My daughter is a lezbo

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

We have a wonderful and beautiful 9 y.o. (nil cup) daughter. We first wondered about her when she was only 4. Now last night she confirms for us by telling us that she knows she was meant to be a boy and that she is a boy trapped inside a girl's body.

 

At age 3 she developed a great interest in stereotypically male subjects, most pronounced was superheroes. She was obsessed first with Spiderman, then Batman. By kindergarten she refused to wear anything with the color pink. By the end of first grade, she would only wear pants and would cry and complain over even the suggestion that she wear a dress or skirt. By 3rd grade she began asking to shop from the boys department for her clothes and refusing the do anything with her hair (pigtails, ponytails, braids, clips, head bands, ribbons) other than brush it and wear it straight down.

 

Last night we needed to take her to supplement her school clothes. School started 7/31 and she has been getting by with the last few things that fit from last spring semester. She became hysterical and extremely emotionally distraught over my wife trying to even go into the girls department for the clothes.

 

She broke down in sobs telling my wife that we don't understand her and that we are trying to force her to be something that she isn't. She said she is a boy trapped inside a girls body and she can't feel natural or comfortable wearing girls clothes. She said she wants to be a boy and thinks something went wrong when she was born.

 

Am very sad right now.

 

[Mike Honcho 4,037]

IBT

[Mookz 1,287]

You came to the right place for emotional support and understanding.

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

You came to the right place for emotional support and understanding.

 

Having been here since 2001 I realize that is not true. But I didn't necessarily come here for support and understanding. This is just a topic that I feel I can't really discuss with anyone other than the wifey and I needed to tell someone about it for some form of release.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Well, at least she is mature enough to share at this point. She has the trust and love of you to be willing to share something that is clearly difficult to discuss. Roll with it.

[5-Points 2,731]

At least you won't have to worry about her getting knocked up.

[phillybear 364]

I'd kill her. Tell the police she accidentally fell inside a burlap sack full of cinder blocks, got tangled up with some ropes, and fell into a pond 17 miles away. Make sure the funeral director has a pretty pink dress to clothe her bloated corpse for the casket.

[Geezil 24]

I'd kill her. Tell the police she accidentally fell inside a burlap sack full of cinder blocks, got tangled up with some ropes, and fell into a pond 17 miles away. Make sure the funeral director has a pretty pink dress to clothe her bloated corpse for the casket.

 

 

i have tears in my eyes.

[Geezil 24]

seriously though, if true it has to be very hard for her to deal with. my daughter is 10, so i can imagine what that would feel like as a father. all you can do is love her obviously and hope she doesnt get too butch. the butch lesbos look so gross to me. hopefully shes more of the understated lesbian when she gets older.

 

best of luck to you.

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

seriously though, if true it has to be very hard for her to deal with. my daughter is 10, so i can imagine what that would feel like as a father. all you can do is love her obviously and hope she doesnt get too butch. the butch lesbos look so gross to me. hopefully shes more of the understated lesbian when she gets older.

 

best of luck to you.

 

Sadly, this is kind of where my head is already, too. Unfortunately, I think her rejection of all forms of femininity indicate she is going to embrace the butch side.

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

As an aside, when you google "gender confusion in children" practically every Christian-based website automatically goes to blaming child molestation. Christians sure have a way of giving Christians a bad name.

[Geezil 24]

 

Sadly, this is kind of where my head is already, too. Unfortunately, I think her rejection of all forms of femininity indicate she is going to embrace the butch side.

 

then all you can do is watch her weight. fat butch is worse than thin butch.

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

 

then all you can do is watch her weight. fat butch is worse than thin butch.

She's hella athletic, so I'm not worried. And, though you may be inclined to dismiss this as parent bias, she's friggin' gorgeous.

[Recliner Pilot 61]

Now last night she confirms for us by telling us that she knows she was meant to be a boy and that she is a boy trapped inside a girl's body.

 

 

 

 

So is MDC.

[Geezil 24]

As an aside, when you google "gender confusion in children" practically every Christian-based website automatically goes to blaming child molestation. Christians sure have a way of giving Christians a bad name.

 

are you honestly considering counseling right now? shes 9. were u to go that route though i wouldnt recommend a christian counselor. thats gonna be guilt based therapy and not something she needs at such a young age. she is already confused and frustrated. i would just allow her more flexibility in her clothes, toys, games etc. allow her to be herself and see what happens. ur job as a parent is love, not molding her into something she might not be genetically.

 

my opinion.

[FlaHawker 24]

 

 

So is MDC.

Yea and that didn't turn out well.

[mmmmm...beer 691]

Ouch brother. Thats every parents worst nightmare. Not because you'll love her any less, but for the hard road she'll have to walk. Sorry dude... thats got to be tough on you guys. I think every parent worries about this. But really, what are you gonna do? Gotta love on your kid man. But I'm betting its some rough news.

[GobbleDog 816]

Disney World's "gay days" are in June every year. Just a heads-up for planning the family vacation.

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

 

are you honestly considering counseling right now? shes 9. were u to go that route though i wouldnt recommend a christian counselor. thats gonna be guilt based therapy and not something she needs at such a young age. she is already confused and frustrated. i would just allow her more flexibility in her clothes, toys, games etc. allow her to be herself and see what happens. ur job as a parent is love, not molding her into something she might not be genetically.

 

my opinion.

 

Not even considering counseling at this time. My thought is, if we take her to counseling she'll be led down a road that she might not ultimately have chosen for herself. Right now she seems destined for that, but I am willing to see what path she takes on her own until she is a bit older.

 

Honestly, my plan is to emphasize to her that her clothes don't define who she is and that what matters is what she is on the inside. The clothes we want her to wear are the ones designed and cut for her female frame and the ones that will prevent her from getting unnecessary scorn from classmates within the next 1-2 years.

 

Fact is, she has loads of friends and is a popular girl. In the next few years, kids are going to get way more judgemental. The boys who have crushes on her now (and there are plenty) are going to start liking the girls who fit the female stereotype. They are cool with her appearance now, but that will change. And I want her to understand that we support her being her, but that she has to be mindful of how the school culture is going to change. And if she ends up deciding that she doesn't want to be a butch looking girl anymore, it can actually be very hard to change from that once 6th or 7th grade arrives. Its a danged if you do, danged if you don't thing. Dress like a dude and you'll get ridiculed. Try to change after everyone thinks they have you pegged, you'll still get ridiculed.

[penultimatestraw 473]

That is tough, but there are far worse things could happen to your child. Society is becoming more and more tolerant of gays as time progresses, such that her life may be relatively normal by the time she is grown. Even if she isn't the prototypical daughter, she'll be much happier being true to herself, and I'll bet you'll love her no less. In twenty years you'll look back at this time and wonder why you were so worried.

[OldMaid 1,838]

That is tough, but there are far worse things could happen to your child. Society is becoming more and more tolerant of gays as time progresses, such that her life may be relatively normal by the time she is grown. Even if she isn't the prototypical daughter, she'll be much happier being true to herself, and I'll bet you'll love her no less. In twenty years you'll look back at this time and wonder why you were so worried.

This.

 

As long as you offer her your love and understanding, 1/2 the battle is already won. It's not the big deal that it once was, and it's getting better all the time.

[Meglamaniac 380]

There are millions of straight women out there that grew up a Tomboy, why so quick to judge her sexual preference?

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

There are millions of straight women out there that grew up a Tomboy, why so quick to judge her sexual preference?

 

I appreciate this perspective. We have been holding onto this for 5 years. However, its a little different when a sobbing child tells you in their own terms that they've received the wrong gender assignment. We are looking at something a bit different IMHO.

[RLLD 3,455]

I feel for her, not so much for you exactly. She is in a tough place, and entering a time in her life when this kind of internal struggle gets negative feedback from idiotic kids with redneck parents.

 

The good side? The world is a vastly different, and more tolerant, place than when we were kids....she is less likely to suffer as her predessors have.

 

The bad side, it will still be an enourmously difficult road, for you as well as you will certainly share some of those downs with her, feel her angst yourself.

 

Good luck, be a good listener when you can, remember......its not the nail......

[jerryskids 5,206]

There are millions of straight women out there that grew up a Tomboy, why so quick to judge her sexual preference?

Yep. I've known a bunch doing taekwondo. Then they hit puberty and all of a sudden they like girl stuff.

 

Just roll with the flow for now. If she hits adolescence and still feels that way, you might consider counseling, not to "fix" her but to better understand what's going on and how to best deal with it.

[Meglamaniac 380]

 

I appreciate this perspective. We have been holding onto this for 5 years. However, its a little different when a sobbing child tells you in their own terms that they've received the wrong gender assignment. We are looking at something a bit different IMHO.

She's 9, everything in her life at this point in regards to what a boy is and what a girl is has absolutley nothing to do with sex or sexual preference. It makes no sense to jump to that conclusion and doing so will change nothing, she's either gay or she's not.

[shotsup 832]

No jokes. Good luck and don't love her any less.

[shotsup 832]

BTW keep us updated on that nil cup. Looking for some major progress there !

[naomi 343]

 

I appreciate this perspective. We have been holding onto this for 5 years. However, its a little different when a sobbing child tells you in their own terms that they've received the wrong gender assignment. We are looking at something a bit different IMHO.

 

I was kind of leaning with Megla on that. Just a thought... but right now you hear a lot of stuff about people (adults) saying they believe they were born the wrong gender. I could see being 9 and...it's already been an emotionally taxing struggle, you know your parents want differently for you, but the boy stuff is definitely you to you, MAYBE that's what's up with me. They'll understand now. It simplifies things.

 

The more 9 year old sounding words she used to express the concept as she sees it pertaining to her, the more it would give me pause though.

[wiffleball 4,643]

GF: "Well, you feel like you're a boy and boys take showers together all the time... "

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

The dog died back in March and everyone here was cool about it. Now this development in my life and everyone here is cool about it. If you guys aren't careful, you'll get a good reputation.

[MedStudent 56]

Um she's nine. At this time just support her interests. Let her be herself and see what happens. She is going to go through a lot of changes in the next few years. I wouldn't worry too much. Just be thankful she is a healthy child.

[Geezil 24]

 

Not even considering counseling at this time. My thought is, if we take her to counseling she'll be led down a road that she might not ultimately have chosen for herself. Right now she seems destined for that, but I am willing to see what path she takes on her own until she is a bit older.

 

Honestly, my plan is to emphasize to her that her clothes don't define who she is and that what matters is what she is on the inside. The clothes we want her to wear are the ones designed and cut for her female frame and the ones that will prevent her from getting unnecessary scorn from classmates within the next 1-2 years.

 

Fact is, she has loads of friends and is a popular girl. In the next few years, kids are going to get way more judgemental. The boys who have crushes on her now (and there are plenty) are going to start liking the girls who fit the female stereotype. They are cool with her appearance now, but that will change. And I want her to understand that we support her being her, but that she has to be mindful of how the school culture is going to change. And if she ends up deciding that she doesn't want to be a butch looking girl anymore, it can actually be very hard to change from that once 6th or 7th grade arrives. Its a danged if you do, danged if you don't thing. Dress like a dude and you'll get ridiculed. Try to change after everyone thinks they have you pegged, you'll still get ridiculed.

 

agreed. you have your head and heart in the right place. i wish you the best of luck, her also.

[IGotWorms 3,315]

Let her be a tomboy for now. She may grow out of it, although most likely she will turn out to be a lesbian. When the time is appropriate let her know that it's okay with you and you'll love her regardless.

[mobb_deep 917]

Ouch brother. Thats every parents worst nightmare. Not because you'll love her any less, but for the hard road she'll have to walk. Sorry dude... thats got to be tough on you guys. I think every parent worries about this. But really, what are you gonna do? Gotta love on your kid man. But I'm betting its some rough news.

Amen.

 

You all will get through it gandolf. Just got to love your daughter, and give her the strength to feel confident being the person she is. This is going to be a hard road for her to walk. This world is full of ignorant, hateful people. As long as you all love and accept her, she can live just as full of a life as a hetero. My female cousin is married to a woman and they have two great kids, from the same donor. One carried the first and the other the second.

 

Sounds like she already has a good start, having parents who for the most part support her.

[listen2me 23 1,542]

She's 9, everything in her life at this point in regards to what a boy is and what a girl is has absolutley nothing to do with sex or sexual preference. It makes no sense to jump to that conclusion and doing so will change nothing, she's either gay or she's not.

Agree with this and what you said earlier. Not saying she isn't headed to the gay route. But at 9? She loves sports and doing boy things. So she thinks she is a boy in a girl body. Doesn't mean she will be licking boxes when she is older. Again, she is 9.

 

Some my friends that were tom boy girls back at a young age turned into some of the hotter girls in my grade; some crazy sluts. So watch out.

[mobb_deep 917]

Agree with this and what you said earlier. Not saying she isn't headed to the gay route. But at 9? She loves sports and doing boy things. So she thinks she is a boy in a girl body. Doesn't mean she will be licking boxes when she is older. Again, she is 9.

 

Some my friends that were tom boy girls back at a young age turned into some of the hotter girls in my grade; some crazy sluts. So watch out.

Good point. I'm actualy sort of jealous of gandolf. Having only one kid, being a girl, I'm constantly trying to get her to kick a soccer ball around or whatever. I can get her to play cars for a minute or two, but generally she just wants to play "princesses" or "horses". Not really my idea of father daughter bonding.

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

Agree with this and what you said earlier. Not saying she isn't headed to the gay route. But at 9? She loves sports and doing boy things. So she thinks she is a boy in a girl body. Doesn't mean she will be licking boxes when she is older. Again, she is 9.

 

Some my friends that were tom boy girls back at a young age turned into some of the hotter girls in my grade; some crazy sluts. So watch out.

 

 

Not saying you're definitely wrong. Clearly, I hope you're not (except for the slut part). But, things I have read say that at this age, open rejection of your gender is rare and should be a concern. And she takes things further than merely being a tomboy. She openly rejects her gender.

 

Still, we cling to the tomboy idea and hope it pans out that way. It just was very shocking and upsetting to have her say something so bold last night about feeling like she should have been born as a boy.

[Gandalfs Fireworks 2]

Good point. I'm actualy sort of jealous of gandolf. Having only one kid, being a girl, I'm constantly trying to get her to kick a soccer ball around or whatever. I can get her to play cars for a minute or two, but generally she just wants to play "princesses" or "horses". Not really my idea of father daughter bonding.

 

Love the avatar...

[Thornton Melon 544]

Your daughter will be your son in a few years. Start saving up for the surgeries and hormone treatments.

 

There's a kid in my hometown, just graduated from high school. 10 years ago, "she" requested to be considered a boy, be called a boy's name, and even wore a suit to her first Communion instead of a white dress like all the other girls. Anyway, over the years, the parents accepted it, changed her name, got her whatever medical treatments were necessary, and now the kid is a guy....facial hair and everything. If you look at him now, you could never tell the difference. He even started at offensive lineman on the high school team, and was pretty damn good. And by all accounts, a very good kid with lots of friends. Obviously, he's happy. He's come a long way from the snickering, whispering and dirty looks people gave 10 years ago, I'll tell you that.

 

Good luck.

 

By the way, school started 7/31??? WTF??? That's a friggin' crime! Where the hell do you live?