I need plumbing jokes

[redtodd 7]

So I am doing a private gig tonight for a wholesaler of plumbing equipment. There has to be a joke or two about that.

 

Help an unfunny assclown out.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

If you don't use things about butt cracks, you completely suck

 

I would also recommend that you use the term "caulk" a lot

[kutulu 1,552]

Not a joke, but I used to be friends with this guy (actually he got me in my first fantasy football league years ago) and he was a plumber, but only for new construction. I guess the new construction plumbers look down on the regular plumbers and he called them sh1tswirlers . I always thought that was funny.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,933]

I've sh!t in Jersey

I've sh!t in France

Before I'd sh!t here

I'd sh!t my pants

[Vikings4ever 496]

If you can't make a joke about a ballcock, you're just not trying.

[remote controller 133]

Why do women call them

"hot" water heaters? they don't heat ''hot" water

 

 

also talk alot about MILFS

[redtodd 7]

If you don't use things about butt cracks, you completely suck

 

I would also recommend that you use the term "caulk" a lot

 

[kutulu 1,552]

Start off by saying, "Hey, is it me or does it smell like sh1t in here?"

[RLLD 3,455]

"I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails. "

 

"A good flush beats a full house every time"

 

[kutulu 1,552]

Urine a lot of trouble now.

[Saint Elistan 106]

http://www.plumbingsupply.com/plumjoke.html

 

Plumbing is the only profession where you'll hear your boss say, "Be sure your 'joints' have lots of 'Dope' in them!"

 

That sounds like one you could build a segment around.

[drobeski 3,061]

you count on this place for your material ? No wonder youre stuck doing plumbing supply conventions.......uncreative fock

[kutulu 1,552]

Sprinkle in a few "poop" references. Always funny.

[patweisers44 701]

Try to figure out what the worst thing a plumber could find in a backed up toilet.

 

"RUBBERS?"

[kutulu 1,552]

Try to figure out what the worst thing a plumber could find in a backed up toilet.

 

"RUBBERS?"

 

A fetus.

[heavy-set 39]

Try to figure out what the worst thing a plumber could find in a backed up toilet.

 

"RUBBERS?"

red tampons?

 

ask em if their calls go up the day after thanksgiving? and if so, does the poo smell like turkey?

[redtodd 7]

you count on this place for your material ? No wonder youre stuck doing plumbing supply conventions.......uncreative fock

 

Plumber supply companies pay a ridiculous amount of money for 45 minutes of uncreativity.

 

By the way, has your wife allowed you go into Manchester on weekend nights yet?

[heavy-set 39]

when i was in college, i rememebr a bar that didnth have a traditional toilet, but an 8 foot long sink/tub that everyone pissed in.

 

do a joke on 1 of those things

[kutulu 1,552]

when i was in college, i rememebr a bar that didnth have a traditional toilet, but an 8 foot long sink/tub that everyone pissed in.

 

do a joke on 1 of those things

 

 

He might need some help getting it up on the stage.

[drobeski 3,061]

Plumber supply companies pay a ridiculous amount of money for 45 minutes of uncreativity.

 

By the way, has your wife allowed you go into Manchester on weekend nights yet?

divorced now my friend I do as I please.....let me know when your in town

[Chronic Husker 85]

He might need some help getting it up on the stage.

[jgcrawfish 232]

since vikes4ever stole my bit about ballcock you need to remember that plumbers sweat a joint, as opposed to NFL players who sweat over a joint. You must remember to use "pipedope" in your joke list. Don't forget about backflow as well. Blowbag is also useful.

 

A ton more material here:

 

http://plumbing.1800anytyme.com/info/plumbing_glossary.php

[drobeski 3,061]

What do you call a really really retarded janitor ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A plumber

[kutulu 1,552]

When your act is over maybe you could toss some of those urinal mints into the audience.

[patweisers44 701]

after your first joke gets a laugh...

 

"wow...never seen this many plumber's smile at one time...kinda warms my heart."

[Johnny B Good 0]

What do you call a really really retarded plumber?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joe

[frank 2,153]

Tell some jokes about electricians then act like you realized you're in the wrong place.

[NewbieJr 540]

“This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job and he started working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ gangly wrench. Just then, this little apprentice leaned over and said, “You can’t work on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ wrench.” Well this infuriated the supervisor, so he went and got Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual, and he reads to him and says, “The Langstrom 7″ wrench can be used with the Findlay sprocket.” Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and said, “It says sprocket not socket!”

 

Hilarity ensues.

[WhiteWonder 2,182]

You could do a nice porno bit.

 

*knock knock*

woman: Who is it?

plumber: It's the plumber!

woman: I didn't call a plumber

plumber: I'm here to clean out your pipes

**bow chika bow wow**

[Strike 4,003]

“This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job and he started working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ gangly wrench. Just then, this little apprentice leaned over and said, “You can’t work on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ wrench.” Well this infuriated the supervisor, so he went and got Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual, and he reads to him and says, “The Langstrom 7″ wrench can be used with the Findlay sprocket.” Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and said, “It says sprocket not socket!”

 

Hilarity ensues.

 

It's all ball bearings nowadays.

[gocolts 300]

What do you call a really really retarded janitor ?

A plumber

:headbanger:

[Voltaire 4,570]

Ode to Plumbers

 

Your face has not been sculptured

In marble or in bronze

You know that men receive no praise

Unclogging stopped up johns

 

You're never in the columns

You're never in the news

The only thing you're ever in is

Icky smelly ooze

 

You'll never be a leader

And rule the world with power

Who needs it when you charge a rate

of 90 bucks an hour?

[Big Blue 06 195]

Ode to Plumbers

 

Your face has not been sculptured

In marble or in bronze

You know that men receive no praise

Unclogging stopped up johns

 

You're never in the columns

You're never in the news

The only thing you're ever in is

Icky smelly ooze

 

You'll never be a leader

And rule the world with power

Who needs it when you charge a rate

of 90 bucks an hour?

 

[heavy-set 39]

He might need some help getting it up on the stage.

i tweaked my back, so i cant help

[GettnHuge 1]

you count on this place for your material ? No wonder youre stuck doing plumbing supply conventions.......uncreative fock

 

poty?

[MTSkiBum 1,597]

These old joke threads were not very funny, except Kutulu's comment.

[drobeski 3,061]

I won this thread 

[kutulu 1,552]

30 minutes ago, MTSkiBum said:

These old joke threads were not very funny, except Kutulu's comment.

Which one?

[Kanil 519]

2 hours ago, kutulu said:

Which one?

The bathtub on the stage one, of course.