BunnysBastatrds 1,921 Posted March 7, 2017 Alcohol induced Diabeetus No. Bad eating. Don't eat anything sweet. And I know alcohol turns into sugar. Just bad eating. Sausage and all things reprocessed in the diet with no fruits or vegetables. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,647 Posted March 7, 2017 Seriously, throw these poor guys a bone. They're knee-deep in a****** every day of their lives. Find something interesting and just stick it in a few inches in. An army man, a Hot Wheels car, whatever, just make it interesting so these poor people have something to talk about when they get home from work that night. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BunnysBastatrds 1,921 Posted March 7, 2017 Seriously, throw these poor guys a bone. They're knee-deep in a****** every day of their lives. Find something interesting and just stick it in a few inches in. An army man, a Hot Wheels car, whatever, just make it interesting so these poor people have something to talk about when they get home from work that night. Agreed. UPS me the shovel you use to fling sh!t on a daily basis and I'll stick the tip of the handle in my arse for good measure. You don't like that? Please tell me what brown can do for you. I imagine it will be spectacular. It will be amazing. We can't make this up. Really good stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,647 Posted March 7, 2017 WHAT SHOULD VIKE STICK IN HIS ARSE before butt surgery? Â Should be a thread unto itself. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745 Posted March 7, 2017 Colonoscopy Today sounds like a really bad magazine. Â I've had the pleasure of a butt scope myself. Not fun. Hope it all turns out ok. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alias Detective 1,179 Posted March 7, 2017 God Dam Diverticulitis Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dain11279 928 Posted March 7, 2017 If you die can I have your ice fishing equipment? TIA Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,080 Posted March 7, 2017 If you die can I have your ice fishing equipment? TIA No. I have son's and they know how to use it. Along with my guns. Â Â Â If the wife figures out how much I have invested in my hunting and fishing gear, she'd kill me first. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,080 Posted March 7, 2017 God Dam Diverticulitis   I'm hoping that is what it is. :askered: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cloaca du jour 2,064 Posted March 7, 2017 Â Â Been having some issues since beginning of November. Not shitting right, constipated followed by blasting nasty brown water out my ass for 12 hours straight. Never had any pain just lost of gas. Â Tomorrow should be fun. At least I'll have a plan of attack and try to resolve this mess. Aspartame.... its everywhere. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alias Detective 1,179 Posted March 7, 2017 I'm hoping that is what it is. :askered: Being scared is natural, the effects of being scared will only make the situation worse as you may well know. Â In all seriousness, Do you have any term to convert as you may not be getting any permenant insurance going forward? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bert 1,092 Posted March 7, 2017 Â Â I'm hoping that is what it is. :askered: I guess you don't want to grab a few beers tomorrow night? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
penultimatestraw 473 Posted March 7, 2017 I'm hoping that is what it is. :askered:From what you've described, it doesn't sound like diverticulitis. Diverticulitis usually has acute abdominal pain, fever and loose stools. What you should hope for is a stricture and not a mass obstructing the colon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alias Detective 1,179 Posted March 7, 2017 From what you've described, it doesn't sound like diverticulitis. Hope for a stricture. Hope it's a hard turd. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BunnysBastatrds 1,921 Posted March 7, 2017 How'd it go? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tubby_mcgee 686 Posted March 7, 2017 Did you orgasm? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,080 Posted March 8, 2017 Surgery is set for Monday. They are going to remove around 12 inches of my colon. If all goes well, I won't have a shitbag. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
5-Points 2,734 Posted March 8, 2017 Surgery is set for Monday. They are going to remove around 12 inches of my colon. If all goes well, I won't have a shitbag.Uh... ummm.. I was gonna make a joke about your poop shoot and my garden hose but.... Â That seems inappropriate now. Â Hang in there bro! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DankNuggs 305 Posted March 8, 2017 Sphinctastic thread  Edit after seeing second page: best of luck with the surgery Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MTSkiBum 1,594 Posted March 8, 2017 Surgery is set for Monday. They are going to remove around 12 inches of my colon. If all goes well, I won't have a shitbag. Â Hope your surgery goes well. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BunnysBastatrds 1,921 Posted March 8, 2017 Surgery is set for Monday. They are going to remove around 12 inches of my colon. If all goes well, I won't have a shitbag. Hoping that all goes well. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jerryskids 5,211 Posted March 8, 2017 Surgery is set for Monday. They are going to remove around 12 inches of my colon. If all goes well, I won't have a shitbag. Best of luck man. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,647 Posted March 8, 2017 Asspartame.... its everywhere. Fixed Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tubby_mcgee 686 Posted March 8, 2017 No matter how bad it feels now, things will work out in the end. Â Okay...seriously. Best of luck. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,647 Posted March 8, 2017 Surgery is set for Monday. They are going to remove around 12 inches of my colon. If all goes well, I won't have a shitbag. Too late. Your anus is already connected to a giant shiitbag. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,080 Posted March 8, 2017 Too late. Your anus is already connected to a giant shiitbag. It's comments like this... Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â That help a deranged SOB like me get through times like this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alias Detective 1,179 Posted March 8, 2017 Surgery is set for Monday. They are going to remove around 12 inches of my colon. If all goes well, I won't have a shitbag. When you sneeze you won't accidentally yourself with a bag. In all seriousness, my best friend dealt with this, you can kick its ass too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nzoner 936 Posted March 8, 2017 All the best on your surgery Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hardcore troubadour 12,662 Posted March 8, 2017 Best of luck Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
edjr 5,568 Posted March 8, 2017 everything come out okay? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DankNuggs 305 Posted March 8, 2017 everything come out okay? Don't be a party pooper Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,647 Posted March 8, 2017 A really cool surgeon would know how to make balloon animals out of that 12-inch section Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fandandy 3,311 Posted March 8, 2017 Ingredients: 12 inch section of colonCold water to cover1 cup cider vinegar5 bay leaves2 large onions, coarsely chopped2 large potatoes, peeled and coarsely chopped1 green or red bell pepper, cored, seeded, and coarsely chopped3 cloves garlic, mincedSalt and freshly-ground black pepper to tasteHot pepper sauce  Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,647 Posted March 8, 2017 ;It's a semi-colon! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fandandy 3,311 Posted March 8, 2017 ; Â Â Â It's a semi-colon! You really should have done it in riddle form. If NorthernVike was a punctuation mark, which one would he be? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,647 Posted March 8, 2017 You really should have done it in riddle form. If NorthernVike was a punctuation mark, which one would he be? Lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,647 Posted March 8, 2017 Well if they do decide to do surgery, I hope they go in and get it all taken care of. Â No point in doing this half-assed. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,080 Posted March 8, 2017 Just thought I'd share my day with all of you. Â A colon stricture causes constipation. After a few days of not passing anything your body turns your digestive system liquid. So since 1 this morning I've been running to the can every 20 to 30 minutes with explosive diarrhea. I have lost over five pounds in the last twelve hours. Â You're welcome. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alias Detective 1,179 Posted March 8, 2017 Just thought I'd share my day with all of you. A colon stricture causes constipation. After a few days of not passing anything your body turns your digestive system liquid. So since 1 this morning I've been running to the can every 20 to 30 minutes with explosive diarrhea. I have lost over five pounds in the last twelve hours. You're welcome. Always knew you were full of shlt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites