So...I went to the Dr. yesterday....have been feeling pretty run down lately

[penultimatestraw 473]

 

Not sure why this is necessary, they're obviously in love. In fact, BLS's heart skips adds a beat every time he's with her.

Corrected for medical accuracy.

[penultimatestraw 473]

 

Small C's.

No Anal.

 

 

EDITED FOR CLARITY:

Her response last night when I brought up the fact she commented that she's worried about money if I were to die:

"You took it the wrong way."

Bad response. She is blaming you for her selfish, thoughtless comments. I'd look for another PYT after you straighten out these PVCs.

[jerryskids 5,206]

Bad response. She is blaming you for her selfish, thoughtless comments. I'd look for another PYT after you straighten out these PVCs.

No kidding. Hopefully he asked what was wrong about the way he took it.

[penultimatestraw 473]

No kidding. Hopefully he asked what was wrong about the way he took it.

Nah, I think this is a situation where you grin and bear it while preparing an exit strategy. Obviously she lacks the insight or humility to accept she fvcked up.

[Bill E. 666]

Man I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Hope all goes well Tuesday.

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

Here's the play. You go take out a life insurance policy. But make her sister or best friend the beneficiary. Then watch from the afterlife as her life goes boom.

 

Seriously bro. T&Ps man.

[naomi 343]

BLS...hopefully you won't mind this but I'm going to hit penny up for insight in a somewhat similar situation (just let me know...)

 

My dad has been sounding winded for the last few months (slowly became more overt) during times of non-exertion. Bending over to tie his shoe, laying in bed, simply walking several feet. He can go on a brisk walk and actually sound fine sometimes, but he'll seem particularly winded others. The attention grabbing times are all the low actively level occasions though. Sometimes it's really overt to the point its ridiculous: all he did was tie his shoe and he sounds like he just finished a run. His lungs were x-rayed...looks good. He was given an EKG and it looked normal. My mom and I pressed him to make an appointment for explicitly bringing up the breathing thing and the doc had him do a pulmonary function test. No weaknesses identified. He's 66, 210 lb, 6'1" and takes BP meds. We're thinking he should probably have some type of cardiac test (impetus? also his doc is unfamiliar with bendopnea). He said to just let him know if anything else comes up because he can't think of what's causing it. It's disconcerting because several months ago we didn't stop and think "geez that's really odd you're so out of breath" and that happens frequently now.

[penultimatestraw 473]

BLS...hopefully you won't mind this but I'm going to hit penny up for insight in a somewhat similar situation (just let me know...)

 

My dad has been sounding winded for the last few months (slowly became more overt) during times of non-exertion. Bending over to tie his shoe, laying in bed, simply walking several feet. He can go on a brisk walk and actually sound fine sometimes, but he'll seem particularly winded others. The attention grabbing times are all the low actively level occasions though. Sometimes it's really overt to the point its ridiculous: all he did was tie his shoe and he sounds like he just finished a run. His lungs were x-rayed...looks good. He was given an EKG and it looked normal. My mom and I pressed him to make an appointment for explicitly bringing up the breathing thing and the doc had him do a pulmonary function test. No weaknesses identified. He's 66, 210 lb, 6'1" and takes BP meds. We're thinking he should probably have some type of cardiac test (impetus? also his doc is unfamiliar with bendopnea). He said to just let him know if anything else comes up because he can't think of what's causing it. It's disconcerting because several months ago we didn't stop and think "geez that's really odd you're so out of breath" and that happens frequently now.

Too many possibilities to list, or formulate an intelligent differential diagnosis. Some important symptoms which would point to cardiac versus pulmonary cause: worse symptoms with exertion, chest pain or pressure, shortness of breath while lying flat, waking up gasping for air and swelling of his lower extremities. With negative x ray and pulmonary function tests it is less likely to be his lungs, but not impossible. A normal EKG doesn't exclude cardiac disease either. He probably needs an echocardiogram and/or stress test. If those are negative, maybe a chest CT.

 

Also I'm curious for an update from BLS.

[BLS 313]

Dr. Appt yesterday. Dr. Kasmeesh Pullarji (I'll give you one guess) asked me some questions, listened to my heart and says "You should eat better, quit smoking and exercise on a regular basis".

 

I'm like "ok, dude".

 

I'm going back for an ultrasound to make (them a bunch of money I'll pay out of pocket) sure there are no valve/chamber issues.

 

So...it doesn't SOUND like I have a major problem. But I won't know.

 

The woman?

 

It's falling apart. We're fighting about everything now.

Having her work for me really blurs the lines between professionalism and business.

 

Now she's telling me things she's not going to do anymore. I suspect that is her only leverage on me, therefore she's grasping for anything she can control.

 

We had a couple of good months recently and I figured it was one of those things where if I just keep working on it, it'll work out.

But alas, she continues to say and do things that just make me scratch my head.

 

I'm certain part of my relationship problems are me. I'm a perfectionist, and I'm very hard to please when it comes to work.

I expect people to actually THINK at their job.

 

Thing is, I love the woman. She's good with people, but when she's drinking she's annoying to me. Says and does stupid sh1t.

Which I guess is the reason why people drink. I don't know. I feel like everyone is looking at her thinking "OMG...this broad tells the worst stories and won't shut up".

 

She's immature and has absolutely NO life goals. When we first started dating she told me "I feel like I'm stuck in neutral. I'm not going anywhere".

But her life before I met her was working at dead end jobs, waking up a 6:45am, throwing on a tshirt (no shower, mind you...) and racing to work.

Come home, make cocktail, get high. Repeat. No goals, no money, no aspirations.

 

But she's smart, and she's capable of a lot more, and I've been trying to really support her to help her understand she doesn't have to be that way.

She's just a little kid emotionally though. It's sad and I feel for her because I was there myself until I recently got my act together.

I had little confidence and didn't really know what I was capable of until I actually did it.

 

I told her last summer that I wouldn't marry a pothead. She said "if you make me quit, I'll just hide it from you".

I told her "I'll leave you if you don't quit." She went back to "I'll just hide it from you".

 

I was floored. WTF?

 

I'm realizing she's just emotionally immature. And it sucks because like I said, she is smart. She's very capable.

But some days it's literally like dealing with a 10 yo.

 

I'm considering telling her we need to go to counseling; and hoping that will get her to address some of her issues.

She's clearly got some childhood scarring, but she absolutely REFUSES to even acknowledge that she's got underlying issues that need to be dealt with.

 

Then the other part of me says "you dumbfuck...run!"

[Hardcore troubadour 12,657]

Are you planning on having kids?

[penultimatestraw 473]

Dr. Appt yesterday. Dr. Kasmeesh Pullarji (I'll give you one guess) asked me some questions, listened to my heart and says "You should eat better, quit smoking and exercise on a regular basis".

 

I'm like "ok, dude".

 

I'm going back for an ultrasound to make (them a bunch of money I'll pay out of pocket) sure there are no valve/chamber issues.

 

So...it doesn't SOUND like I have a major problem. But I won't know.

 

The woman?

 

It's falling apart. We're fighting about everything now.

Having her work for me really blurs the lines between professionalism and business.

 

Now she's telling me things she's not going to do anymore. I suspect that is her only leverage on me, therefore she's grasping for anything she can control.

 

We had a couple of good months recently and I figured it was one of those things where if I just keep working on it, it'll work out.

But alas, she continues to say and do things that just make me scratch my head.

 

I'm certain part of my relationship problems are me. I'm a perfectionist, and I'm very hard to please when it comes to work.

I expect people to actually THINK at their job.

 

Thing is, I love the woman. She's good with people, but when she's drinking she's annoying to me. Says and does stupid sh1t.

Which I guess is the reason why people drink. I don't know. I feel like everyone is looking at her thinking "OMG...this broad tells the worst stories and won't shut up".

 

She's immature and has absolutely NO life goals. When we first started dating she told me "I feel like I'm stuck in neutral. I'm not going anywhere".

But her life before I met her was working at dead end jobs, waking up a 6:45am, throwing on a tshirt (no shower, mind you...) and racing to work.

Come home, make cocktail, get high. Repeat. No goals, no money, no aspirations.

 

But she's smart, and she's capable of a lot more, and I've been trying to really support her to help her understand she doesn't have to be that way.

She's just a little kid emotionally though. It's sad and I feel for her because I was there myself until I recently got my act together.

I had little confidence and didn't really know what I was capable of until I actually did it.

 

I told her last summer that I wouldn't marry a pothead. She said "if you make me quit, I'll just hide it from you".

I told her "I'll leave you if you don't quit." She went back to "I'll just hide it from you".

 

I was floored. WTF?

 

I'm realizing she's just emotionally immature. And it sucks because like I said, she is smart. She's very capable.

But some days it's literally like dealing with a 10 yo.

 

I'm considering telling her we need to go to counseling; and hoping that will get her to address some of her issues.

She's clearly got some childhood scarring, but she absolutely REFUSES to even acknowledge that she's got underlying issues that need to be dealt with.

 

Then the other part of me says "you dumbfuck...run!"

That sounds like a lot of relationship red flags, but at least the cardiologist thought your heart sounded OK. The Echo is the key test though.

[BLS 313]

Are you planning on having kids?

 

I really want to, and at first she was very much against it, but she's been coming around to the idea.

But as things have been lately....shoot. I'm not even entertaining the idea.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,657]

 

I really want to, and at first she was very much against it, but she's been coming around to the idea.

But as things have been lately....shoot. I'm not even entertaining the idea.

My advice is if you're not going to start a family with her let it go.

[BLS 313]

My advice is if you're not going to start a family with her let it go.

 

Advice is always appreciated, but you'd need to elaborate on why you say that.

[TheNewGirl 1,031]

I never understood the "counseling before marriage." Especially if yuo're still planning the wedding.

 

She said she'd hide things from you, which includes using drugs. Yeah, it's pot, but really?

 

Sounds like she needed 'saving" and you're the one who figured you ccould do it.

 

I'd probably extend out that wedding, and re-think my options.

 

 

That said, hearing that someone is dealing with a potentially life threatening thing can be scary...but my first thought aobut losing my husband is not seeing him everyday and how much I'd miss him. Then the financial things come to mind because we have a house and kids and bills. But seriously, my first thought is how it's going to hurt to not have my BFF there all the time.

[Mookz 1,287]

Dr. Appt yesterday. Dr. Kasmeesh Pullarji (I'll give you one guess) asked me some questions, listened to my heart and says "You should eat better, quit smoking and exercise on a regular basis".

 

I'm like "ok, dude".

 

I'm going back for an ultrasound to make (them a bunch of money I'll pay out of pocket) sure there are no valve/chamber issues.

 

So...it doesn't SOUND like I have a major problem. But I won't know.

 

The woman?

 

It's falling apart. We're fighting about everything now.

Having her work for me really blurs the lines between professionalism and business.

 

Now she's telling me things she's not going to do anymore. I suspect that is her only leverage on me, therefore she's grasping for anything she can control.

 

We had a couple of good months recently and I figured it was one of those things where if I just keep working on it, it'll work out.

But alas, she continues to say and do things that just make me scratch my head.

 

I'm certain part of my relationship problems are me. I'm a perfectionist, and I'm very hard to please when it comes to work.

I expect people to actually THINK at their job.

 

Thing is, I love the woman. She's good with people, but when she's drinking she's annoying to me. Says and does stupid sh1t.

Which I guess is the reason why people drink. I don't know. I feel like everyone is looking at her thinking "OMG...this broad tells the worst stories and won't shut up".

 

She's immature and has absolutely NO life goals. When we first started dating she told me "I feel like I'm stuck in neutral. I'm not going anywhere".

But her life before I met her was working at dead end jobs, waking up a 6:45am, throwing on a tshirt (no shower, mind you...) and racing to work.

Come home, make cocktail, get high. Repeat. No goals, no money, no aspirations.

 

But she's smart, and she's capable of a lot more, and I've been trying to really support her to help her understand she doesn't have to be that way.

She's just a little kid emotionally though. It's sad and I feel for her because I was there myself until I recently got my act together.

I had little confidence and didn't really know what I was capable of until I actually did it.

 

I told her last summer that I wouldn't marry a pothead. She said "if you make me quit, I'll just hide it from you".

I told her "I'll leave you if you don't quit." She went back to "I'll just hide it from you".

 

I was floored. WTF?

 

I'm realizing she's just emotionally immature. And it sucks because like I said, she is smart. She's very capable.

But some days it's literally like dealing with a 10 yo.

 

I'm considering telling her we need to go to counseling; and hoping that will get her to address some of her issues.

She's clearly got some childhood scarring, but she absolutely REFUSES to even acknowledge that she's got underlying issues that need to be dealt with.

 

Then the other part of me says "you dumbfuck...run!"

 

Just wanted to commend you on your spacing. Good read...very luxurious.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,657]

 

Advice is always appreciated, but you'd need to elaborate on why you say that.

Because long term relationships tend to hit a wall. Kids are what keep most marriages together. People won't admit it, but it's pretty obvious a lot of the time. Doesn't mean they are miserable, but it's what keeps them around.

[wiffleball 4,645]

My advice is just the opposite. If you are struggling now, Don't even think about having kids. Too many God damn selfish people Think kids are going to solve their relationship issues. And all you end up doing is bringing a poor kid into a rotten situation.

[TheNewGirl 1,031]

How about this way, if you didn't have this newer health issue, is she still selfish? It kind of sounds like this is something that you've been dealing with for a while, and the fact that she said she's willing to hide things from you if you don't approve would be a HUGE red flag for me; it means that she's ok with being being dishonest and lying to you. NOT OK.

 

Anyways, I'd rethink this relationship. I know you'll end up marrying her, but it would give me a lot to think about. Especially with her newer comments about money and life insurance. If you don't have kids and can pay for your own burial costs already, then why woudl she need money? lol

[edjr 5,567]

My advice is just the opposite. If you are struggling now, Don't even think about having kids. Too many God damn selfish people Think kids are going to solve their relationship issues. And all you end up doing is bringing a poor kid into a rotten situation.

 

I didn't plan on it and I never wanted one.

 

He has changed my life for the better X 100

[TheNewGirl 1,031]

Corrected for medical accuracy.

Fock, I love you.

 

Would love to sit and just nerd out with you.

 

[BLS 313]

How about this way, if you didn't have this newer health issue, is she still selfish? It kind of sounds like this is something that you've been dealing with for a while, and the fact that she said she's willing to hide things from you if you don't approve would be a HUGE red flag for me; it means that she's ok with being being dishonest and lying to you. NOT OK.

 

Anyways, I'd rethink this relationship. I know you'll end up marrying her, but it would give me a lot to think about. Especially with her newer comments about money and life insurance. If you don't have kids and can pay for your own burial costs already, then why woudl she need money? lol

 

Yes.

 

One of the classes I teach is a 3hr drive, one way. I've been feeling terribly run down. I asked her to go with to help keep me company, etc.

Plus I was going to be gone to teach both Saturday and Sunday at same location, so it would give us a chance to spend the weekend together.

 

SIDE NOTE: one of the jobs she does for us is to run flyers in the area we are teaching the next class. She gets paid mileage.

This class, with a 3hr drive just to get to location, garners her a couple hundred dollars in mileage.

 

She said "I suppose I could come up and help you get setup and then go run flyers for the next class. But I want the mileage."

Me: Why would you get the mileage if you're using my truck and fuel? You'd have to at least put gas in my truck if you're getting paid for it

Her: Then I'll just drive separate.

Me: That's stupid.

Her: I guess I won't go.

 

I went and spent the weekend alone, taught alone, and never talked to her.

Then that next Tuesday she drove up there to run flyers.

 

Here's the kicker, that location is where my Dad's 'cabin' is, and we could've spent the weekend fishing/hanging out/fire pit, etc after the class.

But she wouldn't go because she wouldn't get paid.

 

I went home and basically called her out on it, and she DID go to the next class I held up there. But she didn't run flyers.

 

Yeah, there are some MAJOR red flags, and I know it. But I thought maybe those would go away when she realized she didn't have to keep her walls up with me. So far that's been a colossal failure.

[Mookz 1,287]

Nurse came in, did standard questions, etc.

 

Goes to take my pulse/BP. She looks at her watch, looks exceptionally confused, and says to me "I have to do it again".

She does it again. Looks even more puzzled, then looks at me with this "how are you still alive" look on her face.

 

My pulse was 48bpm.

 

I said "is that bad?". She said "only if you're still alive". I expect a minimum of 70-80.

 

Doc comes in, asks me what's up. I told him, I've been having weird chest pains, very lethargic, want to sleep the minute I get home from work, etc.

 

Says, "maybe you have sleep issues". I told him "I came here last August and you took 5 vials of blood. The results came back basically normal/healthy. You then sent me to a sleep study (that cost me $2500 out of pocket...grr), and they deemed I did not have apnea. I'm telling you, there's something wrong with me, and I think it's my heart".

 

He says "Ok, we'll do an EKG".

 

Do EKG.

 

Technicians face was about the same as the nurse. But she's not able to comment on the results.

 

Dr. says "Uh, so there's a problem. You've got PVC's."

 

We go back and forth on what it means, what causes it, and how I got them, how to treat them.

 

Essentially, my heart stops beating and 'resets'. Usually PVC's happen a couple times a day in people who have it more pronounced.

 

Mine was every 3rd heartbeat. Like clockwork.

 

We discussed my work (2 FT jobs, essentially), that I've been doing that for quite a while now, that I quit drinking, etc.

He said "it sounds like you're working yourself to death".

 

I have to go see a Cardiologist next week. I'm actually not as nervous as I would think I should be (hate Dr's like Dentists); I'm actually happy to have this get addressed. It's been seriously affecting my daily life.

 

Googled it last night....could just be too much work, could be I have heart failure. Which then starts to scare me.

 

I'm not the epitome of health. Struggling to quit smoking; which is obviously a must now. Could stand to spend some time in the gym, but I'm glad I didn't and so was Dr. He said it could actually cause my heart to fail.

 

My point? Don't have one....getting old sucks. So I guess this is a pity party.

 

 

 

 

Corrected for medical accuracy.

 

I'm not saying I'm a doctor, but how would an added beat result in a lower pulse rate? He was told his heart is basically missing every third beat. Please explain.

[TheNewGirl 1,031]

So it's your business, that you're working together and she wants to make sure she gets mileage? She sounds like your requests are just a pain in the ass to her. I'm willing to bet that if you have kids with her, she won't want to work another day in her life.

 

Yeah, I'd cut my losses and focking run.

[BLS 313]

So it's your business, that you're working together and she wants to make sure she gets mileage? She sounds like your requests are just a pain in the ass to her. I'm willing to bet that if you have kids with her, she won't want to work another day in her life.

 

Yeah, I'd cut my losses and focking run.

 

The thought has crossed my mind more than a few times.

[Frank M 181]

 

Yes.

 

One of the classes I teach is a 3hr drive, one way. I've been feeling terribly run down. I asked her to go with to help keep me company, etc.

Plus I was going to be gone to teach both Saturday and Sunday at same location, so it would give us a chance to spend the weekend together.

 

SIDE NOTE: one of the jobs she does for us is to run flyers in the area we are teaching the next class. She gets paid mileage.

This class, with a 3hr drive just to get to location, garners her a couple hundred dollars in mileage.

 

She said "I suppose I could come up and help you get setup and then go run flyers for the next class. But I want the mileage."

Me: Why would you get the mileage if you're using my truck and fuel? You'd have to at least put gas in my truck if you're getting paid for it

Her: Then I'll just drive separate.

Me: That's stupid.

Her: I guess I won't go.

 

I went and spent the weekend alone, taught alone, and never talked to her.

Then that next Tuesday she drove up there to run flyers.

 

Here's the kicker, that location is where my Dad's 'cabin' is, and we could've spent the weekend fishing/hanging out/fire pit, etc after the class.

But she wouldn't go because she wouldn't get paid.

 

I went home and basically called her out on it, and she DID go to the next class I held up there. But she didn't run flyers.

 

Yeah, there are some MAJOR red flags, and I know it. But I thought maybe those would go away when she realized she didn't have to keep her walls up with me. So far that's been a colossal failure.

 

I have never seen a marriage work when either of the parties hoped the other would change post marriage, post baby, post whatever. The things that are unacceptable before remain that way after. I had a buddy whose fiancee broke it off a month before the wedding, and when I asked her why, she said "I thought that if the things that bugged me kept happening, I could just divorce him." WTF? Thank god she broke it off before they got married.

 

For me, I looked at our relationship before we were married and all the little things that bugged me about her and I asked myself "Can I accept these things for the rest of my life if they never changed?" I decided I could, and we've been married 20 years and it's awesome still.

 

What you're talking about is big, deep chasms that won't change without some kind of counseling coupled with a desire to change. Not telling you to run, but if someone is openly telling you that they're going to hide things they like to do from you because you don't like those things, that's a level of selfishness that would be tough to take.

[TheNewGirl 1,031]

 

I have never seen a marriage work when either of the parties hoped the other would change post marriage, post baby, post whatever. The things that are unacceptable before remain that way after. I had a buddy whose fiancee broke it off a month before the wedding, and when I asked her why, she said "I thought that if the things that bugged me kept happening, I could just divorce him." WTF? Thank god she broke it off before they got married.

 

For me, I looked at our relationship before we were married and all the little things that bugged me about her and I asked myself "Can I accept these things for the rest of my life if they never changed?" I decided I could, and we've been married 20 years and it's awesome still.

 

What you're talking about is big, deep chasms that won't change without some kind of counseling coupled with a desire to change. Not telling you to run, but if someone is openly telling you that they're going to hide things they like to do from you because you don't like those things, that's a level of selfishness that would be tough to take.

 

 

1000 this.

 

I think we did the same thing when we were dating and living together. Are these things that I will be able to accept FOREVER? People rarely change, especially when it comes to their core values. If one of her values is that it's accceptable to hide things that upset you or you disagree with, that's pretty big and something that I'd personally be unwilling to deal with.

 

That doesn't mean that my hubs and I haven't grown up and grown together, but our core values have remained consistent. Family, communication, honesty, all of those things that created who we are when we were younger.

[penultimatestraw 473]

My advice is just the opposite. If you are struggling now, Don't even think about having kids. Too many God damn selfish people Think kids are going to solve their relationship issues. And all you end up doing is bringing a poor kid into a rotten situation.

This x 1000

[Artista 460]

Oh wow. Don't walk, run!

[penultimatestraw 473]

I'm not saying I'm a doctor, but how would an added beat result in a lower pulse rate? He was told his heart is basically missing every third beat. Please explain.

Two reasons: 1.The added beat occurs at odd times in his cardiac cycle, which doesn't allow the heart to fill adequately to transmit a pulse. 2. The extra beat briefly resets his natural pacemaker, causing a pause before the next beat. Since he has a PVC every 3rd beat, that's a lot of pauses.

 

One other possibility is his cardiac conduction system is damaged, such that he has multiple arrhythmias - PVCs and another one that results in a slow heart beat in BLS' case. I think this is unlikely, as there likely would have been some hint of this on his EKG.

[penultimatestraw 473]

Fock, I love you.

 

Would love to sit and just nerd out with you.

 

Are you bringing the nerds?

[penultimatestraw 473]

 

Yes.

 

One of the classes I teach is a 3hr drive, one way. I've been feeling terribly run down. I asked her to go with to help keep me company, etc.

Plus I was going to be gone to teach both Saturday and Sunday at same location, so it would give us a chance to spend the weekend together.

 

SIDE NOTE: one of the jobs she does for us is to run flyers in the area we are teaching the next class. She gets paid mileage.

This class, with a 3hr drive just to get to location, garners her a couple hundred dollars in mileage.

 

She said "I suppose I could come up and help you get setup and then go run flyers for the next class. But I want the mileage."

Me: Why would you get the mileage if you're using my truck and fuel? You'd have to at least put gas in my truck if you're getting paid for it

Her: Then I'll just drive separate.

Me: That's stupid.

Her: I guess I won't go.

 

I went and spent the weekend alone, taught alone, and never talked to her.

Then that next Tuesday she drove up there to run flyers.

 

Here's the kicker, that location is where my Dad's 'cabin' is, and we could've spent the weekend fishing/hanging out/fire pit, etc after the class.

But she wouldn't go because she wouldn't get paid.

 

I went home and basically called her out on it, and she DID go to the next class I held up there. But she didn't run flyers.

 

Yeah, there are some MAJOR red flags, and I know it. But I thought maybe those would go away when she realized she didn't have to keep her walls up with me. So far that's been a colossal failure.

Jesus BLS, that sounds terrible. There are ~3.5 billion females on the planet; find another one.

[jerryskids 5,206]

BLS, I'm going to come from a different angle, and I am going to say some stuff that you don't like, but I do it for tough love.

 

You've improved your position in life in recent years - off the sauce, developed a business. You may have room for improvement but you are no longer white trash.

 

But psychologically you still consider yourself white trash, and as such you are dating white trash. I won't rehash all of the red flags, but you need to run not walk away, and start dating adult women. There are plenty, you just need to look.

 

GL

[BLS 313]

BLS, I'm going to come from a different angle, and I am going to say some stuff that you don't like, but I do it for tough love.

 

You've improved your position in life in recent years - off the sauce, developed a business. You may have room for improvement but you are no longer white trash.

 

But psychologically you still consider yourself white trash, and as such you are dating white trash. I won't rehash all of the red flags, but you need to run not walk away, and start dating adult women. There are plenty, you just need to look.

 

GL

 

Brother, I'm not offended in any way.

 

In fact, it's something I know. I do like my trashy women, but they're not much good for dinner with my professional friends.

 

The truly perplexing issue for me is I have done so many things in my life (essentially wasted 20 years) to appease my old man in an effort to win his approval. Quitting my job working for him, a drunken festival I'll refrain from talking about here, and about 14 visits to a head shrinker made me realize I'll never, ever, ever get his approval. Because he doesn't know how to give it.

 

And then when I told him I was going to pop the question to this girl, he was all over it. So happy I was going to get married, etc.

Everybody in my family is gung ho about the wedding. And here I am, afraid to pull the plug for the same reasons I was miserable for so many years.

 

Logically, I can look at it and say "this is dumb to continue this". But emotionally I am worried about how her family will take it, how my family and friends will take it.

 

My Dad and step Mom both love her. I brought up the comment about the life insurance policy to my Dad and he immediately defended her.

I told him 'we've been fighting a lot lately', etc., etc. He said "EVERYBODY fights!".

 

It's like he's SO one track minded on me getting married that he'd drive me straight into a brick wall to get it.

 

And honestly at almost 45 I'm scared to going back to being single. I'm so not a bar person anymore.

Getting back into dating is one of those things I'm not even sure I remember how.

[Mookz 1,287]

Two reasons: 1.The added beat occurs at odd times in his cardiac cycle, which doesn't allow the heart to fill adequately to transmit a pulse. 2. The extra beat briefly resets his natural pacemaker, causing a pause before the next beat. Since he has a PVC every 3rd beat, that's a lot of pauses.

 

One other possibility is his cardiac conduction system is damaged, such that he has multiple arrhythmias - PVCs and another one that results in a slow heart beat in BLS' case. I think this is unlikely, as there likely would have been some hint of this on his EKG.

 

I guess I'll buy that.

 

Forum moderator, in post #76, please replace "skips a beat" with "adds a beat, which in effect slows his observable pulse to the point that it would appear that beats are being skipped", and PM me confirmation of same. Thanks in advance for your attention.

[IGotWorms 3,315]

 

Yes.

 

One of the classes I teach is a 3hr drive, one way. I've been feeling terribly run down. I asked her to go with to help keep me company, etc.

Plus I was going to be gone to teach both Saturday and Sunday at same location, so it would give us a chance to spend the weekend together.

 

SIDE NOTE: one of the jobs she does for us is to run flyers in the area we are teaching the next class. She gets paid mileage.

This class, with a 3hr drive just to get to location, garners her a couple hundred dollars in mileage.

 

She said "I suppose I could come up and help you get setup and then go run flyers for the next class. But I want the mileage."

Me: Why would you get the mileage if you're using my truck and fuel? You'd have to at least put gas in my truck if you're getting paid for it

Her: Then I'll just drive separate.

Me: That's stupid.

Her: I guess I won't go.

 

I went and spent the weekend alone, taught alone, and never talked to her.

Then that next Tuesday she drove up there to run flyers.

 

Here's the kicker, that location is where my Dad's 'cabin' is, and we could've spent the weekend fishing/hanging out/fire pit, etc after the class.

But she wouldn't go because she wouldn't get paid.

 

I went home and basically called her out on it, and she DID go to the next class I held up there. But she didn't run flyers.

 

Yeah, there are some MAJOR red flags, and I know it. But I thought maybe those would go away when she realized she didn't have to keep her walls up with me. So far that's been a colossal failure.

Terrible idea to mix business and a relationship like that.

 

This one sounds over, cut your losses and don't do this kind of thing with the next gal.

[kutulu 1,551]

Wow she sounds like a kunt

[TD Ryan2 314]

I haven't read this whole thread - but I just keep checkin' in to make sure BLS ain't dead... and I'm very happy to see he's still posting.

Here's to BLS not being dead

[Strike 3,979]

 

And honestly at almost 45 I'm scared to going back to being single. I'm so not a bar person anymore.

Getting back into dating is one of those things I'm not even sure I remember how.

 

Yeah, better to just be miserable for the rest of your life marrying the wrong person.

[TheNewGirl 1,031]

My BIL is gong to be 48, and is recently engaged to his third (soon to be) wife.

 

She's 28 and pregnant by another guy (they were on a break). He "loves her so much" and realized it when they were broken up for a bit. She is a waitress at a local diner. He's got an 18 year old daughter that is graduating high school next week and moved out of his house to be with her mom. She wants nothing to do with her dad, his new wife, and the baby.

 

He's also admitted to me several times that he's afraid to be alone and couldn't imagine having to date.

 

 

So, yeah. That always tends to work out well when you're afraid to date.