naomi 347 Posted May 7, 2012 We could use one of these. I don't have a good one at the moment. Just want to inaugurate the thread. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Voltaire 4,573 Posted May 7, 2012 Oh God, I gotta get out of here. Class starts in six minutes and I have to take a piss. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hoytdwow 202 Posted May 7, 2012 Why the fock does it take so long to toast an English muffin? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
remote controller 136 Posted May 7, 2012 Beer can chicken had to be developed here. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NewbieJr 541 Posted May 7, 2012 I watched Terms of Endearment yesterday and today my eyes hurt from crying. I hate that I'm a sensitive dude. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mookz 1,288 Posted May 7, 2012 Why do the mentally retarded have such a tough time finding pants that are the right length? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shovelheadt 62 Posted May 7, 2012 Why does my 10 year old daughter wait until it's exactly time to head to the bus stop, before heading back up to her room to grab a bunch of irrelevant BS to take to school. If she was an adult, I'd perform a hoarding intervention. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frank 2,160 Posted May 7, 2012 None of these thoughts are "random". People misuse that word. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BLS 313 Posted May 7, 2012 Lately most of my shits have been runny and inconsistent. I may need to visit a doctor. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MTSkiBum 1,602 Posted May 7, 2012 The average man's beard would grow 28 feet long if they never shaved in their life. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MTSkiBum 1,602 Posted May 7, 2012 There are some species of oysters that can climb trees. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shovelheadt 62 Posted May 7, 2012 Adam Levine might have the best male voice in music today. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bishop82 61 Posted May 7, 2012 They should remake the movie Home Alone, and keep Joe Pesci as one of the burglars but use the character Joe Pesci plays in Goodfellas instead. Comedy Gold Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
patweisers44 709 Posted May 7, 2012 Ice cream doesnt have bones. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dragan187 7 Posted May 7, 2012 Fat people are harder to kidnap than skinny ones. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
patweisers44 709 Posted May 7, 2012 You cannot sexually harrass the willing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phurfur 70 Posted May 7, 2012 Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of American life. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kutulu 1,558 Posted May 7, 2012 Why do the mentally retarded have such a tough time finding pants that are the right length? The length varies depending on how much crap we have stored in our diapers. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
parrot 789 Posted May 7, 2012 Adam Levine might have the best male voice in music today. Then again, he might not. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
remote controller 136 Posted May 7, 2012 "It slimed me" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OldMaid 1,838 Posted May 7, 2012 How come whichever line I get in at the grocery store, it ends up being the slowest one? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GobbleDog 822 Posted May 7, 2012 How come after the first time they converted a movie into a CD, they couldn't look at all the computer numbers and say "oh I see, that's how the numbers make a movie look. Well let's digitally make our own movie-stars/sets and it'll look as real as a regular movie." Are there simply too many 0's and 1's in computer numbers to make any sense out of it? I'm not talking about "digital animation", I'm talking about making movies that look real. I predict someday there'll be digital movie stars who don't really exist. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flap 1 Posted May 7, 2012 I watched Terms of Endearment yesterday and today my eyes hurt from crying. I hate that I'm a sensitive dude. Hey...I was married to Debra Winger in that movie! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Pope 8 Posted May 7, 2012 "It slimed me" I have a name! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phurfur 70 Posted May 7, 2012 The length varies depending on how much crap we have stored in our diapers. Is that what is happening in the "hood"? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Pope 8 Posted May 7, 2012 Hood? He wears diapers on his head? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flap 1 Posted May 7, 2012 "Stewardesses" is the longest English word that can be made using only the left hand when touch typing. I don't want to know what you're doing with your right hand. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NewbieJr 541 Posted May 7, 2012 Hey...I was married to Debra Winger in that movie! lol. You're right Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MTSkiBum 1,602 Posted May 7, 2012 You can "pop" your ears by closing your nose and mouth and trying to blow. Since I had a saliva gland removed when I try to do that the air doesn't try to go out of my ears. Instead the air goes out via my right eyeball. It is now tough for me to hear after flying or after driving over a continental divide since I have no way to change the air pressure in my ears. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Drizzay 648 Posted May 7, 2012 Why do they only sell cigarettes in packs of 20? I would think there would be a market for selling them in packs of 5....like to 20-something women, who don't want to wake up the next morning with left over smokes and feel "obligated" to smoke the rest of them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Eagles Green 34 Posted May 7, 2012 It's not rape if you love her Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mobb_deep 919 Posted May 7, 2012 girls actually pee forward, when they're standing. why do they bother sitting down? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bert 1,101 Posted May 7, 2012 Why do some people in airports have such a hard time with the word "everything"? Yes, “remove everything from your pockets” includes: your glass, your nifty little notebook in your shirt pocket, your wallet, your keys and the 5 hundred little pieces of paper you have inexplicably shoved into your pocket. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NewbieJr 541 Posted May 7, 2012 girls actually pee forward, when they're standing. why do they bother sitting down? If they attempt to pee standing up. the uthrethra is tucked inside their flaps. It would squirt out, but not before being blocked by other skin. More piss would trickle down their legs than would actually squirt out forward. The sitting down with their legs open on the toilet, opens them up. moving the inner and outer flaps away for a clear, unobstructed tinkle. I know, I have pictures. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phillybear 365 Posted May 7, 2012 Tippecanoe and Tyler too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Pope 8 Posted May 7, 2012 It's not rape if you love her I love you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bishop82 61 Posted May 7, 2012 It's not rape if you love her Its not rape if you paid for dinner. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JT 137 Posted May 7, 2012 I didn't think there could be a corporate mascot creepier than the Burger King until they hired Steven Tyler. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mobb_deep 919 Posted May 7, 2012 If they attempt to pee standing up. the uthrethra is tucked inside their flaps. It would squirt out, but not before being blocked by other skin. More piss would trickle down their legs than would actually squirt out forward. The sitting down with their legs open on the toilet, opens them up. moving the inner and outer flaps away for a clear, unobstructed tinkle. I know, I have pictures. Ahh, that makes sense. I thought maybe it was more of an aim thing. Then I started really thinking and wondered if they sometimes got pee on their faces when they were sitting? That lead to my discovery about why they use so much damn toilet paper! I could make a roll last 2-3 weeks, when I was single. Now between my wife and daughter, I go through at least 1 a day! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
