Anyone else gone through a parent losing the end of life

[Meglamaniac 614]

fight?

Pops is 82 and taking a turn for the worse, BP 100 over 70 and medications are not helping, he's always too tired to do anything and is starting to give up.  Doesn't each much, doean't drink much, sleeps ALOT and talks about not wanting to be a burden.  It sucks to see a man who was so strong my whole life like this.

Going up to see him Labor Day weekend and will try to lift his spirits throwing some ribs and beans on the Treager and talking college football.

At this point I'm just hoping he makes it through one more Thanksgiving and Christmas so that we can all be at his house to celebrate them.

 

Thanks fo reading

[The Elevator Killer 622]

I lost them both when I was 30. Dad to asbestos lung and Mom to lung cancer. No matter you age you feel like an orphan. Prayers for you and yours Meg. 

[patweisers44 852]

Its rough man....sorry for what you are going through..  My Dad has been gone 17 years and it still sucks.  Enjoy the time you have and cherish the memories.

[Meglamaniac 614]

Just now, The Elevator Killer said:

I lost them both when I was 30. Dad to asbestos lung and Mom to lung cancer. No matter you age you feel like an orphan. Prayers for you and yours Meg. 

Yea, I lost my mom to Bone marrow cancer when I was 24, it took 5 years to finally beat her, this just feels different

[Fnord 2,302]

Damn, best to you, Meg. That sucks. Both my parents still alive but well into their 70s and have various health issues. I'm dreading what's going to happen over the next few years.

[TheNewGirl 1,533]

Yes. 

My mom is 72, and at 68 started having small strokes and diagnosed with Parkinsons; it all started in 2020. Between 2020 and late 2023, she continued to have more strokes, lose more abilities to communicate, do daily activities, and lose her memory. Having your mother look at you and have NO clue who you are is painful. 

She was moved to hospice in late 2023, however remained stable (good BP, good pulse) so they took her off of hospice. She cannot communicate, can't get out of bed, weighs about 80 pounds and her body is all twisted in bed. She lives off of about a cup of pureed food a day. 

We are basically watching her wither away and waiting for the end. 

It's incredibly painful and I wouldn't want to see my worst enemies go through this with a parent. 

 

I am so sorry you're going through this. 

My dad is 77. Stage 4 kidney disease, diabetic. Refuses to eat better or go on dialysis. Just takes "more insulin" when he eats something with a lot of sugar/carbs. He still gets around very well, but has definitely gotten tired and lonely. 

[Meglamaniac 614]

2 minutes ago, TheNewGirl said:

Yes. 

My mom is 72, and at 68 started having small strokes and diagnosed with Parkinsons; it all started in 2020. Between 2020 and late 2023, she continued to have more strokes, lose more abilities to communicate, do daily activities, and lose her memory. Having your mother look at you and have NO clue who you are is painful. 

She was moved to hospice in late 2023, however remained stable (good BP, good pulse) so they took her off of hospice. She cannot communicate, can't get out of bed, weighs about 80 pounds and her body is all twisted in bed. She lives off of about a cup of pureed food a day. 

We are basically watching her wither away and waiting for the end. 

It's incredibly painful and I wouldn't want to see my worst enemies go through this with a parent. 

This makes me cry

i hope my dad's ending is much more peaceful, his mental capacity is still strong, it's just his body calling it quits

[Bier Meister 1,730]

I am very sorry you are going through this.

 

mine are mid 80s

 

over the past 25 years, mom has beaten 3 cancers.

about 3 years ago, dad had a stroke. had an operation on a valve and is doing pretty well

 

Both are pretty gritty individuals. mom seems much more fragile. dad is fairly stoic and this has been the first time ever that he ever has shown signs of giving up.  he's doing better, but he still seems a little defeated that he cannot do the things he used to.

 

 

good luck

[TheNewGirl 1,533]

7 minutes ago, Meglamaniac said:

This makes me cry

i hope my dad's ending is much more peaceful, his mental capacity is still strong, it's just his body calling it quits

I hope it is more peaceful as well. 

I've read a lot about this process, and our bodies know when it's time. Just spend time with him, try and do things that he enjoys, etc. He might find a spark to get moving more again. 

 

[Sandy Loam 226]

My dad to a stroke and my mom to cancer.

[Meglamaniac 614]

4 minutes ago, TheNewGirl said:

I hope it is more peaceful as well. 

I've read a lot about this process, and our bodies know when it's time. Just spend time with him, try and do things that he enjoys, etc. He might find a spark to get moving more again. 

 

thanks

[Meglamaniac 614]

Just now, Sandy Loam said:

My dad to a stroke and my mom to cancer.

Sorry to hear

[Sandy Loam 226]

5 minutes ago, Meglamaniac said:

Sorry to hear

Thanks. It was a long time ago. My dad died in 2007, and my mom followed him 18 months later.

He had a stroke and hung on for almost three months. My mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and died 10 days later, which was crazy. The cancer was that aggressive. 

[listen2me 23 1,896]

Grew up with my grandparents so I have always had a fear in the back of my mind of them deteriorating, even in my youth.  

Well they have hung in there.  My Mom is 87.  My Dad is 93.  Few months ago my Dad had 2 bouts in the hospital.   His red blood cells dont produce enough.  He was extremely weak and confused for a while but has bounced back some recently.  Both have been amazing well into age.  My Dad was still walking the golf course into his mid 80s.  Had to quit golf around 88.  But father time is undefeated.   I try to get over there as much as I can, help out/spend time.  Thankfully dementia hasnt been too bad for either, even if they are old and get confused once in a while.  Tough watching a Korean War vet and toughest dude I know turn a bit helpless and frail.  But at 93 we cant ask for much more.  Doesnt come across as afraid to die.  But breaks my heart seeing him the way he is.   My hope is he isnt afraid, not that he would ever show it.  

When I go over, it is hard to come up with things/words to do or say that would interest him now.  He was a yard guy, after retirement he would spend hours upon hours finding things to do outside around the house each day.  If the Yankees are on, I will throw it on TV and we will watch.  It is nice to see im smile/interested/humored in anything.  So I sort of live for those moments when we are together, even if there isnt a lot that does it for him anymore.  

Hang in there and create some sort of laughs with him.  BBQing is a good one.   

 

[edjr 6,651]

My father died Nov 2023. only 73. Had just retired at 70. Hernia ended up killing him. Long story. 

Mother died at 48 December 2000. Lung Cancer.  Fock her.

[Meglamaniac 614]

38 minutes ago, Bier Meister said:

I am very sorry you are going through this.

 

mine are mid 80s

 

over the past 25 years, mom has beaten 3 cancers.

about 3 years ago, dad had a stroke. had an operation on a valve and is doing pretty well

 

Both are pretty gritty individuals. mom seems much more fragile. dad is fairly stoic and this has been the first time ever that he ever has shown signs of giving up.  he's doing better, but he still seems a little defeated that he cannot do the things he used to.

 

 

good luck

thanks, hope things get better on your end

[Meglamaniac 614]

8 minutes ago, listen2me 23 said:

Grew up with my grandparents so I have always had a fear in the back of my mind of them deteriorating, even in my youth.  

Well they have hung in there.  My Mom is 87.  My Dad is 93.  Few months ago my Dad had 2 bouts in the hospital.   His red blood cells dont produce enough.  He was extremely weak and confused for a while but has bounced back some recently.  Both have been amazing well into age.  My Dad was still walking the golf course into his mid 80s.  Had to quit golf around 88.  But father time is undefeated.   I try to get over there as much as I can, help out/spend time.  Thankfully dementia hasnt been too bad for either, even if they are old and get confused once in a while.  Tough watching a Korean War vet and toughest dude I know turn a bit helpless and frail.  But at 93 we cant ask for much more.  Doesnt come across as afraid to die.  But breaks my heart seeing him the way he is.   My hope is he isnt afraid, not that he would ever show it.  

When I go over, it is hard to come up with things/words to do or say that would interest him now.  He was a yard guy, after retirement he would spend hours upon hours finding things to do outside around the house each day.  If the Yankees are on, I will throw it on TV and we will watch.  It is nice to see im smile/interested/humored in anything.  So I sort of live for those moments when we are together, even if there isnt a lot that does it for him anymore.  

Hang in there and create some sort of laughs with him.  BBQing is a good one.   

 

thanks

[Meglamaniac 614]

6 minutes ago, edjr said:

My father died Nov 2023. only 73. Had just retired at 70. Hernia ended up killing him. Long story. 

Mother died at 48 December 2000. Lung Cancer.  Fock her.

ummmmm, OK, i guess you're angry she smoked?

Sorry to hear

[edjr 6,651]

8 minutes ago, Meglamaniac said:

ummmmm, OK, i guess you're angry she smoked

Sorry to hear

smoking was maybe 20% of it.  Sans killing me, she was the worst mother ever

[Meglamaniac 614]

2 minutes ago, edjr said:

smoking was maybe 20% of it.  Sans killing me, she was the worst mother ever

Oh, sorry to hear

[The Elevator Killer 622]

13 minutes ago, edjr said:

smoking was maybe 20% of it.  Sans killing me, she was the worst mother ever

That gives no wire hangers a whole new meaning,

[Drizzay 726]

1 hour ago, TheNewGirl said:

My dad is 77. Stage 4 kidney disease, diabetic. Refuses to eat better or go on dialysis. Just takes "more insulin" when he eats something with a lot of sugar/carbs. He still gets around very well, but has definitely gotten tired and lonely. 

My FIL had the same attitude.  He refused dialysis and it went slow at first, but then he started falling all of the time and eventually went to hospice.  He clearly had given up on life and ended up passing only about 3 weeks after going.  He didn't want to stick around long enough for our wedding (9 months later).

[supermike80 1,970]

Mom at 7.  Lung cancer.  She was only 35.

Dad at 21..throat cancer.

I was pretty shielded from seeing my Mom suffer by my Dad so don't remember much.

Pretty much watched my Dad waste away in a hospital bed.  After some trial treatments that didn't work.   

Sucks

 

[The Real timschochet 6,985]

Yes. My details are somewhat similar to @TheNewGirl. I won’t bore you with them. They were very difficult. 
 

Best of luck. 

[Strike 5,711]

Lost my Dad in 2006.  He was a heavy drinker and smoker all his life and it finally caught up to him.  Had a series of strokes in the year or so leading up to his death and finally succumbed.  It was sad but not unexpected.

Lost my Mom in 2018.  They found a mass in her lungs.  She wouldn't let them do a biopsy but it is assumed it was cancer.  We lost my Aunt to lung cancer about 15 years before that. They were both heavy smokers until their 40's.  She had gone though the treatment process with her sister so wasn't willing to do that herself, plus she was a lot older.  I took a leave of absence from work and stayed with her the last couple months before she passed as her health deteriorated.  The good is that it was relatively quick and when it got bad they gave her morphine to help with the pain.  The bad is that her brain was as sharp as ever and her body failed her, and it was fairly sudden and I wasn't expecting it so it hit me kind of hard.   Sorry to hear you're going through this Megla.  

[Meglamaniac 614]

2 hours ago, The Real timschochet said:

Yes. My details are somewhat similar to @TheNewGirl. I won’t bore you with them. They were very difficult. 
 

Best of luck. 

sorry to hear about your loss

[Meglamaniac 614]

2 hours ago, Strike said:

Lost my Dad in 2006.  He was a heavy drinker and smoker all his life and it finally caught up to him.  Had a series of strokes in the year or so leading up to his death and finally succumbed.  It was sad but not unexpected.

Lost my Mom in 2018.  They found a mass in her lungs.  She wouldn't let them do a biopsy but it is assumed it was cancer.  We lost my Aunt to lung cancer about 15 years before that. They were both heavy smokers until their 40's.  She had gone though the treatment process with her sister so wasn't willing to do that herself, plus she was a lot older.  I took a leave of absence from work and stayed with her the last couple months before she passed as her health deteriorated.  The good is that it was relatively quick and when it got bad they gave her morphine to help with the pain.  The bad is that her brain was as sharp as ever and her body failed her, and it was fairly sudden and I wasn't expecting it so it hit me kind of hard.   Sorry to hear you're going through this Megla.  

thanks

sorry for your loss

[TheNewGirl 1,533]

I've learned that as we age, or watch our kids age, we don't give a lot of thought to the fact that our parents are indeed mortal and aging as well. 

Suddenly, the kids are grown and your parents are in their 70s and 80s, in their last decades of life.  

I never thought about it like that while I was watching my kids get older, turn into adults and start their own lives. I also didn't give much thought to MY aging...I just lived my life every day, focused on other stuff and didn't even think about the fact that I too am fast approaching the second half of my life, if not already there since I don't expect to live to 90. 

It's all very eye opening on how truly short life is.. 

 

[cmh6476 1,041]

 

I've been fighting with my mom on and off for a few months and haven't talked to her in a long time, but every time I try we just seem to fight. 

 

[easilyscan 944]

Sorry to hear this.

It's obvious you care for him a great deal. 

[Meglamaniac 614]

2 hours ago, supermike80 said:

Mom at 7.  Lung cancer.  She was only 35.

Dad at 21..throat cancer.

I was pretty shielded from seeing my Mom suffer by my Dad so don't remember much.

Pretty much watched my Dad waste away in a hospital bed.  After some trial treatments that didn't work.   

Sucks

 

that is rough, sorry to hear

[5-Points 3,616]

4 hours ago, edjr said:

My father died Nov 2023. only 73. Had just retired at 70. Hernia ended up killing him. Long story. 

Mother died at 48 December 2000. Lung Cancer.  Fock her.

As someone who has neglected for several years to have a hernia fixed, can you give us the CliffsNotes? 

[5-Points 3,616]

Sorry you're going through this Megla.

Women in my family live into their 90's so my Mom will prolly outlive me. 

Dad died many years ago after a brief battle with cancer. We weren't that close so it didn't hit as hard as it otherwise might've. 

I hope your Dad hangs in there, comfortably, and you get to enjoy another holiday season with him. 

[Meglamaniac 614]

48 minutes ago, 5-Points said:

Sorry you're going through this Megla.

Women in my family live into their 90's so my Mom will prolly outlive me. 

Dad died many years ago after a brief battle with cancer. We weren't that close so it didn't hit as hard as it otherwise might've. 

I hope your Dad hangs in there, comfortably, and you get to enjoy another holiday season with him. 

thanks

 

[edjr 6,651]

59 minutes ago, 5-Points said:

As someone who has neglected for several years to have a hernia fixed, can you give us the CliffsNotes? 

Please remind me tomorrow will type from work 

[BiPolarBear 494]

I took care of my mom and dad for 10 months, and another 4 years of just my mom after dad past at 93. Mom was 97. 

Dad was over prescribed a water pill. It put him in the ICU for low sodium. When he came out of the ICU, he lost his Electrical Engineer intellect and it was very sad. When Bell Helicopter would get behind in designing the Huey, he would bring the electrical drawings home and work on them. It is a tad complex, and the drawings were the size of the Huey (flat), 1"=1". He also was one of two engineers that traveled with the helmet. They had to have a set of eyes on it at all times to insure it would not be stolen. The pilot wore it while in the Apache gun ship. This was the helmet that aimed the Gatling gun and fired when the pilot closed one eye. 

Mom did well for a longtime. She ate Quaker Instant oats for years and I think that is what got her. She had a metastasized mass in her colon. It had Glyphosate in it and a lot of gut cancer got blamed on it. She was ready to go and asked a couple of doctors to do her in (of coarse they did not). It was a little tuff to hear that since I had dedicated myself to keeping her alive. Quaker had promised to get rid of the chemical by 2025. I don't know if they did. I threw out a case of it when she pasted. 

[weepaws 3,223]

2 hours ago, Meglamaniac said:

thanks

 

Pedro, Ghey , narc.  

[seafoam1 3,194]

3 minutes ago, weepaws said:

Pedro, Ghey , narc.  

Do you even know English 

[weepaws 3,223]

1 hour ago, seafoam1 said:

Do you even know English 

Seafoam, is a Ghey. 

[Gepetto 1,384]

1 hour ago, weepaws said:

Pedro, Ghey , narc.  

Why are you even here? You seem to hate everyone.