How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

[Birdseed 1]

This would be a good time to switch thread titles.

 

HTH

[brinett9 0]

Scroll up a bit. Newbie suggested using the first kid as a club to swing at the rest of them.

Or at least a leg. That'd be easier to wield.

[CantTouchThis 23]

How bout 17 year olds, you old washed up m-fers

 

You guys.....0.000000, wouldn't even get a punch in, biotches

[brinett9 0]

You could whip out your hose and pee on any who approach.

 

Of course I suppose you'd eventually run out of pee.

 

Is there a time limit or do the kids just get to attack you forever or until they're all out cold? There should be a time limit.

[Voltaire 5,451]

Unlike most of you, I have extensive kindrgarten experience. The correct answer is ... however many there are, they would lose. And whatever they learned in their day of training would be useless, they'd forget.

[jerryskids 7,040]

And also, just wear a cup.

Do you need a custom made cup? Like maybe you glue two together? Because of your huge shlong and all.

[brinett9 0]

The correct answer is:

 

As many as the room would hold, packed in with me like sardines.

 

With no room to maneuver, no way they're going to knock me out, especially after I take out the ones I can reach.

[Guest Black Label Society]

Well, honestly, fatigue would be the final determining factor. 5 year old kids are kindergardeners.

I could kick the dogshit out of about 30 of em before working up a sweat.

I mean, you're looking at simply running them over hard enough to knock em to the floor. That would probably knock 'out' 10-20 easily that way. Hardwood floors aren't too forgiving.

After that, you have to keep moving. Assuming they were motivated to hurt you, you would have to keep moving, which would tire you out quickly. Then at some point, you'd commit to standing and fighting.

I'd say at that point, it all depends on how well your conditioning is.

 

think of it this way....How many 5 year old kids can run you out of gas easily in the backyard playing?

They would simply tire you out.

 

My guess would be about 45, give or take 10 either way.

35 is a LOT of kids. Think about a kid you know that is about 5 years old, then imagine 45 of em coming at you with that, "I'm gonna hit you in the ding-ding" look....

 

Tough to say really. Maybe we should clone some 5 year old badasses and give it a shot?

[Chronic Husker 86]

This would be a good time to switch thread titles.

 

HTH

[Me_2006 14]

They're gonna get trained to go for your legs. They're all just gonna grab a leg, then your arms and you can't really fight them off. You'd get a half dozen or so with punches and elbows until they managed to swarm you from behind, then you're going down. They can't knock you out down there really, unless they coordinate it to stomp your face, but you'd be exhausted from having to try and stand up with a bunch of them hanging all over you multiple times.

 

 

You said you aren't allowed to touch the walls. Are they? Can you put your back near enough the wall that they can't get behind you? If so, just stand in the corner and keep swinging.

[SUXBNME 1,594]

All of them

[Voltaire 5,451]

Another fun thread back from the dead

 

Believe me, I deal with five-year-olds all day. Some of them go home and watch Ultraman and come to school impersonating him and pretending the smaller kids are the monsters.

 

There's no limit to the amount of damage that I could inflict on them. They'd have to have 20,000 come at me for 48-72 hours to where I couldn't stay awake anymore. Another way would be to put me at the bottom of a well and drop all 20,000 on me at once, I'm not sure I could climb my way out.

[mobb_deep 920]

^^ are you a kindergarten teacher?

[Voltaire 5,451]

^^ are you a kindergarten teacher?

 

Yes. I use to teach at all levels, but since I got married and now have young kids, I've only been doing the kindergarten/pre-school aged kids.

 

It's hard to find a decent school that's more than glorified babysitters. Low expectations, just song and dance bullsh*t. After working with/for people that I don't think are doing a particularly good job, I realize the only way to do things right is to do them myself. My family together with some parents/friends are going to open our own school soon. The process has already started, I'm leaving my job later this month. It's a little bit scary.

[naomi 360]

* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

Was gonna say 4 at least, 6 at most before this part. Probably 5 at most. I'm too light so if they're all coming at once, they could manage it eventually.

[IGotWorms 4,061]

Big_Pete reckoned he could fight 1000+. Crassic!

[mobb_deep 920]

Yes. I use to teach at all levels, but since I got married and now have young kids, I've only been doing the kindergarten/pre-school aged kids.

 

It's hard to find a decent school that's more than glorified babysitters. Low expectations, just song and dance bullsh*t. After working with/for people that I don't think are doing a particularly good job, I realize the only way to do things right is to do them myself. My family together with some parents/friends are going to open our own school soon. The process has already started, I'm leaving my job later this month. It's a little bit scary.

 

Right on Voltaire. Thanks for all your hard work. My mother is an Early Childhood Development professor at the University of California Irvine and my father teaches High School English. Nothing but respect for all of you educators. Keep it up!

[The Pope 10]

All of them

 

Get in line Chef Kitty Bordie.

[steamypoop 0]

I probably couldn't take more than one. My new year's resolution was to start jogging to lose weight. I bought a new track suit and everything. Put it on new year's day to go jogging - I made it to the corner before I was sucking wind and quit. It wouldn't take long for my fat ass to get beat down by 5 years olds.

 

[cyclone24 1,934]

Had this discussion years ago and this is what we came up with......

 

You'd have to go Larry Czonka and high knee it thru kids and hope to stay mobile....bc once you go down....its over.

 

Another idea was really lay into the first kid....and since hes 5 can probably be used as a weapon and swung at the other kids.

 

We're in pretty good shape, in our mid 30's, pretty strong....we came up with 18 before we were exhausted.

[edjr 6,849]

I'm not sure, but I can tell you one thing.

 

I can fit at least 2 in my ass.

[cyclone24 1,934]

I'm not sure, but I can tell you one thing.

 

I can fit at least 2 in my ass.

 

 

AAAAnnnddddd that'll end the thread. Thanks for coming out tonight Cleveland!!

[Jeff Garcia 8]

I have one question? Would it be like a martial arts movie where they all come at me 1 at a time? If so, I could take on 50 or more. If not maybe 20-25.

[Giants Fan 85]

Are they like zombie 5 year olds? Because I'm pretty sure after I beat the fock out of one or 2 of them, the rest are gonna back off ... unless they are zombies that just keep coming at you with no fear. But then how are they gonna knock you out? Can they bite you? Because that would be the best weapon they would have. I can't see a 5 year old being able to throw a knockout blow.

 

So ... if they were biting, zombie 5 year olds, and I am like fighting for my life because they will eat me ... gotta be easier than transvestites with pepper spray ... I'm gonna say 3.

[edjr 6,849]

brinett

 

where doth art tho?

 

dude had some serious demons.

[MDC 7,796]

My strategy would be to knock out the first five year old I see, and then use the unconscious one as a club.

I'd swing him around to knockout the other kids.

 

A good counter strategy would be for about five or six of them to bum rush me, but I'd doubt they'd have the brains or the guts to do that, seeing as I'd be swinging their bloody friend around so effortlessly.

 

I play wrestle with my 5 year old and I can tell you anybody who thinks theyre taking out 40+ kids that age is nuts. Assuming combat training like in the OP I would say 15-20 max. Once they get ahold of your legs its all over.

[edjr 6,849]

 

I play wrestle with my 5 year old and I can tell you anybody who thinks theyre taking out 40+ kids that age is nuts. Assuming combat training like in the OP I would say 15-20 max. Once they get ahold of your legs its all over.

 

Unless they were coached, they wouldn't have a clue what to do though.

[MDC 7,796]

 

Unless they were coached, they wouldn't have a clue what to do though.

The OP said they would be coached and they wouldnt stop due to fear or whatever. Obviously IRL all you need to do is murder the first one with your bare hands and the rest would run.

[edjr 6,849]

The OP said they would be coached and they wouldnt stop due to fear or whatever. Obviously IRL all you need to do is murder the first one with your bare hands and the rest would run.

 

ah, well then yes. That would be tough.

[MDC 7,796]

 

ah, well then yes. That would be tough.

Youve got a big son too. Mine has more than once accidentally hurt me while roughhousing and thats one kid. It would probably take a coordinated attack by 10-12 to restrain a grown man but once that happens forget it.

[dain11279 980]

I remember there was a thread similar to this where someone said they would kill one with a direct kick to the face and throw a rape on the dead body to scare the rest away. One of the funniest things Ive ever heard here

[edjr 6,849]

Youve got a big son too. Mine has more than once accidentally hurt me while roughhousing and thats one kid. It would probably take a coordinated attack by 10-12 to restrain a grown man but once that happens forget it.

 

He hurts his mother all the time, not meaning too.

 

I'm positive he will break my big giant nose before he's a teenager.

[Mookz 1,367]

I remember there was a thread similar to this where someone said they would kill one with a direct kick to the face and throw a rape on the dead body to scare the rest away. One of the funniest things Ive ever heard here

 

Good memory. It's shovelheadt's post (#6) from this blatant knockoff thread.

 

http://www.fftodayforums.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=360705

[wiffleball 4,797]

Less than you might think. 5 year olds require a significant amount of lubrication.

 

Or so I have heard

[cyclone24 1,934]

Less than you might think. 5 year olds require a significant amount of lubrication.

 

Or so I have heard

. Lol... allegedly.

[cyclone24 1,934]

I remember there was a thread similar to this where someone said they would kill one with a direct kick to the face and throw a rape on the dead body to scare the rest away. One of the funniest things Ive ever heard here

Haha... That's right. Forgot about that. And the term throw a rape on was introduced into our lexicon

[Gladiators 2,031]

Less than you might think. 5 year olds require a significant amount of lubrication.

 

Or so I have heard

 

I'm not sure about this after seeing the size of the turd my oldest expelled yesterday. I asked him if it was painful and he said no.

[Mike Honcho 5,407]

Not too many. I spent part of the Holidays with my cousins 2 kids and the yelling, crying and constant questions drove me nuts. I think if there were more than 4 I would have a breakdown.

[kutulu 1,700]

Can I use Viagra?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I kid I kid

[wiffleball 4,797]

 

I'm not sure about this after seeing the size of the turd my oldest expelled yesterday. I asked him if it was painful and he said no.

Admit it. You were a proud papa.