

 

I finally caught a break, found the right door at 30. Finally able to start a family at 35. Now the anger I built up is gone and dissipating. I channel it into positives. I obsess about my kids' education with homeschooling and providing them things and opportunities that I never had. They're not going to fock up the way I did. They won't have the opportunity to. I didn't dilute the brainiac gene too much in choosing their mother. The worst thing that can happen to them is they wind up doing what I do for a living ... which isn't so bad. I like what I do.

 

The point being- life gives you hardships, some get hit worse than others. I think my childhood was miserable and sh*tty but then my MiL endured famine and starvation and no schooling and 30 years of Mao. The burdens we carry are our own. We can either let them overwhelm us or we can overcome them. And I see Jets as a fellow survivor.

[jets24 6]

Hey, I'm supposed the resident Geek with the hard luck childhood story, get your own shtick. Especially since my story is even worse.

 

This is Jets' thread so I'm not going to retell my own story here, most of you already know it. If I dwell too much on what happened and how I tried to keep to the straight and narrow, the lack of guidance and the boneheaded blunders along the way, I'd depress myself. When I revisit my childhood, there's not a lot of happy memories. But to make my point, I will talk about me extensively. So apologies to jets.

 

I think though, I've always kept this chip on my shoulder from the deprivations of my childhood up through today. A lot of bad things happened to me and in each instance the solution was the same: I lost, I had no recourse, I had to suck it up. And I was pretty angry about it, but that anger in turn drove and sustained me as well. I can't undo the problems I had a a kid and I never could afford the psychological counseling that I probably needed. I have to depend on me, find strength in me. I'm the only one who can overcome my own hardships. In that I've both failed and succeeded so some degree.

 

Wordsworth has a famous line "The Child is Father to the Man." That hit me a a universal truth more than any other line of poetry. We grow out of whatever it we dealt with as children to become the adults that we become. I was a brilliant kid with a ton of potential and it all went to sh*t. There's no safety net and no doors that open for you when you're poor. Nobody gives a sh*t and there's no guidance either. You just make it up as you go.

 

 

I finally caught a break, found the right door at 30. Finally able to start a family at 35. Now the anger I built up is gone and dissipating. I channel it into positives. I obsess about my kids' education with homeschooling and providing them things and opportunities that I never had. They're not going to fock up the way I did. They won't have the opportunity to. I didn't dilute the brainiac gene too much in choosing their mother. The worst thing that can happen to them is they wind up doing what I do for a living ... which isn't so bad. I like what I do.

 

The point being- life gives you hardships, some get hit worse than others. I think my childhood was miserable and sh*tty but then my MiL endured famine and starvation and no schooling and 30 years of Mao. The burdens we carry are our own. We can either let them overwhelm us or we can overcome them. And I see Jets as a fellow survivor.

Sorry to hear that Voltaire. Sounds like you had it pretty difficult.